Strong Like Me

by Laurel Veil

  “I think I’ll pass. If that’s okay with you?” He gave me a crooked grin and my stomach unknotted itself.

  “Okay,” I whispered.

  I felt a little uneasy as I walked into first period. I hoped that Amanda didn’t think we were going to be joined at the hip now that we were roomies.

  I took my seat and read the day’s assignment on the board. Just great. We were going to be working with partners today. Oh well, at least Amanda was smart. I could sit here and do nothing and still walk out with a good grade. I looked down at my phone and scrolled through Facebook. I saw some pictures from my party. It looked like everyone had a good time.

  After announcements Ms. Jefferson told us to find a partner. I continued looking at Facebook while I waited for Amanda to slide her desk over.

  A few minutes later Ms. Jefferson approached my desk. “Jessica, you need to put that away and find a partner.”

  I looked up, annoyed by the interruption.

  “Now, please.”

  As I slid my phone into my purse I scanned the room. Amanda was working with Becca!

  I looked around the room. Everyone had a partner but me.

  Ms. Jefferson walked back over to me. “I see that everyone else is already working. I’ll pull up a chair and be your partner.” She smiled as she made her way to the front of the room.

  Wonderful. Just then, Ichabod Crane walked in, dressed all in black, with a pass in his hand. I guess he was going to try and join the Goth group. He said something to Ms. Jefferson and then she said, “Good news, Jessica. You have a partner.”

  His face didn’t look like an oil slick today. His hairy wasn’t greasy either, it was gelled. He was wearing it in a spiky Mohawk.

  He seemed agitated. He sat down and took out his book and a sheet of paper without ever saying a word or making eye contact.

  I got out my things as well and watched as he wrote his name on his paper.

  “So…Austin. How do you want to do this?”

  He looked at me, annoyed, like I had asked him twenty times.

  He was wearing black eyeliner. I wanted to laugh.

  “I don’t want to work with you more than you don’t want to work with me. You will do your fair share, though.” He glanced at his book. “There are twenty questions. I’ll do the first ten and you can do the rest.”

  Who wouldn’t want to work with me? “What’s your problem? Get up on the wrong side of your coffin?”

  What a jerk!

  I took off before the bell could even quit ringing, and my next classes weren’t much better.

  On the way to lunch I noticed heads turned as I walked by. It seemed like everyone was whispering and I thought I heard my name. I was beginning to wonder if I was having some sort of paranoid delusion until Ava walked up.

  “Is it true?”

  “What?” I asked curtly.

  “About Ms. Alexandra and your dad?”

  I thought the floor moved underneath me for a split second and then I pulled it together the best I could.

  “What are you talking about?” I played dumb so I could find out exactly what she knew. I didn’t want to give something away accidently. How could she know anyway?

  “Everyone is talking about seeing them at your party.”

  “Seeing what? Who’s everyone? I mean, did you see anything? I didn’t.”

  Just then Reanne walked up. “Did you ask her yet?” she asked Ava.

  Ava grinned. She was loving this. I wasn’t about to let her see me squirm and give her any more satisfaction.

  Reanne looked at me. “I heard your dad and Ms. Alexandra were flirting and hanging all over—”

  “You heard? That’s funny—all three of us were there, but none of us saw anything. If I had to guess, Ms. Alexandra was probably just schmoozing my dad for a new car. Some people don’t have any pride.”

  She gave me the evil eye before she and Ava walked away. I needed to leave. I wished I knew were Jay was. It was probably for the best that I didn’t. I had already gotten him fired. I didn’t need to get him expelled too.

  I dropped my things off in my locker, took a deep breath and headed for the exit. I was nervous. I had never cut class before.

  As I came around the corner, I plowed into a teacher.

  “Excuse m—”

  “Sorr—” I tried to apologize.

  Ms. Alexandra and I both stopped talking and stared at one another.

  “Your father needs to talk with you. You should give him a call.”

  “How would you know?”

  She looked down. Busted! I could tell she was flustered and not sure how to answer. What could she possibly say that wouldn’t make things worse than they already were?

  “That’s what I thought,” I said and then I stepped around her.

  “Where are you going?” she asked as I walked to the door. “You can’t just leave,” she said authoritatively.

  I stopped and turned around. “Oh, really? Are there rules we’re supposed to follow? Things we should and shouldn’t do?” I took a couple of steps toward her. “Let me make sure I’ve got this straight. You’re concerned that I’m leaving school without permission, but you’ve just obliterated my family.”

  I waited for her to say something. Fighting with her was like arguing with my mother. She was weak and a coward. “You’re a whore, Ms. Alexandra. And I can do whatever I want.”

  A gust of wind tousled my hair as I pushed the door wide open. Unloading on Ms. Alexandra took a weight off my shoulders. I felt like I could blow away now.

  As I walked, my feet began to hurt a little. What was I thinking? My home was miles away. Oh well, it was better than being in school.

  My gait slowed as my anger died down. My thoughts wandered to my mother. How was she? Where was she? She hadn’t even bothered to check on me.

  Just then I got a text. I thought it might be her. It was Tori. Word had already gotten around that I had cut class. She was on the way to a dental appointment and wanted to know what happened.

  I hadn’t heard from her in days and now she wanted the gory details of my screwed-up life. I needed a ride though. So I texted her where I was and asked her for a ride home. A few minutes later, she was pulling up beside me.

  Her brakes squealed as she came to an abrupt stop.

  “So…what happened?” she asked before I even got in. She was like a dog sitting under the table eyeballing the floor for scraps of food to devour.

  “Don’t drool, Tor, it’s tacky.”

  “What do you mean?” she asked as she sped toward my house.

  “You’re practically salivating, expecting to hear some juicy details.”

  She giggled. “Well, there’s lots of gossip going around at school. Is any of it true?” I couldn’t believe she was laughing…then again.

  “So I’ve heard and no,” I said flatly. “I hate to disappoint you and everyone else.”

  “Well, why did you cut class then?”

  I waited a moment. I needed to drag this out long enough so that she could get me home. “The truth is actually boring. I just didn’t feel well is all.”

  I could tell she didn’t believe me. “Where’s your car?”

  “My dad’s having something looked at. I got a ride with someone else this morning.”

  Thank goodness I could see my house now. “Don’t pull all the way in. Just stop right here,” I told her. I doubted anyone was home, but I didn’t want anyone to notice me. I wanted to sneak in and grab a few more things and then spend the rest of the day with Bear.

  “Thanks for the ride,” I told her.

  She didn’t say anything and left. I guessed she thought she wasted her time.

  When I stepped into the garage, I saw that my car was gone. I wondered if my dad took it back.

  I got a little nervous before I opened the kitchen door. What if my dad changed the alarm code?

  I took a deep breath and tried the knob. It wasn’t locked. I inched the door open and nothin
g happened.

  I ran upstairs and threw some more of my things into a bag and then crept downstairs. I kept my eyes peeled for black mists and I never looked in any mirrors, especially when I was in my bathroom.

  I heard something hit the floor. The noise came from my parents’ room.

  I saw the TV remote laying on the wooden floor. Evidently my mom had dropped it. I picked up the batteries that had spilled out during the impact of the fall and put them back in.

  I found my mom hobbling to the restroom. She looked thinner than usual and very pale. She was in a gown and her hair hadn’t seen a brush in days.

  “Mom.”

  I startled her. She put her hand to her chest. “Oh, Jessica. You frightened m—”

  She had been happy to see me at first and then her face crinkled up like she had just tasted a lemon. Tears began to run down her cheeks and she reached for me.

  I stepped forward and hugged her. My heart was breaking for her until she pulled back to look at me. She held my face and mumbled something and the stench of vomit and vodka made my temper flare. I didn’t yell this time, though. I knew my mom had been through a lot with my dad so I swallowed my anger for later.

  “He must not love me anymore, Jess. Why would he do this? He’s probably going to leave. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

  I stepped over to the garden tub and began to fill it. “Get in, mom. I’m going to make you something to eat. I’ll be right back.”

  She nodded like a small child and then I headed to the kitchen.

  I wasn’t as talented as Amanda, so I made some toast and poured a glass of juice.

  I placed the tray on the coffee table in the sitting room of her bedroom.

  I changed her sheets and rinsed the vomit from her trashcan. I found a half-full bottle of tequila and poured it down the sink.

  “Are you about done?” I asked

  Again she nodded.

  “Here. Let me help you with your hair.” I poured a cup of warm water on her head and worked shampoo through her hair until it made a thick white lather. Instead of seeing my mom as pathetic and weak, I just felt sorry for her. I rinsed the suds away and grabbed her a towel and her robe and helped her to the sofa.

  She smiled at the tray and took a nibble of toast and a sip of orange juice.

  “I’m not going to be able to take care of me, much less you.” Her words were slurred. I knew she was still drunk. “He doesn’t want me anymore. He never wanted you.”

  I felt like I had just been slapped. I tried to remind myself she was just rambling. And, besides, it wasn’t like she was telling me something I didn’t already know. For crying out loud, my dad had zero parenting instincts.

  She leaned her head back. Her eyes were shut now. I pulled her legs up on the sofa and laid her head on a pillow. As I tucked a blanket around her, still with her eyes shut, she mumbled, I wish you would have gotten a better family than us.”

  I didn’t need to be mad at my mom any longer, she felt guilty enough, I thought. With that epiphany, I turned to go.

  “They shouldn’t have let us have you.”

  I froze. When I turned around, my mother was completely out. I tried to wake her anyway.

  “Mom. Mom.” I shook her. “What did you say, Mom? Am I adopted?”

  My head began spinning. I went to her desk and fumbled through her drawers until I found the key to her filing cabinet.

  I went through every drawer and every manila folder until I found one that wasn’t labeled. I carefully pulled it out.

  My heart sped up and my hands began to tremble. I wanted to look inside, but I was also afraid. I took a deep breath and opened it.

  There was an assortment of different-sized papers. My name was on all of them. I had been adopted. I searched for my birth certificate and something that would tell me about my birth parents, but I didn’t have any luck. Everything in the folder looked like a bunch of legal documents and medical records, vaccinations and such.

  “Shay.”

  It was my dad! I shut the folder and eased it back into the cabinet, locked it, and headed for the window.

  I just raised it and was about to step through when I saw my bag.

  “Shay.”

  He was closer!

  I ran and snatched my bag, crawled out the window, and closed it quietly behind me. I ran toward the barn. I only stopped long enough to pick up an apple.

  “Bear? Bear!” He was gone! I checked the gate. It wasn’t broken.

  “He’s not here.”

  I turned to see my father standing behind me.

  “Why not? Where is he? What did you do with him?” I demanded.

  “Watch your tone with me, Jessica.” He didn’t come any closer, but I noticed he was clenching his fists now. His knuckles were white.

  “You weren’t here to care for him. He wasn’t going to feed himself, so I turned him over to Dr. McCormick. He’s going to find him a good home.”

  I was speechless for a moment. “I can’t believe you would do that to me.”

  “Oh come on, Jess, it’s not like I had him put down. I did you a favor.”

  “A favor?”

  “You don’t live here anymore, remember. How are you supposed to take care of him?” He shook his head at me in disgust and then left.

  I stood there in a daze for who knows how long. I felt so hurt at that moment, so desperate. I didn’t know what I was going to do. Just then, a vehicle pulled up. It was Jay. He jumped out of his car in a hurry. “I thought you might be here! I’ve been trying to call you. What happen—”

  Hot tears spilled down my cheeks. Jay let me bury my face in his chest. When I could breathe again, I told him everything.

  ay pulled into Amanda’s driveway.

  “Mandy’s at work and I have to run and help my dad with some things. Are you going to be okay here by yourself for a little bit?”

  “Yeah. Please don’t worry about me.”

  I watched as he left and then I walked out back to have a look around.

  There must have been a dozen chickens walking about. The stable was empty except for a couple of cats that were rolling about in some hay was scattered on the ground.

  “Are you Jay’s girlfriend?”

  I turned to see a young girl, about the age of six. She had Jay’s dark hair and green eyes.

  “I’m his friend, Jessica. Are you his sister?”

  She nodded.

  “What’s your name?”

  “Taylor. It’s my job to feed the chickens. Wanna help?”

  “Sure.”

  I followed her to a shed were she proceeded to fill a bucket with feed.

  “Mandy let’s me help her when she has to work.”

  “That’s nice of you.” I smiled.

  She shrugged. “It’s fun.”

  We walked around the pen and took turns scooping up handfuls of feed from the bucket. We scattered it all about the ground and the chickens gobbled it up.

  “You’re right. This is fun.”

  “I told you.”

  She made me laugh, which made her laugh. I could now see that she was missing her two front teeth on the top and bottom, and I laughed even harder.

  “You’re funny.” She giggled.

  I had been called many things, but never funny.

  Taylor went home and I went inside. I noticed that Amanda had made my bed before she left that morning. I felt a little embarrassed. It had never occurred to me to make my bed. Ursula had always taken care of that for me.

  When I stepped into the kitchen, I saw that she had done the dishes too. I guessed she came home after school to do chores before running to work. It suddenly hit me that maybe I could make dinner.

  I peeked in the pantry and found what I needed for spaghetti. I knew how to make that. I got things ready and then looked around the house.

  There were some photos of Amanda and her mother on the mantel. I wondered how she had died. I noticed a photo of them with a man. I guessed it w
as her dad and then I wondered what had happened to him.

  I heard a key turn in the lock.

  “Hey,” I said to Amanda.

  “I’m glad you’re here. I mean, I wish things were better for you at home, but well, I just wasn’t sure you were going to ever come back. I-I’m sorry if I hurt your feeling in class today. I didn’t know you didn’t have a partner. I just figured you were sick of me and needed a break.”

  I couldn’t believe she was apologizing to me. “I was never a very nice partner to you in class. I’m s-sorry.”

  Mercifully, she changed the subject. “Something smells good.”

  I felt proud. “I made spaghetti.”

  I followed her into the kitchen. She grabbed some plates and I poured some tea I found sitting in the fridge.

  “So where do you work?” I asked as we sat down across from each other and began making our plates.

  “I wait tables part time at Giuseppe’s.”

  That’s who had catered my party. That’s why she was there. A surge of guilt came over me.

  “I noticed your photos on the mantel,” I said, now trying to change the subject. I was curious about her parents, but I didn’t want to seem nosey. “Your mom was pretty.”

  Amanda looked down as she nodded. She took a sip and cleared her throat. “Thanks. She was. She died in a car accident.” She choked up a little but managed to keep talking. My dad died from a heart attack when I was ten.”

  I looked down at my plate and twirled my noodles around and around my fork. She was being so honest with me. I had never been around a girl like this. Everyone I knew was so fake and guarded, including me. I was surprised when I heard myself say, “My dad hates me, and my mom is an alcoholic.”

  She didn’t act shocked, or ask me for all the gory details. She simply nodded her head like she understood. I think she actually did.

  After a moment she said, “I guess you and I are sorta in the same boat. You know…orphaned.”

  She was right.

  “But hopefully yours is temporary,” she said optimistically.