by Abbi Glines
“She’s right. He’s had a fifth of Jim Bean this afternoon,” Chet said, sounding as worried as I was.
“There are some right and wrong answers here,” Griff slurred, still grinning while Creed held him up. “I have indeed drunk a fifth of Jim, but I do know what I’m saying.”
“Shut up, Griff!” Chet said, moving toward Creed. “Give him to me. I will take him to the apartment.”
“The apartment!” Griff shouted. “I don’t want to go to the apartment. Tell me Creed, did you start fucking my girlfriend at the apartment or did y’all wait until you were in Portsmouth?”
“I don’t give a fuck if you’re drunk. If you say one more word about Sailor, I will beat your face in,” Creed warned in a low voice, loud enough for us to hear.
Griff cackled like an idiot. “You took my girl. What more can you do to me? Tell me, Sailor, is the sex that good?”
Creed threw him then and Griff went face forward into the wall.
I screamed, and Chet cursed loudly.
“Creed! Stop!” I begged, as Griff got his bearings and turned around to look at Creed. He wasn’t smiling anymore.
“What happens when you get bored with her? When the sex gets old and you want something new?” Griff taunted him and I reached out to grab Griff before he got any closer to Creed.
I wasn’t fast enough. Creed’s fist connected with Griff’s face and he went down again.
“CREED!” I screamed in horror, just as the bouncer arrived to take Creed’s arms and restrain him. I fell to my knees and checked to make sure Griff was breathing because he was unconscious.
“Do I need to call an ambulance?” a waitress asked, standing over us.
I shook my head. “I don’t know,” I told her honestly.
Chet was beside me then and I was thankful for his medical knowledge. My heart was pounding from fear.
“His pulse is steady,” Chet said and glanced at me.
“That’s good, right?” I asked, twisting my hands in my lap nervously.
He nodded. “Yeah. He’s probably going to have a concussion from the way he hit his head when he fell. As long as I watch him tonight and check his vitals regularly, I think he’s okay to go home.”
“I’m going with you,” I said, needing to help somehow.
Chet frowned and glanced back at the door where the bouncer had taken Creed. “I don’t know if Creed will be okay with that.”
“I don’t care what Creed is okay with. You can’t stay up all night and watch him. We can take turns.”
Chet sighed then nodded his head. “You’re right. I’ve drank too much to stay awake all night.”
“I can help too,” Maegan offered, and I remembered she was here. Glancing at the rest of the bar, I realized people were all standing around watching us.
Jazz’s eyes met mine and she was glaring at me. I’d messed up their night. They were out a guitar player. I didn’t have time to worry about the band or anyone else for that matter. I had to help get Griff out of here and deal with Creed. What in the world had he been thinking? It was obvious Griff was drunk. Besides that, I’d told him several times.
Griff grunted then and I swung my gaze back down to him.
“He’s coming around. That’s good,” Chet said and leaned forward to put his hand under Griff’s back. “Come on, you need to sit up slow,” he told him.
“Where’s the fucker at?” he slurred worse than he had been before.
“He’s gone. Now if you can keep your mouth shut we might get you home before he kills you,” Chet told him.
Griff squinted at me. “What are you doing?”
“Helping,” I replied.
“I don’t want your help,” he said.
“She’s helping me,” Chet told him. “Just shut the hell up and focus on standing.”
“I’ll go get the car and bring it around to the front,” Maegan said.
“Thanks,” Chet told her but kept his eyes on Griff, who was struggling to get to his feet.
I stood up and grabbed my coat and purse from the booth then followed them as Chet held Griff steady with his arm around his back as they went to the exit.
A waitress hurried toward us. “If one of you can sign this on his behalf. It’s stating he refused medical attention,” she explained. Chet nodded at me and I took the paper, signed it and handed it back to her.
“I’m a fucking doctor. I don’t need medical attention,” Griff said.
“You’re right. You need mental attention,” Chet said sourly as we walked into the cold night air.
My eyes found Creed. He was leaning against his Jeep with his arms crossed over his chest looking furious. He wasn’t going to like my going to help but I had to. Chet couldn’t do this alone and I felt responsible for the entire thing.
Chet stopped beside Creed and covered Griff’s mouth with his free hand to keep him from saying something stupid. “You’re an ass,” Chet told Creed as Maegan pulled the car up beside us.
“I’m going with them,” I told Creed.
“What?” he asked, the anger changing to hurt quickly.
“Chet needs my help. I can’t. I don’t.” I stopped and shook my head, trying to find the words. “I can’t believe you did this, Creed. I’m not okay with it.”
“Did you not hear what he was saying?” Creed asked me.
“He is drunk. Drunk!” I yelled the last part. “I need to go help them and I need some space right now. Tomorrow. We will talk about this tomorrow,” I said then turned and climbed into the front seat beside Maegan who was driving. I didn’t look back at Creed as we drove away, but my stomach felt sick leaving him like that. He had been stupid tonight and I would forgive him. For now, I needed to be mad for a little bit. He would have to wait until I was calm enough to talk to him. Tomorrow, when Griff was fine, then I would be ready to talk this over with Creed. He couldn’t go smashing a guy’s face in because he said something about me or to me that wasn’t nice. I was not a fan of violence. I understood that he was upset with the things Griff had said but Griff was drunk. He was also still hurting. A hurt that I had caused him. I felt the guilt of that weighing on me. Maybe it wasn’t Creed I was mad at…maybe it was me.
Thirty-one
December 15, 2019
Boston, Massachusetts
“Sailor,” a voice broke into my dreams and I felt my shoulder being shaken. I struggled to open my eyes. It had been a long night, and I’d slept very little. Even when it was my turn to sleep, I had been unable to because I was worried about Creed. Last night’s events came back to me and my chest felt heavy again.
Opening my eyes, I saw Chet, looking as bad as I felt, standing over me. I had fallen asleep in the chair and it had been my turn to stay awake and watch Griff. Sitting up, I looked around. “Oh no, I’m sorry!” I hadn’t meant to fall asleep.
“Sailor,” he said again in a serious tone. I looked at him closer then and saw dark circles under his eyes.
“Is he okay?” I asked, then jumped out of my chair to head to Griff’s bedroom. The door was closed. I had left it open.
“Sailor,” Chet said again. “Griff is fine.”
I sagged in relief and turned back to him with a tired smile. “Oh. Whew. I didn’t mean to fall asleep on my watch. What time is it?” I asked him, realizing it had to be late since the sun was bright outside.
“I need you to sit down,” Chet said then and a tiny bubble of fear began to grow inside my chest.
“Why? What’s wrong? You said he was okay,” I reminded him, not understanding why Chet looked so damn upset.
“Please, sit,” he said the words too gently then.
I did as he requested because I needed an answer. My panic was rising by the second.
“The police just left,” he said.
“Why?” I asked slowly. Had they
arrested Creed? Griff hadn’t pressed any charges.
Chet ran a hand over his face and I saw unshed tears in his eyes.
“Chet, tell me what is wrong, now,” I demanded.
He took a deep breath and walked over to me then bent down in front of me and took both my hands. “They found Creed’s Jeep,” he began, but as understanding started dawning on me, I shook my head and stood up pushing him back.
“No, they didn’t,” I said and walked over to the fireplace, needing some space to breathe. It felt small in here suddenly. Not large enough for two people. The walls felt as if they were closing in on me.
“It was in the marsh, Sailor. Deep.”
“NOOOO!!!” I screamed then and bent over, not wanting him to finish. I could not listen to this. I refused to. It was a nightmare and I needed to wake up. I was exhausted and when I didn’t get enough sleep, I had terrible dreams.
A hand touched my shoulder and I jerked away from it. “They can’t find the body,” he said then and I stood up gasping for air.
“He’s okay then. He got out,” I said, wanting to cry from relief. Why hadn’t he told me that first?
“They think he tried…but he was very drunk. The last person to see him was Dalm and he said he thought Creed was staying the night at their place. They didn’t know he had left until the cops arrived there looking for him three hours ago.”
“He got out,” I repeated, hating Chet for saying otherwise. Creed was not in that Jeep. He was alive.
“They’ve checked all the hospitals and hotels nearby, they’ve even called his mother and she’s checked his house. There would have been no way for him to get that far anyway. There weren’t even hotels near where he drove into the water and it was after two this morning when it happened.”
I refused to stand here and listen to this. “They didn’t find a body. He will show up today. He’s alive.” I moved past Chet to get my coat and my purse. I was leaving. I’d go find him myself.
“Sailor, where are you going?” he asked.
“I’m going to find Creed,” I stated the obvious.
“The marsh is deep where he went in but his Jeep didn’t sink all the way because the back wheels were stuck in the mud. He was drunk, and if he managed to get out, he sank. A part of his shirt was torn and stuck to the doorframe.”
I held up my hands. “STOP TALKING!” I yelled. I needed him to stop telling me all the ways Creed couldn’t have survived.
The door to Griff’s room opened. “What’s going on?” he asked in a gruff whisper then winced from the sound.
“Nothing. I am leaving,” I said and spun around to open the door and get out of this apartment.
“Sailor, you don’t have a car, and even if you did, you are in no state to drive,” Chet said walking toward me.
“I can call an Uber,” I told him, ready to run if I had to in order to get out of this apartment.
“The cops,” he started to say.
“KNOW NOTHING. Creed is not…he is not…” I couldn’t’ finish that sentence. My knees went weak then and I grabbed the door knob to hold myself up.
Chet was there then, helping me stand and moving me back toward the sofa. A sob tore from my chest and I crumbled onto the worn leather, my body wracking uncontrollably with sobs. I heard Chet and Griff talking, but I couldn’t focus on their words.
I felt the sofa sink as someone sat down beside me.
“What can I do?” Griff asked.
“Nothing. I just need Creed to wake up and let us know where he is,” I said, not looking at him. I stayed in a fetal position and tried to process what I knew. There was no body. I held onto that as tightly as I could. It was all that kept me from falling apart. Creed wouldn’t leave me.
“What can we do?” Griff then asked Chet.
“We wait. If he’s alive, we will know soon enough. If there is a way,” he paused then. “If he’s out there, he’ll show up.”
I hated Chet for saying “if.” I hated myself for coming here last night. I hated Griff for showing up drunk and causing this all to happen. I hated the police for believing Creed couldn’t have gotten out of the Jeep.
Why hadn’t he stayed at Dalm’s? I told him that we would talk tomorrow. I told him I just needed some space. Why didn’t he just wait?
The day went on, and Creed never showed up. The Coast Guard began dragging the marsh and my world became a dark place I no longer recognized. I had lost Creed when I was seventeen and a miracle brought him back to me. Life was cruel and cold. It only gave me complete joy long enough for me to know what it felt like, before snatching it away from me.
How did one find joy again after losing their soulmate? It had been easier when I lost him the first time because I knew he still lived. His light was still shinning and I could accept a life without him if he was alive. However, how did I go on with him gone from this world?
The pain that came with the setting of the sun, knowing he wasn’t coming back, was beyond any hurt that I had ever known. It was a despair so deep I didn’t want to find the light. I would sink into it until I was numb. It was the only way I knew I could survive.
Thirty-two
December 16, 2019
Boston, Massachusetts
Twenty-Four hours. It had been twenty-four hours since I’d been woken up to hear Chet tell me Creed had drowned. For those twenty-four hours, I had stayed strong. I had believed he would show up. That he would explain it all.
Now, I stood at the spot where they pulled his Jeep from the water as the icy wind dried my tears. He hadn’t called. His phone was found in the Jeep but still no word from him. He hadn’t checked into a hotel and his credit cards hadn’t been used. Every ounce of hope I had held onto so tightly seemed to wash away with the water in front of me.
My knees buckled and I welcomed the ground beneath me. How was I supposed to go on tomorrow and the next day? My heart had been shattered before, but it had never been taken from me. This was a level of pain I didn’t know existed. The hell that Albert had mentioned all made sense to me now.
“Sailor,” Chet’s voice called out to me, but I refused to look back at him. Every time he looked at me, I saw the truth. He had accepted Creed was gone. He had from the very beginning. I hated to see that in his eyes. He felt sorry for me. I could see that too.
“Sailor, you need to get inside and warm up. You are going to freeze out here,” he said as his boots stopped in front of me. I stared at those boots so different from Creed’s black ones. Creed wore black combat boots where Chet’s were a soft brown suede that reminded me of a med student or a minister.
“Don’t make me throw you over my shoulder. I can’t let you freeze to death. Please come with me,” Chet pleaded.
I lifted my head to look up at him. He was wearing a wool coat with a scarf wrapped around his neck. I wasn’t wearing anything more than the gray sweatshirt he had given me earlier today. The biting cold hurt and I embraced the pain. I welcomed it. I wanted to hurt physically because the pain inside my body was more than I could bare.
“He’s not coming back,” I said the words for the first time aloud.
The corners of Chet’s mouth turned down and he bent his knees until he was eye level with me. “I’m so sorry, Sailor.” His words were sincere, filled with a pain of his own.
“Me too,” I whispered then turned to look out at the water. I was sorry for so many things. The list of the things I was sorry for was so long I didn’t want to think about them all.
“Come with me,” he urged, holding out his hand. “We need to get you warm. Your lips are blue.”
I didn’t care about my lips. I didn’t care about warmth. Nothing mattered anymore. It never would again. The future I had planned was gone. I was to live a life with an empty void in my chest where my heart once was.
Chet took my hand and pulled me up then began
walking me toward his car. He didn’t say anything more and I was thankful for that. I didn’t want to hear it. I just wanted to figure out a way to survive in this agony that was now my life.
When I was safely inside the car, I felt feeling slowly come back to my hands and feet as we drove away. Chet reached into the backseat and pulled a blanket toward me. “Here, you need this,” he said.
I took it and held it over me. The pain of the cold thawing left the horrible ache inside roaring all on its own. Living a life without Creed…I didn’t want to think about it.
“Griff is worried about you. He wanted to come get you, but I told him it was best if I did. Maybe you could talk to him about this. He will listen. You need to talk and let some of this pain free.”
I turned to look at Chet. He glanced at me then back to the road. He was a nice guy. I was glad Griff had him in his life. He, however, did not understand what I was experiencing. He meant well.
“Talking won’t give me back my heart, Chet.”
He looked pained as he turned back to me. He wanted to help and as kind as that was, there was nothing he nor anyone else could do. Creed was gone.
Thirty-Three
July 28, 2014
Portsmouth, NH
Creed ended the kiss, but he left his forehead resting on mine as we both worked on catching our breath. Kissing Creed was one of my favorite things. Lately something else had taken the number one spot and if my Gran found out about it, I was sure I wouldn’t get to see Creed again. Gran loved the Sullivans, but she wasn’t going to be okay with her granddaughter having sex at seventeen.
“I want to take you to the barn,” he whispered. Which was the closest spot for us to be alone.
I smiled and shivered from excitement. Hearing him want to be with me always made me feel giddy. “We haven’t seen Cora all day,” I reminded him. “I need to spend time with her too. We have barely seen each other this week.”
Creed ran a finger down my cheek. “I don’t want to share you,” he admitted.
