Strong Like Me

by Laurel Veil

  He didn’t come to the passenger door, though; instead, he began walking out back.

  I threw the door open. “And just what do you think you’re doing?”

  He turned and looked at me with a confused look on his face. “I’m going to work, Jessica.”

  Oh. My bad.

  “Your dad asked me to come right after school today. He’s got some extra things he needs done out back.”

  I couldn’t think of anything to say, “You know, your car is in the way here.”

  “Don’t worry,” he said, “it won’t be for much longer.”

  “Oh?” I hoped I didn’t sound disappointed because I wasn’t. I was just… curious.

  “I can’t park out by the barn where I usually do. It’s too muddy now. I don’t feel like getting stuck. Your dad is having more gravel poured out there tomorrow. Geez, don’t you guys ever talk?”

  I rolled my eyes and then went inside.

  I was relieved to see Ursula was there. I didn’t want to be in the house alone. She didn’t greet me the way she usually did though. She acknowledged that I walked in by looking my way and giving me a quick smile. Then she continued watering a potted plant.

  “Where’s your friend?” I asked. “I thought she was going to be taking care of all that from now on.”

  “Kamali won’t be back, I’m afraid.”

  “Why not?” I asked, even though I was glad.

  Ursula just shook her head.

  “She didn’t tell you?” I kept on.

  “She just didn’t—” She was searching for the right word.

  “She didn’t what? Oh come on, Ursula. For crying out loud! Would you just say it already?”

  “She doesn’t feel comfortable here.” Ursula opened a floodgate and now she couldn’t stop. “She said you gave her the heebie jeebies.”

  “Heebie jeebies?” I mocked.

  Ursula was insulted. “Yes. She told me I better warn you. I wasn’t going to say anything, but—”

  “Warn me about what?”

  “She said you gave her the heebie jeebies because you’re—”

  “E-v-il. I know. She already told me,” I said nonchalantly.

  “Jessica, you shouldn’t be acting like that. She said—that you had something attached to you.”

  “Attached?”

  “Yes. It follows you around.”

  Chills ran up and down my arms.

  Bang! Bang! Bang!

  Ursula and I both jumped. Mr. McKinney was at the back door. He’s in charge of our landscaping.

  I opened the door. Mr. McKinney took off his hat and clutched it in his dirty hands. “Afternoon, Miss Jessica.”

  “Hello,” I said.

  “I seen you was home and wondered if you wanted to ride out with me on the golf cart and look at the grounds?”

  I looked at him a little funny. Why would I want to do that? He always mulched, mowed, and edged and I never looked before.

  “Your mama asked me to plant some white rose bushes for ya, for your birthday party. I thought you might want to come have a peek. There really nice.”

  “I have someone on the phone right now. Long distance. I guess I’ll have to have a look later,” I lied and then closed the door.

  I could feel my anger began to boil up in me.

  Ursula was still working in the kitchen. She looked a little frightened. “What is it?”

  “My mother better not think that having that man plant a few bushes outside is going to suffice for the arrangements of white roses I wanted decorating my party!”

  Ursula didn’t respond. I didn’t expect her to understand.

  awoke in the morning, with my pillow damp beneath my head. Not from perspiration this time, but from tears.

  Again, I had run down endless dark hallways all night long. Whenever I would turn to look behind me, a frigid, inky, blackness would nip at my heels, trying its best to devour me.

  What made this dream a little different this time was that at I finally reached the end of one of the halls. There was a door there and whenever I tried to turn the knob, it wouldn’t budge because it was locked. I didn’t know why, but a deep sadness washed over me. I wanted to get in that room. I needed to get in that room. I looked behind me, hoping for the blackness to take me, but it was gone. I was left alone in my agony with no end in sight.

  My hair was wild this morning. Talk about bed head. I took a quick shower and decided to wear my hair au naturel. I had pounds of blond curls that cascaded down my back. I wore a really cute, funky shirt with blingy capri jeans and sparkly flip flops. I was picture worthy and posted my photo for my birthday countdown.

  I could hear my mom snoring in her bedroom and my dad’s car was already gone. Just then, I saw Jay walking up from the barn. I stepped outside with my backpack.

  “I guess you talked to my dad?” I asked.

  “Not this morning. About what?”

  “About driving me to and from school.” I lied. I had never asked my dad to speak to Jay.

  He furrowed his brows. I think he knew I wasn’t telling the truth.

  “It’s only for a few days. Until I get my car,” I added.

  “Sure. That’s fine, I guess.”

  “Oh, and he said you can’t have other passengers in the car.” Ha-ha, Ava!

  Now he really looked like he didn’t believe me. Instead of telling me where I could stick it, he shook his head and grinned. “Okay,” he agreed. “Let’s go.”

  We rode in silence on the way to school. My mind kept oscillating between my nightmares and the unexplainable things that had happened to me. It would be nice to have someone to talk to. I didn’t want to spend another day in the library surrounded by bookworms and computer geeks. It was a nerd fest in there and I wanted no part of it. I made up my mind at that moment. I was going to have to talk to Tori.

  “You sure are quiet,” said Jay as he parked the car.

  I shrugged and hopped out.

  I made a beeline for Tori’s locker. Amanda was talking with her while Tori sorted her books.

  They were laughing and smiling. When I walked up, they stopped doing both. Neither one of them spoke a word to me.

  “I need to talk to you, Tor,” I said. I cut my eyes at Amanda.

  “I-I’ll see ya later,” Amanda stammered.

  “You don’t have to leave, Amanda,” Tori called out.

  Tori glared at me.

  “What?” I asked innocently. “I didn’t tell her to leave.”

  “Whatever. What do you want?” Tori snapped.

  “How long is this going to go on?” I demanded

  “How long is what going to go on?” Tori barked.

  “Your passive-aggressive drama. What, do you really think you are going to ignore me to death?”

  Tori’s jaw clenched.

  “You need to get over yourself, Tor. I mean, my party is Saturday.”

  Tori stood there for the longest time and then she finally spoke. “Yeah, you know. You’re right. I need to get over myself. Look I gotta get to class. I can’t be tardy again.”

  Tori and I sat with each other at lunch, just like old times, with one minor difference: Amanda Nichols sat with us. Tori hardly spoke to me because Amanda was helping her with her algebra again. The two of them managed to have a small conversation though and I wasn’t included. I didn’t try to be included though. I started to get ticked when I began feeling like I was sitting with them and not that Amanda was sitting with us. Did they think they were doing me a favor?

  I was so glad when the bell rang and dismissed us to go home. Tori didn’t text me at all today and she barely said a word when I saw her in the hall. I supposed this meant she was still not giving me a ride. I was glad to be heading to the parking lot. The only thing that would’ve made it better was if I had my own car already.

  Cowboy was more like Lover Boy. I had to wait on him again as he made his way through the girls who approached him. He was finally close enough to unlock the door f
or me with his remote. Bout time!

  I put my backpack on the floor by my feet and buckled up. I checked my e-mail and he still hadn’t gotten in. I finally reached over and laid on the horn.

  Within a second, he was climbing in. “What’s the matter with you?”

  I refused to answer him. I wouldn’t even look at him.

  When we pulled into the drive, I noticed Jay didn’t shut the engine off. A second after I got out, I knew why. He immediately backed out without saying a word. I guessed he didn’t have to work today. I quickly rushed inside and found myself alone.

  The house was dark and other than the steady tick of the grandfather clock, it was quiet. I went upstairs and threw myself on my bed. My life was a mess and I wasn’t even sure how it had gotten that way. I didn’t want to think about anything. I rolled over and opened the bottom drawer of my nightstand. I pulled out a shot glass and a bottle of tequila.

  I reached back into my drawer and found what was left of a joint and grabbed my Zippo. I locked my bedroom door and flipped on my radio. I stepped outside onto my balcony and filled the tiny glass. I held my breath and took a drink. It was like liquid fire. It burned my throat and then spread through my veins to every inch of me. I stashed the bottle and shot glass in the corner behind a potted tree.

  Then I lit up, inhaled a deep breath, and held it. I slowly released it, along with my worries. I could feel myself letting go. My life wasn’t so bad. I was too rich to have problems. I took another hit. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be me?

  I dropped my joint and almost burned myself when I saw something move inside my room. I thought Ursula was off today? Did my mom just get in?

  I slowly opened the French door and stepped inside. I didn’t see anyone. I remembered now, that I had locked my door. My heart was a jackhammer. I slowly got to my knees and raised the dust ruffle on my bed. Nothing was there. I started to smile when I thought about how silly I was being. Before the dust ruffle fell back into place, a loud sound came from the bathroom. It was sort of a knocking sound. Like the house was settling. It was so loud, though, and the timing was horrible.

  Then the sound came again.

  I slowly stepped into my bathroom. I saw nothing by the sink or behind the shower doors. As I turned to go, I caught a glimpse of my reflection. Whatever was looking back at me looked as if it had been severely burned in a fire!

  I touched my face and screamed. Tears came to my eyes and when I blinked, I looked like me again. What’s happening?

  I tore out of my room and ran down the hallway. I stopped dead in my tracks as I felt a sudden change in temperature. I heard my name being whispered. I slowly turned and saw an inky, dark mist coming from my room toward me.

  I turned back and ran downstairs and all the way to Bear.

  I felt myself calm down the second I laid my eyes on him. I flung my arms around his neck. The way he nuzzled me, it was like he knew I was upset. I let a tear escape.

  “Are you okay?”

  I froze when I suddenly realized I wasn’t alone. I discreetly rubbed my eye.

  I hadn’t noticed Jay’s car until now, parked on the fresh gravel that had been poured.

  “Just go away…please.”

  I quickly slipped a bit into Bear’s mouth and led him out of his stall. I rode him bareback into the woods.

  We walked until the beat of my heart returned to normal. An hour later, I reluctantly headed us back in the direction of home.

  When I saw that there were lights in the barn, I got a knot in my stomach. I didn’t want to have to face Jay. I wished he we just go away.

  As I placed Bear in his stall, I wondered why Jay hadn’t bothered me.

  As I was about to leave, I heard him in the storage room.

  “It’s late,” I said as I peeked in. “My dad’s probably not going to pay you overtime, so you might as well—”

  I froze when I realized he wasn’t in there. What had made that sound? I shivered. I looked for his car but it was gone. He left without waiting on me to return this time. Well…good. I’m glad he’s finally listening.

  I suddenly felt scared again. Everything seemed so much darker now.

  “Goodnight, Bear.” I flipped out the lights and darted toward the house. Great, the house was dark. No one was home. I paused before going in so I could work up my nerve. I opened the door and flipped on the light. I was startled when a motor roared to life from the driveway. It was Jay. He slowly backed out once he saw that I was inside.

  A small part of me wanted to run out and stop him. I didn’t want to be alone in the house. I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t though. Instead, I closed the door and waited in the den for my parents. I waited and I waited.

  I awoke to yelling.

  “Damn it, Shay! Why can’t you just have a few? Can’t you have some self-control?”

  It was my dad and he was screaming at my mom again about her drinking.

  “Self-control. You want to lecture me about self-control? You are such a hypocrite, Jonathon!”

  Just then my dad saw me as I sat up from where I had been lying on the couch.

  “It’s late, Jessica! Why aren’t you in your room?” my dad asked harshly.

  “Hello. How was your day? And, goodnight to you too,” I said as I got up.

  He ignored me as usual and turned away.

  “Jess, honey, wait,” my mom yelled up after me.

  I could feel warm tears pooling in my eyes. I ran upstairs and slammed my bedroom door and locked it without once thinking about the monster that might be hiding in there.

  got dressed quickly and went downstairs. I didn’t want to be in my room any longer than I had to.

  I looked in on my mom. The smell of vomit almost knocked me over when I cracked her door open. A trash can was sitting next to her bed and she was out for the count.

  I almost bumped into Ursula on the way out of her room.

  “I beg your pardon, dear. I wasn’t aware you were still here.”

  I was glad to see her.

  “I was just checking on my mom,” I said.

  Ursula peered over my shoulder. I knew by the look on her face that she knew what was going on. She’d been cleaning up after my mother for years.

  “Would you like me to fix ya some breakfast?” She smiled sweetly. I held back the new, meaner me, who wanted to snap at her and tell her to cram her sympathy. After all, who was she to feel sorry for me? But, I didn’t. Instead, I nodded.

  As she scrambled the eggs, she asked, “So, are you excited about your big day?”

  I shrugged.

  “Aw, come on now. It’s not everyday you turn sixteen.”

  “Ursula.”

  “Yes, dear?”

  “Do you have Kamali’s address?”

  She looked at me with a puzzled expression.

  “She and I got off on the wrong foot the other day. I want to apologize,” I lied.

  Ursula tipped the skillet and shoveled the eggs onto my plate with the spatula.

  “Aw, Miss Jessica. That would be lovely. Just lovely.” She set the skillet in the sink and ran some water to soak it. “Let me just grab my purse. I have her information on my phone.”

  I entered Kamali’s information into my phone and took my last bite of eggs. “That was good. Thank you, Ursula.”

  “You’re very welcome. You have a good day now.”

  I panicked for a moment when I stepped outside and Jay wasn’t there. Butterflies tickled my stomach, though, when I watched him pull in and give me a subtle wave.

  I hopped in and posted, Two More Days!!!

  I was in a building with thousands of people, and yet I was alone. Lots of people said hi to me and told me they couldn’t wait until my party, but I never really talked to anyone. I felt like an outsider at lunch again, too.

  I was so relieved when the final bell of the day rang and I was sitting safely inside Jay’s car. It was warm inside from sitting in the sun all day. It made me sleepy. I laid my head back
and inhaled the new car fumes.

  “What’s the matter with you?” asked Jay.

  “Nothing…now.” I grinned. When I opened my eyes, Jay was looking at me with furrowed brows.

  “What?” I asked.

  “I’m just trying to figure you out.”

  Before he started the car, I asked, “Do you think you could take me somewhere?”

  “Where?”

  I held out my phone with the address displayed on the screen. Instead of taking it, he leaned in toward me to look at the screen. I could now smell that he was wearing cologne. It was like I stepped inside an Abercrombie and Fitch store at the mall, but dialed way down. I felt nervous all of a sudden and dropped my phone.

  We both bent over to get it at the same time. He reached it first and bumped me in the mouth with the back of his head as he sat back up.

  “Oh, sorry!”

  I grabbed my face. “It’s okay.” My teary eyes said otherwise.

  When I took my hand down, he said, “You’re bleeding!”

  “It’s fine,” I assured him. It really was nothing. I just felt like an idiot.

  He reached into his glove box and pulled out a napkin and blotted my lip.

  He was upset that he had hurt me even though it was an accident. He raked his long dark hair out of his face. His eyes were green. I had never noticed before.

  He gave me a lopsided grin. “Well, I guess I’ll have to take you wherever you want to go now.”

  I returned his smile. “Ouch.” I took the napkin from his hand and held it my lip.

  “That’s gonna hurt.”

  I glanced in the review mirror. It wasn’t bad at all. In fact, it was barely noticeable and I would probably forget about it by morning. But I decided to milk it for all it was worth. I gave him a sad little pout as I handed him my phone.

  He looked at the screen and typed the address into his GPS.

  “Buckle up.” He smiled.

  He drove us out of the suburbs, deep into the city. The steady thud of the tires made my eyelids heavy.

  Jay reached over and gave my shoulder a gently shove.