by Anna Edwards
I call forwards a spell of teleportation and transfer myself from Juniper’s bedroom to my cottage. It feels cold and barren, lonely. That’s what my entire life is like really. I know instantly where I need to go, and it’s not here. I use the spell again and take myself to Great Ormond Street, being careful to appear there where no one will see me suddenly materialise.
Making my way through the hospital, I search out the boy named Tommy. It doesn’t take me long to find him, and I stand in the corridor surreptitiously watching through the window to his room. He’s sitting with his family, a mother, father and an older brother, and they’re all eating breakfast together. They’re laughing and joking as if they have no cares in the world, despite the fact yesterday the little boy was dying. I watch them for a while, wondering if I ever had this affection from my parents. I know the answer, though; it’s never. I was never loved like Tommy. I was more of an inconvenience. Maybe that’s why this is happening to me? It’s my punishment for spoiling my parents’ lives by being born?
The doctor enters the room, and the family look up at him with expectant smiles on their faces.
“Good morning, Tommy, how are you feeling?” the doctor questions.
“I feel brilliant,” the little boy replies with a massive grin on his face.
“Good.” The doctor turns to his parents. “We ran a few tests last night, and I want to run a few more today, but it’s like a miracle’s occurred. We can’t find any trace of the cancer. It’s gone. I can’t say it won’t return, and Tommy is still very weak from the treatment, but if all our tests come back with good news, then I think it’ll be time to go home. To return to a normal life as much as possible.”
I see tears form in the mother’s eyes. The father wraps his arms around her and pulls her close to him.
“Does that mean Tommy will be able to go back to school and play sports?” the older brother asks the doctor.
“Yes, he’ll be back doing everything he could before he got sick.”
Tommy groans, “Not school.”
The whole family starts laughing again as the doctor leaves the room. I watch them for a few moments more, enjoying the happiness each and every one of them is giving off. It’s having an effect on the entire hospital, and everywhere I look people are smiling widely.
I go to move back from the window I’ve been watching through, but Tommy looks up, and staring straight at me, he mouths, “Thank you.”
I nod back at him and teleport the hell out of there as quickly as I can and back to my cottage. As I shower and get ready for my day at the academy, my mind whirls around with so many questions.
Two times I’ve saved people, but what about the times before that? Were they victims of the other side of what I become? Am I both? Or just one? I’ve got so many questions and no answers. I’m beginning to think I’m never going to have them. Defeat weighs heavily on my shoulders as I teleport back to Caspian Academy to be greeted by an angry looking Taya.
“What have you got to say for yourself?” She places one hand on her hip and tilts it. Her lips are pouted and covered in a bright red lipstick.
“Go away, Taya.”
The cool and calm exterior I portray falls instantly into place. The last person I want knowing my business is Taya.
“No, I will not go away. I’m telling you, Jacobi, I won’t let you ruin my chance of being the queen of the school now and at the final prom. I mean it. Whatever hold that bitch has over you, let it go.” Taya raises an eyebrow at me.
“Why does she have to have a hold over me, Taya? Why can’t I just be bored with you and want to move on? Maybe I want more excitement in my life than being with someone whose only aspiration for the future is finding the perfect dress for prom and matching my suit to her outfit.”
“What?” Taya squeals in a high pitch scream; my head still hurts from the change, and I wince at the sound. “How can you say something like that? We’ve got so many ideas for the future. The power we have here can be transferred to the council, and ultimately we’ll lead that one day. You and I alongside the King. He’ll listen to our every word about how to run the magical world. I thought that’s what we both wanted. You’re trying to tell me all that’s changed, just because Little Miss Sad and Dowdy has returned to school. Jesus, Jacobi, you’re an idiot, and you’re going to throw everything we’ve worked for away. I won’t let you do it. I mean it. You will sit beside me at lunchtime, and we’ll show everyone just how powerful we are. If you don’t, then I might just have to hurt that little witch, badly. I mean it, I’ll see her ruined and destroyed. I won’t fail in my power.”
I take one look at Taya. She’s pretty, probably a lot prettier than Juniper if you go for the fake hair and nails type of thing, and I’m sure her boobs aren’t real. But inside the package, the facade of innocence and caring she portrays, there’s a woman dead set on stepping over as many people as possible to get to the top. I believed in it once, but not anymore. I know a power far greater than the one she desires, I hold it within me…life or death.
Without answering her, I turn on my heels and walk away. She screams after me but I ignore her and her pettiness. She couldn’t do anything to Juniper. Taya’s no match for her.
Making my way to the spells class, I stop again when I see Emmie and Juniper talking to two male students from the class, Sebastian and James. They are laughing and joking together, James close to Emmie and Sebastian watching Juniper intently. I feel it inside my chest, my heart breaking, as I continue to observe them. Neither of the guys are popular. They’re the sort who show up and do their work but endeavour to stay out of any cliques. Sebastian holds his hand out when Juniper pulls her books from the locker. She hands them to him and all four of them walk off, Sebastian carrying Juniper’s books.
All I can do is stare after them.
The only way to stop me changing is to keep away from Juniper.
For her to fall in love with someone else.
Without further thought, I turn around and head out into the car park where I left my car last night. I pull my keys from my pocket and unlocking it, I get in.
And the only way for me to stop wanting her is to leave the one place I’ve always felt at home.
I pull out of my parking spot, and putting the car into drive, I take off. Destination unknown as long as it’s anywhere but Caspian Academy.
I haven’t seen Jacobi all day. I shouldn’t be actively looking for him; in fact, I should be avoiding him…actively. Still, when I don’t see him in my last class of the day, which happens to be our spells class with Miss Bell, I’m worried.
“With or without your partner, Juniper, I expect the work to be done,” Miss Bell tells me as the class comes to a close and I’m preparing to get the hell out of school for the day.
“Yes, Miss Bell,” I reply, happy that Jacobi and I have already completed half the work, and seeing as we managed that in about forty minutes with thirty-five of those minutes spent arguing, I’m sure we’ll be fine.
Smiling to myself as I think about us arguing, I walk out of the classroom closely followed by Emmie.
“Hey, you look happy to see me,” Sebastian chuckles, stepping up to me as I walk through the door.
I keep the smile plastered on my lips. “Yeah, plus it’s the end of the day,” I add, doing a silly little jig.
“End of the week, so it’s even better,” Emmie singsongs as James slings an arm around her shoulders.
“You want to head over to Nando’s and grab something to eat?” Sebastian asks, looking around at us.
“Sure.”
“Sounds good.”
“Erm, I’m not really hungry but happy to tag along,” I answer with a smile.
In truth, it’s the last thing I want to do, but for Emmie, I will. Also there’s the little fact that I need to try this relationship thing with a different boy. I need to see if I can develop feelings for someone other than Jacobi.
Sebastian grabs my hand in his, and I feel awkward.
Unlike only yesterday when Jacobi held my hand, this feels unnatural. Is my hand sweating? Is he squeezing my fingers too tightly? His hand is cold. Ugh, no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to stop being stiff around him.
“Do you want me to let go of your hand?” Sebastian asks, a genuine look of concern in his brown eyes.
I glance down at our joined hands as we continue walking behind James and Emmie towards James’s car, and I remember I’m supposed to be trying with someone else. I’m supposed to be forgetting about Jacobi. It’s the healthy thing to do. I have to remind myself his draw to me is only because of his Guardian powers. In fact, I’m pretty sure his Guardian side likes me and his witch side hates me. I can’t let Jacobi make a mistake because he’s unnaturally drawn to me. If he loved me… for me, we could try to figure this kissing thing out, but I can’t sit around pining and end up feeling like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. I look at Sebastian again. No, this is the right thing to do.
“No, I’m just not used to it. I don’t really date,” I explain.
He smiles softly at me. “Well, I’ll be honest with you right now. I hope you continue not to date, unless it’s with me.”
I force the smile to stay on my face. I know I can’t keep dating Sebastian if I don’t develop true feelings for him, but I also know sometimes feelings take a while to develop, so it’s only right to give this a shot.
Sebastian doesn’t let go of my hand when Emmie tilts the passenger seat forwards, allowing us to climb in the back. She raises her eyebrow at me before sinking into the front seat next to James. I roll my eyes at her, and luckily Sebastian is looking out of the window.
We stuff our faces full of chicken. Well, I don’t as I’m still not hungry. My mind is wholly focused on where Jacobi could be. Before we leave the restaurant, I pull my phone out and check, for about the tenth time, I have no messages.
“Why are you glued to your phone tonight?” Emmie asks with a frown.
“My mum,” I reply. It’s a lie which she accepts completely, and I know no more will be said.
The problem is Jacobi hasn’t sent me a single message, and I really want to be near him right now.
“You wanna watch a film?” James asks, nodding towards the cinema as we walk out of the restaurant doors.
I open my mouth to say no, but everyone else jumps at the idea. I need James to take me home unless I want a three bus journey or to travel by spell, which will no doubt get me into more trouble than it’s worth. So, dutifully I go into the cinema with the others. They debate for a moment what to watch and end up choosing a romantic comedy. Honestly, at this moment I would have preferred the horror. Sebastian goes to pay for my ticket and I stop him.
“I’ll pay for my own.” The crestfallen look on his face makes me feel bad, but I stick to my guns and pay for my own ticket. Emmie frowns and shakes her head at me, clearly trying to communicate something. I turn back to Sebastian. “Sorry, I’m weird about that sort of thing.” Lie two. I have a feeling my lies are going to spiral around this guy.
It’s strange. I’m nothing but honest with Jacobi, even when we’re arguing, and when we are fighting, I almost look forward to his reactions. I thought I hated him, but I realise the truth now. I’m in love with him, and I think I always have been.
“You okay?” Sebastian questions as we move into the dark movie theatre.
“Yeah, I’m good,” I reply. Lie three.
As we settle down to watch the movie and the trailers play on the big screen, the other three chat amongst themselves, and I know I shouldn’t be here. A tingle runs up my spine, causing me to shiver. I look over my shoulder, but no one’s there.
“Aren’t you so excited to watch this movie?” Emmie asks me.
“Yeah, really excited.” Lie four. “I’m going to quickly pop to the toilet. I’ll be straight back,” I tell them, and before anyone can offer to come with me, I slip out of my seat, thankful I’m on the end of the row, and rush out.
I need a minute. Hell, I need a few minutes. I always find the cinema eerie when everyone is in their respective screens, watching their films. Outside in the corridor area is always an abandoned space. As I walk to the ladies, I feel that shiver again, and it’s not altogether unpleasant. I turn quickly, trying to figure out if someone’s following me, but the space behind me is empty. It wouldn’t be completely ridiculous to assume my father has someone following me when I’m outside of Caspian; still, I can’t actually see anyone, so I’ve no proof.
Rushing into the ladies, I see, like the corridor outside, it’s empty. I rest my fists on one of the sinks, and leaning forwards, I close my eyes and try to unscramble my brain.
I step back and pull my phone out again. Still nothing.
Me – Jacobi, don’t ignore me. Where are you?
I wait for a few moments, willing those three little dots in a bubble to appear, but nothing happens. I groan when I realise I’ve been gone for over ten minutes, and I hurry back to my seat. The minute I sink down, Sebastian looks at me, concern clear in his eyes, and when he decides I’m fine, he slips his arm behind me. I want to shrink away, but I don’t. I stay where I am throughout the entire movie, and when we leave, I’ve no more of a clue as to the storyline than I did when I first sat down. We stop at my place first, and Sebastian informs me he must walk me to my flat, as any gentleman would. When he leans in to kiss me, though, I turn my head and he hits my cheek. He smiles, but I can see the frustration in his eyes. I feel bad he’s getting nothing from me, compared to the way Emmie’s all over James.
“Do you want to do something tomorrow?” he asks tentatively.
“Erm,”
“It’s okay, we don’t have to.”
I think about it for a second. What does it matter, even if Jacobi gets back to me? I still have to stay away from him.
“Sure. Pick me up at twelve?” I suggest, forcing another smile.
His face lights up. “Yes, of course, I’ll be here at twelve,” he replies, excitement in his tone, and his eyes shine as he brushes his blonde hair off his forehead. “Okay, I better go,” he says thumbing over his shoulder.
“Yeah, James and Emmie will be waiting,” I confirm. Even though, to be fair, they’re probably all over each other and happy for a few moments alone.
He leans forwards for a kiss again, and I move back automatically, wrinkling my nose. I hear a snort of laughter, and both Sebastian and I look up and down my hallway but no one’s there. It must have come from inside one of the other flats.
“Okay, I’m really going now,” he says awkwardly.
I nod, offer a little wave, and get inside my flat as quickly as I can. Why the hell did I agree to a date?… Because you need to get out there and forget about a certain tall, well built, dark haired, blue eyed boy, I remind myself with a sigh, and dropping onto my sofa, I check my phone again. Still no reply.
I pace back and forth across my room. It’s been a week… a week with no Jacobi. I’ve texted him numerous times. My texts have ranged from pleading, to angry, to sweet. But I’ve heard nothing, almost as though he’s vanished.
I walk onto my balcony and sit down. It’s been getting sunnier over the last few days, and with a Coke to drink and a pair of sunglasses on, the balcony is my favourite space. Setting down the Coke on the outside table, I place the copy of Jacobi’s book I’ve printed off next to it and read through the pages again. The book identifies Jacobi shouldn’t have emotions when carrying out his tasks, he shouldn’t forget what he’s done, but he should be able to choose when to engage his Guardian side and it shouldn’t be controlled by a kiss with me. If this has been the way since the dawn of time, I can’t understand why it’s different for him and me.
My phone chimes in my lap, and hoping to see Jacobi’s name, I rush to look and almost drop it. Instead, it’s Sebastian. I sigh. I’ve been spending time with him, dating, I guess, but he still hasn’t got more from me than holding hands. It must be frustrating for him, yet he never complains.
He’s a nice boy…he’s just not my boy.
Seb – What are you doing? Want to come bowling?
Before I can answer, my phone chimes again.
Emmie – Come bowling, bish.
I roll my eyes and reply to Sebastian.
Me – Sure, can you pick me up in ten?
Seb – Absolutely, see you then.
Then to Emmie.
Me – Coming.
Emmie – Yass!
I stand up, tuck my phone in my pocket, and run my fingertips across the book on the table.
“Where are you?” I whisper into the air, and I swear I feel something brush my cheek. I blink a couple of times, but nothing’s there.
“Don’t stay hidden in pure light, show yourself, and let me have the sight,” I murmur, turning my hand and twisting my fingers in the air.
Nothing appears. “Huh.” I’m surprised, I expected someone to be revealed, but no one’s there.
Gathering my things, I head inside, shutting the door and gently laying the book on my coffee table. I walk over to my desk and open the top drawer, pulling out an old photo of Jacobi and me. We were fifteen, and it was just before we kissed that first time. He has my back pulled tight against his front, his hands joined across my stomach, and his chin resting on my head. We’re both wearing huge smiles, and I can’t stop the sorrow which flows through me.
“I miss you,” I whisper to the photo before placing it reverently back in the drawer and heading down to meet Sebastian.
“I’m so glad you came tonight,” Emmie says, sitting next to me as James and Sebastian fool around with the bowling balls.
“I’m glad you’re glad,” I reply with a smirk.
