Strong Like Me

by Laurel Veil

  “It’ll be fine. Besides, my dad is gone and my mom is up to her eyeballs. Come on.”

  “This is a very bad idea,” he said as he followed me to the house.

  My mom didn’t notice us as we sneaked in. I watched Jay’s eyes get bigger as he turned his head to take everything in.

  “Nice,” he said coolly.

  We made our way up the stairs and down the hallway.

  “So is this where it happened?” he asked.

  I nodded. “Yes,” I whispered.

  We walked quietly down the hallway. Just before we made it to my bedroom door, Jay began moaning, “Boooo.”

  I cut my eyes at him. “Shut up.”

  I rummaged through my closet and pulled out an old pair of jeans and a T-shirt.

  “I’ll be out in a sec,” I said as I closed the bathroom door behind me.

  As I was changing, I heard Jay open the door to my balcony. He whistled and then said, “What a view.”

  I knew what he meant. It was a pretty: the rolling green hills, the tall trees in the forest, and the sky that went on forever.

  I gave myself a quick glance in the mirror. Cute, I thought. I didn’t look too long, though. I didn’t want something to appear.

  Jay was still on the balcony.

  “I’m ready,” I said as I stepped out.

  Jay had a grin on his face. I thought it was because he thought I looked cute, too.

  “So…was your ghost adventure before or after?”

  My face crinkled. “Before or after what?”

  He looked down at the tequila bottle that was sitting in the corner behind a large clay pot that housed a ficus tree.

  Then he pointed with the tip of his shoe to the stub of the joint I had dropped.

  Again I wanted to smack the smirk off his face, but then my anger turned into frustration. I felt my cheeks burn and my eyes got watery. Why did I care so much if he believed me?

  He suddenly got nervous. “D-Don’t cry. I was only kidding. Please. Don’t cry. I’m sorry.”

  My spine stiffened. “I wasn’t!” I snapped.

  As if he read my mind, he said, “I really do believe you.”

  I was embarrassed about how much him saying that calmed me down. “Whatever,” I said, pretending my best to sound like I didn’t care one way or the other.

  “I’m just going to use your bathroom and then we can go. I’ll only be a sec. Okay?”

  “Fine.”

  While Jay used the restroom, I touched up my eyes. My eyeliner had smudged a bit when my eyes teared up. Uh. I’m so glad I didn’t cry in front of him. That would’ve been so embarrassing. I was such idiot sometimes.

  Just then, Jay opened the door to exit the bathroom. He stepped next to me and used the sink. He dried his hands and then stood behind me.

  “Ready?” he asked.

  I looked up from what I was doing and glanced at him through the mirror. It was subtle, but I saw that he flinched. When I looked back at my reflection, everything seemed normal, but he pushed me along.

  “Come on. We need to go. Now.”

  “What’s the matter?” I asked as he hurried me down the hallway.

  The air around us suddenly became crisp. I stopped and turned my head back toward my bedroom. Jay did the same. It was at that moment that the dark mist spilled out of my bedroom door.

  “K-kamali said to talk t—”

  Jay didn’t even let me finish my sentence. He pushed me down the hall and nudged me down the stairs with his hand at my back.

  He swung the door open so quickly, I forgot about my mom until I saw her.

  “Quick!” I whispered as I pointed for Jay to head toward the orchard.

  Just as we made it into the thicket of trees, my mom looked up.

  “I thought you said your parents wouldn’t mind?”

  “I never said that. Not exactly.”

  Jay opened the driver’s side door of the truck and waited for me to climb in. I slid over and fastened my seatbelt.

  “So, now do you believe me?” I asked as we headed into town.

  Jay was quiet for a moment. “I told you that I already believed you.” He shook his head like he was aggravated with me.

  “Well, what’s the matter?” I asked.

  “I saw your reflection change in the mirror.”

  Great! I thought as I turned to look out my window so he couldn’t see my face. Now not even the farmhand is going to want to be around me.

  “I’m worried about you.”

  I jerked my head in his direction. He really meant that.

  We rode in silence the rest of the way to feed store. It wasn’t the kind of silence I was used to. It wasn’t cold and hollow. It was warm and comfortable.

  Jay pushed a large cart through the wide aisle and loaded heavy bags of oats onto it. I watched Jay as he worked. Even his hands were strong. They were tan from working out in the sun. His fingers were long and his palms were callused. Prominent veins traveled from his knuckles up through his arms.

  As we walked through the store, I asked him, “So how long have you lived in Sparrow?”

  He looked down at me. It made my stomach tickle so I looked at my shoes.

  “About two years.”

  “Where are you from?”

  “Anderson. I’m sure you’ve never heard of it. It’s only a couple a hundred miles north of here, but it’s a lot smaller than Sparrow.”

  I tried to look up at him, but when his eyes met mine, I looked away.

  “So why did you come?”

  “My dad needed work. My mom has family around here too, so”—he shrugged—“it just made sense.”

  As we checked out, Jay told the cashier about the hay we would be needing, too.

  “Sure thing, Jay.” She smiled. How was she able to make eye contact with him like that? “You want me to just put this on your tab, hon?”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Jay smiled back. Puh-lease!

  Jay pushed the cart to our truck and then walked over to the hay bales that were for sale. I went to pick up the end of the one he was just about to lift.

  “What are you doing?” he asked.

  “Helping.”

  “I don’t need help. Not with this. You’re making me look like a wuss.”

  I started to laugh. “But I want to help.”

  “You can put the feed in the cab of the truck.”

  I watched as he lifted the bale like it weighed nothing and swung it onto the trailer. I never noticed before how broad his shoulders were.

  “You gonna get those sacks in the truck?” He grinned.

  I snapped out of my daze and tried to put one of the bags in. It kept trying to fall out.

  Jay reached around me and effortlessly adjusted the bag. It was warm out, but I got a shiver. He pressed even closer as he leaned in and reached for the seatbelt and fastened it around the bag.

  “There, that should hold it.” He smiled proudly.

  He tossed the other sack onto the floorboard and closed the door.

  When he opened the driver’s side door for me, I suddenly realized I wasn’t going to be able to slide all the way over.

  I scooted as close to the middle of the seat as I could and belted myself in as he did the same. We were sitting so close together, our thighs were touching. It made me nervous and I began chewing on my bottom lip.

  He watched me for a moment. “You better stop doing that or you’re going to hurt it again.”

  It took me a second to realize what he was referring to. “Huh? Oh—it doesn’t hurt anymore. I forgot all about it.”

  “I have to go pick up a part I need to fix your dad’s tractor. It’s about an hour there and back. You wanna come?”

  I nodded and he put the truck in gear.

  “So what do you think I should do?” I asked.

  I liked that he knew what I meant without having to elaborate.

  He shook his head. “I don’t even know for sure what we’re dealing with.”

&nbs
p; “We’re?”

  “If you want.”

  I nodded and watched the scenery zip past us through the window. The thud of the tires was hypnotizing. My nights of not sleeping well were catching up with me. I yawned as we pulled into the parts store.

  “I’ll just be a second.”

  We were back on the road in no time. Jay flipped on the radio to a country station. A slow song sang softly through the speakers. My eyelids felt like they had weights attached to them and then my neck went limp. I laid my head back and drifted into a dream.

  I woke up with my face buried in Jay’s shoulder. I slowly looked up at him. He looked down at me through his dark lashes and smiled.

  “Sorry,” I whispered.

  “For what? That you’re exhausted?”

  “The whole black mist thing in my room has really been taking a toll on my quality of sleep.” I laughed. “What time is it?” I asked as I sat up.

  Jay shrugged. He noticed that I realized that the sacks of oats were still next to me and the trailer was still stacked with hay.

  “I didn’t want to wake you,” he said softly.

  I felt my face flush. Thank goodness he opened the door and got out. I followed.

  He got right to work moving the hay and I put the oats in a wheelbarrow and rolled them into the barn. Bear’s ears perked up and he stepped toward me.

  I dumped a bucketful of oats into his feeding trough. When Jay finished stacking the bales, he gave Bear some hay and topped off his water tub.

  “Thanks,” I said.

  Jay looked a little surprised. “You’re welcome.”

  “He’s beautiful, isn’t he?” I asked as I stroked his nose.

  When Jay stepped closer, it made me feel a little nervous. But when his fingertips brushed against mine as he petted Bear too, my heart fluttered.

  “Very beautiful,” he said, but he wasn’t looking at Bear.

  We petted Bear for a while and then Jay said, “Do you want me to walk you to your house before I go?”

  My stomach twisted. I didn’t want him to leave. “No that’s okay,” I said as I looked away.

  “Are you sure?”

  “I said no,” I snapped, but with less bite than I used to use with him.

  “I don’t really like leaving you out here alone at night.”

  “I’m not alone. Bear’s here. Bear’s always here.”

  Jay glanced toward my house. “No lights are on. Is anyone home?”

  “It’s Friday. No one is ever home on Friday.”

  “You were planning on staying out here all night, weren’t you?”

  “Do you blame me?”

  He shook his head. “I guess not.”

  I sat down on a bench and reclined against the wall. Jay sat at the opposite end and did the same.

  “You can go,” I said, even though I didn’t want him to.

  I was glad he ignored me. “So you never said how you liked your new car.”

  I shrugged. “It’s okay.”

  “Okay? I think that car deserves more than an okay.’

  “Where were you this morning? Did my dad tell you not to come?”

  “No. When I pulled in, Earl—”

  “Earl?”

  “Earl McKinney,” he said, insinuating I should have known.

  I rolled my eyes.

  “Anyway, he told me what was going on. So, I left. You didn’t need me anymore and I figured you probably wouldn’t have wanted me around watching your parents gush all over you.”

  I snorted. “Yeah, right.”

  He looked at me. “What’s that’s supposed to mean?”

  Before I could answer, we heard brakes squeal and two car doors slam. My parents were fighting once again.

  “Leave!” I barked as I jumped up.

  “Wait!” said Jay. “Don’t go.”

  But I was already running to the house.

  was humiliated by my parents’ trailer park behavior. We didn’t have a neighbor for miles, so usually it wasn’t a problem. I hoped Jay would keep what he saw to himself.

  I sneaked in quietly. I was trying to outsmart my nightmares by sleeping in one of our guest bedrooms, which, as far as I knew, no guest had ever slept in, but they found me and so did the ebony mist.

  My nose felt so cold, it woke me up. The room was like ice. It was just after midnight. I lay there for a moment, hoping to fall back to sleep. If tonight weren’t my party, I would have slept through the day entirely. It was a painful date, and I didn’t want to fight the memories. I tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable. Why was it so cold? I finally switched on a lamp. I trembled when I saw that a black fog now hovered over the floor. It was so thick, I couldn’t tell what color the carpet was.

  My heart pounded against my chest. It was like it was beating against a locked door and screaming, Let me out!

  I couldn’t move. I was too scared and I didn’t want to step into the fog. I was afraid it would eat me alive. I pulled the covers up to just below my eyes and shivered.

  The fog began to move. It was like watching a thunderstorm churn. The coal-colored fog began to swirl in a clockwise direction. It went faster and faster like a whirlpool. From the center, a shadowy female figure slowly rose. Its body was nothing more than vapor. Its hair was a wisp of dark smoke. It stared at me without blinking.

  “Who are you? What do you want?” I managed to ask, even though I was terrified about what the answers would be.

  She didn’t say a word. Instead, she raised her long bony finger and summoned me toward her. I didn’t want to go; I was moving against my will. As I drew closer, she opened her arms wide like a bird spreading its wings.

  I wondered if she was the angel of death. Was I dead? I looked back at my bed and my body was laying in it! Suddenly the room whirled as she closed her robes around me. It was frosty beneath them, like I had just stepped inside a refrigerator. My stomach suddenly dropped like it did whenever I rode a roller coaster.

  When she let down her arms and her robes were no longer blocking my view, I realized that we were now standing inside a small apartment.

  I was startled when I turned and saw a very frail woman in a recliner in the corner of the dimly lit room. She was asleep. Her head was hung over; her hair covered her face.

  “Why are we here?” I asked.

  The spirit remained silent. I looked around the empty room. There were no decorations, not one single photo hung on the walls. There were no signs that anyone else lived there: no toys, no laughter, just eerie silence.

  I jumped when the woman snorted. She struggled to breathe for a moment and then continued snoring. An ashtray sat on the little table next to her. It was spilling over with cigarette butts and used joints. Then I noticed a shot glass and an almost empty bottle of Juarez tequila. A horrible feeling washed over me as my eyes darted back to the woman. Her head flung back and her eyes opened. She couldn’t see me or the dread in my face as I realized I was looking at my future self. I was repulsive.

  I turned to the spirit. “Why are you showing me this? Get me out of here! Please!”

  The spirit raised her arms and I stepped toward her. A moment later, I was relieved to be back in my parent’s guest bedroom.

  I felt lightheaded. It took me few seconds to realize I was back in my body, lying in bed. I sat up abruptly. The spirit was hovering at the foot of my bed.

  “C-can I change my future?”

  She still didn’t speak.

  “Surely I can, or what would be the point in showing me, other than to torture me?” I waited for a response. “Is that why you showed me—to torture me? Say something!”

  Like paint that’s mixed with too much water, her image began to dilute until it was no longer there.

  I was quiet as I made my way downstairs. My plan was to leave unnoticed, which wouldn’t be hard, and to spend the day with Bear until it was time to get ready.

  I was surprised when I heard my dad’s voice coming from his office. I figured he would
have been at work, trying to make a few sales before my party. His voice was low. He was trying not to be heard. I guessed he didn’t want to wake my mother.

  I could hear my mother snoring. The smell from the soured remnants of her last meal wafted down the hall.

  I slipped outside and headed to Bear’s stall. A small part of me wished that Jay would have been working in the barn, but he was nowhere in sight. I saddled Bear and headed out toward the field where wild flowers grow.

  I picked an enormous bouquet of white daises and some other purple flowers whose name I didn’t know.

  As I walked, Bear followed me, stopping to graze here and there along the way. I could hear the creek now. I walked over to the small, sweet olive tree and laid down next it.

  I watched the passing clouds play peek-a-boo through the canopy of trees overhead and inhaled the scent of the sweet olive blooms until I dozed off.

  I was wandering through a maze of hallways and couldn’t find my way out. The cold, dark fog suddenly came around the corner that was in front of me. I turned and ran until I reached the end. The fog was getting closer. Suddenly, I realized there was a door to the right of me. I tried the knob, but again it was locked. I began banging on the door.

  Thunder boomed! I was startled from my sleep. It was dark! Did I sleep through my own party? I looked up and saw that rain was seconds from falling. Bear whinnied. The weather was making him skittish.

  I left the daisies under the sweet olive tree and leaped onto Bear’s back. We ran all the way to the barn.

  I put him in his stall and raced to the house. There were people bussing about the yard, double-checking that the tent stakes were firmly in place. A gust of wind blew through my hair and whipped it all about.

  “Where have you been?” my mom snapped when I stepped into the kitchen.

  Her auburn hair was pulled back in a sleek, sophisticated bun. Pearls adorned her long ivory neck. She was almost six feet tall in her heels.

  “I was out riding Bear and—”

  “You smell like Bear. P People will start arriving soon. Hurry up and get ready!” she barked. “And do something nice with your hair,” she said as I turned to go.

  No kidding. I thought as I headed to the staircase. Of course her idea of nice was not my idea of nice.