“It may. She’s a great kid. I like her a lot. And I’m grateful for the opportunity, and for the chance to make enough to top off my down payment on the diner. I need this job, and I’m lucky it’s a job taking care of Sadie. I would’ve dug ditches if I had to.”
“I know,” I said, and I did know. I saw how fiercely she wanted to prove herself. She gave me a smile that was almost bashful.
“Is it hard, letting Denise go?”
“It’s inconvenient. Sadie was comfortable with her.”
“You’ve shared Sadie with her for years. That’s the closest you’ve had to a co-parent, is what I’m saying. She was the witness to a lot of your daughter’s growing up. It’s got to be hard to let go of someone you share those memories with.”
“I don’t look at it like that. She was very helpful, and I’m grateful to her.”
“That’s warm,” she said sarcastically.
“I’m sorry for her because her mother is sick, and I wish she wasn’t moving. It would have been better for Sadie to have continuity.”
“Change can be good, too. I’m going to be good for Sadie,” she said.
“I think you’re right about that. You’re younger and more energetic. She’ll have fun learning to make pies from you.”
“Thank you,” she said.
“I think I should thank you. For your patience. And for being willing to spend so much time with Sadie this summer. I’m not sure how many young women would want to take care of a six-year-old when they don’t have kids themselves. Without an alternative motive.”
“You mean a woman who isn’t trying to catch you. I’m not.”
“I know. And that’s pathetically true. I could have had any number of people watch Sadie all summer for free, if I was willing to show an interest in them romantically. It’s easier to keep people at arm’s length if you’re acting like an ass part of the time,” I confessed.
“I can’t imagine having to deal with all that unwanted attention,” she said.
“Well, I doubt that. Not to bring up an uncomfortable subject, but the guy the other night at the bar—”
“Ugh. Don’t remind me. I appreciate your help, but it was embarrassing that I couldn’t get him to leave me alone.”
“Don’t be embarrassed. It wasn’t your fault he did that.”
“You swooped in and saved me,” she said with a half-smile.
“I didn’t swoop.”
“You did. You swooped. I saw you. You saved me. I wish I’d been nicer about it and really thanked you. I was just—really—humiliated.”
“He’s the one who should have been humiliated for acting like such a fool. If It weren’t for Sadie, for being a dad, I would’ve really enjoyed beating the hell out of him. It might’ve taught him a lesson.”
“I doubt it. Some guys never learn that no means no.”
“They should. I think I’ve seen that go on all my life, but once I had a daughter—I know how cliché that sounds—I wanted the world to be better for her. I look back and think of all the times I could’ve had the privilege of beating the hell out of some entitled jerk, and I just let it pass. Now I know I have a responsibility to step in, partly because some men only listen to other men.”
“It doesn’t hurt that you’re huge. I mean, even a guy who doesn’t want to listen is going to look at your shoulders and think, ‘this dude can kick my ass, so I should back off.’ It’s not exactly the lesson on boundaries we want them to learn though.”
“Maybe it’s enough to make them think twice next time. I don’t know how to fix it, I just wish I could,” he trailed off, uncomfortable. So, I changed the subject.
We talked a little more about the financial aspect of the job, the spending money I’d provide for her to do things with Sadie and pick up things she might need or want like new goggles for swimming lessons or whatever. She said again that she was surprised I paid so much. My daughter is worth that much, I told her, and the right kind of care for her was priceless. She nodded. I think she was used to struggling, and I didn’t like that. I didn’t like how hard she had to work for everything she had. What little that was—a crappy car and long work hours and now an extra job. I’d trust her that it was worth it to her. But it chafed at me in some way, some part of me that felt protective toward her. Dangerous territory.
We settled on a start date and time, and Rachel said good night to me, slipped her shoes back on, and thanked me for dinner. Then she stood on tiptoe and threw her arms around me, a bear hug from a tiny woman who seemed to be able to hold all of me just the same.
“I’m a hugger. You better get used to it.” I patted her back once, not letting myself feel anything or react to her. I held back, didn’t put my arms around her or breathe in the scent of her hair or pay too much attention to her pressed against me for the few seconds we were connected. I could’ve mapped her curves with my hands, could’ve inhaled her shampoo smell and nuzzled her neck, nipped at it. But I restrained myself. I stepped back and told her good night. And I promised myself I wouldn’t think of her later, when I had my hand around my cock in the darkness.
11
Rachel
At eight o’clock as usual, I rolled into Max’s driveway. Sadie threw open the door, hopping from foot to foot with excitement that I was there. I was just as glad to see her. I scooped her up and shifted her to my hip as soon as I reached the house. She gave me kisses on my cheek and pointed out glitter on my face. “You’re wearing BLUSH!” she accused happily. Yeah, I had started wearing makeup to my babysitting job. Partly because Sadie loved makeup and partly because I had some sad, cliché crush on my boss. Just seeing him in his faded t-shirt and jeans, lacing up his work boots made my mouth go dry. God, he was hot. I wanted him to rub that neatly trimmed lumberjack beard all over my bare skin. I couldn’t help thinking it. I’d given up telling myself not to fantasize about him. He was a great dad, and smart and considerate despite that veneer of stern, know it all attitude. He was masterful and he wielded an ax, and it made my panties wet just looking at him.
“What’s the plan today?” he asked, taking Sadie out of my arms and giving her a hug.
“Library, then make some lemonade and have a picnic,” I said.
“Come with us, Daddy!” Sadie begged.
“Daddy has to go to work. But it sounds like way more fun to do what you and Rach are planning. I’ll see you later, baby girl.”
Sadie did a fake pout and then giggled as he set her down and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “You better put some real clothes on. I don’t think a Fancy Nancy nightgown works for the library,” he told her.
“I think you have to at least wear rain boots with it,” I teased.
“Don’t encourage her. She thinks those light-up boots go with everything. Thanks for that, by the way,” he said wryly.
Sadie and I had picked out some pink glittery rain boots that had flashing lights that lit up when she stomped in a puddle or on the road or anywhere. We used them for a puddle walk on a rainy day, but they became the fashion trend that wouldn’t let go.
“Hey, she’s being raised by a guy. Guys don’t know when you need glittery shoes,” I said lightly.
Sadie had scampered off to her room, and it was just the two of us. This seemed to happen every day, four or five minutes alone with Max. I know I blushed and grew warm and didn’t know what to say. At least twice he’d stepped in closer like he was going to embrace me, as if it were natural after telling Sadie bye for the day to take me in his arms and kiss me goodbye. He had stopped short and rubbed his beard and avoided my eyes, but I knew exactly how he felt. It was too cozy. After just a couple of weeks of keeping Sadie, I found everything so easy, so completely natural and relaxed. I was at ease around him most of the time.
What started as a texted photo of his daughter from time to time turned into a long texting conversation about everything. Last night, when I was at the diner, I’d gotten a message from him that Sadie had been begging to go to the diner for a
solid ten minutes because she missed me, complete with a sad-puppy photo of her for good measure that made me laugh.
Sorry to bother you at work, he’d messaged, but we’re having trouble staying away from you. I had sent back a laughing emoji and grinned all through my shift. Fridays were actually hard for me. He worked a four-day week to have a three-day weekend with his daughter, and all day Friday they spent together, and I worked at the diner. All day Friday and Saturday and half of Sunday, I caught up on scheduling, payroll, and other managerial duties, reported to Hugh, and dealt with staffing issues as well as waiting tables and churning out delicious pies. I was tired, but it was totally worth it. I was raking in money and I loved spending my days with Sadie, which turned out to be relaxing and fun. I missed her, missed them both on weekends, as it turned out.
I gathered Sadie’s library books and made sure she had on shoes. We swapped out books and made our way back to the cabin to prep our picnic lunch. She thought we were going to the park like usual, but I had a surprise in store for her. We bundled up our food, and I packed a towel along with the picnic blanket. I drove her out to the falls that gave our town its name. It was a gorgeous area, and popular with the teens for parking on weekend nights. On a Thursday morning, though, it was bright and sunny and the spray from the waterfall gave rise to a little rainbow arcing above the falls that tumbled over rocks and roared like it was bigger than it was. Sadie clapped her hands and danced from foot to foot, thrilled with it. She helped me spread out our meal, but she could hardly take her eyes off the waterfall. After we ate, I rolled up my capris and she took off her shoes. We waded into the shallows down from the falls, not getting too close to the deeper, wilder water. The bite of chill in the water made Sadie squeal. I stood her right where I wanted her and snapped a pic and sent it to Max. Then we splashed back to the bank and stretched out in the sun. It was warm and wonderful, and I told her stories about coming here with my friends as a kid.
Max texted back, Don’t drown my kid.
I laughed, Oh crap, I forgot I had Sadie with me. I’ll go back and see if she’s still there. Then I sent a selfie of the two of us laying in the grass together, safe and sound.
Now I’m jealous, he answered, tell her to save me some lemonade.
I read it to Sadie, who posed with the empty pitcher making a silly face. I sent him the pic.
Heartless women, he replied, I’m stuck logging with sweaty men.
You were invited to join us, I texted back and then put my phone away. I wished for a minute he’d come charging up the hill and surprise us, swing Sadie up high in his arms, the sunlight perfect behind them. I sighed out loud, wistful for a moment. I had to remind myself sometimes that this was temporary. I loved Sadie the same way I loved Brenna—with a huge love that was protective and possessive and boundless. The idea of walking away from her and not being a daily part of her life once school started again was too painful to consider. So I pushed it aside and made it my business to make every day the best day possible.
Back at the cabin, we read some of her picture books from the library. I got her to read me a Biscuit book with a little extra help from me, and then when she could do it on her own, I videoed it for her dad. After some berries and yogurt for a snack, I put on Alice in Wonderland and we cuddled up on the couch together.
The next thing I knew, Max was kneeling beside me, his hand on my arm, “Rachel? Rachel? Do you have to get to the diner?”
“Hmm?” I mumbled, half asleep still. “I guess I took a nap. Sorry.”
“No, it’s fine. Do you have to go to the diner?”
“It’s Thursday, right?”
“Yeah, it’s Thursday.”
“No, I’m off tonight. I—ironically, thought I should catch up on my sleep,” I said, pushing myself up to a sitting position. I brushed Sadie’s sweaty hair back from her face where she napped against my arm.
“Then go back to sleep. I wouldn’t have bothered you if I knew you didn’t have to leave right away.”
He stood up, and I pushed my hair behind my ears, “No I should get going. I—didn’t mean to nod off there. Just, when she wakes up tell her I said bye and I’ll see her Monday, okay?”
“No. Not okay. You don’t need to rush off. Please—stay,” Max said.
And the way he said stay went right through me like a shiver then, as if he meant something else, something he wasn’t saying at all. I shook my head.
“No, I should go. You guys have your evening together. I’ll get some sleep, since I’m apparently wiped out.”
“I’m not having you drive down the mountain half-asleep. It’s not safe and there’s no guardrails.”
“I’m fine. I’ve lived here my whole life. I could drive this mountain fully asleep.”
“Rach, please,” he said, sounding half exasperated and half warm. The warmth in his voice seemed to kindle something in my chest and make me smile.
“I’ll get a drink of water, walk around, make sure I’m awake enough for you, then I’ll go,” I said, offering a compromise.
“I mean stay for dinner. We have big plans on Thursday nights—we make our own pizzas. But I warn you, my daughter thinks pineapple goes on pizza. I have no idea how to convince her it doesn’t.”
He was joking with me, being sweet, being so different from when I first took the job. He’d really let me into their lives, and it was so hard to resist.
“Okay,” I said, “you win.”
“I usually do,” he smirked. I rolled my eyes.
“It’s the beard. Lumberjacks can get away with anything, I swear.”
“How long has she been asleep?’
“I don’t know. Since I was also asleep. I started the movie around 3:30. We got to the part with the flowers, and she dropped off to sleep. So that was maybe twenty minutes in. What time is it now?”
“It’s after five. So she’s been asleep a little over an hour. I’m glad she napped. It looked like you two had a big day, going out to the falls and everything.”
“Well, yeah, turns out she can float. I only threw her in the water a couple times.”
“You’re just messing with me.”
“Yes, I am. We waded around in the shallows and that was it. I’m surprised you didn’t come careening up the road after us to make sure she didn’t need CPR as soon as you got the picture.”
“Am I really that bad?”
“Yes, you are exactly that bad,” I grinned.
He grinned in return, his smile damn near blinding, so gorgeous and there was a deep dimple that made my stomach clench, as well as other parts further south. His soft laugh, the way he leaned in. Max was closing the distance between us, his hand touching my face. Oh my God, his hand was on my cheek! I felt my heart hammering like mad at the contact, at the tender way he brushed his thumb over my cheekbone and met my eyes with his melting gaze. I was half a breath from being kissed. It felt monumental, and amazing and breathless. I couldn’t take my eyes off him, couldn’t let them drift shut. I didn’t want to miss a thing. This was already toe-curlingly sexy and he had barely touched me. Giddy and excited and more than a little turned on, I lifted on tiptoe to meet his lips with mine.
He stepped back, dropped his hand from my cheek and rubbed his beard, turned and went into the kitchen. I wanted to follow him and demand to know what just happened and why he hadn’t kissed me. But I knew the answer to that. He remembered who we were. That he was my boss, that he didn’t do complicated relationships, and didn’t bring women around his daughter. I was so frustrated I wanted to stomp my feet. I liked him so much, and I knew he was drawn to me, too.
I heard him preheating the oven, and I went in and got a glass of water. “You know,” I said. “I think I’ll head home after all. Thanks for the invite though.”
“That’s probably best,” he said, and I wasn’t imagining it when he sounded sad. It was flat-out unmistakable regret in his voice. I met his eyes and saw him swallow hard.
“I’m sorry,” he began.
/>
“Don’t,” I said, cutting him off. “Really.”
“It isn’t that I don’t want to,” he said, and he was just grinding the words through his teeth. He let me see his frustration, his passion for an instant. “I can’t. It wouldn’t be fair to you, to sneak around. You deserve better than that. I won’t get that close again. I should’ve known better than to ask you to stay. I apologize.”
I blinked back tears. Even though he was telling me exactly why we couldn’t be together, which was the last thing I wanted to hear from him, I understood. I nodded.
“I understand,” I said. What I wanted to say was, so make it real, don’t sneak around. Be with me. I’d say yes if you asked me to stay over, if you asked me on a date, if you asked me practically anything. But I had my pride, too, so I said nothing else. I swiped an impatient hand over my cheeks to wipe off the tears and turned away.
“Please don’t,” he said, crossing the kitchen, crowding me. “Don’t cry, Rachel. I’m not worth that.”
I shook my head, another tear slipping down my face unbidden. He brushed it away with his thumb. He pulled me to him and hugged me, warm and comforting, but I resisted, pushed back against him.
“I can’t,” I said. “I can’t hug you. I just need to go. I won’t mention this, and I’m not going to mope around and cry over you. I’ll see you Monday. I just—I need to go now. I’ll be fine.”
He released me, but I could see that it hurt. I could tell by his eyes. I could read his expression so clearly, that he had wanted me to accept comfort from him. I just couldn’t do it. I would’ve started sobbing or I would’ve tried to kiss him.
The truth was the arrangement was going really well. I worked for Max eight to five on Monday through Thursday and then six to ten at the diner, and I worked all day Friday and Saturday. The extra money was amazing. I was a total go-getter, like Laura had called me. I loved watching Sadie, and I was keeping up with everything at the diner just fine. I was completely exhausted, but it would be worth it when I had the down payment and owned the diner outright.
The Lumberjack's Nanny: A Forbidden Romance (Rockford Falls Romance) Page 9
