by Soto, S. M.
As I stare at her, taking everything about her in, I wonder what the past few years have been like for her. I can’t imagine she has a lot of friends, not while being a single mother and trying to make ends meet. The sinister part of me hopes she didn’t have time for dates or friends. Because if she did, if she did date and find the perfect someone, things right now would be a whole hell of a lot different. To think of Selene having another child with someone else makes me feel fucking violent. It also makes me wonder if she’s been with that asshole that Luna was talking about the other day. Theo, she said his name was.
“Who is Theo?”
She seems startled by the question. “What?”
“Luna mentioned a man named Theo the other day. The one who was ‘in love’ with you. I’d like to know what other men have been around my daughter.”
She rears back in the booth as if I’ve slapped her. The flush that was just coloring her cheeks has drained, and in its place is a pained expression. I don’t know why I’m being such a dick about this, but I need to hear it. I need to hear her say that there has been no one else near my daughter.
“Theo was our neighbor back in Pasadena. That’s all he ever was. I didn’t have time to date. So, the answer to your question”—she pauses, inhaling a shaky breath—“is no. There have been no other men around our daughter.” The frustration drips from her tone like sour nectar. She shoves away from the booth, heading toward Luna and Sal.
That’s twice in one day I’ve gotten a rise out of her.
I didn’t think she had it in her, but she’s a lot feistier than I thought.
I find I like that—much more than I should.
After knocking on the front door, it doesn’t take long for my mom to answer, a frown marring her features when she sees me. It’s not out of the ordinary for me to come over and visit, but it is when I don’t call ahead of time and tell my parents I’m on the way over.
“Endy, I didn’t know you were coming over. I would’ve made dinner.”
“I think I’ll pass on the whole vegan diet, or whatever it is you guys are doing now.”
My mom rolls her eyes, swatting my arm as she lets me pass over the threshold. My dad is in the living room, laid out on the recliner, watching sports highlights, as usual. When he sees me, he grins.
“Son! Didn’t know you were stopping by.”
Guilt slams into me. I rake a hand through my hair and pause in the center of the living room, feeling my mother’s presence behind me.
“This isn’t exactly a social visit. There’s something I need to tell you guys.”
They both sit, and my mother reaches for my dad’s hand, obviously sensing this is serious. “What’s going on, End?”
“I have a daughter.”
My dad’s eyes widen, and my mom’s mouth drops open. The stunned silence stretches until I go on, elaborating for them.
“She’s six. And her name is Luna.”
My mom’s hand flies to her chest, her brows drawing together in a frown. “Six? What do you mean, she’s six?” Her tone is rising, and I’m sure she probably thinks this is all my doing.
I heave a sigh. “I didn’t know she even existed until a few days ago.”
“Well, who is the mother? Please, for the love of God, do not say it’s Holly—”
“Selene Drake.”
Both my parents jerk back, stunned by this news. “As in Gavin and Cece Drake’s daughter? How did…?”
Shame has me looking away. This is the hardest part to say, the part I played in all this. “I was drunk when it happened and didn’t remember any of it. She left for college a few days later and didn’t find out until months later that she was pregnant.”
“Wow. Okay.” My dad blows out a breath.
Though my mom, her eyes are misty. “I have another grandbaby?”
My lip quirks. Of course, this would be her response. “You do. She looks just like Valeria when she was that age.”
“Let me see!” She slaps my arm, and I chuckle, pulling my phone out to show her all the photos I’ve snapped of Luna so far. She gasps, taking the phone from me to show my father.
“Oh, Ermias, just look at her. She’s gorgeous. When can we meet her?”
“I was thinking this weekend.”
“And how is Selene taking all of this?”
I shrug. “She hasn’t tried to fight me on anything. I told her I missed six years of my daughter’s life, and I wasn’t going to miss any more. I didn’t care if she wanted a fight or not.”
My mom gives me a watery smile. “That’s my boy. Now, c’mon, let me fix you something to eat really quick.”
I shake my head, even though I know it’s a futile attempt. “I’m not hungry.”
“Humor me, son.”
She proceeds to warm up the food they ate for dinner, and the whole time she sneaks glances at me. “I imagine this is a hard time for Selene.” I grunt. “You have every right to be angry, but I also want to be sure you’re treating that woman with respect. She birthed your child and raised her for years without help.”
“And whose fault was that?”
“Do not let your anger get in the way of the bigger picture. You have a beautiful family. Not many people have that at all. Go easy on her is all I’m saying.”
For the rest of the night, I think about what going easy on Selene would mean. She doesn’t deserve my good side quite yet, but my mother’s right. I am finding it harder and harder to stay angry with her.
I stare blankly at the television screen, allowing Griffin to talk my ear off. He’s been going on and on about ideas for a potential client. I should be listening. Any good business partner would be listening, but I’m not. Instead, I’m thinking about Selene. I’m thinking about the past and what a fucking asshole I have been to her. My moods often swing from feeling bad to being angry with her for keeping Luna from me. I’m at war with myself over this fierce woman who loves our daughter endlessly.
“Are you even listening?”
I take a long pull from my beer. “Hell no.”
Griffin sighs. “Jesus Christ, what is it now?”
I shoot him a glare. “I don’t know what to do, not about Selene or how to parent our daughter.”
Griffin sets his beer down and lets out a long-drawn-out sigh. “What’s there to figure out, End? Seriously. You have a daughter and a beautiful woman who is still clearly in love with you. You have it all.”
“She kept her from me, Griff. How am I supposed to get over that shit? How am I supposed to look at her and not see all the years I missed?”
“Because what’s done is done. Don’t forget you’re not innocent either. You took her virginity while you were drunk, got her pregnant, and forgot about it. You’re no saint here either. You both need to forgive each other and do what’s best for Luna. And I know that would mean being a family.” I must make a face because he laughs. “Don’t even try to lie and tell me you feel nothing for Selene. Hell, even I feel something for her.” My gaze shoots to his; eyes narrowed in warning. It only proves his point further.
“I do feel something. That’s what makes this tough. The push and pull. The wanting to give in to her while wanting to still hold on to my anger.”
“Look, I may not have known Selene back then, but I can say, she’s good, man. I see the way she still looks at you, End, and this time, if you brush her to the side like you did back then, you’re going to lose her forever.”
The thought of losing Selene forever doesn’t sit right with me. Not in the least.
My heart jumps into my throat at the sound of the loud knocking. I spoke to End briefly on the phone yesterday, and he mentioned he’d be picking up Luna today to take to his parents’ house. He left no room for argument, not that I would have anyway. The conversation was painfully short, and his tone was cold as ice. I thought things might slowly start getting better between us, for the sake of Luna, but if anything, he seems even angrier with me now than he was before.
&nb
sp; His mood swings are beginning to give me whiplash.
This will be the first time Luna will be on her own with End, and I hate to admit it, but I’m sad. I know Endymion is more than capable and responsible, but my daughter has always been beside me through everything, and today is the startling reality that she isn’t just mine anymore.
Sucking in a deep breath, I call out to Luna as I open the front door. End stands there as handsome as ever. His eyes trail up and down my body in a slow perusal. Goosebumps erupt over my skin until they suddenly evaporate at the disgusted look on his face. That seems to be the only expression he wears around me these days, and a glare, of course. He wears that glare, aimed my way, like no one I’ve ever known.
It’s eviscerating.
A shot to the damn heart.
“Hey, Daddy!” Luna croons excitedly. A warm smile takes over End’s face; it’s worlds different than the way he just looked at me. He drops down to his haunches, opening his arms for her. She runs into him at full speed, hugging him something fierce. An agonized sting shoots through my chest as I watch them. I miss having him look at me that way. But I can guarantee that won’t happen, especially not now. He hates me.
Not like I don’t deserve it.
It’s moments like these when I see how good he is with her, and I see how much she loves him already, that I hate myself for the decisions I’ve made. I know I can’t turn back time. The only thing I can do now is try to make it up to both of them.
“You ready to meet your other grandparents?” End asks her, pulling back slightly so he can see her.
“Yes!” She fist pumps, drawing a wry grin out of me.
“Well, c’mon then, wouldn’t want to keep them waiting.”
Luna’s smile slips, and she glances at me. My chest caves with distress, and I plaster a smile on my face, trying to remain calm for her sake. The thing about being so close to your child, they know when you’re barely hanging on by a thread, and I know Luna can sense that I’m about to fall apart.
“But what about my mommy?”
End glances at me, his brows pulling down, prompting me to clear my throat. I run my fingers through her hair, trying to put her at ease. “I have a lot of cleaning to do today, babe. Why don’t you go and have fun for me, yeah?”
“But I want you to come with us.” Her chin trembles, and Endymion blows out a sigh.
“Why don’t we head there, and your mom can meet us when she’s ready. Does that sound like a plan?”
The quiver in her chin stops almost immediately, and she seeks out my gaze. “You’ll come, right, Mommy?”
My smile is shaky. “Of course, I will, unicorn butt. Let me clean up, get ready, and then I’ll meet you there, okay?”
Her grin is back in place, and she high-fives me. “I’m ready to go!”
“I’ll send you the address,” End mentions in passing as he takes Luna’s hand, walking with her toward his truck. I watch from the doorway as he buckles her in her car seat he bought her before taking off.
I didn’t need an address. Hell, I’ve had his address memorized by heart since I was twelve years old.
When I park my car outside of Endymion’s parents’ house, I have the urge to run. To drive off before anyone sees me. I’m sure Luna is fine. She’s probably forgotten all about me. She won’t need me hanging around, making things awkward when she’s there having fun. My stomach revolts at the image of me standing there in front of his family. They’re going to hate me, and they have every right to. That doesn’t make this pill any easier to swallow. The last thing I want to do is stand around while a group of people judges me as if I’m wearing a big scarlet letter on my chest.
It’s too late for any of that, though, because the front door opens and out steps an older man I recognize from years ago. Mr. Black. He’s wearing a warm smile, waving at me from his position on the front porch, but none of that settles the rampant nerves that are turning my stomach.
Gulping a deep breath, I grab my purse and make my way across the lawn. My feigned bravado all but evaporates when Ermias shoots me a sad smile. I damn near crumple right there on the spot. He’s the spitting image of his son minus his hair. Mr. Ermias Black is all broad-shouldered Norwegian, with sandy blond hair that has gray interspersed, and the brightest pair of blue eyes I’ve ever seen. A lot of Endymion’s looks come from his father. The set of their eyes, their thick, arched brows, and full lips, but Endymion takes after his mother, Aurora, too. I remember her having a smile that could light up a room—and that’s exactly what End’s smile does. It’s what he passed onto my daughter. He inherited his mother’s blond-brown hair and green eyes, and from the looks of it, that’s where the similarities end.
I clear my throat painfully before greeting him. “Mr. Black.”
“How are you, Selene? It’s been a long time.”
My brows pinch. I can’t tell if he’s simply trying to have a conversation with me or if he’s taking a jab at me for keeping his granddaughter away all these years. My cheeks heat with embarrassment and shame, and I drop my gaze.
“I’m okay. How are you guys?”
“We’re hanging in there. C’mon, Endymion and Luna are out back.” He leads the way into the house, and I follow, my gaze eating up the décor surrounding us. In all my years of being here in Dunsmuir, I never stepped foot in Endymion’s childhood home, and now that I’m here, under these circumstances, it feels strange. Almost made up.
When Ermias throws open the sliding glass doors to the backyard, my heart flutters at the sight of my daughter running and laughing with a carefree grin on her face. I pause just on the other end of threshold, unable to keep my gaze off her. I’ve seen happiness written on my daughter’s face plenty of times, but this? Never like this. It’s a shot to the heart. It has me questioning my capabilities as a mother.
A warm hand settles on my shoulder, and when I look up, I spot Ermias there, a knowing look on his face. “She’s been talking about you for the past hour. I know she misses you.”
He leads the way into the backyard, and Luna glances over at the sound of the door closing. Her face splits into a blinding grin, and unable to help myself, I laugh. She runs across the lawn, throwing herself at my legs.
“I missed you, Mommy,” she breathes against me.
“I missed you, too, nugget.”
“Did you meet Grandpa Ermias and Grandma Aurora yet?” she asks, her eyes glittering with excitement.
“I’ve already met them, but why don’t you reintroduce me?”
My little girl does just that, taking me to each of her grandparents to introduce me as if I’ve never met them before. They stare at her with a love that envelops me wholeheartedly. The whole time, I can feel End’s gaze on us, but I work to keep my gaze fixed on anything but him. I don’t want to see the anger or the look of disgust on his face anymore. Not when I’m already so close to falling apart where he’s concerned.
“Selene, you look gorgeous, and your timing is perfect. We were just about to eat,” Aurora says, smiling, as she tickles Luna along her ribs. “C’mon, munchkin, let’s get the food for everyone.”
“I can help,” I offer, not wanting to stand with the men of the family.
Aurora waves me off. “We got it, sweetie.”
I deflate, watching as they disappear into the house. Silence descends, and a weird tension cackles in the air. It has me shifting on my feet. Ermias must sense that his son and I aren’t going to speak to each other because he tries to strike up a conversation.
“So, Selene, how was Pasadena? I hear the summers there are pretty gnarly compared to here.”
I breathe a silent sigh of relief. Now this I can do. Filler conversation about the weather. Awkward silence? Not so much.
I dive into conversation with Ermias. We discuss random things, mainly just conversation fillers to keep from making everyone uncomfortable with the silence.
Dinner isn’t much better. We try to have a civilized meal, but you can’t miss the
tension in the air. Endymion doesn’t want me here, that much is obvious. And his parents are doing the best they can to include me in the conversation, but at this point, I wish they would stop and just let the conversation flow between them.
Luna is telling a story about her old kindergarten teacher, and everyone is riveted, absolutely glued to her and her vibrant personality. It makes me smile. Feeling eyes on me, I glance up, and my heart skids to an abrupt halt when my gaze clashes with Endymion’s. He’s leering, staring at me through narrowed slits. There’s something in his eyes I can’t quite place, and its intensity sends a tremor down my spine. My mouth goes painfully dry, and I glance away, looking down at Luna then up at Aurora, only to realize her gaze is darting back and forth between her son and me. Her brows dented together.
Crap.
Heat climbs up my chest and settles into my cheeks, and I make a mental note only to focus on my daughter for the rest of the evening. It should be simple. But it’s easier said than done. Luna carries the weight of most of the conversation through dinner, practically jumping with energy at the thought of going back outside to play. Endymion built a playground in his parents’ backyard for his niece years prior, fully equipped with swings, a sandbox, and a slide, so she’s in heaven back here. Especially since my parents’ house is currently under construction.
I fidget uncomfortably as I stand on the back patio. My heart twinges, and my stomach tightens as I watch Luna play with Endymion. Her father. I never thought I’d see the day. Honest to God, I never thought this would happen. Yet now that we’re here, I can’t help but hate myself. I deprived my daughter of a father, and a father of his daughter. I’m trying not to be too hard on myself through this whole transition because what’s done is done, but I can’t help it. I look back now on those decisions and wonder who that person was? Why didn’t I say something sooner? Endymion and his parents are amazing people. Why ever did I think they would shoo me away?
“How are you doing?”
I turn at the sound of Endymion’s mom’s voice. Like me, she’s watching her son play with his daughter. When I look at her, there’s a wistful look on her face as she watches them run around together. I wonder how long she waited for her son to give her a grandchild? Did I deprive them, too?
