The Little Kiosk By The Sea

by Jennifer Bohnet

  ‘To take the opportunity of telling me to my face how much she hates me?’

  ‘Mum wouldn’t do that. She doesn’t like confrontation. Besides, I don’t think she hates you – just dislikes you for what did. There is a difference,’ Ellie said.

  ‘And you’re here because?’

  ‘To learn about my father obviously.’

  When Rachel didn’t answer, Ellie said, ‘By the way, your remark the other evening – “whatever people say, whatever life throws at you, the only person you can truly be is you” when you thought I was about to jump into the Dart, wasn’t helpful.’

  ‘That was you?’

  Ellie nodded. ‘I’d just learnt about you. Ironic, really, you should be the one to be concerned about me.’

  ‘People do what they do. Few people can claim to live a life without regrets along the way. I know I can’t,’ Rachel said. ‘In the end, it has to boil down to being true to yourself.’

  ‘Do you regret stealing my father from my mother and me?’

  ‘I regret that people got hurt when Oscar and I fell in love, but I’ve never regretted loving Oscar.’ Rachel stood up. ‘I need something to eat. Toast?’

  Ellie shook her head. ‘No thanks.’ She followed Rachel into the kitchen and waited while she cut bread for the toaster and placed plates, cutlery, butter and marmalade on a tray.

  ‘Mum says you were pregnant when you left. Do I have a brother or a sister?’

  ‘A brother. Hugo.’

  ‘Shame. I was rather hoping for a sister,’ Ellie said. ‘Does he know about me?’

  ‘No. We never found it necessary to tell him.’

  ‘A mistake you’ve made in common with Mum then. You should tell him. You never know, we might meet one day and fall madly in love and want to get married, then where would we all be?’

  ‘He’s married.’

  ‘That didn’t stop you and my father. I’m not married. Toast’s burning.’

  Rachel sighed. ‘I like burnt toast.’ She picked up the tray and went back out to the terrace. ‘You want to be married?’ she asked, setting the tray down on the table.

  ‘I expected to be married and have a family by now,’ Ellie said. ‘I live in hope of meeting Mr Right one day.’ She sighed. ‘Sooner rather than later, if possible. Anyway, back to my father.’

  Rachel buttered a slice of toast and took a bite.

  ‘So what is it you want to know about Oscar?

  ‘Everything you can tell me. What he liked, what he did, any little traits of his I might have inherited.’ She paused. ‘Whether he felt any guilt about losing contact with me – or whether he didn’t care.’

  ‘Oh, he cared all right,’ Rachel said. ‘I don’t think he ever got over not seeing you grow up. He did wonder if you’d seek him out when you were older, but he was determined you had to be the one to make contact. He felt Harriet had suffered enough without him appearing back to disrupt her new life demanding to see you.’

  ‘Do you have some photos? I’ve seen one of Oscar holding me on my first birthday, that’s all. I’d love to see what he looked like in later years.’

  ‘I have a few. I’ll fetch them.’ And Rachel stood up to go indoors.

  Ellie, waiting for her return, remembered another question she needed to ask.

  Rachel returned carrying a small photo album which she placed on the table in front of Ellie.

  ‘There you are.’

  ‘I’ve just realised I don’t know what to call you,’ Ellie said. ‘Technically I suppose you’re my stepmum but I’m a bit too old to regard you as that. So, do I call you Vanessa or Rachel?’

  ‘Rachel.’

  ‘Okay.’ Ellie opened the album and began to turn the pages. ‘Oh, that’s a lovely photo. You look very happy.’

  ‘We were,’ Rachel said. ‘That was taken on our twentieth wedding anniversary in Antibes.’

  ‘He still looks like he did in the one of us together years ago.’ Ellie flicked through to almost the back page before saying, ‘Although in this one he looks older. Where was this? He looks different in this one.’

  ‘Switzerland. Two years ago,’ Rachel said, her voice breaking.

  Ellie glanced at her and realised how tearful she was looking. ‘I’m sorry. This must be even harder for you than me. You’d known and loved him all those years and now he’s gone. I’ve only just learnt about him so can’t miss him.’

  ‘A year ago I couldn’t look at these without breaking down, so I guess that means I’m adjusting to life without him,’ Rachel said, closing the album.

  ‘So where do we go from here?’ Ellie said.

  Rachel shrugged. ‘I’m leaving soon. I’d already decided to return to France before anybody discovered who I was. I just wish I hadn’t come home early for BB’s party. If I hadn’t, nobody would have been any the wiser. It was a major mistake on my part to come back.’

  ‘I was already looking for you on the Internet,’ Ellie said. ‘Wouldn’t have been long before I found you anyway.’

  ‘Google has a lot to answer for,’ Rachel said.

  ‘Can I visit you in France? Meet my brother?’

  Rachel looked at her for several seconds before nodding her head. ‘You’ll have to give me time to tell Hugo about you – but yes, you can visit.’

  ‘Thank you,’ Ellie said. ‘I’d better go. Thanks for talking to me. Can we meet again before you leave so you can tell me more?’

  ‘We’ll have lunch one day before I leave,’ Rachel said. ‘Ellie, you have the same confident air about you that Oscar always had. I think you probably inherited his stubborn streak too.’

  CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

  RACHEL

  Half an hour after Ellie left, Rachel went for a much-needed walk to try to clear her head. The moment Harriet had fainted at the sight of her last night, her mind had started buzzing with what the consequences might be. She was thankful that it was Ellie, not Harriet, who’d arrived at the house this morning. Ellie’s visit, demanding information about Oscar was the first – and quite possibly the simplest – consequence to deal with. Talking to Harriet would have been a lot harder.

  Not that talking to Ellie had exactly been easy. Showing her the photos had raised so many memories, some she’d rather forget. Seeing the Switzerland photo had brought so much emotion flooding back into her body. It was going to be even harder the next time they met. Ellie seemed determined to ask her to dig deep into her memories and tell her things about Oscar that should stay buried with him.

  Four days after Regatta and the town was quieter as Rachel made her way through, but there were still holidaymakers around. Dodging around a group of meandering sightseers, she stopped outside one of the several estate agencies in town and took a deep breath. Autumn was probably not the best time to try to sell the house, but she needed to get things moving. Resolutely she opened the door and went in.

  ‘I’d like to make an appointment for someone to come and value my house and put it on the market,’ she told the woman on the desk. ‘ASAP,’ she added.

  The woman made a note of the address, took her telephone number, checked the diary and suggested, ‘Four o’clock tomorrow? Fine. Mark will see you then.’

  Stepping back out into the street, she found Johnnie and Carla were waiting for her. Ah, the second consequence of last night’s party. Johnnie wanting an explanation.

  ‘Saw you earlier but you’d disappeared in there before I could catch you,’ he said with a jerk of his head towards the estate agency. ‘We need to talk,’ he continued. ‘Carla needs a nap so coffee at my place?’

  Tiredly Rachel nodded. No point in putting it off.

  Johnnie led the way through town and Rachel followed as best she could, the narrow pavements and people window-shopping making it impossible for her to walk alongside him and the pushchair.

  Back at his cottage, Johnnie quickly made Carla a drink before taking her upstairs and settling her down for her nap. Downstairs, Rachel filled the kettle, flicked
the switch and waited.

  Johnnie, when he returned, busied himself with spooning coffee into mugs before looking at her.

  ‘According to my sister you’re that notorious woman, Vanessa Harford, who stole Harriet’s husband many moons ago.’

  ‘That just about sums it up,’ Rachel said. ‘Think notorious is a bit harsh though. It wasn’t something I set out to do.’

  ‘Returning under a false name all these years later though had to be a deliberate decision,’ Johnnie said. ‘Why?’

  Rachel ran her hand through her hair and took a deep breath. It was important to tell Johnnie the truth.

  ‘To get closure on my life with Oscar. To be able to move on with honesty. After he died, I found myself thinking more and more about the way our life together had started out here. The way we’d hurt people – and never said sorry.’

  ‘Why return under a false name? That wasn’t honest.’

  ‘I know,’ Rachel sighed. ‘I needed to come back here to draw the final line under my past life. But at the same time, I didn’t want to have people pointing the finger at me, remembering my thirty year old …’ She hesitated. ‘Crime is the wrong word, although I suspect that is how people viewed it back then.’

  ‘I’m told Harriet felt much the same. In her case she was afraid of being pitied and becoming, as she saw it, a laughing stock again,’ Johnny said, pouring boiling water into the mugs.

  Rachel looked at him. ‘I’m truly sorry she felt like that. Personally I was relieved to find the town full of incomers. The people I’d known had moved on – with the exception of your sister – and, of course, Harriet.’

  Johnnie handed her a mug and leant against the work surface.

  ‘Did you know Sabine and I had the most spectacular row down by the kiosk after Oscar and I got together?’ Rachel said. ‘As Harriet’s best friend, I think she felt her it was her moral duty to tackle me about it. She, almost literally, tore me to shreds over the affair.’

  Johnnie shook his head. ‘No, she’s never mentioned it. I guess Sabine was the reason you sidestepped all my attempts to introduce the two of you over supper? You knew she’d recognise and expose your secret.’

  Rachel nodded. ‘I couldn’t risk it. She was, and is, unlikely to lay out the welcome mat for me. Especially now that Harriet is back living in town.’

  There was a short silence before Johnnie spoke. ‘I told Sabine this morning how I feel about you.’

  Rachel sipped her coffee. ‘Exactly how do you feel about me?’

  ‘I was beginning to feel that Rachel Mansell could be someone special in my life. Daring to hope that she might like me too.’ Johnnie put his coffee mug down and folded his arms against his chest before saying quietly, ‘You’re the only woman apart from Annie that I’ve ever felt like this about. But now I’m told you’re not who I thought you were. Hell, I don’t even know what to call you now.’

  ‘How about sticking with Rachel? I was christened Vanessa Rachel so it is my name. I think I prefer it to Vanessa, to be honest. I’m still the same woman who’s enjoyed the time we’ve spent together.’ It was important that she told him that.

  ‘Are you serious about selling the house and leaving?’ Johnnie asked.

  Rachel nodded. ‘Yes. Instead of getting the closure I wanted, I’ve opened up everything again so it’s better to leave. Minimise the damage.’

  ‘You could stay and face things. No?’ This as Rachel shook her head. ‘Where are you going? Back to France?’

  ‘Back to my family.’

  ‘If I were to ask you to stay, see if we could get through this together and see if we had a future together, would you?’

  Rachel hesitated. ‘Not sure Sabine or Harriet would like that.’

  Johnnie glared at her and swore in French before saying, ‘I don’t give a damn whether they like it or not. It’s me who’s asking you to stay.’

  Rachel closed her eyes and took a deep breath, weighing up her words. She liked Johnnie more than she’d admitted even to her inner self. Could she live in the same town as Harriet and Sabine? Would it make life difficult for them having her around? Would they make life difficult for her? Opening her eyes, she looked at Johnnie.

  ‘Their presence, particularly Sabine’s, in your life, makes it difficult for me to stay. I’d hate to come between you and your sister.’

  Johnnie moved across to her and took hold of her hands. ‘Your regrets are pointless without action. Talk to Sabine. Talk to Harriet. Get real closure and begin again. With me.’

  Rachel tried to pull her hands away. ‘I must go.’

  Johnnie tightened his grip. ‘Please at least promise me you’ll think about it. It’s ridiculous allowing a thirty-year-old feeling of guilt to rule your present and the future. The world has moved on for all of us.’ He leant in and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before freeing her hands.

  Rachel turned away from him and left.

  Walking the short distance home from Johnnie’s, she began to weigh up her options. Lay low for the next few months until the house sold and she could leave. She could do that. The consequence of that particular action though would mean giving up any chance of a future with Johnnie. A future that she acknowledged inwardly would be a good one, filled with a growing love and a future she was beginning to visualise and desire.

  If, on the other hand, she did as Johnnie suggested and talked to Harriet and Sabine, it might be possible to stay in town. Would they even want to see her, let alone talk to her? But if she didn’t try, she’d never know the answer.

  There was still the unanswered invitation to be Carla’s godmother to deal with as well. Impossible to accept when her real identity was a secret. Equally impossible to accept and stand alongside Harriet in church without the two of them burying the past.

  Reaching her front door and pushing the key into the lock, it struck Rachel how limited her choices were. The personal closure she’d come back to town to find for herself had proved elusive. Instead she was being urged to give others the chance to be involved in the closure. Her reward? A whole new life with Johnnie.

  She just had to find the necessary courage to do as he suggested. Talk to Harriet, sort things between them and, hopefully, have her belated apology accepted. Then they could both move forward.

  Today she couldn’t summon up enough strength to deal with any more emotion, but maybe tomorrow she’d walk out to Swannaton and finally apologise to Harriet for stealing her husband all those years ago.

  She’d leave meeting with Sabine for another day. Maybe one when she had Johnnie at her side.

  CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

  HARRIET

  Harriet stood back and surveyed the pine kitchen table. Normally covered with a cloth, she’d spent the last twenty minutes vigorously cleaning it, having decided she’d prefer to use it uncovered.

  The repetitive scrubbing of the wood had proved to be therapeutic. She’d worked a lot of angst out of her system, leaving her feeling calmer than when she’d started the job. Not that she was totally calm. However much she wished it was otherwise, the problem was still there and had to be dealt with. She couldn’t avoid it for much longer. Especially since last night at supper when Frank had thrown his suggestion into the mix.

  ‘I think we should relocate here permanently,’ he’d said, helping himself to another spoonful of the ratatouille she’d made to accompany the family supper of lamb and couscous.

  ‘You want to sell the Cirencester house?’ Harriet said. ‘Our home for the last twenty-five years.’

  ‘This feels like home now,’ Frank said. ‘If we sell and invest the money, I could even retire early.’

  ‘I agree with Dad,’ Ellie said. ‘Sell up and enjoy life here. If you do though, you’ll have to agree to let me move back home permanently. I love it here.’

  Harriet had looked at them both. How could she say she’d felt the same way too since the beginning of summer, but now, knowing Vanessa was back in town made her feel like running away
– again.

  ‘We’ll have a family conference at the end of my obligatory year of living here, and then decide,’ she said, ending the discussion. By then things should be clearer in her mind. Conversation had petered out at that point.

  ‘Table looks good,’ Ellie said, wandering into the kitchen in search of coffee. She switched the coffee machine on.

  ‘Thanks,’ Harriet said. ‘We need to talk about your party. How many of your old friends are likely to come?’

  ‘About ten, I think, the others are all busy,’ Ellie said. ‘I’d like Rachel to come too, but I know you won’t want that. It’s okay to invite BB though, isn’t it?’

  ‘BB is fine,’ Harriet said, ignoring the mention of Rachel.

  ‘You should go and see her, you know,’ Ellie said. ‘I like her. I think you would too if you gave her a chance.’

  Harriet stiffened. ‘Bully for you,’ she said. ‘I don’t want to talk to her, or about her.’

  ‘She says she’s going back to France once the house is sold. Says I can visit and meet my half-brother.’ Ellie poured herself a coffee before saying, ‘Right, I’m off to do some more work on Amy’s book.’

  Alone in the kitchen, Harriet poured herself a coffee and took it out to the garden to drink. Leaning against the trunk of the old apple tree like she had done so many times in the past, she sipped her coffee and watched the lower ferry making its way across to Kingswear.

  This unexpected reopening of the thirty-year-old Vanessa affair could, if she insisted on harbouring old grudges, spoil the life she had now. After all these years did the fact that Oscar had left her for another woman matter? In truth, she’d got over it years ago.

  She was married to a man she loved and was happy. These days she barely knew anyone of her generation who hadn’t been divorced at least once. What had made headline news all those years ago, barely registered in people’s consciences these days.

  Ellie, as a result of being told the truth about her father, had a whole new life opening up for her. There was this half-brother in France she was already planning to meet. BB and his family in America would no doubt also welcome her. Nearer home there were the Kingsbridge cousins. Ellie would soon find herself as part of an extended international family that wouldn’t include her parents – unless she, Harriet, put the past behind her conclusively.