Barriers Burned Away

by Edward Payson Roe

  CHAPTER IV

  COLD WATER

  The train, somewhat impeded by snow, landed Dennis in Chicago at aboutnine in the evening. In his pocket he had ten dollars--ample seed corn,he believed, for a golden harvest. This large sum was expected toprovide for him till he should find a situation and receive the firstinstalment of salary. He would inform his employer, when he found him,how he was situated, and ask to be paid early and often.

  Without a misgiving he shouldered the little trunk that contained hisworldly effects, and stalked off to a neighboring hotel, that, fromits small proportions, suggested a modest bill. With a highly importantman-of-the-world manner he scrawled his name in an illegible,student-like hand on the dingy, dog-eared register. With a gracious,condescending air he ordered the filthy, tobacco-stained porter totake his trunk to his room.

  The bar-room was the only place provided for strangers. Regarding thebar with a holy horror, he got away from it as far as possible, andseated himself by the stove, on which simmered a kettle of hot waterfor the concoction of punches, apparently more in demand at that hotelthan beds. Becoming disgusted with the profanity and obscenitydownstairs, he sought refuge in the cold, miserable little room assignedto him. Putting on his overcoat, he wrapped himself up in a coverletand threw himself down on the outside of the bed.

  The night passed slowly. He was too uncomfortable, too excited, tosleep. The scenes of the past blended confusedly with visions of thefuture, and it was nearly morning when he fell into an unquiet slumber.

  When at last aroused by the shriek of a locomotive, he found that thesun was up and shining on the blotched and broken wall above him. Afew minutes sufficed for his toilet, and yet, with his black curlinghair, noble forehead, and dark, silken upper lip, many an exquisitewould have envied the result.

  His plan was simple enough--dictated indeed by the necessities of thecase. He must at once find a situation in which he could earn sufficientto support his mother and sisters and himself. Thence he could lookaround till he found the calling that promised most. Having left collegeand given up his chosen profession of the law, he had resolved to adoptany honest pursuit that seemed to lead most quickly to fortune.

  Too impatient to eat his breakfast, he sallied forth into the greatcity, knowing not a soul in it. His only recommendations and credentialswere his young, honest face, and a letter from his minister, sayingthat he was a member of the church in Bankville, "in good and regularstanding," and, "as far as he knew, a most worthy young man"--rathermeagre capital amid the competitions of a large city. But, with couragebold and high, he strode off toward the business part of the town.

  As he passed the depot it occurred to him that an opening might existthere. It would be a good post of observation, and perhaps he wouldbe able to slip home oftener. So he stopped and asked the man in theticket-office, blandly, "Do you wish to employ a young man in connectionwith this depot or road in any capacity?"

  The ticket-man stared at him a moment through his window, frowned, andcurtly said, "No!" and then went on counting what seemed to poor Dennismillions of money. The man had no right to say yes or no, since he wasa mere official, occupying his own little niche, with no authoritybeyond. But an inveterate feud seemed to exist between this man andthe public. He acted as if the world in general, instead of any onein particular, had greatly wronged him. It might be a meek woman witha baby, or a bold, red-faced drover, a delicately-gloved or horny handthat reached him the change, but it was all the same. He knitted hisbrows, pursed up his mouth, and dealt with all in a quick, jerkingway, as if he could not bear the sight of them, and wanted to be ridof them as soon as possible. Still these seem just the peculiaritiesthat find favor with railroad corporations, and the man would probablyvent his spite against the public throughout his natural life.

  From him, however, Dennis received his first dash of cold water, whichhe minded but little, and went on his way with a good-natured laughat the crusty old fellow.

  He was soon in the business part of the city. Applying at a largedry-good store, he was told that they wanted a cash boy; "but he wouldnot do; one a quarter his size would answer."

  "Then I will go where they want the other three-fourths and payaccordingly," said Dennis, and stalked out.

  He continued applying at every promising place, but to no purpose. Itwas midwinter; trade was dull; and with clerks idling about the shopsemployers were in no mood to add to their number.

  At last he found a place where an assistant book-keeper was wanted.Dennis's heart leaped within him, but sank again as he remembered howlittle he knew of the art. "But I can learn quickly," he thought tohimself.

  The man looked carelessly at his poor little letter, and then said,in a business-like tone, "Show me a specimen of your handwriting."

  Poor Dennis had never written a good hand, but at college had learnedto write a miserable scrawl, in rapidly taking notes of lectures.Moreover, he was excited, and could not do himself justice. Even from hissanguine heart hope ebbed away; but he took the pen and scratcheda line or two, of which he himself was ashamed. The man looked at themwith an expression of mild disgust, and then said, "Mr. Jones, handme your ledger."

  The head book-keeper passed the volume to his employer, who showedDennis entries looking as from copper-plate, and quietly remarked:"The young man we employ must write like that, and thoroughly understandbook-keeping. Good-morning, sir."

  Dennis walked out, feeling almost as crestfallen as if he had beenconvicted of stealing, but the noon-day sun was shining in the sky,the streets were full of life and bustle, and hope revived.

  "I shall find the right niche before long," he said to himself, andtrudged on.

  Some time after he entered a retail dry-goods store.

  "Yes, they wanted a young man there, but he was rather old."

  Still the merchant saw that Dennis was fine-looking, would appear wellbehind the counter, and make a taking salesman with the ladies, hestopped to parley a moment more.

  "Do you understand the business?"

  "No, sir; but I can soon learn, for I am young and strong."

  "Strength is not what is needed, but experience. Ours is not the kindof work for Paddies."

  "Well, sir," said Dennis, rather shortly, "I'm not a Paddy."

  The dapper little retailer frowned slightly at Dennis's tone, andcontinued: "You spoke as if main strength was the principal thing.Have you had any experience at all?"

  "No, sir."

  But seeing intelligence in the young man's face, and scenting a sharpbargain, he said, "Why, then, you would have to begin at tho verybeginning, and learn the name of everything, its quality, etc."

  "Yes, sir; but I would do my very best."

  "Of course, of course, but nothing can take the place of experience.I expect, under the circumstances, you would look for very littleremuneration the first year?"

  "How much could you give?"

  The man named a sum that would not have supported Dennis alone.

  He replied that, though his services might not be worth more than that,he was so situated that he could not take a very small salary.

  "Then bring something besides ignorance to the market," said the man,turning on his heel.

  Dennis was now hungry, tired, and disappointed. Indeed the calls ofappetite became so clamorous that he sought a cheap restaurant. Afterdemolishing a huge plate of such viands as could be had at little cost,he sat brooding over a cup of coffee for an hour or more. The worldwore a different aspect from that which it had presented in the morning,and he was lost in a sort of dull, painful wonder.

  But the abundant meal and slight element of coffee that colored thelukewarm water quite heartened him again. He resolved to go back tohis hotel and find a more quiet and comfortable place in which to lodgeuntil something permanent offered. He made what he considered sufficientinquiry as to the right direction, and resolved to save even the carfareof five cents by walking the distance.

  But whether he had not understood the directions rig
htly, or whether,brooding over the events of the day, his mind had been too preoccupiedto heed them, he found to his great disgust, after walking two or threemiles, that he had gone away from his destination instead of towardit. Angry with himself, out of humor with all the world, he began togive way to the latent obstinacy of his nature. Though everything went"contrairy," there was one thing under his control--himself--and hewould make that do the bidding of his will.

  Turning on his heel, he resolved with dogged resolution to walk backthe whole distance. He would teach himself a lesson. It was finebusiness, just when he needed his wits so sorely, to commence blunderingin this style. No wonder he had failed during the day; he deserved tofail in other respects, since in this one he had not shown the goodsense of a child.

  When people are "out of sorts," and things are going wrong, thedisposition to blame somebody or something is almost universal. Butwe think that it will be found a safe general rule, that the noblerthe nature, the less worthy of blame, the greater the tendency to blameself rather than anything else. Poor Dennis had no great cause forbitter reproaches, and yet he plodded on with an intense feeling ofself-disgust.

  To think that after New-England schools and three years in college heshould write such a hand and have no definite knowledge of book-keeping!"What have I learned, I'd like to know?" he muttered. Then to go andlose his way like a country bumpkin! and he gnawed his lips withvexation.

  The street-cars glided often and invitingly by, but he would not evenlook at them.

  At last, foot-sore and fairly aching with cold and fatigue, he reachedthe little hotel, which appeared more miserable, obscure, and profanethan ever. But a tempting fiend seemed to have got into the gin andwhiskey bottles behind the red-nosed bartender. To his morbid fancyand eyes, half-blinded with wind and cold, they appeared to wink,beckon, and suggest: "Drink and be merry; drink and forget yourtroubles. We can make you feel as rich and glorious as a prince, inten minutes."

  For the first time in his life Dennis felt a strong temptation to drinkfor the sake of the effects. When was a man ever weak that the devildid not charge down upon him?

  But the evil and ruin wrought in one case proved another's safeguard,for the door opened and a miserable wreck of a man entered. As Dennislooked at his blotched, sodden face, trembling hand, shuffling gait,and general air of wretchedness, embodying and suggesting the worstills of humanity, he decided not to drink for the sake of the effects.

  Then came another rush of self-disgust that he had ever entertainedsuch a temptation, and he flung himself off supperless to bed.

  As he bowed that night he could not pray as usual. For anger, passionwith one's self, as well as with any one else, renders true prayerimpossible. But he went through the form, and then wrapped himself upas before. The wearied body soon mastered the perturbed mind, and hefell into a heavy sleep that lasted till morning.