Heart Full of Love

by Colleen Coble

  The thought shocked her, and she dropped her arms and would have stepped away, but Josh tipped her chin up, and his lips claimed hers. Eden closed her eyes again and tasted the sweetness of his kiss. Tentative but tender, his lips were firm yet soft. She cautioned herself not to read too much into it. Men kissed women all the time without promising anything. She had to guard her heart.

  His gaze flickered over the strands of hair trailing around her face. “Eden, I—”

  “I’m hungry!” Samantha stood in the middle of the kitchen, her hands on her hips in a belligerent pose.

  She was jealous. Eden could see it in her resentful glance. She smiled at her foster child, but Samantha’s stern gaze didn’t falter. Her defiant gaze flickered from Eden to Josh, then she bit her lip and looked at the floor.

  “It’s almost ready.” Eden stepped away from Josh. Trying not to wonder what he had been about to say, she turned and slid the pies in the oven, then set the timer.

  “I’ll get Katie,” Josh said. “Want to come with me, Sam?”

  The little girl’s face brightened, and she shot Eden a triumphant glance before practically skipping out of the kitchen with Josh. Eden managed not to smile. Bless Josh for knowing just how to soothe the little girl. He had a knack with children that was unusual in a man. Maybe Katie did belong with him.

  The thought was a stab of agony to her heart. She’d just told him it was important for families to be together if possible. That was the goal she worked for, the aim she always kept in mind for her foster children. Just because she wanted Katie didn’t make it right. She pushed the knowledge away. Katie was hers, she couldn’t give her up. But guilt gnawed at her. God couldn’t want that of her, could He? She wouldn’t believe it.

  Her hands trembled as she carried the food to the table. Tears blurred her vision, and she took a deep, calming breath. She was just being emotional because of the holiday. They would enjoy the meal, play some games afterward, and she would forget all about this prick of guilt. It was nothing.

  By the time Josh brought Katie down from upstairs, Eden had recovered her composure. She mustn’t let him know she’d even thought about giving up Katie. He would be all over that idea like a duck on a June bug.

  Katie snuggled against Josh’s chest like it was made for her. Eden knew the feeling, and a smile curved her lips. She turned away before Josh could see it and ask why she was smiling. Heat bloomed in her cheeks at the thought of explaining herself.

  The meal passed slowly and amicably. Katie even managed to keep most of her food on the tray of her high chair. Samantha chattered to Josh and seemed to have forgotten her earlier pique. When the buzzer on the oven went off, Eden took the pies out to cool. They would have dessert a little later in the afternoon.

  Josh and Samantha pitched in to help wash dishes, and Eden couldn’t help imagining what it would be like for them all to be a family. She had to stop that kind of thinking. Josh would be appalled if he knew where her imagination had taken her.

  When the kitchen was clean, they all went to the living room. Eden flopped onto the sofa. “I’m pooped,” she said.

  “Oh, no, you don’t,” Josh said. “You know what was always traditional at our house on Thanksgiving afternoon?”

  “Resting and playing games?” she asked hopefully.

  He grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet. “Nope. Putting up the Christmas tree.”

  She started shaking her head. “I always buy a live tree. There’s nothing open today.”

  “Wrong again.” He pulled her to the front door and opened it. A magnificent Christmas tree leaned beside the door. It was at least nine feet tall with full branches and no holes.

  “Where did you get that?” Eden held her breath in awe.

  “I bought it yesterday and brought it over when I came. You get the decorations out, and I’ll bring it in.” He lifted the tree and carried it through the door Samantha held open for him.

  “He told me about it,” Samantha said smugly.

  “You kept the secret well.” Eden squeezed her shoulder as she passed, and Samantha smiled, all traces of her earlier fit of temper gone.

  Samantha kept an eye on Katie while Eden hurried up the stairs to the attic. The attic steps were steep, and she paid attention to her feet as she climbed them. She’d stumbled many times on them. Josh came up behind her.

  He looked around. “I love these old attics. They don’t build houses like this anymore.”

  “Sometimes I come up here and imagine these boxes are filled with things from my grandparents. Silly, isn’t it?”

  “No, it’s not.” He draped an arm around her. “Family is important. And you’ve made a family here, Eden. This is a great thing you’re doing, something to be proud of.”

  Heat touched her cheeks, and a matching glow filled her. Sometimes she wondered if she should give up the fight, get a real job instead of working for the state with these children. She’d seen the way people looked at her when she said she was a foster parent. The abuses in the system were legion. But she cared too much about the children to abandon them.

  She turned away and began loading his arms with boxes. “I have so many ornaments the children made. Samantha will be glad to see the one she made for me last year.”

  Josh carried a load downstairs, and Eden followed with her arms full of boxes too. Samantha was nearly bouncing in her excitement. Eden put her load down and held out her arms for Katie.

  “You’ll want to help Josh decorate,” she said. “This little munchkin needs to be up and out of the way.”

  Katie came to her willingly. As she watched Josh and Samantha decorate the tree, she wished this could be the first of a lifetime of Christmases spent together. She nearly gasped at the realization. She loved him! When had that happened? She couldn’t love him. He would leave her just like everyone else in her family had done. It wasn’t safe to love him. But how did she kill love once it began? He had the ability to rip her heart out and take her daughter as well. But what would he say if she asked him to stay, to find a job here, and help her raise Katie?

  Chapter 11

  Josh couldn’t figure Eden out. Thanksgiving she had been so warm and sweet. Since then she’d kept him at arm’s length. She avoided being alone with him, and her green eyes warned him to keep his distance.

  He didn’t want to keep his distance. Those minutes in the kitchen on Thanksgiving had awakened him to the fact that this emotion he felt when he looked at her was love. He was in love for the first time in his life. With a woman who smelled of baby powder and formula instead of expensive perfume and hair spray. A woman who thought watching a video with a roomful of kids more fun than going out to dinner. The realization astonished and delighted him. Eden was what he’d been looking for all his life. But how did he break through that wall she had around her?

  Today might be a start. He glanced at Eden sitting beside him in the SUV. They had the whole day to themselves in their search for Selma Johnson. Belinda was holding down the fort, and it would be just he and Eden together today. They were nearly there, and Eden hadn’t said two words to him.

  She didn’t look happy. Staring through the window, her profile was somber with no evidence of her dimples. Josh hadn’t seen them since Thanksgiving. Had he gone too far with that kiss? Maybe she wasn’t interested in him that way. His spirits sank at the thought.

  “Penny for your thoughts,” he said.

  She turned and gave a halfhearted smile. “They’re not worth that much. I wasn’t really thinking, just staring out the window.”

  “Scared about your aunt?”

  She shook her head. “I think I’ll find my family eventually. I’m content with that.”

  “What’s wrong between us, Eden? You’ve been acting strange since last week on Thanksgiving. I thought we had a nice time.”

  “I did, too,” she said. She turned her head again. “Nothing’s wrong. I’ve just been busy with making gifts for the children for Christmas. I’m sorry
if I seem a little distant.” She swiveled around to look at him. “Tell me, where are you planning to find a job?”

  “Where did that come from?” No telling what thoughts were running through that pretty head.

  “Do you plan to buy a house so you can have Katie stay occasionally?”

  “I would like to find a large house like yours, one where she could feel at home. You might want some help with her once you find your siblings. You’ll be busy catching up on old times.”

  She jerked her head up and stared at him through narrowed eyes. “Is that why you’re helping me look for my brother and sisters?”

  He felt his face burn, and he turned his attention back to the road. Guilt had to be written all over his face, for he heard her catch her breath.

  “That’s it, isn’t it? That’s why you’ve been spending so much time with us, why you’re so determined to find my siblings. You think once I find them, I’ll let you have Katie!”

  “Look, Eden, maybe that was the reason at the beginning, but I soon learned to care about you and the kids. I really want to help you find your family.” He needed to find a place to pull over. Driving down the road was no place to declare his love to a woman. It would have to wait.

  “And I was feeling guilty for keeping Katie from you. I had even begun to think she belonged with you!” Eden’s voice was choked with tears, and she bit her lip, then turned to stare stonily out the window.

  How did he answer that? He swallowed and tried to think how to say he loved her. Did he just spit it out? Good grief, they were driving down the freeway! He wasn’t going to propose in this kind of situation. He had it all planned, and this wasn’t in the plan. He wanted them all to be together; he didn’t want to take Katie from her.

  “She’s all I have left of my family,” he said lamely. That would have to do until the right time.

  She didn’t answer him as he turned onto her aunt’s street. It was lined with old oak and maple trees that hid modest, two-story homes. He gritted his teeth and pulled the SUV to the curb. Jumping out, he started to come around to open her door, but she hopped out before he could get there. He put his hand on her arm, but she jerked away.

  “Don’t touch me,” she said. “You used me, Josh. You used my need to find my family for your own purposes. I thought you cared about me.” Her voice choked off, and she marched ahead of him to the house where her aunt used to live.

  “Eden, please—”

  “I don’t want to talk to you right now, Josh. Let’s stop while we’re still civil.” She rapped on the door, painted red with off-white trim.

  Josh fell silent, and his own temper rose. Women! They wouldn’t listen to reason.

  Eden masked her pain with anger. Josh’s betrayal hurt more than she’d imagined. By the time she’d tried to protect her heart, it was already too late. He didn’t deserve Katie. The sooner he was gone, the better. She could nurse her hurt and figure out a way to get over him. When they got back, she would tell him it was best if he left.

  She felt him glowering at her back as she waited on the front stoop of the house. Straightening her shoulders, she rapped at the door again.

  “I’m coming, hold your horses.” Her gray hair scraped back in a bun, a short woman nearly as wide as she was tall opened the door and peered at them through thick glasses.

  “Are you. . .Selma Johnson?” Eden heard her own voice quiver and bit her lip.

  “Selma Johnson. Now there’s a name I haven’t heard in years.” The woman took off her glasses and polished them on her stained apron. She perched the glasses back on her nose and opened the door wider. “Don’t stand there looking like two possums in the porch light. Come in, and we’ll jaw awhile.”

  Eden stared back uncertainly at Josh. Who was this woman? Obviously not her aunt. Josh gave Eden a slight nod, and she stepped through the door. The odor of sautéing onions hung in the air.

  “Cooking liver and onions. I got plenty if you folks would care to join me for lunch.”

  “No, thanks,” Josh said. “We won’t be able to stay that long.”

  “You young folks, always rushing hither and yon,” the woman grumbled. She pointed toward a chintz sofa, its once vivid reds and greens faded to a soft mixture of pastels.

  Eden slipped off her coat and sank onto the sofa. “I’m Eden Walters, and this is Josh Leland. Selma Johnson is my aunt.”

  “Selma and I were neighbors for over fifty years. Maybe you heard her mention me. Gabby Summers.”

  Eden shook her head. “I’m sorry; I never knew my aunt. I only met her one time.”

  “Say, you must be one of them Richmond kids!”

  Eden’s heart sped up. “Yes, yes, that’s right. I’m the oldest.”

  “It were a shame, splitting you young ’uns up like that. I told Selma it weren’t right, but your aunt had a head as hard as a new walnut. It was hard enough for her to raise young Timmy, she said.”

  “Do you know where they are? Timmy and my aunt?” Eden put in eagerly. “I’m trying to find him and my sisters.”

  Gabby shook her head. “Selma’s been gone near ten years,” she said. “Timmy went off somewhere last I heard. I don’t recall just where that was.” Her voice trailed off in a mumble, and she stared vacantly toward the floor.

  Eden shot a glance at Josh. He leaned forward and touched Gabby’s arm. “Mrs. Summers?”

  Her eyes focused again, and she shook her head. “It’s gone, young Eden. Give me your number, though. If I happen to hear from Timmy or remember where he went, I’ll call you.”

  Eden nearly gasped from the pain of disappointment. So close, and to come up empty-handed. It was almost more than she could bear.

  Josh rose. “Thanks for your help, Mrs. Summers.” He pulled a business card from his wallet. “I’m putting Eden’s phone number here,” he said, scribbling the number on the back.

  “Sometimes things come to me in the night.” Mrs. Summers took it, then turned away and tucked it into her purse.

  Josh picked up Eden’s coat, and she slipped her arms into it. All her bright hopes for the day lay in ashes. He squeezed her hand, and she choked back a sob. What was wrong with her? This lady might remember something. At least it was something to hope for.

  Mrs. Summers led the way to the door. Eden paused in the doorway. “Was Timmy happy?” she asked softly.

  “Oh my, yes. Such a lovely child. So well-mannered, good in school, very helpful. He used to rake my leaves in the fall and wouldn’t take a penny for it.”

  Eden’s eyes flooded with tears. “I don’t suppose you have a picture of him?”

  Mrs. Summers shook her head. “I’m sorry, little lady, I don’t. But you keep your chin up. If I could just remember where he went off to, you might track him down through that.”

  “Thanks for your help.” Josh laid a hand on Mrs. Summers’s shoulder, then followed Eden through the door and pulled it shut behind him.

  Eden stumbled toward the SUV. Gulping back her tears, she threw open the door and practically fell into her seat. Josh slid into the driver’s seat. She felt his eyes on her face, and her lips trembled.

  “Aw, Sweetie, don’t cry.”

  Eden fished in her purse for a tissue. “I’m not crying,” she quavered. “I never cry.”

  Josh touched the back of her head, and a sob escaped Eden. “She’s dead. My aunt is dead and with her all hope of finding Timmy and my sisters.”

  He pulled her into his arms. “It’s only a delay. We’ll find them.”

  “You have to leave.” With his arms around her and her nose buried in his chest, the tension in her shoulders began to ease.

  “Not before your birthday tomorrow.”

  She pulled away and scrubbed at her face with the tissue. “How did you know December fourth is my birthday?”

  “You told me, remember?” Regret twisted his lips, and his reluctance to let her go warmed her.

  Eden sniffed. “I’d hoped to find them for my birthday.” She laughe
d shakily. “Silly, isn’t it? For some reason I thought my birthday would be the start of a new life for me.”

  “It’s not silly. And you never know what tomorrow might bring.” Josh turned the key, and the SUV roared to life. “Let’s go home to our girl.”

  Chapter 12

  Eden heard the children giggling with Josh in the kitchen. They had banished her to the living room while they prepared her birthday dinner. Josh had been acting strangely all day. She caught him staring at her several times with a bemused smile on his face.

  He’d arrived this morning with his arms full of helium balloons. Katie had squealed with delight, and Eden was touched he remembered how much she liked balloons. Samantha had motioned him into the kitchen, and they’d scurried back and forth with their decorations.

  Eden tried to occupy herself with wrapping Christmas presents. She’d been torn over whether or not to give Josh a gift. Then she had hit on the idea of making him up a scrapbook of Katie’s life so far. Filled with pictures and cute captions, the scrapbook was almost too precious to give away. Josh would love it, though.

  Smoke billowed from the kitchen. She jumped to her feet and ran through the kitchen door. “Where’s the fire?” She grabbed the fire extinguisher by the back door.

  Josh grinned sheepishly. “False alarm. I spilled some cake batter in the oven.” The kids, including Katie, were busy decorating her cake. Katie had icing in her hair.

  Eden wrinkled her nose, and he leaned over and kissed it. A rush of pleasure soared through her. What was with him today? She couldn’t figure him out. He seemed carefree somehow.

  “We’re almost ready,” he told her. “You go in the living room, and we’ll bring the cake in there.”