Danni to Pieces: Book One: Forced

by L. T. Varner

  We got through her paperwork, and I took her out to the bar and showed her around. Another bartender offered to train Beth so I wouldn’t have to do it. I found Jackie and introduced her and told Beth if she had any questions that Jackie was the boss if Mike and I were not around. Jackie was very excited to hear those words come out of my mouth.

  I saw Daniel sitting at the bar watching Beth when I mentioned to Jackie to warn Beth about him, and she whispered, “Yes, he is a jerk,” before she walked off. I knew exactly who Daniel had sex with in my office chair the previous night after he had disappeared before I went to bed and I couldn’t help but start laughing.

  Later I walked into the walk-in cooler in the garage to grab more vodka, and I made sure I had my keys this time. I could feel that Collin had followed me in and I grinned. I wanted to win our little game at all costs.

  I asked, “What are you doing out here, Collin?”

  “Just watching a very sexy bartender that I want to fuck right now, right here, up against that cooler,” he said, leaning against my SUV and pointing to the cooler I had just walked out of.

  Oh, his words made my lady parts tingle with need, but I wasn’t about to give in. I started walking to the door to go back inside when I saw my keys were not where I had left them.

  Collin asked in a very sexy voice, “Are you looking for something?” He then twirled my keys around his fingers.

  I put the bottles down and said, “You do realize you aren’t going to win this, right?”

  “Oh, baby, I guarantee I will win this. I always win,” he said as I moved in front of him.

  I stood a couple of feet away from him, trying to focus when he walked toward me and circled me. He then stopped behind me and asked, “How frustrated are you? Or, has my dick relieved some of that frustration? Your tight little pussy is addictive, and I would like to be inside it right now.”

  No one had ever talked dirty to me before and, holy hell, it was a huge turn on. I felt his hot breath on my neck and instantly shivered. Then he walked back over to my SUV and leaned against it, crossing his arms over his chest like he had just won our game.

  I thought I can dish it out, too. I walked over to him so I was less than an inch from his body and I put my hands on the hood on either side of him. I whispered in his ear, “What was your favorite part of last night? Was it me riding you, or when I was letting you fuck my mouth, or perhaps was it when you were fucking me from behind? My favorite was you fucking my mouth. Just imagine how easy it would be for me to drop to my knees right now and suck you off and let you come in . . .”

  The door flew open, and Daniel and Rick walked toward us. They laughed, oblivious to the fact that they had just ruined a scorching moment.

  Collin looked at Rick and instantly shut down and moved far away from me. That hurt more than I thought it would as I looked away. My eyes filled with tears as they all started joking with Daniel about him hitting on Beth. I grabbed the vodka and left.

  Shortly after two in the morning I pulled into the garage. I was tired and had plenty of hurt feelings I didn’t like or want to feel. Collin, Daniel, and Rick left when another bartender told them about the all-nude strip club on the outskirts of town. Collin didn’t say a word to me or even look at me. He was suddenly different and extremely cold to me.

  After heating up leftover Chinese food, I started looking through the mail piled on the kitchen island. I mumbled to myself, “Junk, junk, a magazine I don’t ever remember subscribing to, bill, bill, oh, no thank you,” before crumpling up another letter from the doctor reminding me for the third time about my annual exam. Also two more letters from that attorney in Canada that handled the inheritance stuff. I already had an attorney and he was a pain in the ass. I can’t believe I liked him.

  I lay in bed playing on my tablet when I heard voices outside my room. I turned off the light from the tablet and didn’t answer the quiet knock. I then heard Daniel and Collin laughing. I was not going to simply be Collin’s fuck buddy after his night of drinking and getting lap dances from strippers. I was done playing games with him.

  Chapter 29

  Vibes

  Mike was yelling at me to get dressed for the tenth time. All morning I had been distracted. I hadn’t seen Daniel or Collin yet and didn’t ask about them either. Mike was glowing, and I was happy for him, but I just couldn’t get myself happy. Collin had dropped me like a bad habit the previous night, and it made me feel cheap, although I let him do anything he wanted to me. I had been so stupid.

  I looked outside and saw all the white tents had been set up around my home. I hoped the weather would hold up, so we didn’t have to move it into the gym. Mike was against that because he thought it would feel too much like prom. Mike and Mark had told me they were having their wedding at my house because it had so much space. I was the one paying for it as my present to them, so I let them do whatever they wanted.

  It was ten minutes until the ceremony was supposed to start as Daniel finally made an appearance at my side. We had been chosen to walk together by Mark, against Mike’s wishes. Mark knew what we were capable of doing together and he thought keeping us together was an easier way to babysit us. Luckily Dad was the one assigned to watch us, and so far he was soft and protective over me, as though he knew something was wrong. Every time Daniel moved toward me, I nestled more into Dad, and he held me tighter against him. I had no reason to be upset with Daniel, but still I just wanted to be left alone.

  The wedding started as Daniel stepped on my dress when we got up to walk down the aisle. I heard a rip and Dad mentioned that it was just at the bottom, and no one would see it as he motioned us to go already. Mike had picked a red strapless satin gown for me with black accessories to match. He even told the hair stylist what to do with my hair, a low side bun. We finally made it to the altar as I let go of Daniel and went to my side. I was the only girl on Mike’s side, considering I was the best man, or worst woman, according to Daniel.

  Mike and Mark each came down the aisle with their moms on their arms and I looked away, not wanting to cry. I had never been so uncomfortable in my life. I felt too many people watching me, too many voices around me, and too many feelings trying to break through the surface. Kendrick leaned into me and put his hand on the small of my back.

  “Danni, take a breath and calm down,” he whispered close to my ear as we stood there.

  “I need to leave. I can’t . . .” I mumbled as I felt fingers interlock with mine. I looked up, and Mike was looking at me with compassion. He nodded and very quietly said, “Just hold my hand. I got you.”

  I took a deep breath and we all turned around to look at the justice of the peace as he began addressing everyone. After tuning into the words he was saying and watching Mike and Mark commit to each other, I finally relaxed, completely happy for them. It was such a beautiful wedding, and they knew exactly what to say to each other. I was so proud of Mike at that moment for picking Mark.

  We made our way to the tents when I finally asked Dad, “Did they leave?”

  He stopped and looked at me and quietly asked, “Baby girl, what did he do now?” I could hear the anger in his voice as he started looking around, I assumed, for Collin.

  I was not going to ruin Mike and Mark’s night, so I said, “Let’s just enjoy tonight.” Dad nodded at me, but I could tell he was angry.

  Everything went as planned, even down to Mike and Mark smashing wedding cake in each other’s faces. I mentioned to Dad that it was weird to see Mike with a wedding ring on as he handed me some cake.

  We danced and visited with people, and I never saw Collin once. I wondered if he skipped the wedding. I stood there with my arms around Dad as we watched Mike and Mark drive off for their honeymoon.

  “Mike isn’t mine anymore, is he?” I asked as Dad kissed the side of my head.

  “He will always be yours. Now you just have to share,” Dad said as something caught his eye. “Baby girl, hang tight with Uncle Tony for a minute. I need a moment
with someone.”

  He walked away as Daniel stepped up to my side, looking nervous. “You enjoy this evening?”

  “Yes, did you?” I asked, looking everywhere but at him.

  “Danni, listen, I am sorry my brother is an asshole. But please don’t shut me out because of him. You’re my pal, and I need you. Please tell me you don’t hate me, too,” Daniel said, pulling me into him for a hug.

  I let out a sigh of relief as I hugged him back and said, “Daniel, I’m sorry if I gave you the impression I was mad at you. I’m not. I just don’t want to address my feelings. It makes me . . . uncomfortable.”

  Daniel laughed and said, “Yes, we all know you get a little bitchy when feelings get involved, but if it makes you feel better, I think your bitchy side is sexy.”

  I finally had a good laugh with Daniel, and it was what I needed.

  Half an hour later everyone was starting to leave as Daniel and I talked to people. We were saying our goodbyes when my dad walked up to us.

  “Please come with me, baby girl,” Dad said, taking my elbow and leading me toward my house.

  After following along into my house and stopping by the hallway lockers, I said, “Dad, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?”

  He put his hands on my cheeks and said, “You know I love you and would do anything for you, but I refuse to stand by and let him hurt you.”

  I glanced over his shoulder and saw Collin leaning up against the lockers with his head down. My dad kissed my forehead and said, “I will be right outside if you need me.” Then he left us standing in the hall.

  I turned toward Collin and slowly walked down to him as my heels echoed down the hall. I tried to ask casually, “Where have you been all night?” I leaned against the wall on the opposite side of the hall as him.

  He just stood there for minutes upon minutes saying nothing when I finally asked, “Are you going to talk to me or what?”

  He still didn’t say anything and wouldn’t even look at me. I turned to walk away, and he reached out and grabbed my wrist. He pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly. Then he leaned in and kissed me softly, but not like before. I reached up to touch his face as he kissed me and he grabbed my wrists and pulled back angrily. “STOP IT!” Collin screamed.

  He let go of me and stepped back. I said, “I don’t understand what’s happening with you.”

  Tears started falling down my face, and he yelled, “I am getting married in two weeks. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

  His booming voice scared me as I jumped back. I quietly said, “You moved it up.”

  Very frustrated, he yelled, “I don’t want to get married on your birthday!”

  He stepped back as I tried to step closer to him. My dam burst, and I felt everything I had been trying to bury. “I love you. I love everything about you. You’re all I think about, and I want you, every part of you, I want you.”

  He cut me off and yelled, “Quit saying those things. You don’t mean any of them.”

  He was so angry. I calmly replied, “Stop it, Collin, stop being cruel.”

  He stepped toward me with an evil look on his face and very calmly said, “Don’t you fucking get it? I am that cruel guy. You are nothing more than a toy to play with, and you were fucking easy. Too easy. You don’t honestly think I gave a crap about you? All you are is damages someone left behind. Who would want someone so fucked up?”

  “That is enough, Collin. Get out of this house now!” Dad shouted as he came down the hallway with Daniel close behind him.

  I stood back and felt like I was in that cornfield again. Only this time it was Collin standing over me repeatedly kicking me. My knees gave out as I fell to the floor sobbing.

  “SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU STUPID BITCH!” Collin screamed standing over me.

  “NOW, Collin, let’s go or so help me God, I will beat the shit out of you,” Daniel yelled as he pulled Collin down the hall toward the front door.

  I didn’t think, I just yelled, “Collin.” He stopped with his back to me. Through very broken breaths I sobbed, “I never want to see you again. I don’t even want to hear your name ever again. Stay the hell away from me.”

  “Fine!” he shouted back before he and Daniel disappeared out the front door. I lost it and started crying uncontrollably.

  I cried like I never had before, sobbing like a baby as Dad kept saying, “Oh, baby girl, I am so sorry.” He put his arms around me and just held me. I cried and cried. I had never felt this hurt in all my life. This moment hurt worse than being raped because I was in love with Collin. I lost the love of my life and my best friend on the same day. I couldn’t see Daniel anymore, and that hurt, too. They were a package deal, so I had to let Daniel go, as well.

  I woke up long enough to realize Dad was trying to put me in bed. I vaguely remember changing into sweats and crawling into bed and Dad saying it was okay to cry before I drifted to sleep.

  I cried for three days before I finally managed to take a shower and eat something. I was so sick, and the thought of food made me want to throw up. All I wanted to do was sleep, but Rosa kept bugging me to get up and eat. Finally, my dad promised he wouldn’t call Mike and ruin his honeymoon if I got up, ate something, and tried to move forward.

  A week after the wedding, Dad and I sat on my front steps. He had his arms around me, and I assured him I was okay. He knew I wasn’t, but he needed to go on the road for a couple of shows. I could tell he didn’t want to leave me in my depressed funk. I wanted some time alone, and I assured him I wouldn’t do anything stupid. He wanted to give me the benefit of the doubt, but he knew my history was hard to ignore. I couldn’t blame him at all for that. We finally said goodbye, and I promised to check in with him every couple hours since he said he would call Mike if I didn’t.

  After tossing and turning in bed for two hours, I walked down to the gym in the dark. Looking up at the scoreboard, I couldn’t help but start crying as I slid down the wall. I sat there for hours unable to move, just looking at that stupid scoreboard. I decided it had to come down.

  Two days later, sitting on the bleachers and drinking a cup of coffee, I watched the company that put it up take it down. They kept asking if I was sure and I assured them I was, as they kept pulling parts of the scoreboard down.

  I walked back upstairs and sat in my office chair, seeing the mail on my desk. That was it. I would busy myself with everything I could so I wouldn’t have to think about him. I started opening and going through the mail. I saw the reminder from the doctor about my annual exam, so I made a doctor’s appointment for Monday, a dentist appointment for Wednesday, a spa appointment for Thursday, and an appointment for my SUV for an oil change. It was working, was already refocusing on other things as I found more and more to occupy my mind. I was looking for anything I had been putting off so I could finish it.

  I had to tend bar because Mike was still on his honeymoon. I found myself working more and now I understood why Mike organized when he was upset. The bar was extremely clean and orderly when we closed up that night. Then I turned the lights off, wanting to head home myself.

  As I started backing out of the garage, I stopped. I turned the ignition off and got out. I don’t know what I was doing or what made me think about it as I walked out into the middle of the parking lot that used to be a cornfield. I wasn’t sure of the exact spot where I had been raped or if I wanted to know. I looked up at the moon and stars, and out loud I asked, “God, what exactly is your plan for me because so far this sucks.” I stood there and talked to him for an hour before I decided he probably had had enough of me. But, I finally said things out loud I hadn’t had the strength to say before and it felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders.

  I got home and felt energized as I walked into my studio. I sat down and turned on the music that was played last. It was some of Dad’s recent ideas. Like lightning, a million different ideas struck me as I pulled out a notepad and pencil and started writing. My thoughts and fee
lings were finally easy to write down. I grabbed my guitar and plugged it in as I thought, let’s see where this takes me.

  I spent three days in that studio by myself just writing about everything. I had to take a break finally to go to my doctor’s appointment. I was not looking forward to it at all. I walked in, and the nurse took me back and told me to hop on the scale. Well, that would put anyone in a bad mood. I put my purse down and stepped up. I gasped: that can’t be right.

  I asked, “Is the scale wrong? That can’t be right.”

  The smiling older nurse assured me it was right. I had gained fifteen pounds since I was last there two years ago. Maybe I should get off my ass and run tomorrow. I thought to myself as she told me to get undressed and sit on the table. She started asking me routine questions about my health, and I answered them all except four questions that caught me off guard.

  She asked, “How many sexual partners have you had in the last year?”

  I didn’t understand why they needed that piece of information, but I was honest and said, “Two.”

  “When was your last period?” she asked, continuing to write notes down.

  I replied, “I have no idea. I have never had a regular one before.”

  “Are you on anything to prevent pregnancy?” she asked, finally looking up at me.

  “Not since the assault. I quit taking the pill after that. I didn’t think I needed it anymore.” Shit Shit Shit!

  She gave me the pity look and asked, “Could you be pregnant?”

  “No,” I answered a little too quickly, angry at her for even thinking it.

  The nurse took my attitude in stride and said, “Well, the doctor will want to know for sure. So just to be safe, we will have you take a quick test anyway.”

  I rolled my eyes but followed her to the bathroom. After peeing on the stick and washing my hands, I went back to the exam room and waited for the doctor.