by Karen Rose
‘Yeah.’
‘Imagine looking at hundreds of those pictures. Every day. For weeks.’
Kendra shuddered. ‘Understood.’
‘Good. Now go home and run on the treadmill, like we discussed. If you want to run with me, I’m out at five every morning. Except not Saturday because, you know, slumber party.’
Kendra shuddered again, this time in jest. ‘I am so out of here.’
‘Chicken!’ Meredith called after her as she ran down the steps to her car. Adam continued to stand there, getting wet. Watching me.
Meredith wanted to shut the door. Wanted to tell him no. But knew she wouldn’t. He carried more guilt than just about anyone she’d ever met. But giving him comfort came at a high price.
Too high. So high that she wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do or not.
But he continued to stand in the rain, watching her. So she waved him to come. He moved slowly, deliberately. Putting one foot in front of the other like he was walking through molasses. Or to his final meal.
Because we’re just that irresistible, aren’t we, Mer? she thought bitterly.
You’re talking to yourself again. Using the royal we, no less. Stop that.
She wanted to tell herself to shut the hell up, but was suddenly too tired to do so. She leaned against the door, waiting until he was standing before her, dripping wet from the rain.
And still the most beautiful man she’d ever seen in her life.
But so not okay. He looked down at her, his dark eyes hooded. Wary. Tentative. As if he was afraid she’d toss him out onto the street.
As if she could. ‘Come on in,’ she murmured and watched his shoulders sag in mute relief. ‘Stay a while.’ She moved away from the door without waiting for his answer, unsurprised when he closed, then locked the door – both deadbolts. She busied herself in the kitchen, loading the dishwasher. ‘If I’d known you were coming tonight, I’d have asked Kendra to bring more food.’
She looked over her shoulder. He was in the kitchen, but just barely. Dripping wet. He’d taken off his suit coat, and his soaked dress shirt was plastered to his chest, revealing every ripple of muscle. His shoulder holster only amplified the effect.
Meredith closed her eyes, a shiver running over her skin. Adam Kimble was everything she’d always wanted. So close, yet so unattainable. Because he was definitely not okay.
‘I’ll go down to the laundry room and get you some towels,’ she finally said when he remained silent. ‘I might have some clothes in the guest room that will fit you from the last time Daniel came to visit. Just give me a minute to finish cleaning up here and I’ll check.’
He moved so quickly, so quietly that one second he wasn’t there and then he was, standing behind her, inches between them. His body was throwing off heat like a furnace.
‘Who the hell,’ he asked in a deep, rasping voice, ‘is Daniel?’
Meredith forced herself to turn in the small space he’d left her, to meet and hold his gaze. To not back away. To not let her voice tremble. He would not respect a weak woman, not as a partner or a therapist. Or a lover. Though none of those things were ever going to happen. Not again, anyway.
‘Daniel Vartanian, my cousin Alex’s husband. They came for Christmas.’
He jerked a nod, some of the starch melting away. ‘Thank you.’
She lifted her brows. ‘For what? Not lying to you? I already told you, Adam, I’m not going to lie to you. I won’t tell you only what you want to hear.’
Liar, liar. Because she hadn’t told him how she really felt. How much he’d hurt her. Nine months ago he’d come to her, needing someone to talk to because the images in his mind were wreaking havoc with his emotions until he was too shredded to stand alone. But there’d been a spark from the moment they’d met and she’d allowed that spark to ignite, against her better judgment, which turned out to be right, because she’d gone to sleep that night with him in her bed, his arms wrapped around her like he’d never let go, and woken the next morning alone.
Not even a note. Because I’m just that stupid.
He closed his eyes. ‘I’m sorry, Meredith.’
‘For what?’ she asked again.
‘For not being the man you need me to be. And for needing you too much to stay away.’
She swallowed hard, her heart aching at the pain in his voice. And at her own need to make his pain go away. ‘What happened today, Adam?’
He leaned forward, dropping his chin until their foreheads were touching. The simple contact had her grateful for the countertop at her back, because her knees had just turned to rubber. She clenched her fists at her sides to keep herself from touching him anywhere else.
‘I saw you again,’ he said quietly. ‘But I wasn’t going to come here. I promised myself I wouldn’t.’
‘Yet here you are.’
‘Yes.’ His swallow was audible. ‘I won’t do what I did last time. I promise.’
Her eyes burned. ‘Which thing, Adam? Coming to me for support? Because you’re already here. Maybe you mean sleeping with me? Or maybe leaving without a note or a phone call or even a text? For nine fucking months?’
He stiffened, then straightened, making her lift her chin to see his face. His eyes opened, his jaw tightening until a muscle ticked in his cheek.
She tightened her fists, determined that she would not touch him.
‘I hurt you,’ he said woodenly.
‘Y’think?’ she snapped.
‘I’m . . . sorry. I’ll go.’ He turned on his heel and she stared at his back. For all of a second.
‘Wait,’ she said sharply, and he stopped dead but didn’t look back. ‘You’re here. Just . . .’ Damn this. Damn him. Damn me. ‘Just wait. I’ll get you some dry things. You can tell me what happened today so that you don’t implode. The team needs you sharp.’
He turned his head, bringing his profile into view. ‘The team,’ he said bitterly.
‘What else is there? You don’t want me. If you did, you would have come back. Unless you expected me to chase after you and beg? I won’t do that.’ She softened her tone, because he looked like he was preparing himself for a flogging. ‘But I will listen. If it will help you, I will listen.’
His lips twisted. ‘For the team?’
‘Yes, but also for you. And for me. I don’t want to be this bitter, angry person, Adam. You never made me any promises, so I don’t have any right to be bitter and angry. That’s why I offered this morning. I will listen. If you want that, stay here while I get you some towels and dry clothes from the basement. If you don’t want that, then go. Just close the door on your way out.’
Leaving him standing there, she took the basement stairs at a snail’s crawl, giving him enough time to make up his mind. She had towels in the linen closet upstairs, but she’d left Daniel’s clothes in the guest bedroom she gave to visiting couples. It was far enough away that she didn’t have to hear any . . . night sounds.
Her cousin Alex tended to make a lot of night sounds with her husband. As they should. It was still hard to hear after so many years of being alone.
Towels and dry clothes in hand, she climbed the stairs as slowly as she’d descended, fully expecting to find nothing in the kitchen but a puddle of water. Sucking in a breath, she opened the door and . . . her gut settled.
He was still here. And looking painfully uncertain.
Join the club, buster. ‘You can change in the bathroom downstairs and put your wet things in the dryer while we talk. Then you can leave with dry clothes.’
Without a word he took the bundle from her arms. But he was staring at her hard, too many questions in his dark eyes. Too many questions and too much hurt.
She put the kettle back on and wished that Kendra had brought more of the ice cream. She had the feeling she�
�d be needing dairy courage before the evening was over.
Thirteen
Cincinnati, Ohio,
Thursday 13 August, 10.15 P.M.
‘You’d better not hurt yourself,’ Triplett grunted.
Decker gave the big man his best sneer, even though every bone in his body ached. He’d walked too much for his first time up and he knew it. But he needed to get better. Stronger. He needed to be able to walk beside Kate as she investigated the case he’d started – and intended to finish.
He’d been walking laps around the interior of the safe house for thirty minutes, which had become painful about twenty-eight minutes before. ‘You’re just scared of Dani,’ he mocked.
‘Hell, yeah,’ Trip said without shame. ‘Aren’t you?’
‘Yeah,’ he admitted, making the other man chuckle. ‘Help me to the kitchen table, if you would.’
Trip did, and Decker sank onto the chair with a grimace.
‘There is the smallest of chances that I might have overdone it.’
‘No,’ Trip deadpanned. ‘You’re lyin’.’
Decker grinned despite his fatigue. ‘Fuck off, Trip,’ he said congenially. He leaned sideways, trying to reach the fridge door, and nearly fell out of the chair.
Trip smirked. ‘Something you want, farm boy?’
‘Telling you I grew up on a farm was a mistake, wasn’t it?’ But Trip had asked where he’d come from, and Griffin and Mama D’s farm was home. Even though it didn’t exist any longer.
‘Hell, yeah.’ But Trip opened the refrigerator for him. ‘What do you want?’
Anything with flavor, he wanted to say, but he didn’t want word to get back to Agent Troy, who really had been kind. Troy’s food was one step up from cardboard, but he’d shared what he’d had. So Decker wasn’t going to diss him. ‘What’s in that blue carton?’
Trip waggled his brows. ‘Barbecue and slaw. Jalepeño cornbread. Shrimp and grits.’
‘Oh God.’ Decker was practically drooling. ‘Where did it come from?’
‘I went out to get it while you were sleeping. You should have slept longer, by the way. Dani’s gonna be pissed.’
‘Not if you don’t tell her. So shut up, kid, and gimme some of that barbecue.’
Trip grinned at him. ‘You sure you can take extra spicy?’
‘No, but I’m willing to die trying. I am so damn hungry.’
‘I figured you would be. Like a bear coming out of hibernation. Disposition of one, too.’ But he dished up the food and Decker tucked in with relish, his mouth on fire but happily so.
Trip stilled and tapped his earpiece. ‘Send her in.’ He tapped again. ‘Kate’s back. I’ll let her in.’
Decker pushed himself to his feet and shuffled to the kitchen doorway. He could see the front door from here. He wanted to see her as soon as she came in. Because . . . well, just because. He wanted to. But standing on his own two feet.
Trip let her in and she smiled up at him wearily. ‘I thought you’d be home asleep by now, Agent Triplett.’
‘I took a double shift. Agent Davenport wanted to walk and I’m the only one big enough to scoop his ass off the floor if he falls down.’
She grinned. ‘Don’t let him hear you say that.’
‘Too late,’ Decker said dryly, then everything in him settled when she met his eyes. She was back and okay. Physically. Her eyes were shadowed by exhaustion and something else. Sadness.
‘I know,’ Trip said, just as dryly. ‘I heard you shuffling like an old man in a retirement home. If you slept more, you might not shuffle.’
‘You are a pain in the ass.’ Decker leaned against the wall, his head a little light. ‘Or maybe you’re just sucking up to Dani.’
‘Guilty as charged – of both. Doesn’t change the truth.’ Trip shook his head and Decker figured the kid might just be sincerely concerned. But Kate was smiling at him and he instantly forgot about Trip and his mother hen clucking.
‘You don’t have the IV anymore,’ she said, giving him a visual once-over that felt more like a medical exam than anything remotely sensual.
He shrugged. ‘I’m eating real food now, so the doc took it out.’ He didn’t want a medical exam, not from Kate. Because he had slept. And he’d dreamed of her, waking up with a tent in his shorts, the sheet poking up embarrassingly. But while his cock’s activity continued to be a relief that all the important stuff still worked, he didn’t want the whole place to know. And until he was in a regular bed rather than a hospital bed in the middle of the living room, everyone would know.
But now that she was here, he found himself in the same aroused state. Shit. He shoved his frustration down, because she’d come back, like she’d promised. Dragging two large suitcases.
Trip was eyeing the luggage curiously. ‘You planning to stay a month, Agent Coppola?’
She chuckled. ‘I figured I’d stay a night or two. It’s more comfortable than my hotel, so I packed my stuff and checked out. Then I went by the grocery store and picked up a few things so I could cook a real meal. I haven’t had one of those since I left DC.’
Trip gathered the grocery bags she’d hooked over the suitcase handles. ‘I’ll take these to the kitchen, then I’ll put your suitcases in the empty room. You put your feet up. You’re looking ragged around the edges, if you don’t mind my saying so.’
Kate followed Trip to the kitchen, but stopped where Decker leaned against the doorway and offered him her arm. ‘Let’s sit down,’ she said. ‘Triplett’s right. I’m beat.’
He looked at her arm. ‘If I fall, I’ll pull you down.’
‘No you won’t. I’ve done this before.’
With Johnnie, he thought. Her husband. The guy had been Decker’s size before the cancer, so Decker took her at her word and leaned on her. She led him to the kitchen table, easing him into a chair. Then lowered herself into the chair across from him, closing her eyes as she did so.
‘Thank you, Agent Triplett,’ she said, because he’d put the groceries away.
‘No problem. I’ll leave your suitcases in your room, then head out. Agent Daily is on duty for the night. I’ll be back in the morning.’ He backed out of the kitchen, leaving them alone.
‘What happened tonight?’ Decker asked softly.
She opened her eyes to stare at his half-eaten plate. ‘That looks amazing. I’m starving.’
He pushed the plate to the middle of the table. ‘Forks are in that drawer. I’d get you one but I think I might just keel over and put your care-giver skills to the test.’
She got up long enough to get a fork and one of the sodas that Trip had put in the fridge. ‘I shouldn’t have caffeine so late, but I still have to write a report before I go to bed, and I’m so tired I thought I’d fall asleep behind the wheel. It was all I could do to stay awake enough to make sure I wasn’t followed.’ She devoured the barbecue in silence, then sat back in her chair. ‘We have a motive for Sidney Siler’s death.’
‘What did she know that her killer didn’t want her to tell?’
‘She’d been to see Alice, right? It wasn’t the first time she’d interviewed accused murderers, because she was working on her doctorate on deviants and sociopaths. It was the first time she’d used a fake ID to get an interview, but not the first time she’d broken some rules. She carried a recording pen to all her interviews. Her roommate alerted us to it and it was found with Sidney’s things. CPD’s CSI guy found it, with Zimmerman and the ME as witnesses. They taped the search and uploaded it to the evidence database. Everyone kept copies of the tape.’
‘Your idea?’ Of course it was. His Kate was thorough.
‘Mine and Deacon’s. We wanted to make sure that no more evidence conveniently disappeared. Anyway, we have the recorded interview in its entirety. Alice said a lot of shit. But she did say one
thing worth dying for – that there were no written records of her transactions. It was all in her head. A few hours later she was beaten in the exercise yard and by morning she was dead.’
‘So there are no records left that incriminate McCord’s missing partner. He could kill her and that was the end of any damning evidence.’
‘Right. We also learned who Sidney’s dealer was. Some guy named the Professor.’
Decker frowned. ‘I’ve heard that name before. My bosses did not like him. They bought from him for distribution up and down I-75, but they didn’t like him. He also dealt straight from his own stash, and that was competition the traffickers didn’t want. But then sometimes he’d just disappear from the scene and Alice’s father would be happy again because profits were better.’
‘How do you know that he’d disappear?’
He frowned harder, trying to remember, but there was still some fog in his mind. ‘I might have heard it on the tapes, but I think it came directly from Alice’s father. He was cursing the Professor because the man had upped his prices. He said that even when the Professor wasn’t dealing directly, he was still making a profit from the local trafficking rings. His product was high quality and in demand. So the Professor is the connection between Eileen Wilkins, Sidney Siler, and Alice?’
‘Looks like it.’
Decker studied her face. Her mouth drooped, her eyes were still sad. ‘What else happened?’
‘I met Sidney’s parents. They were there when I interviewed her roommate, Chelsea. Who was also Sidney’s lover.’
‘Heartbreak all around then,’ he said quietly.
‘Exactly. Anyway, I put the roomie in protective custody and let everyone believe she hadn’t told me jack shit, because she was afraid of what would happen if people found out she’d narked on the Professor. He has quite the fan club.’
‘I knew that. Like I said, he made good-quality drugs. Users would buy directly from him when he was selling.’
