Crooked Kingdom

by Leigh Bardugo

  The siege on the lake house had gone off with a precision that Matthias couldn’t help but admire. Only three days after Inej was taken, Rotty had alerted Kaz to the lights that had appeared on Eil Komedie, and the fact that boats had been seen coming and going there at odd hours, often carrying a young Suli man. He’d quickly been identified as Adem Bajan, a music teacher indentured to Van Eck for the last six months. He’d apparently joined the Van Eck household after Wylan had left home, but Wylan wasn’t surprised his father had secured professional musical instruction for Alys.

  “Is she any good?” asked Jesper.

  Wylan had hesitated, then said, “She’s very enthusiastic.”

  It had been easy enough to surmise that Inej was being kept on Eil Komedie, and Nina had wanted to go after her immediately.

  “He didn’t take her out of the city,” she’d said, cheeks glowing with color for the first time since she’d emerged from her battle with parem. “It’s obvious he’s keeping her there.”

  But Kaz had simply gazed into the middle distance with that odd look on his face and said, “Too obvious.”

  “Kaz—”

  “How would you like a hundred kruge?”

  “What’s the catch?”

  “Exactly. Van Eck’s making it too easy. He’s treating us like marks. But he isn’t Barrel born, and we aren’t a bunch of dumb culls ready to jump at the first shiny lure he flashes. Van Eck wants us to think she’s on that island. Maybe she is. But he’ll have plenty of firepower waiting for us too, maybe even a few Grisha using parem.”

  “Always hit where the mark isn’t looking,” Wylan had murmured.

  “Sweet Ghezen,” said Jesper. “You’ve been thoroughly corrupted.”

  Kaz had tapped his crow’s head cane on the flagstones of the tomb floor. “Do you know what Van Eck’s problem is?”

  “No honor?” said Matthias.

  “Rotten parenting skills?” said Nina.

  “Receding hairline?” offered Jesper.

  “No,” said Kaz. “Too much to lose. And he gave us a map to what to steal first.”

  He’d pushed himself to his feet and begun laying out the plans for kidnapping Alys. Instead of trying to rescue Inej as Van Eck expected, they would force Van Eck to trade her for his very pregnant wife. The first trick had been finding her. Van Eck was no fool. Kaz suspected that he’d gotten Alys out of the city as soon as he’d made his false deal with them, and their initial investigations supported that. Van Eck wouldn’t keep his wife in a warehouse or factory or industrial building, and she was at neither of the hotels he owned, or at the Van Eck country house or his two farms near Elsmeer. It was possible he’d spirited her away to some farm or holding across the True Sea, but Kaz doubted he’d put the woman carrying his heir through a grueling sea voyage.

  “Van Eck must be keeping property off the books,” Kaz had said. “Probably income too.”

  Jesper frowned. “Isn’t not paying your taxes … I don’t know, sacrilegious? I thought he was all about serving Ghezen.”

  “Ghezen and Kerch aren’t the same thing,” Wylan said.

  Of course, uncovering those secret properties had meant gaining access to Cornelis Smeet’s office, and another series of deceptions. Matthias hated the dishonesty of it all, but he couldn’t deny the value of the information they’d obtained. Thanks to Smeet’s files, Kaz had located the lake house, a fine property ten miles south of the city, easy to defend, comfortably appointed, and listed under the Hendriks name.

  Always hit where the mark isn’t looking. It was sound thinking, Matthias could admit—military thinking, in fact. When you were outgunned and outmanned, you sought the less defended targets. Van Eck had expected a rescue attempt on Inej, so that was where he’d concentrated his forces. And Kaz had encouraged that, telling Matthias and Jesper to be as conspicuous as possible when they brought a gondel down to one of the private berths at Fifth Harbor. At eleven bells, Rotty and Specht had left Kuwei at Black Veil and, dressed in heavy cloaks to hide their faces, launched the boat, making a tremendous show of shouting to supposed compatriots setting out from other berths—most of them confused tourists who weren’t sure why strange men were yelling at them from a gondel.

  It had taken everything in Matthias not to argue when Kaz had paired Nina with Jesper in the assault on the lake house, despite the fact that he knew the partnership made sense. They needed to take out the guards quietly to prevent anyone from raising an alarm or panicking. Matthias’ combat training made that possible, as did Nina’s Grisha abilities, so they’d been split up. Jesper and Wylan had noisier talents, so they would enter the fray only as a last resort. Also, Matthias knew if he started trailing after Nina on missions like some kind of watchdog, she’d put her hands on those glorious hips and demonstrate her knowledge of profanity in several different languages. Still, he was the only one besides perhaps Kuwei who knew how she’d suffered since they’d returned from the Ice Court. It had been hard to watch her go.

  They’d approached from across the lake and made quick work of the few guards on the perimeter. Most of the villas along the shore were empty, as it was too early in the season for the weather to have gotten properly warm. But lights had burned in the windows of the Van Eck house—or, rather, the Hendriks house. The property had belonged to Wylan’s mother’s family for generations before Van Eck had ever set foot through the door.

  It almost didn’t feel like a break-in; one of the guards had actually been dozing in the gazebo. Matthias didn’t realize there had been a casualty until the count on the guards had come up short, but there hadn’t been time to question Nina and Jesper about what had gone wrong. They’d tied up the remaining guards, herded them and the rest of the staff into the pantry, and then swept up the stairs to the second floor wearing the masks of the Komedie Brute. They’d stopped outside the music room, where Alys was perched precariously on the bench of a pianoforte. Though they had expected to find her asleep, she was laboring her way through some piece of music.

  “Saints, what is that noise?” Nina had whispered.

  “I think it’s ‘Be Still, Little Bumble Bee,’” said Wylan from behind the mask and horns of his Gray Imp ensemble. “But it’s hard to tell.”

  When they’d entered the music room, the silky-haired terrier at her feet had the sense to growl, but poor, pretty, pregnant Alys had just looked up from her sheet music and said, “Is this a play?”

  “Yes, love,” said Jesper gently, “and you’re the star.”

  They’d tucked her into a warm coat, then shepherded her out of the house and into the waiting boat. She’d been so docile that Nina had become concerned. “Maybe she’s not getting enough blood to her brain?” she’d murmured to Matthias.

  Matthias hadn’t been sure how to account for Alys’ demeanor. He remembered his mother muddling the simplest things when she was pregnant with his baby sister. She’d walked all the way down to the village from their little house before she’d realized she was wearing her boots on the wrong feet.

  But halfway back to the city, when Nina had bound Alys’ hands and tied a blindfold over her eyes, securing it tightly to the neat braids coiled atop her head, the reality of her situation must have started to sink in. She’d begun to sniffle, wiping her running nose on her velvet sleeve. The sniffling became a kind of wobbly deep breathing, and by the time they’d gotten Alys settled comfortably at the tomb and even found a little cushion for her feet, she’d let out a long wail.

  “I want to go hooooooome,” she’d cried. “I want my dog.”

  From then on, the crying hadn’t stopped. Kaz had eventually thrown his hands up in frustration, and they’d all stepped outside the tomb to try to find some quiet.

  “Are pregnant women always like this?” Nina had moaned.

  Matthias glanced inside the stone hull. “Only the kidnapped ones.”

  “I can’t hear myself think,” she said.

  “Maybe if we took the blindfold off?” Wylan suggested. “
We could wear our Komedie Brute masks.”

  Kaz shook his head. “We can’t risk her leading Van Eck back here.”

  “She’s going to make herself ill,” said Matthias.

  “We’re in the middle of a job,” Kaz said. “There’s a lot that has to happen before the exchange tomorrow. Someone find a way to shut her up, or I will.”

  “She’s a frightened girl—” Wylan protested.

  “I didn’t ask for a description.”

  But Wylan kept on. “Kaz, promise me you won’t—”

  “Before you finish that sentence, I want you to think about what a promise from me costs and what you’re willing to pay for it.”

  “It’s not her fault her parents shoved her into a marriage with my father.”

  “Alys isn’t here because she did something wrong. She’s here because she’s leverage.”

  “She’s just a pregnant girl—”

  “Getting pregnant isn’t actually a special talent. Ask any luckless girl in the Barrel.”

  “Inej wouldn’t want—”

  In the space of a breath, Kaz had shoved Wylan against the tomb wall with his forearm, the crow head of his cane wedged beneath Wylan’s jaw. “Tell me my business again.” Wylan swallowed, parted his lips. “Do it,” said Kaz. “And I’ll cut the tongue from your head and feed it to the first stray cat I find.”

  “Kaz—” Jesper said cautiously. Kaz ignored him.

  Wylan’s lips flattened to a thin, stubborn line. The boy really didn’t know what was good for him. Matthias wondered if he’d have to try to intercede on Wylan’s behalf, but Kaz had released him. “Someone stick a cork in that girl before I get back,” he said, and strode off into the graveyard.

  Matthias rolled his eyes heavenward. These lunatics all needed a solid six months in boot camp and possibly a sound beating.

  “Best not to mention Inej,” Jesper said as Wylan dusted himself off. “You know, if you feel like continuing to live.”

  Wylan shook his head. “But isn’t this all about Inej?”

  “No, it’s all about the grand plan, remember?” Nina said with a snort. “Getting Inej away from Van Eck is just the first phase.”

  They headed back into the tomb. In the lantern light, Matthias could see that Nina’s color was good. Maybe the distraction of the break-in at the lake house had been a positive thing, though he couldn’t ignore the fact that a guard had died during a mission that wasn’t meant to have a body count.

  Alys had quieted and was sitting with her hands folded on her belly, releasing small, unhappy hiccups. She made a lackluster attempt at removing her blindfold, but Nina had been clever with the knots. Matthias glanced at Kuwei, who was perched across from her at the table. The Shu boy just shrugged.

  Nina sat down next to Alys. “Would you um … like some tea?”

  “With honey?” Alys asked.

  “I, uh … I think we have sugar?”

  “I only like tea with honey and lemon.”

  Nina looked like she might tell Alys exactly where she could put her honey and lemon, so Matthias said hurriedly, “How would you like a chocolate biscuit?”

  “Oh, I love chocolate!”

  Nina’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t remember saying you could give away my biscuits.”

  “It’s for a good cause,” Matthias said, retrieving the tin. He’d purchased the biscuits in the hope of getting Nina to eat more. “Besides, you’ve barely touched them.”

  “I’m saving them for later,” said Nina with a sniff. “And you should not cross me when it comes to sweets.”

  Jesper nodded. “She’s like a dessert-hoarding dragon.”

  Alys’ head had swiveled right and left behind her blindfold. “You all sound so young,” she said. “Where are your parents?” Wylan and Jesper burst out laughing. “Why is that funny?”

  “It’s not,” Nina said reassuringly. “They’re just being idiots.”

  “Hey, now,” said Jesper. “We’re not the ones dipping into your cookie stash.”

  “I don’t let just anyone into my cookie stash,” Nina said with a wink.

  “She certainly doesn’t,” Matthias grumped, somewhere between delighted to see Nina back to herself and jealous that Jesper was the one making her smile. He needed to dunk his head in a bucket. He was behaving like a besotted ninny.

  “So,” Jesper said, throwing an arm around Alys’ shoulder. “Tell us about your stepson.”

  “Why?” Alys asked. “Are you going to kidnap him too?”

  Jesper scoffed, “I doubt it. I hear he’s twelve kinds of trouble to keep around.”

  Wylan crossed his arms. “I hear he’s talented and misunderstood.”

  Alys frowned. “I can understand him perfectly well. He doesn’t mumble or anything. In fact, he sounds a bit like you.” Wylan flinched as Jesper doubled over with laughter. “And yes, he’s very talented. He’s studying music in Belendt.”

  “But what is he like?” Jesper asked. “Any secret fears he confided? Bad habits? Ill-conceived infatuations?”

  Wylan shoved the tin of biscuits at Alys. “Have another cookie.”

  “She’s had three!” protested Nina.

  “Wylan was always nice to my birds. I miss my birds. And Rufus. I want to go hoooooome.” And then she was blubbering again.

  Nina had plunked her head down on the table in defeat. “Well done. I thought we might actually get a moment of silence. I’ve sacrificed my biscuits for nothing.”

  “Have none of you people ever encountered a pregnant woman before?” Matthias grumbled. He remembered his mother’s discomfort and moods well, though he suspected Alys’ behavior might owe nothing to the child she was carrying. He tore a strip from one of the ragged blankets in the corner. “Here,” he said to Jesper. “Dip this in water so we can make a cool compress.” He squatted down and said to Alys, “I’m going to take off your shoes.”

  “Why?” she said.

  “Because your feet are swollen, and it will soothe you to have them rubbed.”

  “Oh, now this is interesting,” Nina said.

  “Don’t get any ideas.”

  “Too late,” she said, wiggling her toes.

  Matthias slid off Alys’ shoes and said, “You haven’t been kidnapped. You’re just being held for a brief time. By tomorrow afternoon you’ll be home with your dog and your birds. You know that no one is going to hurt you, yes?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “Well, you can’t see me, but I’m the biggest person here, and I promise that no one will hurt you.” Even as he spoke the words, Matthias knew he might be lying. Alys was currently having her feet rubbed and a cool towel placed on her forehead in a pit full of some of the deadliest vipers slithering the streets of this misbegotten city. “Now,” he said, “it’s very important that you stay calm so that you don’t make yourself ill. What helps to cheer you?”

  “I … I like to go for walks by the lake.”

  “All right, maybe we can go for a walk later. What else?”

  “I like doing my hair.”

  Matthias gave Nina a meaningful look.

  She scowled. “Why do you assume I know how to arrange hair?”

  “Because yours always looks so nice.”

  “Wait,” said Jesper. “Is he being charming?” He peered at Matthias. “How do we know this isn’t an impostor?”

  “Perhaps someone could do your hair,” said Nina grudgingly.

  “Anything else?” asked Matthias.

  “I like singing,” said Alys.

  Wylan shook his head frantically, mouthing, No, no, no.

  “Shall I sing?” Alys asked hopefully. “Bajan says that I’m good enough to be on the stage.”

  “Maybe we save that for later—” suggested Jesper.

  Alys’ lower lip began to wobble like a plate about to break.

  “Sing,” Matthias blurted, “by all means, sing.”

  And then the real nightmare began.

  It wasn’t that Alys
was so bad, she just never stopped. She sang between bites of food. She sang while she was walking through the graves. She sang from behind a bush when she needed to relieve herself. When she finally dozed off, she hummed in her sleep.

  “Maybe this was Van Eck’s plan all along,” Kaz said glumly when they’d assembled outside the tomb again.

  “To drive us mad?” said Nina. “It’s working.”

  Jesper shut his eyes and groaned. “Diabolical.”

  Kaz consulted his pocket watch. “Nina and Matthias should get going, anyway. If you get into position early, you can catch a few hours of sleep.” They had to be careful coming and going from the island, so they couldn’t afford to wait until dawn to assume their posts.

  “You’ll find the masks and capes at the furrier,” Kaz continued. “Look for the golden badger on the sign. Get as close to the Lid as possible before you start handing them out and then head south. Don’t stay in any one place too long. I don’t want you drawing too much attention from the bosses.” Kaz met each of their gazes in turn. “Everyone needs to be in final position before noon. Wylan on the ground. Matthias on the roof of the Emporium Komedie. Jesper will be across from you on the roof of the Ammbers Hotel. Nina, you’ll be on the hotel’s third floor. The room has a balcony overlooking Goedmedbridge. Make sure your sight lines are clear. I want you with eyes on Van Eck from moment one. He’ll be planning something, and we need to be ready.”

  Matthias saw Nina cast a furtive glance at Jesper, but all she said was, “No mourners.”

  “No funerals,” they replied.

  Nina headed toward where the rowboat was moored. Kaz and Wylan stepped back into the tomb, but before Jesper could vanish inside, Matthias blocked his path.

  “What happened at the lake house?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I saw the look she just gave you.”

  Jesper shifted uneasily. “Why don’t you ask her?”

  “Because Nina will claim she’s fine until she’s suffering too much to form the words.”