by Laurel Veil
She was so tiny, but perfectly formed and wonderfully made and I knew I loved her with all my heart and soul. I would have given my life for hers.
I held her for a long time, hoping that somehow it would be long enough to last me my lifetime, but knowing, sadly, that even if I held her forever, it wouldn’t be long enough.
I gently kissed her forehead and left my lips on her tiny little head for a moment. I then took a small cedar box that I had pretended was a treasure chest when I was a little girl, and opened it. I wrapped the most precious gift I had ever been given in a fine, lavender scarf and gingerly tucked her in.
“Goodnight, my sweet Abigail. Mommy loves you so much.”
Bear and I formed a humble funeral procession. He walked with me as I carried Abigail to her final resting place. On his back he carried a shovel and a sweet olive sapling. It would make a beautiful grave marker.
I laid some wildflowers under the tiny tree and as I turned away, I remembered feeling something inside of me harden. I suppose, looking back, that it was my heart. I hated God and everyone. I remembered deciding at that moment that I would continue my friendship with Tori and that I would make her pay every day of her life for what she had done to Abigail and me.
In a moment, we were back on the sofa. It felt like an eternity had passed. We sat in silence for a while, still holding hands, and then I remembered my mother’s letter.
“Amanda, my mom left town.”
She looked at me with pity. I think she was wondering how much more I could take before I snapped.
“She left me a note and told me to tell you that it’s time. Do you know what she meant by that?”
Amanda looked at me with surprise. I couldn’t help but think she knew exactly what my mom meant, she just wasn’t expecting it. It was like she was in a daze.
“Amanda?” I tried to get her to snap out of it.
“After everything you just went through, I’m not sure that now is the best ti—”
White clouds materialized and swirled up around us like a tornado, until we couldn’t see. When they dissipated, we were in Amanda’s bedroom and she was sitting on her bed holding something. I noticed the date on her computer; it was only a few weeks ago.
Jay and I looked at Amanda. She looked nervous. I stepped closer so I could see what her past self was holding. It looked like a photo. Before I could have a better look, she reached down and took out a shoebox from under the bed. She lit a candle and then dumped the box over. Photos scattered all over her comforter. She began whispering something under her breath. It sounded like an inaudible chant. I was finally able to look more closely at the photos. They were photos of…me!
My head jerked up. Jay and I made eye contact. He knew exactly what I was thinking. Was she hexing me?
“What?” shrieked Amanda. “What’s wrong?”
Before I could say anything, we were suddenly standing in a small room. I could smell antiseptic. We all three turned simultaneously and saw Amanda and me lying in hospital beds.
I turned to Jay, and I could tell by the look on his face that he was confused.
“This was about six years ago. Amanda was a perfect match for me. She donated a kidney to me. The presence Kamali felt: it was Amanda.”
We both looked at Amanda. “What were you doing back there anyway?” I asked her.
She looked at me with a puzzled expression. “What do you mean?”
“Were you doing some sort of spell?”
“Spell? What are you talking about?”
“Don’t play dumb, Amanda. Did you make this happen to me? Did you make these spirits visit me?”
The look Amanda gave Jay said, is she crazy? She then looked back at me, “Jessica, I was praying…for you.”
“Praying?” I hesitated for a moment to let what she just said sink in. “No. I’m not buying it. Why would all this bad stuff have happened to me? Why do you always have to pretend to be so perfect? You just got busted!”
We turned our heads when we heard Amanda’s past self speaking. She was looking out the window describing what she saw to my past self.
“…and there’s a pond. Three ducks are swimming in it. A family is having a picnic and the children are on the swings.”
I interrupted. “I remembered how much you annoyed me that day. You went on and on about everything you got to see out the window. If you really wanted to be nice, you would have traded beds with me.” I stormed over to the window and peered out.
Hot tears filled my eyes and trickled down my cheeks. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Four stories down was a dark alley. The street was filled with potholes and lined with overflowing Dumpsters. I was ashamed when Jay stood beside me and saw for himself.
I looked back at Amanda. “I’m…sorry.”
“Jess, did you ever wonder why we were such a perfect match?”
I looked up.
“We’re sisters, Jessica. Twins.”
It was like we were dropped from the sky back onto the sofa. My stomach was in my throat for a moment. When I could finally speak, I asked Amanda, “Was your mom my mom?”
“I was adopted. So were you. This is what your mom wanted me to tell you. Did you have any idea?”
“Not until just the other day. My mom was drunk and said something. So do you know who our biological parents are?”
She shook her head. “Just that they were from Virginia. I would like to know, though. Maybe we can find them together. For now, I’m just glad that you finally know. Are you?”
“Actually…yes,” I said.
Amanda’s shoulders slumped with relief. “You hated me for so long. I was so afraid to ever tell you.”
“I didn’t hate you exactly.” I made a lame attempt to disguise what a jerk I had been to Amanda. She knew it too.
“Yeah, right,” she said. Suddenly we began laughing. All the tension that had been in the room disappeared.
“I was a witch to everyone if it makes you feel any better,” I apologized. “So how long have you known?”
“Not that long. A couple of years. After my dad died, my mom worried that if something happened to her, I might never know. She wanted me to know that I had a sister. Your mom and my mom had encouraged us to be friends after they realized we lived in the same town. Your mom found us when you became ill.”
“I don’t know what I can do, but I want to help you two find your parents,” said Jay.
“Thanks,” I whispered. “I’m glad you’re still here.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” He grinned.
“You know, Jessica—”
“Jess,” I interrupted Amanda.
“Jess.” She smiled. “I know you said I did this to you, that I caused the spirits to visit you. But, I’m not sorry. I think you’re going to be better off for it.
I nodded. “You’re right.”
“I know I am. I’m so glad you’re here.”
“Me too.”
ong after Jay had gone home, Amanda and I stayed up talking. We cried a little and laughed a lot. There was so much to catch up on and we didn’t want to waste another second. We had so much in common. I really liked Amanda. And best of all, she was strong, like me.
“I’m so glad your mom made all these photo albums,” I said. “It was like we were both there, together.”
We both sighed, knowing it wasn’t true, and wishing it had been.
“I hope I can see your albums too,” said Amanda.
“You will. But…I’ll have to go through my father to get them.”
“You don’t think he won’t let you have them, or do something to them just to spite you, do you?”
“I hope not. I don’t really know him like I thought I did. There’s no telling. Maybe he’ll just be happy to get rid of them.”
“Well, I will go with you if you want me to. I know Jay will go too. You don’t have to go alone.”
She had no idea what that meant to me.
I took a few days off from schoo
l. When I went back, it was Friday.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Amanda asked.
“It’s time.”
“I don’t plan on saying anything…do you?”
I shook my head. “No. Hopefully no one will ask, but if they do, I’m just going to keep silent. It’s no one else’s business and everyone is going to believe what that want anyway. Ms. Alexandra and my dad can speak for themselves.”
“What about the fact that we’re sisters? Do you want to act like we usually do at school or—”
“No. We’re sisters. We’re friends. I don’t care who knows that.”
She smiled. “Well, I better get going. I have tutoring before school. I’ll be late getting home too. I have to work tonight.”
A few minutes later, Jay was at the door. “You ready?” he asked.
“I think so. Let’s get this over with.”
I was okay until Jay put on his blinker to turn into the school parking lot. My stomach filled with butterflies, and for split second I thought about asking him to turn around.
As if he could read my mind he said, “You can do this.”
He was right.
No one said anything to me as we walked in. In fact, no one even really looked at me.
When I walked into English, I thought some heads turned and that I heard some whispering, but then I saw Amanda. She smiled and waved me over.
Luckily, I noticed Reanne and Ava before they noticed me, so I was able to avoid them. I wasn’t so lucky when it came to Tori though. She sat down next to me at lunch before I even knew what happened.
“How sweet, you saved me a seat.” She giggled.
“Actually…”
“Like you were saving it for someone else. Anyway…why haven’t you called me back or returned my texts? I’ve heard so much about you.”
Just then, Amanda walked up and sat down across from us. “Hey.” She smiled.
Tori looked at me and grinned, then she looked back up at Amanda. “Uh… actually, someone else is sitting there already. Sorry.” She looked at me with a smirk on her face, waiting for me to join in.
“No one is sitting there, Tor, and you know it. In fact, I would like for you to leave.”
“What? Are you for real?”
“Look, Tori. I’ve been a jerk. And, for that I am sorry. We both know why though. I should have ended things between us a long time ago.”
Hastily, she began to gather her things. “Fine with me. I heard your mom left and your dad took your car and kicked you out.” She flicked her eyes at Amanda. “I guess it’s true you’re living in Loserville too.”
My blood instantly boiled. I leaned in close to her. “If you ever talk like that about my sister again, you will regret it.”
The look of utter shock on her face was priceless.
After she stormed off in a huff, Amanda said, “Thanks.”
“That’s what families do. We look out for one another.”
Jay and I were waiting for Amanda when she got home from work.
I waved my cell at her. “My dad called. You up for coming with Jay and me to talk to him?”
She didn’t even take a second to think about it. “Let’s go,” she said.
“So fill me in. Did he say what he wanted to talk about?” Amanda asked.
“No. He just asked me to come over.”
“Does he know we’re coming?” Jay asked about him and Amanda.
“He knows I don’t have a car. I told him that you two were giving me a ride.”
I felt like I was going to throw up when we pulled into my driveway. I could hardly believe I used to live here. It seemed like a million years ago.
“You have got to be kidding me,” I said when we walked up.
“What is it?” asked Jay.
“You two were worried about being here.” I pointed. “That’s Ms. Alexandra’s car.”
“That woman has got nerve,” said Amanda.
I led them to the front door. I no longer felt comfortable to let myself in through the back.
I rang the bell and a moment later, Ms. Alexandra opened the door.
Jay and Amanda glanced my way. Even though what was happening to me was absolutely horrible, it was almost worth going through, just to know that there were two people in this world who knew exactly what I was thinking without me having to say a word.
“Jessica, please come in, dear.”
Was this a dream? Ms. Alexandra was inviting me into my home—into my mother’s home. Who did she think she was?
“He’s in the den. This way,” she said.
Again Jay and Amanda caught my eye.
I couldn’t bite my tongue any longer. “Seriously?”
Ms. Alexandra stopped.
“I mean, you’re kidding, right? You just opened the door to invite me into my own home—my mother’s home. You know, the woman who is married to my dad? And now you’re showing me where the den is?”
I could tell I had her a little rattled. After all, there were no other teachers here to call for backup, and no principal to threaten to expel me. She looked uncomfortable, but I didn’t feel bad for her. She had put herself in this position. I was the one who got thrust into this situation. My mom and I. Besides, I didn’t think she was feeling remorseful, just sorry for herself.
She turned. “Jonathon,” she called to my father and then looked back at me. “Honey, they’re here.” She sniffled and then added with a phony catch to her voice, “And, she’s at it again.” When he looked up, she dabbed a phantom tear from her eye.
“I didn’t know you were going to bring your friends in,” he said.
I held up my arm in front of Jay. “Jay is my boyfriend.” Mentally, I took a deep breath and hoped Jay wouldn’t mind that I said that. Even if he did, I didn’t think he would hold it against me under the circumstances. And then I held up my other hand. “And, Amanda is my sister. But then, you already knew that, didn’t you. If she can be here”—I nodded toward Ms. Alexandra—“then so can they.”
My dad set down his scotch. “I would like to ask everyone to step out back on the patio, please.”
Jay looked at me. I gave him a tiny smile that said I thought I was going to be okay. He then squeezed my hand. Amanda gave me a subtle nod that told me that I was okay and then they left with Ms. Alexandra.
“I’ll cut to the chase. Because of what’s happened, my sales are suffering. I guess the town thinks I should pay.”
I wasn’t surprised that my father thought stuff like this, it just amazed me that he actually said it out loud.
I took a seat before my knees buckled. “So…what do you suggest?”
“We need to make nice, for everyone’s sake, and move on.”
He didn’t care about me. As always, he was worried about his dealership.
“Well, dad. We can pretend all is well, but what about the fact that Ms. Alexandra’s now in the picture?”
“Your mom left. I can’t help that.”
“Because you cheated. You are cheat-ing!”
“Things are complicated between your mom and me. And it’s none of your business.”
“You’re my parents, so I think it kinda is. At least sorta.”
“I’m the adult and I’m not explaining things to you. Anyway, I will tell you this much”—he stretched his neck to see if everyone was still outside—“I don’t plan on marrying her,” he whispered, “or divorcing your mother, for that matter.”
I was surprised at this news and for a split second a felt a sense of relief and then I felt angry.
“How do you know she’s not planning to divorce you?”
“Do you know something?”
He looked upset and I was glad. I wanted him to know what it felt like.
I began to wonder if he was hurt, or worried about losing the house. I had forgotten that it was actually my mother’s home. She had inherited it from her parents.
“Why did you sell my car to Reanne?” I asked out of the blue
.
“I was angry at you,” he said unapologetically. “She wanted that make, model, and color and she didn’t want to wait. I noticed you had already scratched it anyway and they were willing to pay more if they could get it immediately. We both walked away happy. This was actually what I wanted to talk with you about. I could get you a new car. You’ll be happy and—”
“And you’ll be the dad of the year that replaced my brand new BMW because it had a scratch on it.”
“It’s a win-win.”
“What if I refuse your…generosity?”
“You would be a fool, Jessica. And you’re not a fool. Don’t let your pride mess this up for you. You need a vehicle and I need Chuck off my back.”
My scalp prickled. “Chuck…Alborne?”
“Yes, he practically owns have the dealership.”
“Leo’s father is the investor who kept you from going under a few years ago?”
It was only for a second, but my dad had a guilty look on his face. I could practically hear the gears in my brain start to turn. What exactly did I just catch my dad in?
He took a swig from his glass. “I shouldn’t complain. We owe him a lot.”
“Leo told his dad I was pregnant. Chuck is the one who told you.”
My dad stared at me with a blank look. It was his poker face. He still didn’t know how much I knew and he wasn’t about to give anything away.
“Did he bribe you, dad? If you were able to convince me to end my pregnancy so his little Leo could run off to college and play, he would give you the money you needed to keep from going bankrupt?”
He didn’t say anything.
“Come on, dad, tell me I’m wrong, that I’m crazy.”
“You two were so young. We were just looking out for you.”
“I see. This was for my own good—for Abigail’s.”
“Abigail?”
“Yes, dad. I didn’t end my pregnancy. I hid it. I had a miscarriage, though. And your granddaughter’s name was Abigail.”
He looked like he had just seen a ghost. I got up to leave.
“Look, I know I wasn’t a good father to—”
“No. You weren’t.”
“I’ll help you if you’ll—”
