by Abbi Glines
My eyes were burning and I blinked, not wanting the tears to fall. My hands were tightly fisted at my sides and breathing hurt so badly.
“Then you came back. I had my future all laid out and you walked into the room and nothing else mattered to me. Just like that it was all there roaring to the surface and the worst part was you weren’t mine. You were his. I’d lost you. Leaving for England would have been the smart thing for me to do but you’re right. I’m not selfless. I am fucking selfish. I canceled it all so I could be near you.”
I felt a sob escape me and I covered my mouth to keep it quiet. This was not what I’d expected to hear from him when I’d asked. This was rawer than anything we’d ever said to each other. All the darkness, the pain, the destruction was laid bare with the truth.
Creed ran a hand over his face. “I can honestly say that I didn’t stay here to ruin your relationship. I didn’t want to cause you any pain. I wanted to be near you. I needed to be near you. But I also can’t tell you I didn’t want you for myself. Because I did. I always have. I wish I could regret it, feel bad for it, but I can’t. I love you, Sailor Copeland, and I fucking always will. I’ve tried not to. I’ve done everything in my power not to love you and I failed.”
My face was wet with tears and I didn’t wipe them away. He’d said everything I had needed him to say. He’d answered every question I had ever had about us. Yet to give me that truth, it had hurt him. I moved toward him, only knowing I wanted to comfort him.
He stiffened and I stopped. Lifting my eyes to his I studied his expression. He was no longer able to keep it closed off, not now that he’d said all he had. His secrets were no more.
“Why didn’t you fight for me then? When I told you Griff came, you didn’t even listen to me or talk to me.”
“Sailor, you’ve told me you loved him. I wanted you to be sure it was me you loved more. I didn’t want to force you to choose me when I was the one who shut you out six years ago. It was your choice. No matter how bad it would destroy me. I had to let you make it.”
I closed the space between us then and wrapped my arms around his waist, pressing my face against his chest. His arms wrapped around me tightly and held me there. We didn’t say anything for several minutes and I didn’t think words needed to be said.
He had always been my choice, but until now, I hadn’t realized I was his. My not knowing why or how he felt led me to not trust him.
“The night Griff came here, he said he’d seen you at the bar. A girl was in your lap.” I had to get that out. It was the only other thing standing between me truly being able to trust Creed.
“And he came straight here and told you that?”
I nodded.
Creed shook his head with a scowl. “Son of a bitch,” he muttered.
I liked Griff’s mother and she wasn’t a bitch, but I didn’t think that was the point to his cursing. I kept my mouth closed and waited.
“Sailor, that was Rachel. She was flying out of Boston the next morning and was at the bar to hear me play before she left. She had sat in my lap because it kept the girls who were coming over away from me. I’d been asked to sign several body parts that night and Rachel fixed the problem.”
Griff hadn’t lied. He just hadn’t known the truth. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask you before.”
“He’s not perfect. He’s a nice guy, but he’s also self-absorbed and selfish.”
I didn’t feel the need to defend Griff. He wasn’t a part of our equation anymore. Yes, he’d saved me when I needed saving but that was a chapter in my life that was now closed. He wasn’t the guy I had loved anymore. I would always care for Griff. He’d been an important part of my life for four years. But that was over now.
“Stay with me?” I asked him.
“With you is the only place I have ever wanted to be,” he replied.
Twenty-nine
November 28, 2019
The kitchen was a mess and I had made it that way. Determined to bake something for Thanksgiving dinner at Creed’s mother’s house had caused me more stress than I expected. I had gone through all of Gran’s Thanksgiving recipes and settled on pecan pie. I didn’t know how difficult pecan pie could be or how hard it was to find pecans at the store. Apparently, there was a shortage.
Pulling out the pecan pie from the oven, I sighed in relief that this one had turned out good. I’d burned the last one because I had misread the directions and set the oven too hot.
“Smells good,” Creed said, as he walked into the kitchen door from getting more firewood. He’d been going over to get firewood from his house more and more. We spent most of our time at Gran’s house and I required more heat than he did.
“This one worked!” I exclaimed as I sat it down on a pot holder.
“Is it vegan?” he asked me.
I glanced back at him over my shoulder. His hair was windblown and the stubble on his jawline gave him a rugged sexy look. “Yes,” I replied.
“Don’t tell anyone,” he said with an amused grin.
“Vegan pecan pie is just as good as regular,” I told him, although I wasn’t exactly sure that was true. I’d never had Gran’s pecan pie. The holidays she’d come to visit us, she never had the chance to cook or bake. My mother had everything catered.
“You saying pecan will distract anyone from the taste if it’s bad,” he said then and sat the wood down in the holder by the stove.
“YOU are the one saying it wrong,” I told him.
He raised his eyebrows when he turned to look back at me. “Oh really? You do realize New England is where Thanksgiving started.”
I was almost positive they didn’t have pecan pie on the first Thanksgiving. Creed walked over to me and pulled me against him. He smelled incredible and because of that I could overlook the fact he was cold. I shivered but snuggled closer to him.
“You do know the way y’all say it is kind of gross,” I teased, scrunching my nose in distaste. “PEE-can? Seriously? I doubt our ancestors called them that.”
He chuckled then and bent down to kiss the tip of my nose. “That’s fine. Take your pick-AHN pie and make sure to call it that for my family’s amusement.”
“It’s pee-KAHN” I corrected him.
He began trailing kisses from my temple down to my jawline and pecan pie didn’t seem very important anymore. “I like the way you talk,” he whispered near my ear. “I always have.”
I shivered again but not from the cold. He was warm now and his hands were moving down my back to cover my bottom.
“Seems to be,” he said, as he began tugging up my hoodie. “I like every fucking thing about you.”
I lifted my arms up and he removed my top then he shrugged out of his jacket and pulled me back against him again. “I can’t do much without thinking about you,” he said, then his mouth covered mine and I went on my tiptoes, so I could reach him better.
His hands cupped my butt and picked me up then set me down on the kitchen counter. I was too close to hot pie but then he took off his shirt and I was distracted. His bare chest would distract anyone. I reached out and ran my hand down it, stopping just at the waist of his jeans. Lifting my eyes to his, I smiled wickedly at him then slid off the counter and went down to my knees.
I’d thought about doing this. Many daydreams in the shower I had done just this to him, but every time I got a chance, he always did something to make me forget my name.
“Sailor,” he said my name with a husky groan, as I unzipped his jeans and tugged them down his hips along with his boxer briefs. Glancing up at him, I took his erection in my hand and pressed a small kiss to the tip.
He let out a low hard chuckle. “Jesus, woman.”
Enjoying the power I suddenly had, I leaned forward and slid him into my mouth. One of his hands touched the back of my head as he made an appreciative sound in his throat. I began working my m
outh and hand over him in the same rhythm as when we had sex. The noises he made were the best part of the experience. Creed made me crazy with things he did to my body and knowing I could do the same to him was thrilling.
“Sailor,” he said my name on a plea. “I’m not going to make it much longer.”
Understanding what he was telling me didn’t slow me down or cause me to stop. I wanted to feel him break apart like this.
“Baby,” he groaned and his hand fisted in my hair. His body began to tremble and I prepared myself for what was to come. Literally.
“Fuuuuuck,” he shouted and I held onto him, making sure he received ever moment of pleasure. When he finally jerked as if he was suddenly very sensitive, I let him go and looked up at his face from my spot on the floor.
He was staring down at me with complete adoration and I grinned. I wiped the corner of my mouth with my fingers and stood up.
“Did I mention how much I love you?” he asked, and I burst out laughing as he pulled me against him. “No, I’m serious, I worship you,” he said, and my laughter continued.
We stood there in the warmth of the kitchen with the aroma of pecan pie surrounding us for several moments. Creed didn’t just make me happy; he made me complete. Most of my life I had wandered through it never feeling like I belonged anywhere. Until Creed.
“Thank you,” I said, resting my head against his chest.
“Baby, I think I’m the one who is supposed to be thanking you,” he replied.
Smiling, I pressed a kiss to his bare chest. “I’m serious.”
“So am I,” he said. “Completely serious. I’ve never been more serious.”
I laughed softly then leaned back, so I could look up at his beautiful face. “Thank you for loving me. Life without you always felt like I was searching. When all along I just needed you.”
He bent his head until his forehead touched mine.
“Loving you has always been my weakness,” he replied.
Sighing, I hugged him tightly. “I need to go get a shower. We have to leave in an hour,” I said, stepping back out of his arms reluctantly.
He smirked and glanced at the stairs. “I need a shower too.”
I shook my head. “No. We will be late,” I said, wishing we had time. Shower sex with Creed was my favorite.
“It’s fine. I’ll tell them we got hung up in the shower having hot soapy sex.
I slapped his chest. “No! You won’t.”
He shrugged. “We can tell them you had a problem with the pee-KAHN pie,” he said then winked at me. “Come on, you know you want to.”
Of course, I wanted to.
Thirty
December 14, 2019
Boston, Massachusetts
Being back in Boston was one thing, being back at Red’s was another. Creed hadn’t wanted to come do this gig tonight if I didn’t come with him. Considering what had happened the last time he played with Kranx at Red’s. It had been a month since I’d broken things off with Griff and it wasn’t likely he’d even be at the bar tonight. Unless he had stopped studying all the time, which I very much doubted.
We had gotten in traffic on our drive here and had arrived just before the band went on stage. The large round booth in the corner was all mine. I sipped my martini and listened to the band glad I had come. I enjoyed watching Creed play and the last time I’d been here, I had tried my hardest not to watch him. Now I was free to soak it all in.
Red’s was filled with colorful lights strung across the ceiling, in no particular order, and a Christmas tree had been added to the entrance. They even had an eggnog cocktail on their menu I wondered if anyone was ordering. Creed had ordered a large basket of fries and a grinder then left them for me. I hadn’t known what a grinder was until the sub sandwich arrived with the fries. I took a fry just as Creed looked in my direction and winked. Smiling, I took a bite and enjoyed having his attention.
Although Red’s didn’t have a fireplace, like Clarks did, they were on the water or the marsh. Creed had corrected me when I called it the lake. I didn’t know there was a difference. Glancing over my shoulder, I looked out at the lights from Red’s twinkling on the water. Boats were anchored outside, but no one was on them. It was too cold for boating I would assume, but then this was New England and these people wore shorts when it was forty-five degrees out.
Relaxing, I leaned back with my cocktail and considered taking a bite of the sandwich when I glanced up to see Chet enter the bar. I’d hoped this wouldn’t happen. I had almost convinced myself I was in the clear. Most college students were taking exams, so Chet and Griff should be studying. Creed had offered to call Chet and see if they were coming, but I’d felt bad asking him to do that. I would have to see Griff again, and if that was tonight, I would deal with it.
There was no Griff behind Chet though. I sighed in relief and decided I was taking a bite of the sandwich. If Chet was here and Griff wasn’t with him then I was in the clear. This wasn’t Griff’s kind of place. He had never loved going to bars, but he’d go with me to listen to music when we were in Nashville.
Chet was talking to a small group of people and a pretty brunette was with him. I wondered if that was Shelly and the idea made me grin. Moving my eyes back to Creed on stage he was watching me. I wondered if he’d seen Chet enter too and had waited to see if Griff followed. I held up my drink to him in a toast and he smirked.
They would hopefully be getting a break soon. I missed him.
“Hey, Sailor,” Chet said, and I had missed his walking over here toward me. He’d been at Thanksgiving, and after he made a joke about me switching boyfriends, we had all been comfortable.
“Hello, Chet,” I replied. “Y’all want to sit here? The place is packed.”
Chet motioned for the brunette to slide inside the booth before him. “Thanks, I was hoping you’d offer. If not, I was just going to be rude and sit. Sailor, this is Maegan, and Maegan, this is Sailor.”
Maegan’s eyes went wide and I was preparing myself for her to recognize me as Denver Copeland’s daughter when she said, “So you’re the Sailor?”
“Oh yeah, that’s her,” Chet replied grinning wickedly. “Griff was drinking too much this evening and went on a drunken rant about you. I wasn’t sharing your shit or anything,” he said to me.
I hated to think of Griff getting drunk. It wasn’t like him. Although I didn’t love Griff, I cared about him. He had been important to me for four years. Breaking up with him didn’t change that.
“I’m surprised he was drinking with exams,” I said.
“We are done. He’s heading back to Nashville tomorrow for the holiday break. Instead of going out tonight, he decided to have his own party with Jim Bean,” Chet said then reached for the fry basket. “Do you mind?” he asked, before taking a fry.
I shook my head. “Take all you want.”
“Is the grinder not good?” he asked me, nodding toward the sub.
“It’s okay.”
“Which one is Creed?” Maegan asked.
Chet smirked at me then looked at his date. “The wicked hot one,” he said.
Maegan didn’t have a hard time figuring that out. “Oh,” she replied, and I knew what she was thinking. Yes, Creed was beautiful and sexy but that hadn’t been why I chose him over Griff. I couldn’t exactly defend my choice though she wasn’t voicing her thoughts.
“Well damn,” Chet said, his attention on the door.
I followed his gaze. “Oh no,” I whispered.
Griff had decided to come out after all. Even if Chet hadn’t told me he was drunk, I’d have been able to tell. Especially when he looked our way and raised his hand to wave it back and forth in the air at us and shout. “HEY!”
Griff did not cause scenes. At least he didn’t sober. The amount of times I had witnessed Griff even tipsy I could count on one hand. His dad was
a recovering alcoholic and Griff drank in moderation.
“Didn’t think he was going to leave,” Chet said, looking unsure on what to do.
“Did he drive here?” Maegan asked sounding horrified.
“Fuck, I hope not,” Chet said and stood up as Griff started making his way toward us.
Griff stumbled twice and bumped into people that he then stopped to apologize to and point at our table before continuing on. I had to do something, but I didn’t know what to do. I moved to the edge of the booth, in case I needed to stand up and get Griff out of the bar.
“What a coincidence,” he slurred loudly when he reached us.
“You’re drunk, Griff. We need to take you back to the apartment,” Chet said, standing up and putting a hand on his chest to keep him from falling into the table.
“I’m fine! Here to party. Ain’t that why you’re here, Sailor?”
I looked at Chet unsure if I should even speak. He rolled his eyes at Griff and tried to turn him around. “If I don’t get you out of here, you are going to regret it in the morning,” Chet told him. “Trust me.”
Griff jerked away from Chet and almost fell on top of me. He caught himself on the back of the booth, but he was leaning over me and laughing as he steadied himself. “Hello Sailor,” he said grinning. “Are you here to see your boyfriend play?” he asked then leaned down closer to me. “Guess you realized you had to come with him to keep him from fucking someone else.”
I opened my mouth to tell him to shut up when he was jerked away. Creed had the back of Griff’s shirt in his fist and the fury on Creed’s face scared me.
“He’s drunk!” I said, as I hurried to get out of the booth and stop this. “He doesn’t mean anything he’s saying, Creed.”
