Kenny's Coming Home
Page 6
DAD: If you hadn’t got involved in the first place, none of this would have happened. I lost votes because of you.
A.D.: You lost votes because Denise did a deal on behalf of the Left.
DAD: I know that, so?
A.D.: Danny Maloney withdrew when he discovered his votes had been directed to Cuttlefish.
DAD: Right.
A.D.: No, he’s the Left. Danny’s a man of principle.
KENNY: So Pa’s votes went to Cuttlefish because the Left and the Right did a deal. Right?
A.D.: Right! All orchestrated by Denise.
KIM: I’ve got to get into this.
MUM: Let me get this straight. Danny Maloney withdraws, Dad expects his votes to go to him.
ALL: Right.
MUM: But Denise and Cuttlefish have done a deal, whereby Maloney’s supporters switch to Cuttlefish.
ALL: Right.
A.D.: No, he’s the Left.
MUM: Well, whatever. So, your votes are split between Dad and Cuttlefish.
A.D.: And Cuttlefish wins.
ALL: Right.
A.D.: But some of Maloney’s votes aren’t legal, thus a recount.
DAD: What a bloody mess.
MUM: So what now?
A.D.: Kenny stands.
KENNY: What?
A.D.: Oh look, it’s perfect. The party needs a candidate who can deflect the flak from this debacle. Who would be better? Who has already proved himself to be bipartisan? Who is the one to unite the party?
KIM: Kenny?
A.D.: Kenny.
ALL: Kenny!
KENNY: No!
A.D.: I’m waiting for a call from the Federal Executive.
KENNY: Excuse me …
A.D.: Excuse me! Denise has been given the boot, you’re looking at the new branch secretary.
MUM: Well done, Dot!
A.D.: And I’m going to need an offsider, Kath?
MUM: Me?
A.D.: You.
KIM: I’ve gotta get into this!
A.D.: Of course, Kenny will need a campaign manager, someone to guide him through the minefield, to introduce him at public rallies, to help formulate policy.
DAD: Well …
A.D.: I thought you’d be ideal, Arthur.
DAD: I could have my arm twisted. I suppose he’ll need someone with expertise …
KENNY: Now hang on here, I’m not getting railroaded into this. No way. I’ve seen enough in the last few days to convince me that I’ve chosen the right path. Freedom, that’s what it’s all about.
A.D.: Oh, come on, Kenny …
KENNY: No, A.D. Absolutely not. I’m not prepared to play the games necessary to make it in politics. Not the way things are now. I was brought up to believe in integrity. I don’t see a lot of that in today’s politician.
MUM: That’s my boy, you sound much better when you talk like a human being.
A.D.: Doesn’t he?!
KENNY: Well, what’s the point? The parties pinch each other’s policies, they constantly backtrack as soon as the wind changes, I mean, you might as well run the country on opinion polls. I was ready to man the barricades in seventy-five—
KIM: Person.
KENNY: Eh?
KIM: Person the barricades. Man is sexist.
KENNY: Kim, please! We all had something to believe in then. Gough set an agenda and we believed in it. God, even though we didn’t like Fraser, at least we knew where we stood with him.
A.D.: And now?
KENNY: Now? It’s hopeless, isn’t it? GST, Fightback, One Nation … unemployment over ten per cent and rising, kids on the streets, social division, who’s addressing these problems?
DAD: Well said, lad. Your grandfather would have been proud of you.
KENNY: I mean, I might be interested if I still thought the party stood for something, but I’m afraid The Light on the Hill’s gone out.
DAD: Don’t you see, son, you could be the one to relight it.
KENNY: Listen, family. It’s a touching thought, but the world awaits …
DAD: You’ve got charisma, boy.
A.D.: And integrity.
MUM: And a brain.
KIM: And a great sister …
KENNY: In the immortal words of Jeff Fenech, ‘I love youse all’, but I gotta split.
The phone rings. KIM answers.
KIM: [on the phone] Hello? Just a minute. [To KENNY] Kenny, it’s for you. It’s—
KENNY: I’m not going to be dragooned—
He takes the phone.
[On the phone] Hello? Yes, yes sir, yes sir, yes sir.
The photo of Ben Chifley is illuminated.
SONG: ‘ALL I CAN DO, I’LL DO FOR YOU’
KENNY:It was like the sun rising within me
Though a veil had been lifted from my eyes
It was like the moon had lodged within my throat
Though a drawbridge had been lowered across the moat
It was like the earth had sprouted forth zucchinis
To feed all the needy people of the world.
ALL: It was like the sun rising within him
Though a veil had been lifted from his eyes
It was like the stars had all spelled out his name
Though a drought had given way to rain
It was like the earth had sprouted forth zucchinis
To feed all the needy people of the world.
KIM: [spoken] My God, who was that on the phone?
KENNY: [sung] I tell you it was him h h h h h h him
I tell you it was h h h h h h h him
And he said Kenny Kenny Kenny I want you to stand
And I said all I can do, I’ll do for you
Now I may not be a Panther anymore
And I may not be an architect that’s for sure
But there is one thing Chif wishes me to be
He wants me to be be be be be, a Labor MP
ALL: I tell you it was him h h h h h h him
I tell you it was h h h h h h h him
And he said Kenny Kenny Kenny I want you to stand
And I said all I can do, I’ll do for you
DAD: I’m so proud of you my son and heir
MUM: And I can’t wait to see you on ‘A Current Affair’
A.D.: Let’s drink a toast for the sake of it
KIM: And if you go overseas, I wouldn’t mind a trip
ALL: It was like the sun rising within him
Though a veil had been lifted from his eyes
It was like the earth had sprouted forth zucchinis
To feed all the needy people of the world
It was like the earth had sprouted forth zucchinis
To feed all the needy people of the world
KIM: [spoken] So, there you go. He absolutely romped it in. Increased the majority.
Well, I reckon if Kenny can do it, so can I. I mean, you gotta be in it to win it. I’m doing Pol Sci at uni, am President of the Students’ Union, and President of the Labor Club.
And, of course you know who my inspiration is …
She points to the flashing Ben Chifley.
He’s my man. Yeah, they don’t make ’em like him anymore.
THE END
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First published in 2016
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Copyright: Kenny’s Coming Home © Ned Manning & Shane McNamara, 1991, 2016.
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ePub ISBN: 9781760620141
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Front cover shows Melissa Jaffer as Aunt Dorothy and Duncan Wass as Dad in the 1991 Q Theatre production.