by Karen Rose
‘No, I didn’t know that. I didn’t know she’d had nightmares, either, but I’m not surprised.’
‘She doesn’t talk about them. But I remember. Sometimes I still have nightmares about her nightmares. She used to make this . . . this sound while she was asleep . . . like an animal with its leg stuck in a trap.’ Kendra shuddered. ‘She used to cry because she knew people were still looking at her pictures, that she’d never get them back.’
‘Once on the Net, forever on the Net,’ Meredith said sadly.
Kendra’s lip curled in helpless fury. ‘Yeah. But in my mind, the people looking at her were these creepy, slimy, bug-eyed men who live in their mothers’ basements.’
‘Easily detected in a crowd.’
‘If they ever left their mother’s basement.’ Kendra sighed. ‘It’s stupid. I mean, I’m a cop. I know that the bad guys sometimes look pretty, but seeing this grown man harassing this girl like he owned her. Right there in the grocery store. He wasn’t ashamed and he wasn’t bug-eyed. He looked handsome and healthy and fit and . . .’
‘Normal?’
‘Yeah.’ A shaky nod was followed by an embarrassed grimace. ‘So . . . to my point. I’ve driven by his house six times since Saturday. I . . .’ A deep breath. ‘I fantasize about . . . well, about things I have no business fantasizing about.’
Oh dear. This was more serious than she’d thought. ‘What do you want to do to this man?’
Kendra exhaled quietly. ‘What I say won’t leave this room?’
‘Never. Not unless you follow through, but we’re not going to let that happen.’
‘Okay.’ She squared her shoulders. ‘I want him to suffer and I want him to pay. I want him to be afraid, so afraid that he begs for mercy, and then I don’t want to give him any. I want to march up to his front door and tell his wife what he’s been up to. I want to arrest him for viewing child porn. I want Marcus O’Bannion to put him on the front page so everyone will know what a fucking pervert he is. And when he goes to jail, I want him to be victimized every damn day of every damn year. And I want it to hurt.’
Meredith waited, sipping her tea. There had to be more. None of those things Kendra had listed were bad enough to make her ask for help. But Kendra said nothing, just sat there absently dunking the tea bag in her cup, then lifting it and watching the tea drip.
‘Do you have a specific plan, Kenny? Because otherwise your fantasies aren’t all that violent. In fact, I’d say they’re a good bit more vanilla than mine.’
A full minute ticked by. Then two. Finally Kendra spoke. ‘I want to kill him,’ she whispered. ‘I want to wait for him to come out of his house and I want to put a gun to his head. I want to force him into my car and I want to take him somewhere quiet. Where no one can hear him scream.’ She drew a breath. ‘I know a place.’
‘Where?’
Kendra darted her a sideways glance. ‘Faith’s house. That big place way out in the country. Nobody around for miles. Another killer got away with it for years. Why not me?’
All right. Now we’re getting somewhere. ‘How would you do it?’
Kendra blinked. ‘What?’
‘How would you kill him?’
Kendra’s mouth opened, then closed. ‘I don’t know. I could shoot him, but that’s kind of anticlimactic.’
Meredith sipped her tea. ‘Indeed.’
‘I suppose I could slice him to bits,’ Kendra said thoughtfully. ‘Cut off important appendages first.’
‘You could. He’d scream.’
‘Good,’ Kendra said coldly.
‘He might even beg.’
Her jaw tightened. ‘I hope he would.’
Would, Meredith thought. Not will. Kendra hadn’t really planned out any of this. She just wanted to be able to. ‘There is the problem of his victims, of course.’
Kendra frowned. ‘What d’ya mean?’
‘Well, you get all the fun. What about them?’
Kendra hesitated. ‘I don’t know. I suppose they could help, if they wanted to.’
‘You’d make them murderers too?’ Meredith asked softly.
Kendra flinched. ‘Goddammit, Meredith.’ She pulled the tea bag from the water and set it aside, then took an angry gulp. She hissed in displeasure. ‘That’s hot.’
‘It’s hot tea. You gulp it, you’re gonna get burned. There are consequences to everything we do, even if it’s accidental. Or even well-intentioned.’
Kendra’s eyes narrowed. ‘Goddamn, woman, you’re really good.’
Meredith grinned. ‘I know.’
‘Did you just think of that? On the fly?’
‘I’m really good at improv,’ Meredith said smugly, then sobered. ‘See, here’s the thing, Kenny. It’s one thing to want to kill someone who deserves it. It’s quite another to actually do it. That’s a line that most of us never cross. Most of us just talk about it. We might even create a nebulous plan. But to actually do it . . . That’s different. To follow through with it requires a personality trait that most of us don’t have. We might kill to protect ourselves or to protect another. We might even kill to keep a person from hurting someone again. But to kill in premeditated cold blood . . . That’s not something that most of us can do. Or should do, even if we can.’
‘Just because we can, doesn’t mean we should,’ Kendra said quietly.
‘Exactly. You’re going to want to kill them. That’s just human nature. You might even fantasize a very loosely structured plan. But Kendra, you knew that driving by the man’s house was bad for you. That’s why you’re here, honey. What’s more, you know what you need to do. It was one of the first things you said.’
‘Arrest him for child porn and let his fellow prisoners whoop his ass?’
‘Bingo to the arrest. And a less enthusiastic yes to the penal ass-whooping.’
Kendra’s lips twitched. ‘Penal? Really? Are you twelve?’
Meredith grinned again. ‘Nah. But I work with kids. “Penal” is one of those words that sounds way dirtier than it really is. And it made you smile. Almost.’
Kendra’s almost-smile became a frown. ‘Okay, I’ll bite. Why less enthusiastic? Don’t you want them to hurt?’
‘Hell, yeah. But to make them hurt, someone else has to do the hurting. Someone else has to live with the consequences of that action. And violence is cumulative. It desensitizes us. Every time we do it, see it, it takes something from us. Even from those scary mofos in lockup.’
‘It pushes us further away from the light.’
‘Yes. Let’s go back to the positive. How can you make that arrest for child porn happen?’
‘I reported it to ICAC.’
‘That’s a good start.’
Kendra frowned. ‘But nobody called me back and it’s been days.’
‘That’s . . . troubling. But they’re so busy, maybe they’re just behind.’ No one should be that behind. This had been a hot, live tip. ICAC should have been on that like white on rice. ‘But we’re in luck. You know that text Scarlett got at breakfast this morning? She was called to a meeting at the FBI field office. I was invited to the same meeting. We’re looking for a kiddie porn kingpin, right here in Cinci. I think they’ll be interested in finding this girl if for no other reason than to see what she knows about the sex trade here in the city.’
Kendra nodded hard. ‘Good. And the asshole who stalked her in the Kroger?’
‘Him too, especially since he’s unlikely to have made this girl his sole viewing. He’ll have more kiddie porn on his computer or he’ll have access to it. The team has a meeting scheduled for tomorrow morning. I’ll bring it up then.’
‘But what about the girl?’ Kendra asked, troubled. ‘She went back to someone or something illegal. The plates on her car were stolen.’
‘Did you take
a photo of the girl as well as her plates?’
‘No, but . . .’ Kendra swallowed. ‘There was a photo of her on Google. I . . . cropped it so that it was just her face. I did it on the computer at the precinct and I made a notation of why because just opening the file should have raised a whole lot of red flags.’ Her eyes grew shiny once again. ‘It was a horrible picture, Mer. And when I looked at her, I saw Wendi when she was the same age. And I wasn’t sure if I was angry for the girl or for my sister.’
‘Does it matter? You saw something wrong and you sought to fix it. That’s doing your job, Kenny. That’s what law enforcement is all about – protecting the innocent.’
‘I really do want to kill him, Meredith,’ she confessed quietly.
‘I know, honey. So do I.’ Meredith unwound herself from the sofa and stood, reaching for the ceiling. ‘So tonight we learn basic breathing techniques. Stand up. I’m gonna teach you some ways to deal.’ She met Kendra’s eyes. ‘Because if you don’t deal, you’re going to crash and burn, and Wendi and I’ll be picking up the pieces. Your career will be over because you’ll be all broken and used up. But I don’t want your career to be over. I want you to be a cop for a long, long time.’
‘Why?’ Kendra asked hoarsely.
‘Because you care. Because you would kill him if you had to, but you came here so that you didn’t have to. I’m proud of you, Grasshopper.’
Kendra’s snorted laugh was part sob. ‘You’re so full of shit.’ But she stood up and reached for the ceiling. ‘But teach me anyway. And then we can have five-ways.’
‘Mmm.’ Chili on noodles with cheese, onions, and beans. ‘And then ice cream.’
Kendra’s smile bloomed slowly, rising to fill her eyes. ‘Hell, yeah.’
Cincinnati, Ohio,
Thursday 13 August, 8.45 P.M.
Well, fuck. He drove away from the park behind the CVS drugstore, frustrated as hell. It had taken him more time than he’d expected to re-key his locks and to run all the tests on JJ’s food. So, while his locks were secure and he’d proven that JJ had dumped digitalis into his dinner, he’d missed his opportunity to hit Rawlings where it really hurt.
Rawlings’s kid wasn’t there. None of the kids were there. It had started to rain, with thunder and lightning even. Damn teenagers were pussies. Getting a little wet sent them scurrying home to Mommy and Daddy, who gave them way too much money and free time. Little bastards.
Now he’d have to come back tomorrow. He’d been all ready to teach Rawlings Senior that it was a mistake to threaten the Professor. Instead he’d have to deliver the promised drugs and be content with playing the guard’s game. He’d have to say that he’d written Rawlings’s name down in the event he got killed. He’d also be able to threaten Rawlings with the combined ire of all of his customers who’d no longer be able to access his superlative products.
But he didn’t want to simply match the man. He wanted to best him. To grind him into the dirt. To teach him who was boss and who was the peon who simply followed orders.
He wanted to break him. See him utterly destroyed. So that he never considers threatening me again as long as he lives.
Tomorrow. He’d have to do that tomorrow, because it was almost time for his scheduled call with his client. He pulled away from the CVS and into the parking lot of a Wal-Mart store. There were plenty of cars still parked, so him sitting here while he talked on the phone would draw no curious stares or unwanted attention.
At the top of the hour, he placed the call.
‘Hello?’ came the cautious greeting, delivered in heavily accented English. ‘Who is this?’
‘Buzz.’ Because Woody McCord had been his partner, of course. ‘I wanted to know if you’d had a chance to check out the stills I sent you.’
Pictures he’d taken of the kids he’d invited to his home the Saturday before. They’d all been so happy and goofy. Give a hungry kid a burger and some ice cream and they smile like the sun.
‘I did. They will suffice.’
He frowned, recognizing the ploy. His customer was about to try negotiating a lower price. ‘If they’ll only suffice, I’m sure I can find another buyer. I wouldn’t want to disappoint you. Maybe we can do business at another time. Have a good day.’ He checked his watch. It was still day over there, wasn’t it? ‘See you around.’
‘Wait.’ It was a disgruntled mutter. ‘They’re dirty.’
‘They’ll wash. I guarantee it.’
‘They’re pure?’
‘They are now. They won’t be when you get them, of course.’
‘Good. They must know what to expect. Trained. Willing.’
‘I agree. I sent you my contract. I haven’t received it back with your signature.’
‘Why a contract? It’s not enforceable. It’s ludicrous.’
‘It’s to protect you, actually. I want to be sure you are comfortable with everything I’m sending you. It’s not like I can take it back to where I got it. Once I’ve taken payment, then made my delivery, I don’t make exchanges. Just check the boxes that say you approve my proposed delivery. That’s all I need. I do not want there to be any misunderstandings between us.’
‘All right. But it’s not like I’ll sign my real name.’
‘Doesn’t matter. You’ll send me my money first. I’m the vulnerable one here. You know where I can be found. I only know where you want your purchases delivered to.’
‘To where you want your purchases delivered.’
Condescending sonofabitch. He made himself smile so that his voice remained rock solid. ‘Sorry. I slept through English class.’
‘Just like an American. I speak five languages fluently.’
Of course you do, asshole. ‘Look. Do you want the delivery or not?’
‘I do. Proceed with your preparation. I will do the same so that my new guests will be comfortable here.’
‘Good. I’m sure they’ll be pleased when they arrive.’
He hung up and rolled his eyes. The number of zeros on the bank deposit required him to be nice to the fucking clients, but he didn’t have to enjoy it.
Now he had to get to the meet with Rawlings. He checked under his seat to be sure he still had all the tools he needed. ‘Product, check.’ It had started out as quality product, but he’d purposely cut it with all kinds of things that humans shouldn’t be putting in their bodies. Shouldn’t have threatened me, asshole. For that, you’ll pay. When Rawlings tried to sell it, he’d find himself on the bad side of some very scary inmates. And I’ll keep my hands clean. ‘Nine mil in my holster, check. Rifle under the seat, check. And dart gun, check.’ He placed the dart gun in the center console so that he could reach it quickly, then set out to begin the payback.
He wasn’t happy that Rawlings had used the cyanide pill on Alice, since she and Sidney had entered the morgue on the same day. The cyanide pill was supposed to be used only as a last resort, if the ricin hadn’t worked and it looked like Alice was about to talk. And Rawlings was supposed to have cleared its use first. Hopefully Sidney’s skin color would hide any side effects from the MEs, or they might make uncomfortable connections.
Tonight Rawlings would believe he had the Professor’s nuts in a vise, but tomorrow he’d be sorry he ever tried to use their transaction to blackmail him. He’d be broken. He’d be malleable. He’d be perfect.
Cincinnati, Ohio,
Thursday 13 August, 9.25 P.M.
Meredith walked Kendra to the door and gave her a hug. ‘Call if you need me,’ she ordered. ‘And thank you for dinner and the dessert.’ Together, she and Kendra had annihilated that pint of ice cream perfection. ‘Wendi and I walked around the city this afternoon for hours. I think I only have to do twenty hours on the treadmill tomorrow instead of twenty-four.’
Kendra hugged her. ‘Thanks. Call me when your team finds ou
t something about the girl.’
They’d both agreed that ‘the girl’ was a far better name than ‘Sunshine Suzie’. Using her porn name was adding insult to injury. She’d already been victimized enough.
‘You bet, but don’t forget to send me the photo.’ Meredith lightened her tone. ‘You sure you don’t want to come to the slumber party tomorrow? Even if you’ve bitten off your fingernails, the girls can paint your toenails. It’ll be fun!’
‘A barrel of laughs on which I shall still pass,’ Kendra said dryly, then stopped on the porch, going quietly watchful. ‘Mer, you might have a problem.’
‘What?’ Meredith poked her head around Kendra’s shoulder because she wasn’t tall enough to see over it. It had started to rain while they’d been eating Skyline and ice cream, but she saw the problem before Kendra even pointed.
‘That old Jeep across the street. It was there when I drove up. It drove away, but I got the feeling the driver was watching your house. Now it’s back.’
Meredith sighed. ‘It’s a problem all right, but not the one you’re thinking of.’
‘You know the driver?’
And how. ‘Yeah. It’s all right. It’s Dani’s cousin, Adam.’
The car door opened and Adam got out and stood next to the Jeep. Waiting. Without an umbrella. He’s getting drenched. And you’re a fool to care.
Kendra hesitated. ‘You sure? I’ve heard stories about him. He took a mental health break, you know. But when he came back he wasn’t . . . Well, he’s still not okay.’
No, Adam most definitely was not okay, but it wasn’t any of Kendra’s business. ‘He won’t hurt me. I can promise you that.’ Not physically. Her heart . . . not so much.
That train had left the station nine months ago.
‘Did Dani introduce you two?’
‘No. Adam and I met in the hospital. He was working an attempted homicide last fall – one of the girls who was kidnapped from the college. I was called in because the girl was a minor and a ward of the state.’
However, her friend didn’t look inclined to leave, staring at Adam as he folded his arms across his chest, unmovable in the pouring rain. Meredith sighed again. ‘Look, I can tell you this much. You know how you felt after looking at one picture of the girl?’
