Sand & Clay

by Sarah Robinson

  She was just as excited as her friends but didn’t want to seem like a groupie in heat if Logan were to come out and see her. She laughed at herself for that thought, she doubted that he would even notice her or even remember her. With all these fans in the crowd, there was no doubt in her mind that she would be just another blip on his radar of fans.

  Some music started coming out of the speakers and the lights went completely dark as a hush came over the crowd, eagerly anticipating the start of the show. Suddenly spurts of fire and sparks roared up from the back of the stage illuminating a sole shadowy figure. Guitar strumming came out of the amplifiers and roared throughout the entire crowd, a heavy rock and roll solo that lasted for about 45 seconds before the lights flashed on and Logan was spotlighted.

  Suddenly the other band members were visible and music filled the area. Logan swaggered forward to the front microphone with the dramatic manner expected of rock stars. He slung the guitar he had been playing around his back, grabbed the microphone, and began to sing. Caroline was at most six feet away from him, drowned in the crowd of girls screaming and singing along to his music.

  Logan wasn’t even glancing her way, his eyes were squinted at some times from the hot stage lights or looking above her out further into the crowd. This only confirmed her theory that he had never even given her a second thought. The front row started to fill up even though all the seats had already been full, but women were apparently moving forward to get next to the stage.

  Jackie and Aralia hollered along all throughout the first song, singing their loudest since they all had memorized every one of his songs. She had been listening to his albums since the moment they came out, so she couldn’t help but sing along too.

  As the first song came to an end, Caroline began feeling a little more outgoing and joined her friends in their raucous dancing and singing. For the next two songs, she just put the thought of the Logan she had met out of her mind, and thought only of the CD Logan that she had been singing along to for years. His songs were loud and upbeat, but not deafening and illegible. He had several guitar solos that pretty much brought the roof down with the screaming fans excitement. Caroline admired his musical talent, his deep and almost rustic voice, and the way he was able to move seamlessly across a stage as if he had done it all his life. She swayed with the music, pumped her arms with the beat, and laughed with Jackie and Aralia like a bunch of young school girls. She hadn’t felt this way in awhile and she loved it, a feeling of freedom and being herself, shedding the invisible mask of stoicism and properness that she usually wore.

  After about ninety minutes of singing, performing, crazy stunts, exploding fireworks, and nonstop dancing, Logan stepped up to the microphone before the final song in his set.

  “This song is new and you are the first audience to hear it!” Logan exclaimed, the crowd cheered in excitement.

  “It’s a little story about a girl and a boy, but aren’t they all?” Logan said, winking at the crowd.

  He took a few steps back then and a stage hand rushed out a stool to him. The lights dimmed and yellowed a bit, creating a romantic ambience as he perched himself on the stool. The rest of the band had left the stage and all the theatrics had dulled. It was just Logan holding an acoustic guitar, leaning on a stool in front of a microphone. The melody slowly began as the spotlight centered on him and the crowd was silent, excited to take in this new piece of composition.

  Caroline sat down in her seat, as most of the audience followed suit. She had never heard any slower songs from Logan, especially any acoustic songs. His voice turned from the louder, deep rocker voice to more of a throaty and husky soft sound as he serenaded the microphone. There were random bursts of girls screaming or cooing towards the stage throughout most of the song as he began ending the first verse and broke into the chorus with a bit more vigor than before.

  Caroline had been tuning in and out but suddenly she caught a line of the chorus and her entire body went stiff, completely paralyzed with her eyes wide, staring at him. She couldn’t of heard him correctly, she thought to herself. So, she sat there, unable to take a single breath until he had finished his second verse and headed back into the chorus.

  “…hazel eyes over hazelnut coffee, her upturned nose, and her stubborn pose. She rules the roast as she scoffs into her cup, and rolls her eyes as if I’m not enough.”

  Caroline was still frozen in place, her breath shallow and quiet as she tried to pull every word out of his mouth and straight into her ears. Was he talking about her? She had hazel eyes, she definitely had been pretty stubborn with him, but it was warranted, she reminded herself. This song was definitely not about her though, couldn’t possibly be.

  “She tossed my music, like she tossed my heart,

  her little button nose like a cupid’s dart.

  Can’t stand her mouth because her tongue is sharp,

  her words cut the strings on my harp.

  but she is the sour that made my day sweet,

  the prettiest lips I should never want to meet,

  and the shiniest eyes I never want to leave,

  through my heart strings, she started to weave.

  Aralia turned to Caroline, her eyes just as wide. She grabbed Caroline’s forearm and squealed, bouncing up and down in her seat.

  “Caroline, is that you? He is talking about you!” Aralia said while Jackie leaned over to get in on a piece of the conversation.

  Both girls were staring at her as if she was holding in a secret. She didn’t even turn to look at them, her eyes were frozen on Logan and her hands clutching the arm rests. Caroline kept telling herself that they were wrong but all she could hear was his voice and the soft lyrics.

  Those hazel eyes hide her chained up heart,

  but her play is over, now it’s my part.”

  With those last lines, Logan turned to look directly at Caroline. It was the first time he had looked at her throughout the entire concert and she felt her entire body go weak with the attention. His eyes went straight through her and she could actually feel the heat sear her skin from his gaze. Caroline continued to ignore the girls for the last bit of the song and just focused on Logan. Finally, he finished his love song and the lights went dark on the stage. The show was over.

  The crowd started to cipher out the exits, talking excitedly about how great the show was. Jackie and Aralia started pushing Caroline towards the end of the front row. The two girls were excitedly trading thoughts about the performance, but their eyes were still trained on Caroline’s face trying to figure out what she was thinking. She smiled at them, putting on a false air of confidence.

  “Ready to go?” Caroline said to them. They shrugged yes and followed her down the row of seats towards the end.

  “What did you think of the show, Caroline? Wasn’t it wonderful?” Aralia said behind her, Jackie agreeing quickly.

  “It was wonderful, he is very talented.” Caroline turned her head to tell Aralia.

  Aralia smiled at her, then looked confused for a second. Caroline couldn’t tell why until she turned back around to look forward and walked right into the chest of a tall, broad man wearing a black t-shirt that said “SECURITY” on it. She stumbled backwards a step, tripping on Aralia’s feet, who then tripped on Jackie’s feet like a pile up on the highway. The girls collected and righted themselves, turning to look at the man.

  “Sorry about that, sir. I didn’t see you there.” Caroline apologized and then tried to squeeze past him towards the exit but he stepped back in her way. She looked surprised at him and Aralia put her hand on the back of Caroline’s arm in a show of support.

  “Mr. Clay has invited the three of you to join him backstage. Follow me.” the tall man said in his deep and ominous voice and then turned around and began walking towards the edge of the stage. The three girls looked at each other and then quickly followed him backstage.

  Jackie and Aralia were quickly following Caroline, clearly excited and eager to go backstage. The girls had bee
n to several concerts together over their long friendship, but never had been backstage at any of them. They followed him through a black door at the side of the stage which led to a long hallway with vinyl floors and dingy white walls cluttered with posters from concerts that had been held there in the past. When they got to the swinging double doors at the end, he thrust them open like they were two light pieces of paper.

  The girls scurried behind him eagerly, excited, but all Caroline could think of was who was waiting back stage. A man she had only met once and yet had just heard their exchange turned into a love song in front of thousands of witnesses. She knew that she was in dangerous territory, with the butterflies in her stomach still threatening to betray her fake confidence.

  Musicians drew inspirations from many areas of their lives, often turning nothing into something. The song might have been based off of their meeting, but that is all it was, just a song to sell albums and draw in fans. She could be honored that she was a muse for him, but knew that she shouldn’t fool herself into thinking it was anything more than that.

  However, there was still that little tiny voice in the back of her head that lived off of romantic comedy movies and fairytales and was begging her to keep that door open.

  Behind the double doors at the end of the hall was another perpendicular hall that almost looked like a boring office building with lots of doors on either side of the hall going down each side as far as they could see. The man turned left and walked down to the first door on the right that had a large golden star on it.

  He tapped on the door quickly twice, then slowly three times. He then stepped back and stood in a military stance, waiting for someone to come open the door. The girls dropped back and Caroline took a step behind Jackie and Aralia, partially hiding herself from immediate view. Her nerves were on edge and her stomach was flopping around like a fish on land.

  The door swung open and a bleach blonde, beautiful woman came swinging out towering over all the women. She glanced at them, then strutted past them going down the hall. Caroline couldn’t help but watch her saunter off with jealousy over her tall, thin frame and the fact that she had just come out of a room alone with Logan. She knew for sure now that her daydreams were just that, only dreams. He was a musician. The blonde model was the type he would be surrounded by, not her short, brunette frame.

  The security guard motioned them to enter through the open door, but didn’t move from his spot. Jackie and Aralia rushed in excitedly with Caroline lagging behind slowly, trying to stay in the background. They walked into a room that seemed larger than her entire apartment. There were multiple lounging sections with groupings of chairs and couches as well as a fully stocked bar towards the back, a mini stage to one side with musical equipment piled up, and a curtained off corner hidden by a thick velvet curtain.

  There were several people throughout the room drinking and partaking in other activities you might expect to find back stage at a rock concert. Logan was nowhere in sight, which Jackie and Aralia didn’t seem to notice as they were already at the bar making drinks and talking to several handsome men who looked like they were musicians or stage hands.

  Caroline walked awkwardly further into the room, putting her focus on some intriguing art pinned to the wall. The room was a bit loud but she found herself tuning them out and trying to just relax and breathe out her anxiety. She glanced towards the farther side of the room and saw that Aralia and Jackie were settled into different couches with groups of men and some more model-type women.

  They were laughing and clearly enjoying themselves, she smiled for them but that wasn’t her type of fun. She wasn’t interested in being surrounded by groupies that were most likely impaired from multiple substances. She turned back to look at the next painting on the wall, an abstract piece with swirls of colors seeming to go in a certain pattern she couldn’t quite figure out.

  “It’s cute that your face scrunches up like that when you don’t understand something.” A deep and familiar voice said behind her. She jumped, startled, and whirled around to see Logan standing less than a few inches away from her.

  “I didn’t get to see a lot of that at the coffee shop.” He smirked at her, teasing her about being a know-it-all.

  Her cheeks blushed a dark red and she looked away from him awkwardly, feeling embarrassed that he had caught her in a private moment.

  “I didn’t see you there. And I have no idea what you are talking about.” She stammered sticking her nose up and mentally kicking herself for being so ineloquent.

  He just smiled at her which showed off small dimples in his cheeks that she couldn’t help but stare at. He was so unbelievably handsome this close. She could inhale the musky, yet fresh, scent he exuded and feel his hot breath tickle her cheeks. A silence came over the two of them for what seemed like an eternity but was really only thirty seconds at most. He seemed completely at ease which only made her feel even more nervous, she could see herself becoming more fidgety by the second.

  Although Logan was already only a few inches away from her, he began to lean down a little further, closing the gap between them even more. Caroline’s breath caught in her chest, she wouldn’t even have been capable of breathing if she tried because she was so entranced in this moment. She was caught in the force field between them, pushing them closer together.

  “So, you like that painting?” Logan said, interrupting her fantasy moment and causing her to step back and clear her throat. She blinked a few times trying to gather herself and then looked back at the painting. He smiled coyly at her, seemingly knowing the effect he was having on her and enjoying it. This just made her angry. That may not seem like the normal reaction in this type of situation, but Caroline was always in control. She didn’t lose herself in the moment like this. At the Java Jolt when she met Logan, she was calm and collected and hadn’t even given him the slightest opportunity to ruffle her feathers. Now here he was playing her like a fiddle! She knew he didn’t really care about her, not with all those groupies throwing themselves at him. How dare he try and gain the upper hand by throwing her off balance with those steamy eyes and those tiny, perfect dimples. She mentally slapped herself and snapped back to reality.

  “Yeah, they are okay.” Caroline said, trying her best to sound nonchalant. He just smiled again at her with that irritating and boyish grin, like he could read her thoughts and knew he had just knocked some of her walls down.

  Her blood boiled the more that she thought about it, how dare he act so full of himself! He was just another musician, nothing original or unique about him. Just an overly confident man surrounded by fawning women plucking away at his guitar strings, how unoriginal he was, she thought to herself.

  “Come with me,” Logan said to her, his hand capturing her elbow and pulling her towards the draped off section of the room.

  “Where are you taking me? What’s behind there?” Caroline said, pulling her arm free from him, trying again to withstand his delicious magnetism. He turned back to her and smiled, rolling his eyes at her.

  “If you want to know, you better come find out.” He said, annoyingly avoiding her question entirely as he disappeared between the folds of the velvet curtains.

  She watched him enter, then turned to look at the rest of the room. No one was even remotely paying attention to them. Jackie was kissing a security guard in the corner of the room and Aralia was talking animatedly while a group of people sat around her, captivated.

  Aralia had always been a star and there was nothing that could drag her away from an audience. She turned back towards the curtain and took a deep breath, then stepped forward and pulled them apart to walk through. The curtains quickly closed behind her and Caroline found herself alone in a small room, maybe only twice the size of her bedroom or a little less.

  There was a bed to one side with a large counter on the adjacent wall. There were all kinds of products, clothes, and travel items strewn across it. The other side of the room is where Logan stood, facing away with he
r. He had taken his shirt off and was only wearing baggy sweat pants at this point.

  She paused, taken aback for a moment, by the site of the clearly defined muscles in his back, followed by his tall and bulging shoulders and bulky biceps, all covered in different tattoos that told a story she so badly wanted to read.

  Caroline was so distracted by him that she hadn’t noticed what he was doing until he turned around to look at her.

  “What do you think?” He asked her.

  Logan was standing in front of an easel with a partially painted canvas on it. The scene was of a girl’s profile, looking behind her. The girl looked sad but confident, yet there was something in her eyes that made Caroline lock in. She walked further into the room to look at the painting more in depth, forgetting Logan was standing there and now fairly close to her. The girl had brown curly hair, pale white skin, and rosy lips. Her neck and the rest was still not drawn, only her face and the beginning edges of her hair were completed. It was probably one of the most beautiful paintings that she had ever seen by the intricacies he was able to capture with his brush. It looked so real, like the girl was going to turn back around and look right at her. Not only did the painting look real, but it was overflowing with emotions and meaning. It wasn’t just a picture on a canvas, it told a story through her gaze, the soft light around her face, the worry as she looked behind, and the hazel complexity of her eyes.

  “It’s beautiful.” Caroline said, hauntingly. There was really nothing more that she could say that would accurately capture what she was looking at. She had now entirely forgotten that Logan was standing there by her side until his hand came around and sat lightly on the dip of her lower back. Her breath staggered for a second and she cleared her throat, then turned back to look at him.