Fear Us

by B. B. Reid

  “I know. I was only kidding, but I want you now. I choose you. I choose this moment.”

  “I don’t deserve you.”

  “Well, I am pretty amazing.”

  “I’m sorry, okay? It will never happen again. I don’t want to hurt you like that again.”

  As much as I didn’t want to risk this night, I couldn’t hold back my feelings. “Why did you do it?”

  His head fell forward and his shoulders shook as he gripped the sheets. I watched the veins in his hands bulge and stretch. “I wish I knew.”

  * * * * *

  PRESENT

  He’d lied. After the first time, he hurt me much worse each time after. The pain yesterday didn’t heal with time. It only festered.

  “Where did you go?” I felt myself being lifted until I was now sitting upright. I felt the soreness on my ass and looked down to see what he had done but found it wrapped.

  “What?”

  “Where did you go just now? You were as stiff as a board.”

  “In my memories, Keenan. It’s my only comfort. What did you do to me?”

  “I told… I needed to right a wrong.”

  Realization hit, and I was left shaking with anger. “You tattooed your name again?”

  “Not quite.”

  “What. Did. You. Do?”

  “I left a reminder of who you belonged to. It’s more for me really.”

  “Your arrogance is unattractive.” I may have sounded petty, but it was all I had at the moment—short of killing him.

  “Are you saying you don’t want me?”

  “More or less.”

  “Let’s test that theory out.” In one fluid motion, he flipped me over and had my shorts around my ankles.

  “Is this how it’s going to be? I’m not your toy, Keenan.”

  “No, baby. You’re not. You fuck too well to be a toy.” I could feel him peeling the wrap away from my ass. “Mine,” he growled and palmed me.

  “You keep saying that.”

  “I mean that’s what the tattoo is. It says ‘Mine.’”

  “Please tell me you didn’t.” I attempted to stand up, but his hand on my back kept me in place.

  “I did and I enjoyed.” He peeled down my panties with his thumb and kissed down my back.

  Somehow, I found the strength I didn’t know I possessed.

  “Keenan, let me go.” I turned my head to look into his eyes and let him see how serious I was. “I don’t want this.”

  He stared at me frozen for so long that, for a moment, I didn’t think he would let me go. He shoved away from me and kicked away his chair until it banged into the wall violently. The next second, his fist flew into the glass frame nearby, and I watched in horror as it shattered and fell to the floor. Without a word, he stalked toward the back of the shop and disappeared behind a door.

  I spent the next few hours confined to a corner of his shop while he saw countless clients. All of them were female. I watched them flirt and touch and shamelessly throw themselves at him. A few even had the gall to grab onto his cock and he just smiled.

  Always smiling and welcoming.

  I hated him.

  He promised I would and he succeeded.

  “So, Keenan, I was wondering if you would finally take me up on that date,” a platinum blonde with a body full of tattoos asked. Seriously, where could she possibly have room to fit another tattoo?

  “I don’t know, Missy. I’m kind of busy. Maybe next time,” he winked, and I almost threw up in my mouth at the way she gushed.

  “How am I going to ever steal your heart if you won’t let me take you out?”

  “That’s because my heart has already been stolen.”

  The platinum turned her nose up at me and snarled, “Her?”

  He laughed. “Don’t be silly.” My heart plummeted at his blatant disregard for me. “I’m talking about my daughter.”

  “Oh, I bet you make pretty babies.” She brazenly sat in his lap and ran a finger down his chest. “I bet we could make some pretty babies. So how old is she?”

  “She’s three and as sweet and cute as a button, unlike her mother who is a viperous bitch.”

  “Is that her?” She looked at me in disgust, and I couldn’t help but flip her off.

  “No, she’s nothing to me.”

  “Then why is she here just sitting there?”

  Keenan’s jaw tightened, but the bitch was too busy sneering at me to notice. “Missy, if you don’t mind, I have another client in five minutes, but how about I take you up on that offer this weekend?”

  “That would be great.”

  “Cool. I’ll call you,” he said without looking at her. I rolled my eyes at the vision of her flouncing from the shop.

  “You’re a pig. It’s a wonder you haven’t contracted something.”

  “I’m always careful, Sheldon.”

  “I can’t tell. You never use a condom when I ask you to.”

  “That’s because you’re different.”

  “A minute ago, I was nothing.”

  “What can I say? I have to keep my clients happy.”

  “In what way? With your dick? I don’t care what they say. A slut is a slut whether it’s a man or woman.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he gritted.

  “I know you haven’t changed. When does it ever become enough for you?”

  “Shut the fuck up, Shelly.”

  “Tell me… how many women have you slept with since we’ve been apart? One a night? Two? Six?”

  “Zero.”

  Maybe it was the pounding of my brain or the hammering of my heart that caused me to misunderstand. I managed to bounce back from the shock of his answer and say, “Not only are you an unfaithful whore, but you’re a liar, too.”

  “When have I ever lied to you? I may have kept my shit from you, but when you found out, I never lied so why would I lie now? I’m not looking for a future with you. I haven’t touched a single fucking woman in four years.”

  So many emotions assaulted me at once. I swallowed the weight of it down, but it just kept coming back up until I puked my guts all over the floor. My dry sobs caused me to lose focus, and because of my spotty vision, I never saw him move, but I felt his hands lifting me.

  “For fuck sake, Shelly. Breathe!”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  KEENAN

  I DON’T THINK I remember ever being this frightened. Not even when I met Keiran for the first time, or when I felt the first bullet enter my body and threaten to end my life. Not even when I was confined to a hospital to die.

  “Shelly, please breathe, baby. Don’t do this to me.”

  “Not… dying,” she coughed.

  “Then what the hell are you doing to me?” I hadn’t realized I was shouting until her body flinched in my arms.

  “Please, stop shouting.” She groaned and leaned against my chest. I briefly wondered how tight I could hold her without crushing her.

  I’m losing it.

  She possessed the power to drive me insane without doing much at all.

  “Were you serious?” she asked after some time had passed. I continued to rub her back, hoping to keep her calm.

  “What?”

  “I’m your first?”

  “Well, not my first. Remember there was—”

  “Keenan.”

  “Yes, you were my first and my last.”

  “Why?”

  I blew out heavily and thought about the last four years. “I got the urges, but I couldn’t do the deed. I don’t know why.”

  “So you could be faithful to me when we’re not committed, but not when we were together?”

  “What do you want me to say? Give me the right words and I’ll say them.”

  “It doesn’t matter, and it’s none of my business. I shouldn’t have asked. Now, if you don’t mind, the smell of my puke makes me want to puke all over again.”

  She slid from my arms, and I let her because I didn’
t know what else to do.

  “Where is the bathroom?”

  I pointed to my office, and while she was gone, I gathered some cleaning supplies and cleaned up the mess. Once the floor was spotless again, I went to check on her.

  I found her standing frozen at the entrance of the bathroom. Her hand was held tight over her mouth as tears streamed down her face. I stood confused and followed the direction of her gaze until my own landed on the sketch of her that took up most of the right wall. It was in clear sight of the bathroom and would have been the first thing she saw when she came out.

  My eyes closed with regret over my screw up. She was never supposed to see that.

  I cleared my throat, but that proved to be another mistake. The lost look in her eyes fucking broke me.

  “Keenan… what is this?”

  Didn’t she remember? She’d seen the sketch before. I woke her up to show her that night. It was when I found out how much of a grumpy sleeper she was.

  “You know what it is.”

  “It’s much bigger and it’s here. Why?”

  “Why not? I drew it. It’s a good picture.”

  “Don’t do this, Keenan. Tell me why.”

  “My goal was to hate you and never remember why I ever loved you. Looking at the sketch helped. It reminded me how you took away the one person who ever wanted me and the first love I ever felt was real.”

  “Keenan, please try to understand… you hurt me so much. Every time you were with them, I ached.”

  “Well, then you should feel satisfied. You paid me back in full.”

  * * * * *

  The dim club lights and pounding music from all sides were exactly what I needed to hide in plain sight. Drinks came and went from shameless female suitors. Many I had no clue where they came from, but I didn’t want to care. I wanted to lose myself to the feeling of being wrong. The club was part dance and part sex with everything in between.

  Everything goes.

  Even murder.

  I had my arm around the nearest brunette. I avoided blondes and anything that reminded me of the traitorous bitch who plagued my every thought.

  After taking Sheldon back to my apartment and locking her in my bedroom again, I avoided her and as soon as night fell, I fled.

  “Baby, you’re so tense,” the brunette cooed. Her hand trailed up my thigh and stopped just below my dick. “How about a blowjob?”

  Four years ago, I would have found that type of slutty behavior appealing and dived right in. Now I only wondered why the fuck I ever looked her way.

  Her long nails played with my zipper, and when I gave her a nod of approval, she lowered it and stuck her hand inside. When her fingers wrapped around my cock, I felt my skin crawl. I ignored her and sipped from my drink as she worked to make my dick hard.

  Maybe I had whiskey dick.

  Or maybe I wanted Sheldon.

  Fuck it. I can’t have her anyway.

  She made it pretty clear.

  A part of me nagged to just let her go again, but knew it would be impossible to let her go and stay away this time. How could I, knowing she had my kid?

  Shit. Kennedy.

  I looked down at the woman who was still working to get me hard. “Enough.”

  I checked the time and high tailed it out of the club, hoping I could catch her before bedtime.

  The city was alive with people looking to have a good time to close out the weekend. Thirty minutes later, I was walking through the front door. I found Di and Kennedy camped out in the living room watching Jaws and eating ice cream.

  “Seriously, Di?” She nearly jumped out her skin at the sound of my voice.

  “Keenan!” Kennedy ran to me with her face covered in chocolate syrup. I caught her just in time and lifted her in my arms. “How are you, princess?”

  “Fine. Where’s mama?”

  Guilt over my lie returned full force, and I felt like an even bigger ass. Keeping them apart had officially topped the list of worst things I’d ever done. I may have been angry over missing three years of Kennedy’s life, but I knew Sheldon hadn’t purposely kept me away. I made that mistake alone by leaving.

  “She’s waiting to tuck you in so I came to get you.”

  “Really?” Di asked, earning my glare. “Look who grew a conscience.”

  “Stay out of it.”

  “I can’t. There’s no one else to tell you when you’re being a dick… and by the way, if that wasn’t clear, you’re being a dick.”

  “What’s that?” Kennedy asked.

  “Princess, go sit in the living room while I talk to Di.” She ran off, and as soon as she was out of sight, Di started to back toward the front door. “Don’t even think about it. You and I need to talk.”

  “Really?” she squealed and feigned ignorance. “About that?”

  “First, why is my kid watching Jaws and eating ice cream this late at night. Speaking of late, why isn’t she in bed?”

  “Whoa, super dad. Calm down. I think the better question is why doesn’t she know she’s your kid?”

  “It’s complicated. Now answer the question.”

  “You had me help you basically kidnap them by setting up all these locks so you could ‘stake your claim’ and now you’re chickening out?”

  “It isn’t kidnapping, and it didn’t go as planned, but it doesn’t matter because they are here now.”

  “It didn’t go as planned because it shouldn’t have ever happened. I’m just glad you came to your senses… sort of.”

  “Why did you rat me out to my brother?”

  “Because you were homesick, and I knew he wouldn’t hurt you no matter how many times he may have fantasized about it over the years.”

  “That isn’t a reason.”

  “Would I knowing about Kennedy be a reason?”

  “Come again?”

  She took a deep breath and released it slowly. “He told me when he cornered me. At first, I thought it was a trick to get me to tell him what he wanted to know, but then I realized it was Keiran. He would have just tortured me.”

  “So how did he convince you that she was real?”

  “He showed me a picture of her. She looks just like you, which is kind of a shame. I always wanted to know if those Maury shows were created with real material or staged.”

  “Di.”

  “Yes?”

  “Thank you.”

  “What are friends for?” she grinned smugly.

  “You fucking annoy me.”

  “And you’re a slut.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  SHELDON

  I’D BROKEN FREE. Back at the shop, I snagged a couple of bobby pins and didn’t allow myself to wonder how they’d gotten there. Thanks to boredom and YouTube, I figured out a long time ago how to pick a lock. Once I was free, I tiptoed out of the room and listened for any sign of Keenan. When I realized he wasn’t in the apartment, I made a mad dash for the phone I spotted downstairs.

  I tore the receiver from the counter and dialed Dash. When he didn’t answer, I tried Lake, who answered almost immediately. “Sheldon! I’m so glad you called. I was getting ready to form a search party for you and a lynch mob for Keenan’s head.”

  “So why didn’t you?” I asked bitterly. It was all I could do not to scream into the receiver. I had been locked away in some undisclosed location for the past twenty-four or so hours, and Lake, one of my best friends, pretended as if I had just come back from some vacation.

  “Well, I didn’t want to disturb your romantic alone time.”

  “Come again?”

  “Don’t be so stingy with the details, girl. Spill.”

  “Lake… what the hell are you talking about?” I was yelling into the phone, clutching it with a grip more suffocating than death. “Scratch that. Where is Kennedy?”

  “I thought Kennedy was with you guys. Are you okay?”

  “No. I’m not okay. Keenan—”

  “Mommy?”

  I whirled around and almost t
ripped over my feet at the sound of my sweet little angel’s voice. “Kennedy?” I could hear Lake calling for me in the background, but I absently hung up and ran the short distance to where Kennedy waited by the door.

  “Ken! Oh, my God.” I kissed her all over her face and completely ignored the fact that I could be scaring her. “Are you okay? Let me look at you.”

  “Mommy, I had fun.” She began to fire off everything she’d done, and though I could barely keep up with her babble, I listened because I wanted to know exactly where she’d been. “Di show me sharks.”

  Di? Did she say Di?

  “Di? You had my daughter around that slut?”

  “Watch your mouth around my kid.”

  “I think I know how to raise my own daughter. I’m her mother.”

  “Then act like it. She needs a bath and it’s late. Do it before I change my mind.”

  As much as I wanted to argue, he was right. It was almost midnight, and I was surprised she was still up and wide-awake. I could also smell the beach on her. He walked past me and shed his linen jacket that matched the pants he wore. I tried not to salivate over how suave he looked. It was a far cry from the jeans and tees he normally wore. He looked every bit of the man he’d grown to be and even older than his twenty-two years.

  I ran a bath for Kennedy. Before long, her eyes were drifting close so I dressed her for bed. By the time, I had her nightie on her Keenan had entered and took a seat on the edge of the tub while I brushed Kennedy’s hair. Her head rested against my chest, but when Keenan entered, she began to fight sleep.

  Could she already be attached to him? If she was, then I knew it was too late. How could I rip them apart now?

  “Why did Lake think we were spending alone time together?”

  “Because that’s what I told them.”

  “And they just believed you?” I felt as if I was sold to the highest bidder.

  “I told you… they want us back together… even if we don’t.”

  “They are being ridiculous.”

  His eyes narrowed and his hands clenched at my statement. Kennedy seemed to sense the change in her father because she lifted her head to stare at him. He noticed and snapped out of it immediately, and I couldn’t help but smirk. “I’m going to put our daughter to bed. I want you to wait for me in the bedroom.”