by Abbi Glines
He frowned. “What about Griff’s family? Don’t they do Thanksgiving up big?”
Griff’s family…I had spent Thanksgiving with them the past few years. It was the perfect big event with kids running around and weird drunk uncles and pumpkin pie. I had loved going to this family’s holidays. I’d miss that.
“We, uh, broke up,” I said, not wanting to give dad details.
“Really? I wasn’t expecting that. I thought the boy was smarter than that.”
“It was my decision,” I told him, not wanting him to harbor any ill will toward Griff.
He squeezed my arm gently. “I am sure you had your reasons. Now, what about we go to my penthouse at the Four Seasons in Boston? I’ll have dinner brought in. You can tell me about life here and stay the night. Tomorrow, I fly out early afternoon. We can do brunch before I go.”
Not going home to an empty house and wondering where Creed was sounded perfect. I nodded. “Sounds great. Let me get my coat and purse,” I told him. I wasn’t sure when I’d see my dad again or get to spend time with him. This would be the distraction I needed to get through the weekend.
I hurried and got my things then let Albert know I was leaving and that I’d lock up on my way out. Glancing down at my phone to see if I had any missed messages, I pushed the disappointment aside when I didn’t. My dad was here, and I wasn’t going to let Creed fill my thoughts.
When I stepped outside, a black limo was directly in the front. Dad was already inside and the driver was opening the door for me to follow. I slid in and sat my purse down.
“Here you go,” Dad said, holding out a glass of red wine to me. “You look like you need it. When was the last time you got a good night’s rest?”
I should have figured he wasn’t fooled by my acting. I had never been good at it. Even Albert had been able to tell I was struggling this week. He’d made several comments about life in his odd way. I took a drink of the wine and sighed leaning back on the cream leather seat.
“Thanks. I do need one or five,” I told him. “This has been a busy week. The new exhibit at the museum--”
“Is not what has kept you awake at night,” Dad interrupted me. “What happened with Griff?”
I hadn’t talked about this with anyone. Griff had been my best and only friend. Having my dad to talk to was better than having no one. I didn’t have a tight relationship with my dad, simply because we didn’t see much of each other. We never had. However, when I was around him, I still felt like the little girl who had once so desperately wanted his attention.
“I wasn’t in love with him. I love him, but it wasn’t enough,” I said, hoping that was all Dad pushed me to admit.
Dad took a drink of the whiskey in his glass. “You figure that out on your own or did another guy help you with that knowledge?”
I cut my eyes at my father and he chuckled. “What honey? I’m a man. I write songs about relationships. I know more about this shit than you give me credit for.”
I closed my eyes and rested my head on the back of the seat. “Creed Sullivan. He was Gran’s neighbor all those summers I came to Portsmouth. He had a twin, Cora, and the three of us spent every day together. Then we got older, things changed, I fell in love with Creed, we had some perfect times together,” I paused to take in a deep breath. “Then one day we found Cora dead from a drug overdose. She’d been battling depression and no one knew. She was always so full of life, but the year before, her volleyball coach had raped her. She hadn’t been able to tell anyone. So, she left it in a letter beside her bed then took several bottles of medication from her mother’s bathroom and went to an abandoned barn two streets over.” I stopped again hating the memory and the image of Cora. She’d known we would find her. It had been our place to go…to be alone.
“Creed and I found her that day. He never spoke to me again. He shut me out. After her funeral, I didn’t see him until the day I moved back here.”
Dad let out a low long whistle. “Damn, honey. That’s tough.” He took another drink of his whiskey. I heard him swallow, even if my eyes were still closed. “So, you saw Creed again and realized you weren’t done loving him? Is that what I am getting from this?”
I nodded my head then lifted it and opened my eyes to look at my father. “It wasn’t fair to Griff,” I said.
He studied the drink in his glass a moment then looked back at me. “Are you losing sleep because you miss Griff?”
“No,” I replied. “Creed and I…we aren’t talking right now. I thought he loved me. He said he did. I’m just not sure if I can trust him. The truth is I’m afraid I love the boy he was and I don’t know the man he has become. I’m so mixed up and confused.”
Dad nodded. “But you don’t regret breaking things off with Griff?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No, I just hate that I hurt him.”
Dad reached over and covered my hand with his. “Ignoring things doesn’t make them go away. If you avoid the confrontation, you lose the relationship. Trust me I know. I’ve lost several wives that way. You gotta go talk to Creed. Tell him the truth. Tell him how you feel. Face it. Because you may just lose him again and there won’t be a third chance.”
I sat there thinking that over. Was I avoiding him or was he avoiding me? Did it matter who was doing the avoiding? I didn’t want to lose Creed. I felt complete when I was with him. I wanted to understand where we stood and if we had a future. I could let him break my heart now or prolong it. I was tired of wasted time with Creed.
It may be that for once my dad was right when it came to relationships.
Twenty-seven
November 23, 2019
When I pulled my car into the driveway, I looked over at Creed’s house, but his Jeep wasn’t there. I’d spent the entire limo ride back from Boston to my car in Portsmouth alone, thinking about what I was going to say to him. I was prepared and anxious, but it seemed I’d have to wait longer.
Walking inside the dark, cold house didn’t help my mood. In less than a week, Creed had made his mark here. I had memories here with him that made me blush and made my heart hurt. Dad had asked me last night that if I had known Creed wasn’t ready for an exclusive relationship would I still have cheated on Griff.
My answer had been yes. I felt guilty about that but what was done was done. I should have broken things off with Griff before cheating; I messed up. I didn’t regret breaking up with Griff, but I did miss him.
I went to take a shower after starting the fire in the living room. Once I was refreshed and dressed in leggings and a hoodie, I decided to go for a walk. It was sunny and forty-five degrees. Granted in Nashville that would be considered cold, but I was starting to enjoy the weather when it got above forty degrees. I put on a coat and gloves, though, before heading back outside. Being outside kept me from getting in a funk while I waited for Creed to come home. I considered calling him but chose not to. I could wait.
I didn’t get very far down the road when Jack’s truck slowed beside me. “How’s the firewood?” he asked with his window down.
I shaded my eyes from the sun with my hand and looked up at him. “Great, thank you,” not sure if firewood could be bad.
He chuckled. “I mean do you have enough? I know you burn fires for heat in that house daily. Wasn’t sure if you wanted me to go ahead and get you some more before it’s gone.”
Oh. I hadn’t thought about that. “I’m not sure,” I replied honestly. “I don’t know how to gauge that.”
Jack gave me a wide grin. “I can stop by and check.”
“Thank you,” I told him. “If I need more, just tell me how much. I’ll get you the money.”
He winked. “I know you’re good for it. Enjoy the sunshine,” he said then rolled up his window and drove away.
I started walking again when I paused to glance back toward the house to see if Jack was stopping now to check. I
didn’t see Jack, but I did see Creed’s Jeep pulling into his drive. I watched him until he disappeared behind the house. I had been so ready to go face him when I got home, but now I was nervous. Unsure if he’d want to talk to me.
Standing there looking back down the road, I battled with myself over going to him now. My dad’s warning about avoiding confrontation had me walking toward Creed’s house. I didn’t want to be my dad. I loved him, but he had left a lot of pain in his wake.
It wasn’t Creed I saw when I came around the corner of his house but a female. One I recognized from the apartment in Boston, Ember. I stood there staring at her as she laughed at something as she walked toward the back of the house, carrying a Louis Vuitton duffle over her right arm. She was staying it would seem.
So many emotions churned inside me and I just watched it all unfold. I didn’t move to go find Creed. I didn’t walk toward my house. I wasn’t sure I could. This wasn’t what I was expecting to see. He had said the ball was in my court and after a week of no communication he is back to his old girlfriends…or had he ever stopped them?
Creed walked out the back door this time and was headed toward his Jeep when his gaze landed on me standing there at the end of his driveway. I was sure I looked as lost as I felt. I didn’t belong here. I hadn’t been invited yet I watched him.
He didn’t make a move toward me but I heard a female voice call out something and Creed looked back over his shoulder and replied. I was too far away to hear what was being said. I was thankful for that. One less thing to haunt my dreams. I needed to make my legs work and start home.
Dropping my gaze to the ground and away from his, I managed to start moving again. My legs felt heavy and everything my dad had said seemed pointless now. The last time I’d been broken over Creed Sullivan no one had been able to fix me but Griff. I didn’t even have that now. I didn’t deserve it.
“Sailor.” Creed’s voice stopped me from walking in the house just as I opened the door. I glanced over my shoulder to see him in my backyard. He’d stopped coming near me, but he was close enough that I could hear him easily enough. “I gave you time.”
I laughed then. Loudly and slightly frantic. “A week. You gave me a week,” I told him then shook my head in disbelief. Did he honestly think that was a good excuse? He had been in my house having sex with me less than two weeks ago and now he is having a sleep over with Ember. No. I was not okay with this.
“You went to Boston last night,” he said with clear accusation in his tone.
Angry now, I turned completely around to face him. “Yeah, I did. How the hell do you know where I went?”
He shrugged. “Does that matter? It’s a fact.”
I glared at him and took a step in his direction. “My going to Boston to spend time with my father who I never see is reason enough for you to bring that woman back to your house? Right under my nose? I’m sorry, Creed, that I made you wait a week then spent time with my dad. Please forgive me!” I was yelling now and I didn’t even care. It felt good. I needed to scream.
“I thought you were with Griff,” he said.
“I know exactly what you thought, Creed. But no. I cheated on Griff with you. Sweet, kind, loving Griff who would move mountains for me. I chose you. Not my brightest moment,” I said it before I could stop myself and I saw him wince. I wasn’t one to say things to hurt others, but I wanted Creed to hurt. He’d hurt me and I wanted to hurt him.
Creed looked away from me and shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his leather coat. He said nothing and I didn’t know what else to say. A large portion of me wanted to apologize for what I said but the other part was too selfish.
“Why don’t you think about this, Sailor, if Griff is so fucking perfect then why wasn’t he making time to see you? Call you? If what you had was so great, why did you have sex with me? I can’t think of one damn thing the guy did for you that was selfless. Maybe if you’d open your eyes and,” he stopped then and closed his mouth. Shaking his head, he turned and headed back toward his house.
“Say it!” I called out to him. Whatever it was and however hurtful it would be, I wanted him to say it. If just to make us even.
He paused and turned back to me. “I didn’t sleep with Ember. I was never planning on it.” He said nothing more then turned and started walking away again. No more words. No more anger. He was just gone.
Twenty-eight
November 26, 2019
With no work this week, because the museum was closed for Thanksgiving week, I decided to decorate for Christmas and start buying some gifts. Today I had spent five hours buying more decorations than my house needed. I didn’t care, the retail therapy was good for me. While walking the aisles of Christmas cheer and listening to the holiday music over the speakers, it had made me forget for a moment that I was once again a broken lonely woman.
I was on my second trip to the car to unload when Margie came walking up my drive.
“Looks like someone is about to deck the halls,” she said cheerfully.
“I’m off work this week and thought I’d get started.”
She beamed. “I need to do the same but the boys are coming home and Dan has his wife and kids, then Dale has a new boyfriend we can’t wait to meet. Anyway, I was wondering if you had spoken to Creed lately.”
I shook my head no.
She sighed and looked at his house with a small frown. “Well, Dan and his wife were set to lease his house starting in December, but he canceled on them and said he was moving into it a few weeks ago. We were happy he was going to be home and understood; however, he’s not there much anymore and I was wondering if he decided to take that opportunity he had been given in England. Some architect school or something, I don’t know. It was a big deal and just like with the house, he changed his mind. If he is going to leave the country, which Dale said it would be a chance of a lifetime for Creed in his career path, then I just wanted him to know Dan and Heather are still very interested in his house. Could you mention it if you see him?”
I had no words. Nothing she was saying made sense but then it did. If it made the sense I thought it did…if I understood what I was hearing…no. I had to be wrong. I managed a nod and a smile.
“Thanks so much. Happy Thanksgiving!” she said with a wave then headed back across the street.
I left the decorations in my car and walked to the backyard to stare at his house. He wasn’t home. He hadn’t been for several days.
Why had he decided to stay in Portsmouth when he could be doing something much bigger in England? What had changed a few weeks ago to make him abruptly come here and drop his other plans?
I was the only thing I knew of that had happened to him this past month. Wasn’t I? Was I being self-absorbed to assume he was staying here for me? He’d barely been around me when he would have made these decisions. How could his change in plans be because of me? I didn’t see how it was possible. Yet…
Reaching into the pocket of my coat, I pulled out my cellphone and found his number. My finger hovered over the call button, but I pressed message instead.
“When will you be home?”
I waited and when he didn’t respond right away, I felt the heaviness that lived in my chest these days just get worse. He was probably off with Ember or Stormie celebrating the holiday week. I was being ridiculous. There was no way that he had changed his path to move in next door just to be near me. His feelings didn’t run that deep. If they had, he wouldn’t have walked away so easily. Griff had fought for me. He’d tried. Creed had done nothing. That was not a man who gave up an amazing opportunity and stayed in Portsmouth, NH.
I went back to the car and finished unloading it. The small thrill I’d gotten at the idea of making the house warm and full of holiday joy was gone. I had no desire to decorate anything, but I moved it all in the house and went inside to stare a fire.
I considered callin
g my mother and seeing if she was going to be in Nashville for Thanksgiving. The idea of going back there made me feel even more depressed but staying here all week by myself didn’t sound like a great idea either. There was only so much decorating and Christmas shopping I could do.
Deciding I would just get up and drink my sorrows away, I was almost in the kitchen when there was a knock on the door. The second of hope that it was Creed came and went quickly. If it was Creed, then what was I going to say? Was there any point?
Slowly I made my way to the door and opened it.
Creed’s hair was pulled back in a low ponytail that it was just long enough to make. His cheeks were red from the cold and he looked tired. “I’m home now,” he replied.
I nodded and glanced back inside the house then at him. “Do you want to come inside?” I asked.
He didn’t say anything at first and I was preparing myself for him to say no when he finally took a step in the door and I moved back out of his way. I closed the door behind him and he didn’t walk in any farther. He stood there looking at me. Waiting on me. Which was fair since I had been the one to text him.
“Margie came by today looking for you,” I said, not sure how to ask what I wanted to know.
He said nothing.
“Her son is still interested in your house,” I continued and his eyes gave little away. “Creed, why did you decide to move into the house? Why didn’t you go to England?”
His shoulders lifted and fell with a heavy sigh. Then he locked his gaze on mine. “Because of you.”
All the words I wanted to say, all the questions I had, seemed to melt away as I stood there looking back at him. I managed a “Why?” because I didn’t understand it. I didn’t understand him.
“Why?” he repeated then he gave a small shake of his head. “You want to know why,” he continued. “Fine. I’ll tell you why, Sailor. I fell in love with a girl when I was ten years old. She was all I wanted in life. We got older and she was everything to me. She was so much to me that I could see nothing but her. I didn’t notice when my twin sister was hurting. I didn’t see the changes in her because all I could see was you. Then we found her. She was gone. I was seventeen and I blamed myself and I blamed you for making me love you so damn much. Seeing you reminded me of her and how I’d failed her. I believed that if I denied myself the one girl I knew I would always love that maybe I could forgive myself.”
