by Jamie Summer
Betty watched me while I talked. The way her mouth opened slightly made me think hearing this was the last thing she expected.
“Thank you, Gavin. That means a lot to me.”
“No need to thank me. We’re adults, and we should act as such.”
She nodded, then cleared her throat, pointing at my basket. “Cooking today?”
I looked at my ingredients for spaghetti. Nothing fancy, but one of my favorite recipes.
“Yes. I had a rather rough day today and need something to cheer me up,” I admitted, surprising myself with that much honesty.
“Hey, Michaelson. Heard the coach chewed you out. Must really suck.”
I hadn’t heard anyone approach, too absorbed in Betty’s presence. Looking up, I saw Paulsen, one of Jones’ buddies, standing there.
“I mean, if you’d rather spend your time with this lady friend of yours, I can understand, but is it really worth your career? Also, what do you suppose Jones will think once I tell him who you’re secretly meeting at the grocery store?”
The anger rising within me was immediate. “You’d better watch your mouth,” I threatened, my eyes focused on him as I stepped in front of Betty.
“Just saying. I wouldn’t jeopardize my career for a piece of ass.“ He looked Betty up and down. “Fine as it may be.”
I was nose to nose with him in a second. “Speak about her like that again and I will make sure you won’t be able to walk for the foreseeable future.”
“Gavin.” I heard her soft voice right beside me, her fingers clasping my arm. She gently tried to pry me away from Paulsen. I hadn’t even noticed I had him backed up against the wall.
“What the hell is going on here?” Mr. Baker rounded the corner. “None of that in here, boys. I don’t care who you are. This is no way to talk in front of a lady. If you have issues with one another, take them outside.”
I continued to glare at Paulsen, willing him to speak just so I would have a reason to punch him.
I really wanted to.
“Gavin, please. It’s not worth it,” Betty said, her hand still on my arm.
I took a deep breath and stepped away. Paulsen looked a little shaken, but I could tell he was far from done.
“She can’t save you if you suck on Saturday. Easy as that. And I know you will. I have no doubt about that at all.”
Anger rose and I took a step forward. Betty quickly stood in front of me.
“Not worth it, remember?” she whispered, her small hands on my chest. I could have easily pushed past her, but something about the way she looked at me, full of hope and faith, made me step back.
“Get out,” I growled to Paulsen, who didn’t need another invitation. Instead, he gave me the middle finger and left.
I blew out a frustrated breath, then let my gaze wander from Betty to Mr. Baker.
“Sorry about that,” I told him.
“Don’t you worry about it. You’re better than this, though. I know you are. And whatever problems you have on the field, I know you’ll beat those, too. I’ve seen you play too many times to believe you can’t do whatever they ask of you. There’s a reason they brought you here from the States. Try to find that reason again and you’ll be fine.” With a small smile, he walked away.
“He’s right, you know.”
“About what?” I asked Betty. My thoughts were all over the place, and trying to sort through them took up time I didn’t have right now.
“You got this.”
“How do you know?”
She smiled. “Because I believe in you, too.”
Betty
I should have run for the hills the moment the testosterone got to be too much in the store. But I couldn’t. Not when this person clearly only came in to mess with Gavin’s mind.
I was surprised at the hatred behind his words, but Gavin hadn’t been. Somehow, he almost acted as if he deserved them. Which was the reason I stayed.
No one deserved to be treated or spoken to this way. No matter what.
I couldn’t have cared less about what he said about me. I’d heard much worse. What I did care about was the reaction Gavin showed at the attack against me. It seemed as if this, more than anything else, put him on edge.
Which meant it was my responsibility to talk him off it again. When Mr. Baker entered the tense situation, I knew it was going to be okay. He wasn’t going to let anything happen to Gavin. Or me.
As I watched the guy walk out, fuming silently at the defeat he suffered, I released a deep breath, glad whatever danger had come in was over.
“I believe you got this, Gavin, though I’m sorry to hear you’re having problems in the first place,” I told him. Mr. Baker had returned to his inventory, leaving Gavin and me alone again.
He sighed. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not. Clearly. You were about to punch someone over it, so it can’t be as okay as you make it out to be.” I watched a mixture of hurt and frustration cross his face. When I tried to meet his eyes, he averted them.
“That wasn’t why I wanted to punch him,” he said, almost too quietly for me to hear.
“Then why?” I asked, confused. I had an idea, but it seemed way too far-fetched.
“It doesn’t matter,” he said, his tone full of dismissal. He was clearly shaken up, which wasn’t something I liked to see in him.
“I get that we aren't close anymore and that it's been a while since we actually talked, but I’m here if you want to. I'm still a good listener,” I replied, not knowing whether I was overstepping.
He finally glanced at me, his stormy gray eyes reminding me so much of Trevor’s, I had to swallow back the onslaught of feelings rushing through me. It was sometimes easy to forget who he was.
“I appreciate it, but there really isn't a lot to say.”
I thought he was going to continue, but when he stayed quiet, I knew we weren’t going anywhere.
“Okay. Well, I hope that whatever is going on with you will take a turn for the better.” I gave him one last smile, then continued with my grocery shopping.
I went through the aisles, grabbing everything from flour to spaghetti to apples. Needless to say, our fridge was completely empty. My mom had offered to help with the shopping, but Trevor started moaning the moment we talked about doing a grocery run.
“Don’t let him get to you. He’s very private,” Mr. Baker said from behind me, making me jump. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you. I merely wanted to let you know not to take it personally. Gavin isn’t one to open up to strangers. Even strangers he knows and are as pretty as you.”
I was close to telling him I wasn’t a stranger, but figured that was a part of my past I didn’t want to share with my grocer just yet. Plus, from his words, it seemed he already knew more than I told him.
“I merely wanted to help. What that guy said to him was all kinds of cruel. No one deserves that.”
“Soccer is a competitive sport here. There are so many guys who want to be on that team, so many who think they have the talent but never make it as far as Gavin and the other two from America have.”
“You know the others?” I asked in surprise.
“Sure do. They come by here every once in a while. I think they all have apartments in the area. They are nice guys, very polite, never cause any problems. Unusual, especially when they play soccer at a successful level. They don’t let it get to their heads. As you just saw, others do.”
I nodded, not knowing what to say. I didn’t know much about soccer, so my understanding of the sport and everything surrounding it was limited. I always supported Gavin and went to his games when we were together, but it was never a sport I could completely connect with.
Unlike Trevor.
I sighed as the thought entered my mind.
“Anyway, sorry for babbling. Just wanted to let you know not to take the rejection too hard. He’s a good one.”
And with that, Mr. Baker walked away. My mind replayed what he told me when another voice
interrupted.
“He’s way too good to us,” Gavin said, rounding the corner and coming to stand in front of me. I didn’t reply, merely waited. He stayed quiet for so long, I considered moving on. His gray eyes were alert, completely focused on me. He didn’t avoid me. Didn’t push me away. Yet.
So what does he want?
I felt heat rush into my cheeks at how close we were, Gavin’s scrutinizing gaze reminding me of other times I was under his spell. When he looked at me like he was seconds away from claiming my mouth with his.
God, I want him to.
The thought surprised and shocked me. I knew my expression must have changed because one of Gavin’s eyebrows arched. I swore I saw amusement cross his features.
Is he able to read my thoughts? Please God, no.
I continued with my inner monologue while he kept watching me, two people stuck in an endless loop of silence.
“I wanted to punch him for the way he spoke to you, Betty. I couldn’t care less about what he said about my soccer abilities.”
Gavin’s voice was so soft, I found myself leaning closer in order to hear him better. Or so I kept telling myself. It wasn’t because I wanted to be closer to him.
Not at all.
“I can show him who can do better on the field, and I need to, as you heard. But when he started talking shit about you, that’s when I saw red. Call it too much testosterone or whatever, but I wasn’t going to let him talk about you that way.”
My mouth opened in surprise, his admittance something I hadn’t expected. The words filled me with warmth I wasn’t sure I wanted, yet couldn’t help but relish in. It seeped into my bones, just the way it did all those years ago when Gavin had told me he loved me. Being reminded of that day wasn’t anything I needed right now. I was already too far gone to start with.
I was right back on that field. Right back where I didn’t want to be anymore.
And yet, years later, it was as if the past six years hadn’t happened.
Poof. Gone. As if I left him merely a day ago.
“I’m sorry. It sounds creepy, doesn’t it?”
I shook my head. “Not at all. It’s just… It reminded me of the way things used to be.” His eyes met mine. There was a hint of surprise in them, as if he hadn’t expected me to bring up the past another time. “You always stood up for me, even when I didn’t need it. It was one of the things I loved most about you.”
I wasn’t sure he heard me, considering how low my voice was. I didn’t want Mr. Baker to overhear, and somehow, I wasn’t sure my words were meant to reach Gavin, either.
“It’s what boyfriends should do. Or men, in general. Women shouldn’t be degraded because of some ancient mindset. They are far from being the weak link in evolution.”
His words brought a smile to my face. “That’s what you said back then, too.”
He blinked in surprise. “You remember?”
“I do. I remember everything.”
I heard him suck in a breath and feared I had gone too far. Maybe I shouldn’t have brought up the past the way I did. After all, I was the one who left.
“I do, too,” he answered, his face absent of any anger or resentment, which confused me. “Do you sometimes wonder what would have happened had you stayed?”
I swallowed down the tears that suddenly threatened to overwhelm me. Thinking back on that night I told him goodbye killed me every time.
Gavin had no idea why I broke up with him the way I did. Why I left without a good reason when we had just made plans for college and our future together. I couldn’t tell him.
Back then, I had thought of every possible scenario, replayed every scene in my head. None of them were pretty. I was convinced he would kick me out of his life and tell me to screw myself.
I wouldn’t have been able to bear that. Not in the state I had been in.
“I always wondered. I… Even that night, I wondered if the decision was right. Still do at times,” I told him, the truth setting something free in my chest I hadn’t even known was still stuck in there after all these years.
“You broke my heart that day, Betty.”
Hearing him utter those words filled my eyes with the tears I had successfully avoided shedding so far. I wanted to hug him, tell him I had a good reason for leaving, but I stayed rooted to the spot.
“We were good. We had made plans. And you simply left me in the middle of a cornfield. It was almost too cliché. Tyler and Devon said there had to be a good reason for you to leave. That there was no way you would leave merely because your mom asked you to.”
It was what I had come up with that night. I told Gavin my mom was going through a hard time and needed me with her. It was a pathetic excuse, but the only one I could come up with that sounded remotely like the truth. Not like the chicken way out I truly took.
“Gavin—” I started, but he held up his hand.
“It’s okay. Water under the bridge. Somewhat, I think.”
“Somewhat?” I asked timidly, the fear of him still being angry about that night crashing over me, erasing all that warmth his words had brought to my soul a few moments before.
He didn’t answer right away. Instead, his eyes searched mine for a moment before he sighed. I had no idea what he searched for. Answers maybe?
I didn’t miss the moment the color in his eyes turned a shade darker. I had seen it before and knew what it meant probably before he did.
I set my basket down, closing whatever distance was left between us. It was a bold move, one I didn’t think I had in me anymore, but my body seemed to have its own mind at this point.
It craved Gavin. The same way it did all those years ago. The years apart hadn’t done anything to lessen those feelings. They had been locked away in a box at the far end of my heart, only waiting to be opened again.
Gavin watched my every move, his eyes turning darker with every step. I saw how he fisted his hands at his sides, fighting some kind of battle I wasn’t privy to, but one I wanted to help him with.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, then came to a stop in front of him. Only an inch separated us, and I felt the warmth radiating from his body. I wanted to reach out and touch his chest, wanted him to pull me close, but something still held me back.
Fear. Doubt.
It was possible I misread all the signals Gavin had given me. It had been six years since I’d seen him. Maybe the feelings I had inside me weren’t anything he could relate to anymore. Maybe he got over me the way I wished I would have gotten over him. Maybe—
His hands cupping my face, he closed whatever distance was left between us and claimed my lips.
He didn’t take it slowly. He wasn’t careful. His kiss was full of longing, desire. I met his lips in a rush, as eager as he was to get back what we had missed out on all those years. He pulled me to him, making sure my body aligned perfectly with his, the way it always did.
My mind, blank, he continued to assault my mouth in the sweetest way, his tongue dancing with mine as if we hadn’t been without each other.
“Oh, sorry.”
We separated instantly at the stranger’s voice. I tried to hide my face in Gavin’s chest. I felt the heat in my cheeks, not needing anyone to see me turn as red as a tomato.
“Ignore me,” the guy said, clearly uncomfortable. He rushed on, but our blissful moment was broken.
A laugh escaped Gavin’s lips, and I wanted to hide even more. “Well, that wasn’t too bad,” he said. I heard the amusement in his voice.
“Try mortifying,” I told him. He put a finger under my chin, forcing me to look up at him.
“Not at all. Just imagine if it was Mr. Baker.”
I shuddered at the thought while trying to hide the smirk fighting its way onto my face. “He would’ve probably started clapping.” Gavin nodded.
“You are absolutely right.” He watched me, then dropped his finger from my chin.
“I don’t—“ I started, wanting to tell him I didn’t regret what ha
ppened, when my phone rang. I searched my bag for it. When I checked the screen, I saw my mom’s name.
“Shit,” I said.
“Everything okay?” Gavin asked, concern evident in his voice.
And just like that, everything came back to me. It was as if my mind had fallen off the pink cloud I had been on these past several minutes.
Trevor.
I didn’t even think about what this could mean for him. I had completely forgotten my own son.
What kind of mother am I?
“Yeah, everything’s okay. I need to get going, though. I’m sorry.”
I didn’t wait for Gavin to answer, nor did I look up to see the disappointment and confusion probably clouding his pretty features. I walked over to Mr. Baker and quickly paid for my groceries, ignoring Gavin’s gaze on me.
Once again, I was leaving him without so much as an explanation. I hated myself for it. I always wished things were different, but they never were. There were too many secrets buried between us for this to ever work.
God, how could I let that happen?
I prided myself on being smarter than that. On being more thoughtful than kissing someone I had no right to kiss.
I heard Gavin call after me, but I didn’t turn back.
I couldn’t. If I did, I knew I would be weak and let him kiss me again. And maybe all those secrets I had been so intent on keeping would spill out in a single second.
I couldn’t risk that.
As much as I wanted to.
Gavin
I pressed forward, the ball glued to my feet the way it should be. Left, right, shoot over to Devon, then get the ball back, score. Not bad for a warm-up shot on game day.
“Yes! That’s the way to do it, Michaelson. Very good.” I heard the coach call from the sidelines, but my mind was elsewhere.
Even now, days after Betty had left me in the grocery store without so much as a word—again—I couldn’t shake the anger and frustration. I wasn’t sure what made me see more red. The fact she came onto me and left, or the fact I let it happen.
