by Jamie Summer
I had hope. Hope I wouldn’t need to face Gavin again. There was also some anticipation I couldn’t deny brimming under the surface. While I wasn’t ready to see him, part of me wanted to. And I wasn’t sure whether I liked it or not.
God, I only saw him twice, yet it felt as if my whole life was running off course.
“Mom, do you see them?” Trevor’s excited voice brought me back to the present. I fully planned on not getting any closer than I had to, but that didn’t mean I could vanish into the crowd and hide. “Mom!” Trevor grabbed my arm.
“Yes?”
“Do you see them over there? We’re almost there.” Trevor’s eyes glittered with happiness, shining brighter the closer we got to the front. I finally glanced up, trying to see what got my son all excited. True enough, the players were finally visible.
No. No. No. No.
I wanted to bolt. At the same time, I wanted to run up to him.
God...
“The poster said there were three people from the US here. Did you know they had players from back home? That is so cool.”
I tried to smile, but it was hard. Too much of what I wasn’t ready to work through stared me right in the face. Both next to me and about thirty feet in front of me.
“There are five players. I’m so excited to meet them. Do you think we can go to a game sometime? That would be awesome,” Trevor gushed, talking nonstop. It was a clear sign of his own nervousness and made me smile.
My mom put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “I’m sure we can make that work.”
It took ten more minutes for us to get close enough to the front in order to see the players clearly. I tried to keep out of their line of sight as much as possible, not wanting anyone to see me.
“We’ll wait here,” I told Trevor as he moved forward, knowing there was no way I could go up there. I thought Trevor would protest, but he was too far gone in his excitement to care about something as trivial as me staying back.
The moment he was out of earshot, my mom leaned toward me, whispering into my ear. “Funny coincidence, don’t you think? That the team your ex-boyfriend plays with is so close to where you moved?”
I turned and rolled my eyes. “If I would have known, do you think I would’ve brought you guys here? I don’t think so. Plus, I didn’t know how close the stadium was when I rented the house.”
“Oh, I believe you had no idea, but sometimes fate has a funny way of making things work out.”
Mom loved to talk about fate and destiny. For the longest time, she thought Gavin and I were destined to be together. Until I left him.
“It’s a coincidence. That’s all.”
I turned my attention back to the front where Trevor quickly approached the players. Gavin was the second player in the line. He gave every single person who stopped at his table a wide smile and made conversation with them. Most seemed incredibly nervous, but the moment they stepped up to Gavin, it vanished. He’d always had that ability.
“Do you think Trevor will be okay up there by himself? Maybe I should go with him,” I whispered, but my mom shook her head.
“Trevor will be fine. We’re close enough, there’s a ton of security, so stop worrying.”
“Betty?”
Shock ran through me at the voice behind me, making it impossible to move.
“And who might you be?” my mom asked, not having the same hesitations I did.
“Tyler Portsmith, ma’am.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw them shake hands. What was Tyler doing here? Shouldn’t he be up there with the others?
My mom smiled. “Oh, right. Tyler. I’m so sorry. I didn’t recognize you.”
“Don’t you worry about that. It’s been a while since you’ve seen me.” Tyler smiled.
Much like Gavin, Tyler hadn’t changed much except for the fact that he’d grown up. His brown hair, which used to hang down to his waist, now stopped at his shoulders. His brown eyes were focused on me, obviously waiting for me to say something.
“Hey, Tyler,” I greeted him. Before I knew it, he had engulfed me in a hug, then stepped away, smiling.
“Good to see you again, Betty. I missed you. Heard you were in town.”
“Yep. Just got here a few weeks ago.”
“A few weeks ago?”
I nodded, waiting, but Tyler didn’t pry. I had always appreciated that about him. He had a good sense of when people wanted to talk about something and when they didn’t.
“We need to get together eventually. I’m sure Gavin would love to see you again after that night at the bar,” Tyler said, and just like that, all my praise for him went out the window. Plus, didn’t Gavin tell him about running into each other at the store? “Everything okay?” he asked, brows furrowed.
After a few moments, I nodded. “Yes, sorry. I would love that. Catching up for old time’s sake and all that.”
“Oh, this sounds like fun. A reunion, if you will,” my mom said with a smile on her face, obviously on board with the idea.
Big surprise there.
I was about to reply when I noticed Trevor stepping up to the signing tables. He stopped at the first player, who was someone I didn’t know. One more and he’d be right in front of Gavin. Right in front of—
No. I promised myself I wouldn’t go there. I needed to stay focused on the important things. Trevor. My new life.
I vaguely heard my mom and Tyler talking. Later, I knew I needed to thank her for taking Tyler’s attention off the reason for my sudden unease. After all, he’d probably ask why I was watching the line so intently.
He didn’t need to know I was watching my own kid in that line.
Watching him about to meet his father for the first time.
Gavin
Promotion was my least favorite part of the job. I was on the team to play soccer, not be paraded around in front of people like I was some kind of trophy.
Coming to London, though, I quickly learned I needed to get used to this aspect of the job. Coach had been very adamant when he told us we'd be going to this signing. It was a great opportunity to get our name and presence out there, and also a chance to prove ourselves. God knew I needed that. My performance on the field lately, while improved, still hadn’t taken me to new heights, and the younger players were quickly taking advantage of that.
Maybe that was another reason I was grumpy. I would have rather stayed behind and trained than sign pictures until my hand hurt.
In the end, it was more enjoyable than I cared to admit. The people who stopped by our table were super nice, for the most part, and lots of them seemed more nervous than myself. I tried to make them feel at ease, and a certain pride surged through me whenever I realized they calmed down the moment we started chatting.
After two hours in, the line seemed as long as it did when we started.. What surprised me more than anything was the amount of young kids. I always had a soft spot for children, so I took my time to make sure they got everything they came for.
“Hey, buddy,” I greeted the next kid in line. I guessed him to be around five or six—I had never been good with ages—and glanced around for a parent, coming up empty.
“Hi,” he said back and smiled. There was a tooth missing in front, but it somehow gave him a little edge that made my smile even wider.
“What’s your name?” I asked. He came closer until he stood right in front of me.
“Trevor,” he said with an accent I recognized.
“Are you from the United States?”
He nodded.
“Are you on vacation?”
He shook his head, a bit more starstruck than I would have guessed when he first stepped up.
“What are you doing here?” I tried again, not knowing if it would get him to open up or retreat into some shell, as I’d heard some kids do.
“We just moved here a few weeks ago. Mom got a new job here,” he told me, a hint of pride in his voice.
“Is your mom here with you?”
He nodded again and turned toward the crowd behind him, obviously searching. “I can’t see her, though. My grandma is with her somewhere. We were out sightseeing today,” he told me, his eyes wide. Someone was clearly excited about his time in town.
“Have you been into the city before?”
“No. We haven’t had time with unpacking and all. Mom was really busy.”
I smiled. “I can imagine. Unpacking isn’t a job I like, either.” In fact, I remembered how much I hated unpacking after moving here. “So, what other plans do you have for today?”
Trevor shrugged. “We were actually on our way home when I saw the crowd. I told my mom I want to see you guys play. That would be so cool.” I watched how the prospect of seeing a game changed his whole appearance, getting him all excited.
“You want to see a game?”
He nodded exuberantly. “Yes.”
“Well, how about I put you down on the guest list for the next home game. Would that be something you’d like?”
Trevor’s eyes widened and his mouth opened in shock.
“I think the next home game is this weekend,” I added, hoping I wasn’t wrong. I glanced at Beck next to me, who nodded. “Yep, this weekend. Would you want to come?”
As Trevor nodded, I was afraid his head would fall off with the energy he put into it. “You would do that?” he asked in awe.
I smiled, nodding. It was worth it merely for the expression on his face. “Sure thing. I’ll have the tickets put down at the box office for you. And your mom, obviously. Do you think your grandma would also want to come?” Trevor nodded again. “Okay. It’s a deal.” He clasped his hands together. The gesture was so cute, I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Thank you. Thank you.” Trevor jumped up and down in front of me, his excitement infectious. I felt good. How something so small could mean so much to someone would always be a mystery to me, but I wasn’t going to take anything for granted.
“Gavin?” one of the security guys called. I turned to him. He nodded at the line that had formed while I’d been busy with the little guy in front of me.
“Yeah, sorry,” I said, then focused back on Trevor. “Would you like an autograph before you leave?” He nodded. Noticing the crowd, he had quickly started to retreat into his shell. “Hey, it’s okay. If I enjoy talking to someone, everybody else just needs to wait.” Trevor didn’t seem that convinced, but some of the tension in his shoulders faded.
I had him pick a picture out of the stack the officials had provided us, signed it and handed it to him.
“I’ll see you this weekend, okay?” I told him. At the mention of the weekend, the happiness was back on his face.
“Yes. See you then,” he whispered, then moved on to the next player, though I noticed he didn’t stay there nearly as long as he had with me. I felt a surge of happiness at that, which was weird. I had no more claim to this kid than the others did, but maybe the mere fact I was able to make his day better with something as simple as the prospect of a game gave me a boost.
“Nice what you did there,” Beck said in a soft voice, making me smile even wider.
“He seems like a great kid.”
Before I could add anything else, the next person in line required my attention.
The next day, practice didn’t go according to plan. I tried, I really did, but my thoughts were on what Tyler had told me earlier that day.
He’d talked to Betty.
At the signing.
With her mom.
I tried to wrap my head around the fact that she was there but didn’t come up to say hi.
What had she been doing there in the first place?
I tried not to read too much into it, but it was hard. I wanted her to have been there because of me. And I hated myself for that.
It had only taken two meetings and I was right back to where I was six years ago when she left me. I’d considered leaving practice and going straight to her place, but knew I couldn’t do that without jeopardizing my career. Coach wasn’t happy with me to begin with, so that would have been a bad idea.
“Michaelson, over here. Now.”
Looking up, I saw Coach wave at me, so I trotted over. He gestured for me to sit next to him on the bench, continuing to watch the others move on offense the way they were supposed to. The way I should’ve been, had I been out there mentally. He didn’t say anything for a few minutes. The longer he stayed silent, the more nervous I grew.
“We need to talk.”
That was never a good thing.
“Management talked to me about your performance again. They noticed some improvement, but not enough to feel comfortable with keeping you on the team.”
I heard the words, but wasn’t sure I understood them. “Coach, what—”
He held up a hand. “Listen. I told them I’m not kicking you off. Not yet. However, they said you need to give it everything you’ve got this week. It’s all or nothing at this point. There’s another player vying for your position, and right now, he seems to be doing ten times better than you. I like you, but I can’t make my decision based on that. You have this week and the game on Saturday to show everyone what you’ve got. If you can’t deliver, we won’t be able to keep you on the team.
“Go home, get some rest. Come back tomorrow with a clear head and show me that willingness I know you have in you.” Coach clapped me on the shoulder, then got up and walked out onto the field.
I sat there, stunned. Off the team? Ten times better than me? I only have this week?
I ran the conversation through my head five more times to make sure I hadn’t misunderstood. I wanted to. I wanted the words to change to him telling me everything was fine, but the more time passed, the more the realization set in that he did, in fact, give me an ultimatum.
This week. I only had a few more days to decide about my future.
Iciness spread in my veins, the pressure mounting into panic of not being good enough. The fear of having to return home.
My chest tightened and I tried to breathe, but no air would fill my lungs.
Devon walked up. “Hey, you okay, man?” When I didn’t answer, he crouched in front of me. “Gavin, are you okay?” The alarm in his voice told me I didn’t look okay. “Breathe.”
I closed my eyes and tried. Slowly at first, then one full breath after another.
Then anger took hold.
My hands balled into fists, the urge to hurt someone bubbling just under the surface.
“Whoa. Hold up there, cowboy. What the heck is going on? I mean, I’d rather you didn’t go full-on Hulk on someone, so talk to me.”
I needed a few more seconds to calm down, but eventually did. I figured I earned a reward just for that.
Jesus, I was a mess, waffling between panic and wanting to punch someone. What had my life turned into?
“Coach gave me until Saturday to show what I can do or I’m off the team. Management isn’t happy with me.”
Shock registered on Devon’s face. “What the fuck? They can’t do that.”
“Sure can. After all, there’s way too much talent around here. You’ve seen it yourself.”
Devon stayed quiet. I knew he understood the truth of my words.
“They still can’t do that,” he eventually said.
“Absolutely can. I guess that means I need to get my mind in the game and stop screwing around.”
“We’ll help you,” Devon explained after a moment. I had no doubt they would. I just didn’t know what that help would entail.
“He gave me the rest of the day off, so I’ll be heading out. Can we meet tomorrow morning for a run?”
He nodded. “Anything.”
I thanked him, then walked to the changing rooms.
Since training wasn’t officially over for the day, it was only early afternoon. I should have been glad about the reprieve, but I knew it was more of a punishment than anything else.
Screw it, I thought. I decided to stop by the store again and get
some stuff to make for dinner. An actual meal. I didn’t know when I did that last. I was going to treat myself, make myself feel better by doing something I liked to do, then start anew tomorrow.
Nothing was lost at this point. I could still make it. I just had to recall the moves I could do. Nothing else.
With that in mind, I showered, changed and was out of the center half an hour later. I tried to let go of the panic and anger, focusing on the task at hand. I walked straight to Mr. Baker’s store, knowing the ingredients in my fridge wouldn’t get me far when it came to an actual meal.
“Oh, hey.”
I hadn’t seen her approach, so her voice startled me. I glanced up from the tomatoes I was in the process of putting into a bag, a soft smile on my lips.
“Hey, Betty. Good to see you again.” And I realized it was. When I saw the perplexed expression on her face, though, I wasn’t sure it was the same for her. “Sorry. I—”
“No, it’s okay. It’s good to see you, too, Gavin. I am...“ She took a deep breath. “I’m just waiting for you to yell at me for leaving you the way I did,” she admitted. I put the tomatoes in my basket and turned to completely face her.
She wore a cute floral dress that stopped at her knees. Her hair was pulled up in a messy bun, no doubt done quickly without caring what others thought about it. It made me smile even more.
“You’re smiling,” she remarked, clearly confused.
“Sorry. I just… I love that you still don’t care about what others think about your appearance.”
Her eyes widened a bit, then she looked down at herself and bit her lip, clearly misunderstanding my compliment.
“No. I just meant that I love the fact you go out of the house and don’t need tons of make-up. Or don’t care if your hair falls into your face.” Red colored her cheeks. “And as for what you said... I was angry. For a while. More than once, I wanted to demand answers, but I eventually realized it didn’t work that way. I told myself whatever the reason for your departure, it had to be a good one. With those thoughts in mind, it got easier as I focused on the good memories we made together.”
