Homecoming

by Tara Lynn

  “I’ll go along with this.”

  “Great.” Lorne grabbed the gavel and pounded the wooden table. “Welcome back, son.”

  The table set into scattered applause. Most looked happy, which I took as an ok sign.

  I started smiling myself. But not for the same reason. I read the small, cursive font on the tag again.

  Probation. I’d been driven here by one just to find another. All the world wanted from me was to bide my time.

  Guess I’d just have to find some way to spend it.

  *****

  “Congratulations, honey!”

  “Thanks, Lisa.”

  Our big happy family was sitting at the dining table in the remains of a roast chicken dinner. My new stepmom was beaming at me like I’d just won a medal of honor. Hell, I’d told her about my time in the army and she hadn’t look half as proud as she did now.

  She leaned across the tabled and clasped my forearm daintily. “Oh, now we have two big, strong men in this house to keep us safe.”

  Her warmth turned to Lorne, across from her. Lorne offered a tremendous smile of his own.

  I’d asked Christina what Lisa had heard about the Liberated. Apparently, with my absence the story of her husband’s death had turned into a triumph for the hometown bikers. The Scorpions had come to our town looking for trouble and some of the Departed had helped end a hostage situation. Lisa’s husband was just gunned down before we even got there.

  It had taken everything not to fall over laughing when I learned that tall tale. I’d also had the urge to smash up the kitchen we were standing in. Even with Christina there, looking curious, I had barely been able to reign my urges in enough to avoid suspicion. She must know it wasn’t the whole truth, but that didn’t mean revealing it would be good for her.

  Even if hiding it from her ate at my soul.

  “You’ll have three men soon,” Jason said, snapping me back to the moment. “Now I’ve got two people who can teach me stuff.”

  The kid was barely a teenager. He still had a lot of his baby features, but he looked at me as fierce as a recruit in basic.

  “You sure do buddy,” Lorne said. “When the time’s right.”

  I put on a fake smile for him. I wouldn’t mind having this kid looking up to me, but I had to earn it in a way he could follow. That wasn’t going to happen till I got this damn Probate mark removed.

  “Easy soldier,” I said. “You take care of school stuff first. There’s plenty of time. Remember, it’s about what you have to offer. The colors alone do not make the man.”

  I aimed this response at Christina. She sat by her mom, nudging at a bone on her plate. Her head lay slumped against her pale hand. She barely gave my comment a glance.

  So much for our brief peace treaty. My Liberated cut might as well be a white sheet and cone hat to her.

  Lisa filled the silence with nonsense about her day. Lorne had gotten her a new car recently so her coworkers were all jealous. I realized that I might understand exactly what she saw in my father. Christina’s reaction was way more appropriate.

  I exchanged some more pleasantries about the day’s events. Finally, Lorne pushed away from the table and the long celebration was at an end. I had to keep the good behavior up until I had my hands on some power, but hopefully there’d be fewer of these to slog through.

  I lodged myself in my room before Lisa could wheel out a cake or something. Jason had let me borrow one of his old laptops. I started peering through all that I’d missed in the slammer.

  I tried to catch up on what was happening back in Afghanistan, but one of the ads on the side had a gorgeous brunette doing yoga in skintight pants. I went up so fast, I almost punched a hole through the keyboard. God, did I need a release.

  Just at that moment, someone knocked on the door.

  Shit, Jason must be looking for lessons already. I made sure to fasten the tightness in my jeans and then went over to the door. When I pulled it open though, it was Christina. Her face was flushed red like a coal ember.

  “Why did you lie to me?” she said in a harsh whisper.

  “What?” I tried to recall anything significant I’d said to her, but my mind had gone completely blank.

  Christina stormed in and shut the door. She had on loose sweatpants and a large grey t-shirt. They creased and fluttered with each of her heaving breaths.

  She looked like a volcano gearing up to explode. Which was to say, still incredibly hot.

  “What are you playing at?” she asked, still speaking low. “What’s your game?”

  “Easy,” I said, waving her off. “I’m not doing anything.”

  “You roll into town, acting like some big man who takes on bikers. You say you’re here to clean house. You make a big deal of how we should be allies. Now you come back in full regalia?”

  “It’s just a leather vest,” I said.

  “It means everything in this town. You don’t know what damage those colors have done to my life.”

  Her eyes crinkled. Shit, she was going to cry. I wanted so much to just reach out and grab her tight, to tell her she was right to feel as she did. I didn’t dare budge an inch.

  She blinked away the pain. Her entire body slumped, and she sat on the edge of my bed. It was like the life had gone out of her.

  Had she believed in me that much? I had only spit out the sparsest of hopes, but she’d turned them into commandments.

  “Hey,” I said, sitting down the right distance away from her. “I know what these colors mean. I know the damage they do.”

  She lifted her head at me. I couldn’t help but notice she looked even more beautiful in sadness than in anger. Her mom didn’t look anywhere like that, so it must have come from somewhere else. From a man who she could no longer talk to, perhaps.

  “What do you know?” she said.

  “I know this club is a chain on this town,” I said. “I know that they’ve cost it money, blood and its future.”

  She shook her head. “Do you know what it cost me?”

  I looked at her earnest, young face, and tried to spill lies about her father, but I couldn’t. She’d heard enough of those. But I couldn’t reveal the truth, not with her under Lorne’s roof and eating his food. It might just break her.

  “Why’d your mom marry my dad anyway?” I said, skirting the issue. “Even if the Liberated didn’t kill your father, that doesn’t excuse us.”

  “It was Stockholm syndrome, I guess. I don’t know. I spent so much time hating her for it, that I think I’ll go mad if I do it anymore.” She threw out a humorless laugh. “Ok, well if I do it as much, anyway.”

  All the tension in me evaporated, hearing that laugh. It had a deepness to it, a weight that made it more real than any sorority girl giggle.

  “People react to tough situations in different ways,” I said. “Sometimes they love the ones who hurt them. Sometimes they pretend to love the way things are, so that they can do things without attracting attention.”

  Her eyes widened, but I could see the pain still there. “You never did say what exactly you plan to do. Are you going to get rid of the Liberated?”

  “I’m going to fix it. I’m going to make it live up to its name and its mission.”

  “Which is what?”

  “You must know.”

  She gazed off a moment. “Ride free?”

  “Yeah, they ride free, and the town gets to as well.”

  “How?”

  “I have certain plans once I’m inside firmly,” I said. “But you’re better of waiting to see if they come true.”

  She studied my face, her amber eyes drifting across my skin like she could read from it. She shook her head. “I don’t understand you.”

  “Just don’t judge me on what I wear. I’ve put on a lot of uniforms but none of them have defined me. I’m still who you saw underneath.”

  Her eyes went wide. I ran my words through my head again and felt a flare. She’d gotten some idea of what I was packing undern
eath, alright.

  I grinned. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

  She bolted to her feet. “Well, I guess I’ll wait and see who you are. At least, for a little while longer.”

  “I take it we’re back to zero, then. Again.”

  She chuckled, somewhat nervously. “I’ll just have to keep forgetting how you make me feel.”

  I know she hadn’t meant it that way, but my smile grew wider anyways. I watched her chest become as still as a hilltop when she recognized her own words.

  “Angry, I mean,” she said.

  “Got it.”

  “I need to study.” She flicked open the door.

  “I’ll see you round?” I said.

  She glanced back, then disappeared through. A moment later, I heard her bustling next door.

  There was just a wall between us, strong and adamant. But it wasn’t a big one. I wanted it down. I wanted her on my side.

  But if honesty was the rule I abided by now, I had to admit one thing more.

  I still wanted her. Part of me seemed to have turned permanently into metal just at that brief dash of her agitated attention. No online yoga lady could hope to have a fraction of the effect.

  I’d come home with the aim to live free. But I couldn’t do the one thing I was sure I wanted. It would have no future, and it would cost me everything.

  Well, I’d have to find a substitute. I knew how I looked. It wouldn’t be hard to find a woman or two to satisfy my urges.

  But it wouldn’t be her. I could go through a dozen girls and it still wouldn’t be enough.

  Christ, what a mess.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Christina

  Talking with Damon was supposed to make being at home easier. And most times of the day, I could handle seeing Damon around.

  Just not in the mornings.

  Not after the sorts of dreams I couldn’t seem to stop having about him.

  I’d imagine waking up to a knock on the door. I’d go open it and find him standing there in nothing but boxers. Sometimes it’d be me knocking, and him answering, still dressed the same.

  “We’ve got to share a bed,” he or I would say. There was no reason needed in a dream.

  We’d get up under the sheets, our pools of heat leaking over into each other. Eventually, one of his muscular limbs would glance against me. Then, it would insist itself more adamantly. More of him would join, until his body covered me like a smooth, hard blanket.

  I’d be trapped. Trapped so sweetly in a cage with bars of sleek, hard muscle. My body would melt everywhere his met mine.

  A new hardness would press against me, long and focused.

  “You want this,” he’d say.

  I’d gasp, feeling an ache open up that threatened to part me like the Grand Canyon.

  Then…

  Then, I’d bolt up heaving. My heart would be pounding, my bed would be drenched with sweat. And his whisper would still linger in my ear.

  You want this.

  I’d tried finding explanations. Maybe I was having those dreams because I’d been sweating in bed already.

  Then again, I’d never sweat like that before he moved in. The weather sure hadn’t changed.

  I’d been able to set it aside the first night, and even share a very tense breakfast. But then it happened every night - two, three, four days in a row. Same narrative, just in different places.

  Every time he looked at me, I wondered if he could see my thoughts. And maybe it was projection, but his look seemed to linger. Had he been having the same dreams? If so, he didn’t seem ashamed by them. He’d never been ashamed by what he had wanted from me the first night.

  I wanted to feel the same way. But I had the anxious feeling that shame was the only thing holding back something even stronger.

  So despite all our peace treaties, I did my best to avoid Damon. I’d stay at work or at Ruby’s or in the college library as long as I could, trying to leave my brain without time for thought.

  Ruby started to grow suspicious after the second time I beat her to class. “You’re not on drugs right?” she’d asked, slamming her books down next to me.

  “No.” Meth was starting to sound a whole lot simpler.

  “That’s good. I don’t have time for an intervention.”

  “I’ll keep it mind. How’s things going at home?”

  I shut my books and faced her directly. People were way better distractions than numbers.

  “Hold up,” she said. “We’re not done with you. How’s your brother doing?”

  “It’s been a week,” I said. “There’s nothing I can do for Jason until I get myself out of town, anyway.”

  Ruby leaned in. “I meant your other brother.”

  My mouth went dry. “You know about that?”

  “Everyone in town knows. He’s Lorne’s real son. And he is not hard to notice either.”

  I faced the board. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “Come on, he’s really hot.”

  “You hate bikers!”

  “I might compromise my morals if they all looked like this. I got a good look when he stopped by the pharmacy the other day to pick up some things.”

  I soured a bit. He was there on club business probably. Whatever his higher purpose, it certainly didn’t look that way from the outside. “So it’s ok he’s buying from your dad, just cause he’s hot?”

  “That’s not what he was doing. He just got some drinks and…uh, some condoms.”

  My heart dropped out of my chest. “Condoms?”

  “The big ones, too.” Ruby stared off dreamily. “I was chatting on a dating site with this guy who goes to Santa Cruz, but it’s hard to pay attention with that image in my head.”

  Her eyes had drifted off, which was good. I could feel the dismay weighing down my face.

  Damon lived right next door to me. The walls were not built to stop noise. Was I going to have to hear him making another girl moan?

  The professor finished screeching against the board and clapped the podium for attention, but my head was boiling. I couldn’t concentrate the entire class. Even after, I could barely stomach down my lunch with Ruby.

  I took a long winding drive down the highway, just an hour with the trucks and back. Leaving Freemont took Damon out of my head. My thoughts turned to the road and drifted from exit sign to exit sign.

  There were so many little towns out there. I was sure many of them were touched by the Liberated in one way or another. But no other town probably had that pull on the people who lived there.

  A lot of people in Freemont simply accepted the fact that the police and the mayor were in the pockets of a criminal. Businessmen were happy to pay bribes to set up shop in main street. All Lorne had to do was fund a little civic project or three and people were happy to jump at his word.

  Heck, from the outside Freemont was actually a thriving little place. All it cost was the price of a little blood here and there, and even that not for many years. The folks saw it as our own little nation away from California, away the world.

  I guess I got to be one of the few lucky ones who had an idea of the price. Someone was paying it, even if it wasn’t us anymore. They say feelings fade, but I’d never forget that stab of pain right through my chest as the police told me what had happened to Dad. Other girls might have screamed or cried, but it just didn’t seem real to me.

  How could someone be shooting at him? No one would ever shoot my awesome dad on purpose. So it didn’t matter who was pulling the trigger, just who made the shots get fired at all. That would be the Liberated.

  I’d known about the MC before, of course. Even in middle school, boys talked of plans to become prospects. But after my dad’s death, the MC seemed to have suddenly and cruelly blossomed. It was like they needed the blood of a pure heart to cast their spell over the town. They moved from the fringes of Freemont to owning main street.

  By the time I got to high school, half the guys seemed to want to join - even the o
nes with options. In junior year I’d been partnered with Troy Mallard for biology. He was tall and shaggy haired and played center on the basketball team, but he also aced a ton of his classes. I thought we could escape this town together. I’d told him about my plans for college and he’d said, “Man, those guys at Santa Cruz are going to love you.”

  I’d blushed and he’d ducked his eyes. High school guys sometimes were too smooth for their own good. Not that I cared back then, when the coolest guy around was into me.

  We started hanging out after school, kissing in empty hallways, groping each other in his car. Within a couple weeks, I was aching to give it away. Things looked perfect.

  Then, while we were steaming up his car in the school lot one night, he’d said the worst thing in the world:

  “Jesus, baby, I know this is crazy, but I want you to be my old lady someday.”

  I’d laughed. Old lady was a biker term. Lorne was already my stepdad by then. He must think it was a cute joke, not a vicious reminder. I was deep in lust enough to let it slide.

  When I pulled him back down for a kiss though, his shoulders wouldn’t budge.

  “I’m serious,” he’d said, eyes shimmering from the lot’s lights. “Once I make it past prospect, I want to declare for you.”

  “Prospect?” I’d asked. “What are you talking about?”

  “Come on. You know what a prospect is.”

  About then is where my mouth fell open. “You’re serious. You want to join the Liberated.”

  He’d made that jocky snort noise. “Uh, yeah. Everyone at school knows they’ve got me lined up.”

  “I thought you were getting out of Freemont. I thought you wanted to come with me to Santa Cruz?”

  “Na, baby, that was your dream. They need smart people in the Liberated too. You go and come back if you want, but I just want to ride. And I want to be with you. And just in case you’re thinking, it’s not to get close to Lorne or anything. I just love you.”

  “Close to Lorne? Fuck Lorne.” I’d pushed him clean off me. “Fuck the Liberated.”

  His head had rattled like I’d spoken something other than English. I jerked open the door and left him there before he could say anything more. He hadn’t even bothered me after that. Maybe he was afraid of messing up his chances with them by saying the wrong thing.