by Jahquel J
I was driving his BMW now, and I went to the city to drop and pick up Gyan every morning. My car was still in the shop, and I didn’t question Yoshon on when it was going to be done because I didn’t have the money for a new transmission. His BMW got me around perfectly, and I was able to run errands when he needed to me grab things, or when I needed to grab things for dinner. Gyan loved the car because it was an upgrade from the Nissan we were sleeping in. I don’t know how many times I had to remind him that it wasn’t our car and he didn’t need to be getting comfortable in it. Seeing the smile on my son’s face every morning made all of this worth it. When you were independent, accepting help from someone was like pulling your lip over your face. As his mother, I wanted to pick up the slack and handle things that needed to be handled, but I had to toss in the towel and realize that I was doing more harm to my son than help. He was sleeping in a car, brushing his teeth in a gas station bathroom and grabbing free breakfast in the morning before school. Free breakfast aside, those were things he shouldn’t have to deal with as a child. Yawning, I fluffed my pillows and then laid back and fell fast asleep. I’d get to the applications tonight before I went to bed.
I jumped up out my sleep quick with my heart racing. Staring at the clock on the nightstand, I jumped out the bed and gathered anything to go pick my son up. It was after five and I was hours late to pick up my son.
“Oh God, Oh God. I’m sorry, Gyan,” I spoke to myself as I zoomed down the stairs and headed to the door.
“Where you going?” I heard Yoshon’s voice from behind me.
Turning around in pure panic, I screamed. “I overslept! Why didn’t you wake me up?” I screamed and turned back around.
“Calm down. I went and picked Gyan up from school. The teacher remembered me when you picked him up the other day and released him to me only if I allowed her to put my ID in his school’s file.”
This entire time I hadn’t realized that I was holding my breath. Walking into the kitchen, I pulled my son into my arms as he ate his afterschool snack. “I’m so sorry, baby,” I apologized to him over and over again.
“Mom, you were tired. You worry too much and hardly sleep.”
“You’re too smart for your own good. How was school today?” Yoshon leaned on the doorway and I mouthed thank you to him. It’s like this man refused to let me down. I guess he was trying to prove to me that he could be there for me and wouldn’t let me down.
“I know. School was fun. We’re going to Washington to learn about the government and stuff. I told my teacher that I couldn’t go.”
“Why not?”
“It’s two-hundred dollars. Mom, I know you don’t have the money for the trip. It’s okay; I don’t want to see Trump anyway.”
“Baby, you need to stop telling me what I can or cannot do. Let me be the one to decide that, you hear me?” he stared into my eyes as I held onto his cheeks. “Now, where’s the permission slip? I can pull the emergency money I have in the car.”
“That’s just in ca—”
“I don’t want to hear about it.”
“It’s paid for.”
“What?” both me and Gyan said in unison.
“While she had me in the office filling out papers and copying my ID card, she mentioned the trip, and how she was sad Gyan said he couldn’t go. I filled out the permission slip and paid for the trip. All you gotta do tomorrow is go and put your signature on the permission slip.”
Gyan jumped down from the stool and ran right into Yoshon’s arms. “Thank you so much, Mr. Yoshon!” His face was priceless. My baby was so happy to be going on the trip with all his friends from school.
“Thank you, Yoshon. You didn’t hav—”
“Stop telling me what I didn’t have to do,” he told me. “I did it because he’s a good kid, and he’s smart. I may not agree with the government or our president at the moment, but as a boy that’s going to become a black man, he should learn all he needs to about our corrupt ass system.”
“You’re right. Thank you for doing this for him,” I joined in on the hug.
“Damn, what else I need to buy to keep getting hugs from y’all?”
“I did want thi—”
“Gyan!” I screamed out.
After dinner, I tucked Gyan into bed. He was so excited and happy that he was going to be going on his school’s trip. The boy couldn’t stop talking about everything that he planned to learn about. He even convinced me to take him to the bookstore to get some books on Washington. As I pulled the covers over him, he stared at me with a smile on his face.
“Why you smiling so hard?”
“Mr. Yoshon told me that he likes you, Mom.” He smirked and laughed to himself. A smile came across my face.
“Oh, did he? Mr. Yoshon is crazy.”
“He’s not crazy, Mom. You don’t like him back?” How was I supposed to explain how complicated our situation was? It was more than me just liking him or him just liking me.
“It’s more complicated than that, babe. Mr. Yoshon is an amazing man, and I appreciate all he has done for me and you.”
“Me too. I wish he was more like my daddy,” he whispered when he spoke about Grand. Gyan didn’t really speak about his dad, and he also knew not to bring him up.
“I do too, babe. Now, get some sleep so you can ace your spelling test tomorrow. I love you, Gyan.”
“Love you too, mama.” I smiled and closed the door to his room and headed down to Yoshon’s office. He was out back smoking a blunt and drinking his liquor. Living with him, I noticed that it was his alone time that he enjoyed, so I made sure not to bother him when he was having alone time.
“Okay, it’s me and you, papers,” I giggled to myself and started going through them again. It took too long for me to go through these papers. As I was picking another candidate, the house phone started to ring. Picking it up, I answered. “Hello.”
“Hey Golden, baby. How is everything?” It was Pit pat checking in on her home and grandson. I had gotten used to her calls since she been over at his sister’s house.
“I’m doing good… how are you doing?”
“Over here taking care of my granddaughter’s house while she’s in Miami with her wife… you remember her, right? Hazel.”
“Yes, I remember Hazel. That’s nice that they’re getting some alone time together.”
“Uh huh. How’s my grandson doing?”
“Pit, no disrespect, but you do know he’s a grown man and capable of taking care of himself? I barely do anything for him, and he’s been getting along fine while you’re gone.” I prayed that I didn’t overstep my boundaries with her.
She sighed into the phone. “I worry about him sometimes. It wasn’t too long ago that he lost his fiancée, Ashleigh. She died and ever since, he hasn’t been himself. I keep an eye on him to make sure he’s fine.”
Yoshon never mentioned anything about his fiancée to me. Maybe it was too painful and he didn’t feel the need to bring her up to me. “I understand. I’m sorry if I came off rude.”
“You’re perfectly fine, baby. I know that you’ll look out for him while I’m over here. Will you do that for me?”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
“Okay, make sure to tell him that I called and will talk to him in the morning. Y’all have a good night.”
“You do the same.” I smiled and ended the call.
Pit Pat was a typical grandmother who worried about her grandbabies. It didn’t matter how old and grown they were, she was still worried about them, and would always be. She reminded me of my grandmother a lot. She worried about me when I got with Grand, and I fought her because of it. All she wanted was the best for me and I was so worried about chasing after a man. I was so wrapped into a man that wasn’t good for me that I ended my relationship with the woman who meant the world to me. The woman who raised me when my own mother wouldn’t. I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye to her because I was so busy trying to be everything to someone who didn’t appreci
ate anything. That shit ate me up every single day. There was no redo button or anything that I could press that would bring her back. It was something I had to live with for the rest of my life.
“You alright?” Yoshon’s voice startled me.
Wiping the tear that slid down my cheek, I shook my head. “Yes, I’m fine. Your grandmother called and she reminds me a lot of my grandmother.”
“We can go and visit her if you want,” he told me.
“We can’…” my voice trailed off because I had forgotten that I told him she was in a nursing home. “I didn’t want to tell you, but she’s dead.”
“Damn, she just died?”
“No, I lied. She been dead,” I confessed.
His face was stone as he sat in the seats in front of his desk. “Why?”
“Because I’m too embarrassed to say that I went chasing after a man and ended my relationship with my grandmother because she didn’t approve. She was dying and I didn’t know because I was too selfish and stuck in my own ways to reach out to her.” My tears slipped down my cheeks. “When I got back to New York, I wanted to work on our relationship. I wanted... no, I needed my grandmother, and I find out that she died.”
He ran his hand over his face as he stood up and came around the desk. He pulled my arms and forced me to stand up. Pulling me into his arms, he allowed me to cry into his chest. “We’re not perfect people. Yeah, we’re going to make fucked up and stupid decisions, but it doesn’t make us a bad person.”
“My grandmother needed me, and I wasn’t there, Yoshon. You would move hell and high water for your grandmother, and I just allowed mine to die.”
“Yes, I would. Me and my grandmother aren’t you and yours. Go visit her grave. You can tell she forgives you for what you did.”
“How?” I stared up into his face.
“She brought me into your life. That night I found you, I wasn’t even going to show up because of the snow, but something told me I needed to go.”
Leaning my head on his chest, I sniffled. “Why didn’t you tell me about your fiancée?” His body became tense.
“I don’t like to speak about her.”
“I understand.”
“She died from cancer. Felt like God either didn’t want me happy, or he was paying me back for all the havoc I wrecked in the streets for years. I’m not innocent and I’ve done some shit that I have to answer for when judgment day comes.”
“Same,” I replied.
We didn’t say anything, we just stood there, and I was comfortable as hell. He had his arms wrapped around me, and for the first time, I felt safe in his arms. It was something about Yoshon’s aura and personality that made you want to be with and around him.
“I’m sorry about Eva earlier… I told her that we needed some space apart and shit.”
“You don’t have to apologize to me.”
“Yes, I do. She came at you sideways a few times and I need to apologize.”
Looking up into his arms, I nodded my head. “It’s okay.”
Yoshon stared down into my eyes and then bent down and kissed me. I placed my arms around his neck and kissed him back. He put his hands on my legs and tapped them, and I wrapped them around him. Yoshon walked out the office and headed to the stairs while we continued to kiss. I wanted him right now. No more dreaming and daydreaming, I wanted the real thing, and he did too. While he climbed up the stairs, I sucked on his neck and kissed his face. When we got to his bedroom, he placed me down on the bed, softly pulling until my leggings were on the floor. I laid across his bed in my thong and T-shirt, and he stood back and admired me. Leaning over me on the bed, he kissed my lips aggressively and lifted me up out of my shirt.
“I want you bad, Golden,” he growled into my ears.
“Then have me,” I moaned as he played with my clit with his thumb. He stared at me as he continued to massage down there. Leaning up, I stole a kiss on his lips. “Put it in me, Yoshon,” I told him.
I hadn’t had sex since the day Grand raped me in our bedroom. Sex wasn’t on my mind and I didn’t think I would ever have the urge to want to have sex again. Yoshon Santana came walking into my life and made all my lady parts work all over again, and for that, I was grateful. When he pulled his shorts off, his dick was poking out the hole in the front of his boxers. This man was working with something my ass probably had no business trying to handle. He parted my legs and positioned himself in between my legs and kissed me. I watched as he leaned up and grabbed a condom before he pushed himself inside of my lady cave. My back arched on its own and my mouth was wide open. It felt as if I was a virgin all over again.
“Shit, I should have known something as beautiful as you would have the best pussy I’ve ever had.” He kissed me on the neck as he inched each piece of himself inside of me. Holding onto his arms, I relaxed myself and allowed him to continue.
“Hmm, like that.” I directed, and he gyrated his hips and hit all the parts that caused me to scream out in pure pleasure.
“Guess what it is?” he whispered in my ear before kissing it.
“What?” I moaned out in pure heaven. This kitten hadn’t been scratched in some time, and I felt like I was on cloud nine right about now.
“It’s Valentine’s day.” He gave me a wet and sloppy kiss right on the lips. As he sucked on my lips and delivered those deep strokes, I stared over his shoulder and looked at the clock on the dresser. Sure enough, it was after twelve and considered Valentine’s day. Yoshon had no clue what he was doing to me, and then again, I had no clue what I had done to him.
17
Hazel
Miami was everything I could have dreamed of and more. Yolani and I reconnected more than I thought we would. We talked, cuddled and enjoyed each other’s company. It had been a long time since we’ve laughed and joked with each other. It made me miss our friendship before we were married. I had forgot Yolani was so funny and sarcastic that it brought me to tears. We made love almost every day while being in Miami. On Valentine’s day, she rented out an entire restaurant for me and told fourteen reasons why she loves me. It was the most romantic thing she had ever done for me. My emotions and feelings were all over the place as we left Miami. Although I was happy and feeling so special that my wife went out of her way, a part of me couldn’t help to check my phone to see if Denim had responded to my messages I’ve sent him. He ignored me the entire trip and didn’t take my calls.
Instead of ringing, his phone went straight to voicemail. I’ve left voicemails and apologized, and I hadn’t heard anything from him. We’ve been back from Miami for a week, and I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Yolani was back running the streets, but she made sure she came home or checked in if she wasn’t going to make it home. With Denim being gone, I was trying to focus on work and convince myself not to go over to his sneaker store or condo. The exam room door opened and the doctor came into the room.
“Good morning, Mrs. Santana. How are you doing today?” He sat his file down and proceeded to wash his hands.
“I’m good, Doc. I just really need to get some form of birth control.” I didn’t want to continue to have sex with Denim without having some form of birth control. It was something I’ve been meaning to do and failed to get around to it.
“You’re married to a woman, Hazel.” He stared at me, confused.
“We’re g—”
“Not my business,” he cut me short. “I’m sorry, we can go ahead and get that done today. Take this and go pee in it. I know you’re not, but we need to make sure,” he told me and handed me the cup.
I went into the bathroom and quickly relieved my bladder and came back out. “Thank you. Let me go ahead and get my nurse to administer the test. Other than this, how is everything?”
“Everything is going good.”
Me and Denim used condoms each time we fucked, and we were careful about that. The last thing I needed was to be pregnant with his baby. He wasn’t talking to me right now and ignored my calls, but I knew h
e would eventually answer the calls and we would make up just like we were. With Yolani doing everything she should have been doing, I should have been satisfied that Denim backed off and I didn’t have to end things. Except, I wasn’t, and I was upset. Men got to have their cake and eat it too, why couldn’t I? Why couldn’t I have my wife and Denim at the same time? The doctor wrote stuff down and the nurse took my cup of piss out of the room. What I was doing was smart, right? Being safe was good, right? Me and Denim may have had a future before I married Yolani, but we didn’t have one now. We could never be more than just fucking and cuddling.
Mo told me I needed to leave things alone with Denim. She told me that I was fucking with his feelings and it wasn’t fair to him. Yeah, I understood her point, but I didn’t give a damn. My feelings for this man was back and I wanted him. Then, I wanted my wife too. Yes, I was selfish and wanted both and was messing with their feelings. For once, I was doing what Hazel wanted and was it wrong that I didn’t give a damn how either of them felt? I’ve always done things everyone has asked of me. Bad relationships, my parents, my business and my wife. I’ve always taken the L’s for all of that. For once, I wanted to be the one doing what she wanted with a smile on her face. Mo would always be Mo and tell me that I was wrong, and it was one of the reasons I loved her. Still, that didn’t mean that I was going to stop doing what I pleased when it came to my life. The nurse came in with a folder and handed it to the doctor. He looked at the paper and I studied his face. He didn’t appear to be shocked or anything, so everything was normal like I knew it would be.
