Maybe my exhaustion was why I’d started tearing up in Max’s kitchen. I was overworked and exhausted and my silly crush had backed up on me when I was still half asleep from an unplanned nap. It was nothing more than that. By the time I drove back to my apartment, I’d convinced myself I made a big deal over nothing. I didn’t have real feelings for the man. He was just attractive and emotionally unavailable, which was woman catnip, like I’d told him before. It was only human to get a little crush on him. I’d be over it in no time.
I went home, had a long bath and went to bed early. The next day, I was full of energy and baked two extra pies at the diner. When the dinner shift rolled around, I was surprised to see Max and Sadie in their booth since it wasn’t a Tuesday. I went back and got the crayons for her and said hi.
“We’re busy right now. I may have to have Taylor wait on you. Is that okay?” I asked Sadie. She barreled out of the booth and threw her arms around my waist.
“I missed you!”
“You were sacked out yesterday when I left. Did you have fun making pizzas with your dad?”
“We did a frozen pizza,” she said. “He said he was tired. Then he let me watch TV.”
Avoiding Max’s eyes, I nodded. “I’ll come back over if I can,” I said, and headed back to work. I checked out some carryout orders and sliced up a lemon pie. I delivered an order to a large group and refilled some iced tea. It was busy even for a Friday night. By the time I got back to them, they’d already ordered.
“Taylor didn’t know I need ranch,” Sadie confided. “So I had to tell her.”
“That’s what we do when people need to know things,” I said. “I’m glad you spoke up.”
“What she said was, ‘I have to have ranch, or I won’t eat the carrots plus I really just want Rachel can you get her?’” Max put in. Sadie glowered at him.
“I know she has to help other people too. I just want her to help me first.”
“Makes sense to me, Sadie Lady,” I said, kissing the top of her head. “What brings you guys in on a Friday?”
“I wanted to see if you were okay. I could’ve texted you but that seemed like overstepping.”
“So you came to my job?” I asked.
“Yes. There wasn’t a really good way to stay within bounds and still check on you. You were really tired last night.”
“I was. Sometimes I get emotional when I’m tired or hangry. It happens. But I’m fine.”
“I wished you’d texted when you got home.”
“Okay, dad,” I laughed. “I’ve been driving a long time. Don’t worry.”
“He worries a lot,” Sadie informed me.
“Well, he has a sweet little kiddo to keep safe. Of course, he worries,” I said.
“I watched Fancy Nancy and Puppy Dog Pals. Two of them.”
“Were they good ones?”
“I saw the Nancy one already, but the puppies were new ones,” she said.
“I better get back to work. You two have a fun night.”
“Can I just?” he said, standing up. I nodded, looking around at the crowd.
We stepped over just a little, and he leaned in to whisper, “I’m really sorry for how I acted. I nearly called you last night.”
“Don’t,” I said, careful not to look anything but normal because we were surrounded by people and his kid was watching us.
“I won’t overstep again.”
“Really? Cause it seems like you’re here,” I said, more annoyed than I meant to, “and you’re making it weird.”
“No, trust me, it’s weird on its own,” he said ruefully with a half-smile that disarmed me.
“I’m going to be really professional and just get back to work. I won’t make this a drama if you don’t.”
“Is that what I’m doing?” he asked.
“That is what you’re doing.”
“I’m out of practice. The only woman I’ve talked to with any regularity in the last five years is Denise and it’s, let’s say, a different dynamic. She’s grandmotherly.”
“I’ve got to get back to work. Quit stalking me and I’ll call you after work.” I laughed.
“Do that,” he said, leveling me with a look.
I sailed through the rest of my shift and closed like I was floating. Laura came in with Brody and Brenna and I got to snuggle her and give her crackers and juice. I raved about my new job and how well it was going, and Laura kept asking if I’d closed the deal with Max.
“That sounds so sales-pitchy. No, I haven’t sold him a timeshare if that’s what you mean,” I rolled my eyes.
“She means have you nailed him yet,” Brody said helpfully.
“I know what she means, and it’s not happening. Sometimes pretty boys have issues, okay?” I laughed it off.
“What, like the fact that he lives in a cabin in the mountains with only a child for company didn’t give that away?” Laura laughed, “The man is the poster boy for brooding loner, strong silent type, messy history with women included.”
“I know. Way too complicated, situation-wise. Trust me,” I said.
“Are you trying to convince me, or yourself?” she asked.
“Shut up or I’m giving the baby ice cream,” I warned.
“Don’t. She was a crazy lunatic the last time you did that. We were awake for hours while she squealed and played, and we begged her to sleep.”
“I will put out a warrant for your arrest. Nothing is beneath me if you give this child ice cream at seven at night,” Brody warned. “I’d like to spend some alone time with my wife, and if the baby doesn’t go to sleep, she will be too tired.” I was going to laugh but he looked so serious. Laura cracked up.
“Yeah, you’re so neglected,” she teased him, and he nuzzled her hair and I told them to get a room.
After I got home and showered, I climbed into bed and then texted Max, I got home just fine. Quit worrying.
He messaged back right away, You said you’d call me.
I dialed his number.
“Why did you want me to call? I figured you were hovering.”
“I wanted to apologize more directly. I’m sorry that I got too close and that I nearly acted on an attraction that could very well be one-sided. I’m your employer, and that creates a power imbalance that lends itself to harassment. If I have harassed you or made you uncomfortable or led you to believe that your job—”
“Are you kidding me?” I burst out. “Harassed me? Really? You? You wear a sign that says, ‘Emotionally Unavailable.’ You are the very last man I would expect to harass me. Period. So quit making up dramatic crap in your mind, okay?”
“You weren’t feeling threatened?”
“By you? No. There’s a principal difference between you and the creep at the bar. If I told you no, you’d stop. He’d never even hear it. Also, your favorite non-work subject of conversation is Why You Don’t Get Involved with Women Ever. You’re about as Harvey Weinstein as a monk under a vow of silence.”
“I want to assure you that your job is not in jeopardy regardless of how you answer this. Have I made unwanted advances?”
“Are you reading this from an HR script online? You are, aren’t you?” I laughed.
“No.”
“Are you actually pissing your pants over the idea that you think you sexually harassed the nanny? Dude, you have watched way too many classic Lifetime movies. Although those sitters were usually eighteen and blonde and plotting to steal the mom’s life. Anyway—”
“What are you talking about?” he asked.
“I don’t know, what are you talking about? With the afterschool special you’re reciting about sexual harassment. There is nothing illegal or unethical going on here.”
“But I just admitted I was attracted to you. Which is not relevant at all. Because I will never—”
“Touch me if I were the last woman on earth, I get it,” I said, rolling my eyes since he couldn’t see me. “Women love to hear that, by the way. Say it more. How you’d never co
nsider laying a hand on me, and that it was a moment of weakness or temporary insanity that you even looked directly at me.”
“Are you—mad at me?”
“No. I’m mad about the situation. About the fact that for the first time in years I get to know somebody I could really like and—it turns out to be you. The single dad boss with all the sharp edges and a relationship allergy. I could not have picked a worse candidate, which shows that my track record with men is going strong.”
He was quiet for a moment like he didn’t know what to say to that. Finally, I huffed a breath and said, “It’s fine Max. Just drop it.”
“So, we’re agreed never to act on whatever attraction there might have been between us?”
“Might have been between us? Yeah, we’re agreed that the imaginary, hypothetical attraction will never be mentioned again, cross my heart and hope to die,” I deadpanned.
“I’m serious, Rachel. You’re so good to Sadie, and I value you. I would never want to jeopardize that trust or risk Sadie losing you in her life because of my thoughtless actions,” he said so earnestly that I swallowed hard.
“There’s nothing you could ever do to make me stop caring about Sadie, Max.”
He went silent for a long time.
“You still there?” I asked.
“Yes. Thank you. It means a great deal that you appreciate Sadie for who she is. It means everything actually,” he said. “I had no idea how lucky I was the day you offered to watch my daughter.”
“It was my lucky day, too. I love the diner, and I want to run it myself. But my favorite job I’ve ever had—no contest—is taking care of Sadie Lady. Just don’t tell Hugh.” I laughed.
“Good night, Rachel,” he said.
I felt happy when I went to sleep. Even though I would’ve felt a million times happier if he’d been calling to say that he couldn’t resist taking a chance on me. I still loved my place in his life, in Sadie’s life. I could wish it were more, and still appreciate what I already had. I missed them both when I wasn’t around them.
The next couple of days were crazy busy at the diner. We ran out of pies on Saturday night, even using up the two backups in the freezer. I raked in a ton of tips, and by the time I got off work around noon on Sunday, I was beat. Instead of doing laundry like I’d planned, I had a feeling there’d be Netflix and a nap all afternoon. I plugged in my phone as soon as I got home, and noticed a message from Max.
Sadie insisted I invite you to join us at the park around one.
I smiled because she missed me and wanted me there. I sank onto the couch, twisted the lid off my bottle of water, and took a long drink. I tipped my head back and shut my eyes, but now I wanted to go to the park and spend time with Sadie and Max. I couldn’t help it. I just liked spending time with them. So I messaged back that I’d meet them around one-thirty. I showered quickly to get the fried food smell out of my hair and changed into shorts and a t-shirt, my wet hair twisted up on top of my head in a messy knot. When I arrived at the park, Sadie was gingerly climbing a little ways up the monkey bars. I bounded toward her, feeling my energy return with the excitement of seeing them.
She gave me a nervous smile. “I wanna hug you but I’m up high!” she said, her brow crinkled.
“Sadie Lady, I’ll come to you,” I said, going to the monkey bars where she was only about three feet off the ground.
“Will you get me?” she asked.
“Nope. But I’ll help you go higher. You can jump off from where you are and be fine, or you can climb more. I know it feels high, but you’re safe, I promise. Daddy and I are right here, and we’d never let anything happen to you. You wanna go higher?”
“I wanna get down,” she said.
“Okay, go for it,” I said brightly.
“I want you to pick me up,” she said.
I slid a look at Max, who stood close by. He gave a shrug. I knew he wanted to rescue her, but he was holding back, letting me handle it.
“I can’t hold on!” she moaned. I wanted to hug her and laugh because the drama in her voice was so funny, but it wasn’t funny to her, and I’d never laugh at her fears.
“Put your foot down one bar.”
“I can’t!”
“Try for me,” I said. “I promise, I’ve got you.”
She bit her lip and I saw tears in her eyes. I was gonna cave. I couldn’t handle her crying. I knew little kids cried when they had big emotions, but those big, pretty eyes with tears in them gutted me. I looked at Max again, this time frantic.
“How about if I help?” he said, stepping in. I was grateful. I wanted her to climb down on her own and be proud of herself, but I also didn’t want to make her do something she was scared of.
Max stepped up behind her and put his hands on the bars beside hers. He tapped her little fist with one finger and said, “Watch me. Move this hand over and stretch that leg down till your toe bumps the bar. Then stand on the bar. I’m here and you won’t fall.”
She sniffed and gave a whimper but moved her hand like he said. She flailed around with her foot and panic swept over her face. She met his eyes, steadied, and found the bar with her foot. Joy flooded her face, “I did it! I got it!”
“You did! You were awesome,” he said. “Now do the other foot. Same thing.”
Sadie stretched down and stepped her other foot onto the lower bar. She unfastened first one hand and then the other from the bar and moved them to one below it. Then, gingerly, she stepped onto the ground. She hugged Max. I wanted to hug them both. Sadie turned and barreled into me, hugging me hard.
“Did you see me? I did it!” she crowed.
“I did, I saw you! When you want to, I’ll help you go higher, but I’m so glad you got down with your dad’s help. You were really brave!” I hugged her to me.
“Did you miss me?”
“Yes, I did. And when I was at the diner, there was an old man who ordered a piece of my lemon pie—”
“Lemon? Ewww!”
“He liked it so much he ordered another piece and ate it and then another one. This skinny old man ate three pieces of pie after his tuna melt!”
“He must really like pie,” Sadie said. “Can we make more pie?”
“If you want to do a pie, we’ll do one this week. I thought you wanted snickerdoodle cookies again.”
“I want those too!”
“Okay, I think that can be arranged,” I said, unable to keep the smile off my face.
“You’re going to spoil her,” Max said, but it wasn’t said unkindly. It was fond, almost.
“Maybe that’s the goal. Uh oh, Sadie Lady, he’s onto the evil plot. Don’t tell him I’m feeding you ice cream for every meal!”
“That’s silly! We don’t do that,” Sadie giggled.
She took my hand and led me to the swings. I pushed her on the swing and talked to her about how to pump her legs to go higher. After a while she had it down and wanted me to watch her. So I sat on the grass near her and clapped and gave her pointers and complimented her strong legs.
“I’ve been trying to get her to pump for a year now. How did you convince her?”
“It’s a girl thing,” I quipped.
“Really?”
“No. Not at all. She was just ready to try or needed to hear it from somebody else. She’s doing great.”
“She really is. She’s come out of her shell a lot this summer. I give you credit for that. She’s still scared to climb, but that’ll come in time, right?”
“It will or it won’t. A lot of adults are scared of heights, so she doesn’t necessarily have to get comfortable with climbing.”
“I don’t want her to be afraid,” he said stubbornly.
“So tell her that she can do hard things, tell her she’s brave. Let her figure it out.”
“Part of me wants to guard her 24/7 and slap the shit out of anyone who isn’t a hundred percent wonderful to her.”
“I can see that, but it wouldn’t help her out in the long run. Plus, y
ou’d be the creepy dad at the playground that bullies the children. You don’t want to be that guy.”
“No, I don’t. It’s hard to let her try and fail.”
“Yeah, it is.”
“Does it get easier?” he asked.
“How would I know? I bake pies, Max. I don’t have children.”
“I thought you might have the answers.”
“Do you think that’s what they taught the girls in home ec in high school? All the answers about raising kids? Sorry, it was mostly how to sew on a button and make biscuits.”
“Home ec?”
“Home economics. The boys take shop class, and the girls take home ec. It’s that way statewide or else it used to be.”
‘That’s sexist.”
“Yeah, cause everyone needs home ec, for one thing. I mean, men have buttons and eat food.”
“Yes. We do.”
“Hey, there’s the ice cream stand. I’m gonna go get Sadie Lady something,” I said, but he stopped me.
“My treat,” he said. “What do you want?”
“Chocolate sundae cone!” I said immediately.
He smiled. When he came back with an orange push pop for Sadie, an ice cream bar for himself, and a jumbo sundae cone for me, Sadie dragged her feet to slow the swing and then ran to him.
“Thanks,” I said. “That is without a doubt the biggest ice cream cone I’ve ever seen.”
“Intimidated?” he teased.
“I can handle it,” I said, wondering why my face flushed, why I felt like he was flirting with me, like that was an innuendo.
“They asked if I wanted regular or jumbo…”
“You thought I wanted a jumbo?” I laughed.
“Size matters,” he said.
I snorted, met his eyes. “You did that on purpose.”
“I did,” he said mischievously.
“It was funny.”
“Daddy, are you funny?” Sadie asked, perplexed.
“Sometimes,” he said, and then he took a napkin and mopped up some of the orange creamy stuff on her chin.
The Lumberjack's Nanny: A Forbidden Romance (Rockford Falls Romance) Page 10
