by L. T. Varner
In true Mike style, he said, “Él es caliente.” He is hot, as he pointed at Collin while looking at me. I walked away to the beer tent, and I knew Mike was laughing at me.
I avoided them until it was time to get back on stage.
During the second set, we played lots of southern rock, which was my personal favorite. I looked at the playlist to see the next song and instantly wanted to skip it, but I knew we couldn’t, it was very popular right now. It was Dark Pieces’ new song and the thought of Collin watching me play it made me very uncomfortable. To make matters worse, I was taking lead vocals because Kendrick mentioned I “sang angry” better than he did. I wanted to throw up as I felt sweat all over my body. To sing their song to them was something I never thought I would do. Taking a deep breath, I chanted to myself, “I do this with my dad’s music all the time: I can do this. I can do this!”
As soon as we started playing, I watched their reaction and realized I had both Collin and Rick’s undivided attention. It wasn’t easy to sing to them as they watched, but for the first time in months, I felt like I was on fire and we nailed it. I tried not to look at them too much. Instead, I just concentrated on the crowd. They were all entirely unaware that the actual band was sitting right behind them.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw James leaning on the gate, watching me. I found myself smiling at him. He made me feel more comfortable with myself. It was funny how he had that effect on me.
When the song ended, Jackie jumped on stage as we had rehearsed and started introducing us. She had come up with something to say about each of us, one by one. When it came time for her to say something about me, I tried to be a good sport even though I was nervous. Being on stage didn’t bother me at all; in fact, I love being on stage, but having someone talk about me in front of a crowd gave me that “butterflies in the stomach” feeling. Jackie stood right next to me and put her arm around my shoulders.
“This is our boss, Danni Brisco. She is an equal-opportunity lover and one hell of a guitar player.” I smiled and waved, although deep down, I wanted to kill her.
A huge roar from the crowd started as people stood up clapping and yelling. Dad was even standing and cheering for me. A wave of panic hit me as I felt so many eyes on me. Mike was instantly next to me, knowing I was crumbling. He quickly took the mic from Jackie.
“Give a big round of applause for our house band. Please look on our website to see when they will be playing again. Also, if you buy a bar shirt like the one Danni is wearing, they will sign it for you.”
Keeping his arm around me, he pulled me over to the side, careful not to step on any cords. I turned to him when we stopped and buried my face in his chest while he hugged me. This was new to me. I had never felt panic on stage, but now I could hardly breathe with so many eyes on me.
“It’s okay, Danni,” Mike said, running his hand up and down my back. “It’s your first night back; it will get more comfortable. I promise.”
I looked up at him and felt myself relax. “Mike, I don’t understand any of this. People have never freaked me out and now . . .”
“You are trying not to be the girl that was assaulted, aren’t you?” he asked, placing his hands on my cheeks, not letting me hide my face from him. “Honey, I am sorry to say this, but you are that girl.”
Tears slid down my cheeks as he continued. “You have to deal with it, so this doesn’t bother you. You used to be so alive on stage and tonight you haven’t moved more than a foot from your mic. You used to show off and fire up the crowd and now, well . . . You look terrified. Please, Danni, I will go with you to talk to someone. You’re self-destructing the way you are trying to handle it. Let me help you.”
I felt sick hearing all of that out loud. The word “assault” pierced my heart the way the knife had pierced my skin repeatedly that night. Anger quickly consumed me, and I pushed Mike away. He held his hands up in surrender. I walked back out on stage doing what I do best: just burying all that bullshit. Talk to someone? Well, fuck that. I can deal with it, with James’ help, my way.
An hour later we wrapped up our set. It was a good show after ten long and miserable months of not playing. I knew Mike was right when we ended our set, and I saw that I hadn’t moved from my mark on the stage.
Kendrick encouraged me to go inside the bar to enjoy some air conditioning and have a drink with him. I knew it wouldn’t be long before Dad and his new friends found us.
Inside the bar we did our traditional shot of after-show whiskey, sitting at our usual booth, and talking about the performance. I confessed to Kendrick that the band Dark Pieces was here and that they had indeed heard our cover of their song. I don’t think he believed me until they walked up to us and asked if they could join us at our table. Then introductions began as Kendrick instantly pounced on Collin.
“I couldn’t be prouder of you,” Dad said, and it felt more like parental encouragement than a compliment as he hugged me.
Collin was standing behind him now and said, “I need a hug, or I am going to sue you for covering our song without permission.”
I half hugged him, too. Feeling his hot breath on my neck and his arms pulling me close against him, he whispered in my ear, “You are wickedly talented and very cute.”
I moved away from him as panic was threatening to overtake me. The feeling of his hands on me ignited the emotions that I had been trying to bury all night. I wasn’t willing to feel them yet. Or possibly ever again. I moved away from him, choosing to ignore him altogether. He probably thought I was a bitch. I was getting good at playing that role.
The other members gave their opinions, and it went over really well. I sat down again, and Collin nudged me to move over so he could sit beside me. Dad and Rick went to get pitchers of beer for the ever-growing crowd at our table. I was practically sitting on Collin’s lap when I decided I would rather stand than be that close to him.
While he stood up to let me out, he asked, “Is it something I said?” I just shook my head.
He gave me a sly grin and said, “Then I am not going to let you out. I want to get to know you a little more.”
“Maybe you should let her out now,” Kendrick replied, looking directly at him.
Collin moved aside and held his hands up. I don’t think my dad had told him about my issues, and I was okay with that.
Mike walked up at that moment complimenting us on how great we had played. Apparently, I had a look on my face that said everything to him as he leaned into me and quietly asked, “You okay?”
Everyone was staring at me, and I was instantly pissed that once again I was put in that position.
“I am completely fricking perfect,” I mumbled before I walked off.
I wanted to find James and get the hell out of there. I wondered if I was going to fall back into the same pattern if I found him. I walked outside and saw him still leaning up against the fence, talking to someone. He gave me his complete attention as I moved to his side.
“Are you okay, beautiful?” he asked, as he put his arm around me. I nodded and said I was fine.
We saw Mike peek his head through the door, and I instantly ducked behind James’ shoulder. Grabbing my hand, he led me in through the back door of the bar, right to the middle of a packed dance floor. The lights were low, and the DJ had the music pumping loud.
As he pulled me against him, he said, “We can hide here.”
It was a slow song playing as we both hid our faces in each other’s necks, blocking out the world. The way he held my waist and his breath on my skin was starting to make me feel things again. I think I answered my question from earlier regarding my feelings for him at that moment, and the answer was a screaming “YES!” I wasn’t sure whether they were sexual or genuine feelings of love. James must have felt my response in the way I pulled him closer to me.
“I missed you, and it feels like you missed me, as well,” he whispered. I didn’t deny it.
I calmed down and relaxed, wondering if I overrea
cted a little to Collin. The song changed to a club mix, and we loosened our grip on each other. It never failed, James had me laughing, and all was great again. We danced to a couple more songs.
James pulled me close and said, “Your babysitter is making his way towards us, and I think I should go.”
He slipped something in my back pocket and kissed me on the neck in front of Mike, winking before he made his retreat. A slower song came on, and Mike held his arms open for me to dance with him. The look on his face wasn’t anger. It was worry. I walked into his arms, and we danced and said nothing for a little bit.
“Danni, I am not going to tell how to live your life, but if you ran to James because you were uncomfortable with how Collin made you feel, then that wasn’t fair to James. I think he cares about you, and it would be unfair to lead him on if you don’t feel the same about him.”
I was more confused now than ever about how I felt toward anyone, including myself.
Chapter 7
Nice Hair
The next morning, I thought it would be best to let all the drama from the street dance die down. So, Mike and I took the opportunity to hide in the basement and watch movies: we had no intentions of leaving the comfort of home. I didn’t even shower, just got up and found my favorite pair of sweats along with an old football shirt. Mike followed suit and donned the same thing. Owning the bar never allowed us time to stay home and watch movies like this, and it was much needed, to say the least.
As we started the third movie, I glanced at my phone and saw a few text messages from a number I didn’t recognize. I didn’t even bother to read them because I figured it was a wrong number.
Grabbing a blanket, I settled into my little nest on our red sectional couch. Ten minutes into the movie, I started getting sleepy. Looking at the clock, I saw that it was only eight p.m., but it felt more like it should be two or three in the morning. Closing my eyes for a little bit felt good, as the movie was more Mike’s taste than mine. I fell asleep quickly.
I woke up to the sounds of people talking around me. I lay there a little bit longer with my eyes closed, hearing Mike tell someone that I fell asleep a little bit ago. I recognized who it was and silently prayed he wasn’t staying long. It was Collin and Daniel, and I wondered how they knew where we lived and why they were here.
Hoping to hide from them, I pulled my blanket over my head and curled into a small ball. Mike realized I was awake and said, “You’re missing a great movie, Danni. And by the way, we have company.”
My blanket was being slowly pulled away, so it no longer hid my face. I knew I looked like a train wreck as I saw Collin sitting by my feet.
“What are you guys doing here?” I asked with a little bit of condescension in my tone.
Collin was quick to answer, “If you had answered your text messages, you would know why.”
“Oh, that was you texting me? How did you get my number?”
Giving me a huge grin, Collin replied, “Your dad gave it to me. I think, unlike his baby girl, he likes me.”
“Remind me to thank Dad,” I said, eyeing Mike, who had a huge smile on his face.
Collin said, “I’ve been trying to get a hold of you guys to see if you wanted to go to a movie or something because we’re bored.”
Mike said, “I saw your phone light up when you were asleep, so I answered it and told them to come over.”
I am going to get him back for this later, I told myself. Of course, Collin’s bandmate Daniel chimed in with a goofy grin on his face and said, “Nice hair.”
They all laughed, except me. Mike shifted the conversation by asking what everyone was in the mood to watch. He and Daniel went to the computer to look up the options. That left just Collin and me sitting on the couch, it felt incredibly awkward. Looking into his dark blue eyes, I felt butterflies in my stomach. Just the way his mouth curved up into a sexy smile made my skin tingle. No one had made me feel that way in a long time. I chalked it up to the fact that I was just embarrassed from the other night.
Collin looked at me more seriously and quietly said, “I called to apologize to you. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable, and I’m very sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it. Lately, everyone’s been telling me I have issues, so it was probably just me,” I said, frustrated as I sat up straighter.
“Is everything okay?” he asked, looking concerned.
“It is way too early to tell,” I said, feeling a little bit of panic that yet another person wanted to hear my sad story.
“I’m a really good listener if you need someone to talk to,” he said as he reached out and touched my hand.
“Thank you, but talking just makes it worse,” I quickly pulled my hand away from his.
Changing the direction of the conversation, we made small talk.
“I am impressed with your house band. You are quite good. Your dad did a good job teaching you to play.”
“Thanks. It’s our thing. You’re pretty good yourself. Congrats on the Music Up and Coming Award nomination,” I said as a huge smile grew across his face.
“Thank you. I hope to catch up with your award count.”
Now I was the one smiling and said, “Well, you only need three to catch up.” I could feel my face turning red. I didn’t talk about my awards for writing and producing. It wasn’t why I did it. It was simply for the music.
“Are you coming to the awards show with your dad in a couple of weeks?” he asked shyly.
I looked at my hands twisting in my lap and quietly answered, “No. People aren’t my thing lately.”
“I noticed that at the street dance.” I looked up at him, and he continued. “I have seen videos of you performing, and you are usually very determined with your performance. The other night you looked like you wanted to hide behind the speaker.”
I closed my eyes and sighed. So, it was noticeable.
“I can’t wait to get you on stage with me,” he said as I looked at him and he winked at me. I relaxed and gave him a doubtful look.
Mike and Daniel sat back down, announcing the movie as it started. I pulled my feet back to give Collin more room on the couch. He grabbed them and wrapped the blanket around them and placed them on his lap without even looking at me or saying anything. Emotionally, it felt awkward, but oddly enough, it felt comfortable in a physical way as he kept his hands on my feet.
Halfway through the movie, I found myself looking more at Collin than at the movie. Cut it the hell out, Danni! I mentally yelled at myself. I knew why I had a crush on him during his concerts: he was gorgeous. With his stylish dark-brown hair, his muscular body that is a foot taller than me, but the most dominant feature was his sly smile, you know that smile that could get a woman into trouble real fast. That, along with the way he moved and carried himself, made me want to look at him and never stop. I wondered if he was married and tried to see his left hand, but he had it around my feet so I couldn’t tell. I figured he probably was. In the music business, it would be easy for him to find a wife.
Mike paused the movie saying it was intermission time, and that he needed to call Mark. I thought it would be a good opportunity to go to the bathroom as well and try to put myself together a little bit. As Mike and I walked upstairs together, he quietly sang, “Collin and Danni sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g, first comes love and then comes the baby in the baby carriage.”
I couldn’t help but laugh hearing his childish mocking as I tackled him on the stairs. He laughed too, trying to get away from me. We heard someone clear their throat and looked back and saw Collin and Daniel watching us as they smiled, too.
Looking in the mirror, I saw what a mess I was and wondered if I had time for a shower. Instead, I combed my hair and brushed my teeth. This was as good as it was going to get right now. I surprised myself when I realized that I was lusting after Collin. The butterflies in my stomach weren’t just from nerves, deep down I think I liked him. That can’t be it. I am not ready for this yet. Then I began t
o wonder who made up the time limit I had placed on myself. I am thinking too much about this. I inhaled a deep breath and decided just to watch the movie.
Collin was sitting in my place as I motioned for him to move. He laughed and said, “Just sit your ass down right there.” He was pointing at where he had been sitting.
I heard Daniel let out a quick laugh, and I had no choice but to sit at the end of the couch. Now he would be able to watch me. I was regretting not taking a quick shower after all. Grabbing the blanket, I sat down with my back to him.
The movie was good, considering I was lost after not paying very good attention to the first half. I looked at the clock, and it was almost one in the morning.
“Well, we better go. Your dad will be pissed if we aren’t at the studio first thing in the morning,” Collin said as he stood up and stretched.
I walked them out while Mike stayed in the kitchen. I assumed it was so he could hear us. Daniel went outside, and Collin stopped and looked at me.
“I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable the other night. It was not my intention. Remember, I’m a good listener if you need someone to talk to.”
“Thanks, but I am fine.”
“What are you up to this afternoon?” he asked, taking a step closer to me.
“Just hanging out here, I guess.”
“If you get bored, I wouldn’t mind getting a tour of this town and then maybe we could get dinner or something.”
“Yeah, okay,” I stumbled over my words as he stepped forward again and I stepped back.
I wasn’t sure if he was asking me on a date or simply looking for a tour guide. Then he hugged me, and I couldn’t help but get a little caught up in the way he felt. His embrace was warm and strong, but it was too much for me. I moved away from him as though he were electrocuting me. He dropped his arms, not looking offended at all.
“I hope I see you later, Danni,” he said before he turned and left.
I walked back toward the kitchen and knew Mike had listened to the whole thing. He was smiling and said, “I am confused. Did he ask you out or does he just want to hang out?” He asked as he made air quotes.
