Wreck My World

by Victoria Ashley

  “It’s crazy, right?” Roman says after parking, his hands moving to rub over his face. “Stiles won’t be here when we walk inside. He will never be anywhere we are ever again. It’s a hard fucking pill to swallow. I don’t like it.”

  “I hate it. It’s not fair,” I say, my voice thick with emotion. “He should be here… Stiles deserves to be here.”

  Roman grips the steering wheel, before punching it. “Fuck!” He takes a deep breath and slowly exhales, running both hands through his hair. “Let’s do this. Just one shot. That’s all I can handle.”

  When we walk inside the pub, Ben and Sylvia are comforting Blake as she sits at the bar crying into her arms. Roman walks over and says something in her ear, before kissing her on the cheek and taking a seat beside her.

  Ben watches me as I make my way to her next, but steps aside and nods his head as if to let me know he’s done with whatever fucked-up shit we had going on. Good, because he’s the last thing I can deal with right now. He’s not worth my anger. My focus needs to be on Dakota, Stiles, and everyone I care about.

  “I’m so sorry, Blake. Stiles was one of the best guys I knew. He was one of the best people, period. Let me know if you need anything.”

  She nods and wipes a tear away, whispering, “Thank you.”

  A few minutes later, the door opens and Hope steps inside, followed by Dakota. Hope whispers something in Dakota’s ear, before she walks to the bar and takes a seat beside Talon.

  I stare at Dakota and she stares back, neither of us seeming to want to turn away first. I can almost see her chest falling hard and fast from where I sit. I can’t tell if it’s because she’s angry or happy to see me, but I do know that I’ll do everything in my power to make sure it’s the latter.

  Standing, I make my way to her and pull her in for a hug, wanting her to know I’m here for her. Her heart beats fast against my chest as I hold her close, my mouth running over her hair as I make my way around to her ear. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you, Kota. I won’t leave you again. No matter the circumstances. That’s a promise.” I kiss the top of her head and walk away, needing her to at least know that.

  Now is not the time to try and win her over. We’re here for Stiles tonight.

  “All right, everyone. Grab your shots.” Roman holds up his shot, and everyone else, myself included, grabs theirs and holds them up too. “This shot is for our best friend. Stiles was caring, goofy as hell, and a little unpredictable, but what you could always count on was him being a good friend. He’s been there for all of us through the best and the worst of times, and now here we are in his favorite place, having one of his favorite things.” Roman laughs lightly. “Other than weed, of course. Weed was by far his favorite thing in the world.” The last part earns a laugh out of everyone. “So, here’s to Stiles. We love you, buddy.”

  Everyone slams their shots back, and within minutes says their goodbyes, none of us seeming to be ready to be here without Stiles yet. It’s too hard. It’s going to take time for all of us.

  I’m in the parking lot smoking a cigarette to calm my nerves when suddenly the cigarette is yanked from my hand and Dakota steps around to face me. Her eyes look cold, and my heart freezes. “You left your phone and your fucking truck, Easton. Your truck. They were here and you weren’t. Do you know how hard that was for me?”

  I turn away for a second and clench my jaw, angry at myself all over again. I knew she’d either love me or hate me for leaving her my truck.

  “Don’t ever fucking do that to me again. Do you hear me?” Her nostrils flare out as she looks up at me. “Answer me.”

  I move in close, my hands cupping her face. “I’m not fucking going anywhere, Kota. I’m here to stay this time.”

  Her eyes soften for a moment, before she grabs my hands and removes them from her face. “I can’t do this tonight. Not here, but we can talk later. About everything. No more lies. No more damn running. Just the truth. Can you give me that?”

  “That’s all I want.” I move in again, prepared to grab her face, but she takes a step back and shakes her head. “It’s too soon, Easton. Just please… give me some time to process you being here right now. After being ignored for three weeks, I deserve that.”

  I nod and take a step back, respecting her wishes, even though inside I’m dying to pull her against me.

  “You ready, babe?” Hope grabs her arm and offers me a small smile. “I’ll stay at your place tonight again if you want.”

  Dakota nods and pulls her eyes from mine. “Yeah, I’m ready.”

  My chest burns as I stand here and watch her walk away, but she’s right. She deserves time. After me fucking up twice now, this is my last chance to get it right with her.

  Even if I have to wait weeks, I’ll be right here, waiting to make things right. Because without Dakota there’s no happiness for me. I’ve lived through that emptiness and pain twice, and I can’t do it for a third time and survive.

  Once everyone is gone, Roman walks out of the pub and nods for me to follow him to his SUV. “You’re not staying at a hotel. Not tonight. Let’s go.”

  The moment we get to Roman’s, he pulls out a bottle of whiskey and we drink in silence for a while, before he finally speaks. “Fuck, man. When I asked you to leave for a while, I didn’t expect you to cut off all communication with us. You know that fucked my sister up, right? She hurt for weeks because of that. For fucking weeks.”

  “I didn’t mean to hurt her and you know it.” I empty back my glass before turning to face him. Clearly, he’s been holding this in since the funeral earlier. “Maybe it was stupid of me to do it that way, but I didn’t know any other way to give her the time she wanted. We both know I would have called her daily. I didn’t want to come back too soon and make things worse. I couldn’t handle that shit. It hurts me too, man. You have no fucking idea how much my life sucks when she’s not in it.”

  He gives me a hard look, before emptying back his glass. “Well, don’t fuck up again. Don’t even think about going after Dakota unless you plan to stay for good this time. Don’t give me a reason to cut you out of my life for good.”

  I grab the bottle and refill my glass, lost in my head. “I won’t. I just need you to trust me like you always have.”

  “You get one last chance. I love you, man. You’re a brother to me, but it has to be this way. She’s blood.”

  I nod. “I agree. This is the last chance. I promise I’ll do it right this time.”

  Fuck… if only she’ll give me the chance to.

  Easton

  Tilting back my beer, I stare at the door as if it’ll open any minute to Dakota walking inside. Every single time it’s not her, my chest hurts a little more and the urge to go to her first grows stronger.

  I thought a few days would be enough for her, but it’s been almost a week since Stiles’ funeral, and she hasn’t called or texted me. I understand she needs time—we all just lost a good friend—but a man can only go so long without his woman before falling to his knees at her feet and begging her to take him back. It won’t be long before that man on his knees is me.

  “Another one?” I turn my attention away from the door to face Roman behind the bar. He’s giving me the same pathetic look he gave me the last two nights I spent his shift here, drinking my feelings away. “If you’re hurting that bad then just go to her. You both need to get this shit over with, because you’re both obviously miserable without each other.”

  I finish off my beer, before scooting the bottle aside and setting the new one on top of the coaster. “It might come down to that. I wanted to give her time, but we’ve already wasted too much of that.”

  “I think you two have had more than enough time. Dakota has been hurting for weeks because you two are apart, and now with Stiles gone, she’s hurting even more. I think she needs you right now more than she wants to admit. She might just be scared of getting hurt again. You two were inseparable for years.” He tosses the empty bottle in the trash and look
s over my shoulder when the door opens. “Shit. I’ll be back.”

  When I turn behind me to see who just walked in, Blake gives me an awkward nod, before taking a seat on the other side of the bar as if she wants to talk to Roman in private. It’s probably a good thing, because there’s something I need to do. Something I should’ve done days ago. It’s something I think Dakota and I both need before moving forward.

  Standing up, I take one last drink of my beer before tossing some money down on the bar for Roman. “Hey, man. I’ve got something to take care of.”

  He nods and goes right back to talking to Blake, so I hurry out the door and straddle my bike, my adrenaline pumping the moment I pull into the driveway and park.

  Taking off my helmet, I stare at the lit-up garage for a few minutes before finally climbing off my bike.

  When I step into the doorway and look inside, Kevin is wiping his hands off, his gaze trained on the door as if he heard me pull up. “Easton.” He nods and shoves the rag into his back pocket. “I was wondering when you’d show up. We need to have a talk.”

  I swallow and run a nervous hand through my hair. The idea of Kevin and Ellie not approving of me wanting to be with Dakota has me feeling nauseous. They’re too important to both of us. “I should’ve come days ago to have this talk. I’m an asshole for waiting this long, but I need you to hear me out. The truth is… I’ve been in love with Dakota my entire life. It’s always been Dakota for me. I pushed my feelings aside for far too long and I can’t do it anymore. I’m done fighting it. I love her too much. I’m sorry if that hurts your family, and I’m sorry if you hate me for it, but it’s the truth. Always has been.”

  He’s quiet for a moment, before running a hand over his face and exhaling. “You know you’ve always been family, Easton. Do you really think it’s that easy for us to shut you out and hate you?” He moves closer, looking me in the eyes when he speaks. “We’re not mad at you for loving Dakota. You’re a good man, Easton. You’re a better man than most. You put others above your happiness and that shows you’ve got a big heart. It’s not the part about you and Dakota loving each other that concerns us.”

  I stand still, my heart going crazy as I wait for him to continue. This conversation is nerve-racking, but it has to be done if I want to be with Dakota, and that’s all I want.

  “It’s whether or not you plan to stick around when times get tough that worries us. If you can look me in the eye and tell me you’ll stay for the bad just like the good, you have my word that Ellie and I will support yours and Dakota’s relationship should you two decide to give it a shot. Can you do that, son?”

  “There’s nothing in the world that could make me leave Dakota again. Nothing. I’m here for good. Even if she decides she doesn’t want me, I’ll be here, hoping that one day she will.”

  Moving in closer, he grips my shoulder. “Then you’ve got our full support. All we want is for our daughter to be happy, and as far as we can tell, you’ve always made her happy. The unhappiest I’ve ever seen her is when you’re not around. That says something, Easton. Just don’t fuck it up. I don’t want to see Dakota hurting anymore.”

  My chest aches to think about all the time I was away from Dakota. Her unhappy is the last thing I ever want. “I won’t. You’ve got my word.”

  He smiles and walks back over to do some work on his bike. “Good. We’ll see you at the shop this week then. The job is yours for as long as you want it. Now go inside and say hello to Ellie. She baked a pie.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  I smile and walk away, feeling relieved as I let myself in through the backdoor to find Ellie. She’s sitting in the dining room when I exit the kitchen. She instantly smiles and slides a piece of pie my way. “Take a seat and have some pie, Easton.”

  “Thank you, Ellie.” I take a seat and grab the fork, cutting off a small chunk of the pie. “I’m sorry—”

  “No need to be,” she says, cutting me off. “We’re just glad you’re back. It’s been a rough time for everyone lately, and we missed you. It’s not the same without you here.” She stands and kisses the top of my head. “You’re family. Have been since the day you walked in our door. Never forget that.”

  “I won’t. You and Kevin practically took care of me for most of my life. I spent more time here than at home. I’ll never be able to thank you enough.”

  “Just keep coming around. That’s all we ask for. When our kids come for family dinners, you better be right here at this table, beside Dakota. Got it?”

  “Yes, ma’am.” I smile and take a bite of the cherry pie. “This is still the best cherry pie I’ve ever tasted.”

  “I know.” She beams. “I’ll send some with you when you leave.”

  Coming here has my chest feeling lighter, allowing me to breathe a little easier. Now all I need is for Dakota to want me back just as much as I want her, because I’ve made up my mind. I’m going to her tonight, whether she wants me to or not. There’s nothing holding us back from being together now.

  Dakota

  Walking through the grass, I keep my eyes straight ahead on Quinn’s gray and silver headstone. It’s been almost two months since I last came to visit her, partially because of my guilt since seeing Easton again. I didn’t know how I’d face my sister with all the emotions of him returning hitting me hard.

  I promised no more hiding and I meant it. Not even from Quinn. She deserves to know the truth. I stop in front of her headstone and swallow, before taking a seat, sitting face to face with Quinn’s name that is written in big, bold lettering.

  “How’s it going, big sis? It’s been a while since we’ve spoken and I’m sorry about that. It’s my fault. I should’ve been here weeks ago to talk to you. A lot has been going on and I didn’t know how to handle it all. I’m just now figuring things out, and I’m still terrified. I’m terrified of being hurt and I’m terrified of hurting you, because I love you.”

  I look down at her camera in my hand, before running my shaky fingers over the lens cap. “The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you… so I lied. All those years ago when you asked me if I could promise not to fall for Easton—I lied when I said yes. The truth is, I loved Easton long before that. I’ve always loved Easton, since the day he walked into our kitchen as kids. It just took a few years for me to figure out what it meant, and by then, it was too late. I knew you liked Easton, and I figured neither one of us would get a chance to date him because of Roman, so I kept my feelings for him hidden. Nothing hurt more than not being able to tell you how I felt. Especially after you two became a couple.”

  I lay back, my throat burning from the emotions taking over. It’s been a while since I’ve cried in front of Quinn. I’ve gone so long trying to be strong for her, but this is hard. So hard.

  “I was so mad at you, Quinn. I was so fucking angry that you got the boy I loved and I didn’t. I was angry at you for kissing him, and I was angry at you for wanting him to take you to prom. There were days after that where I couldn’t even look at you, and I hate myself for being mad at you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

  I reach up and wipe my wet cheeks off, before sitting up to look at her headstone. “I tried to be strong when Easton came back to town. Remember how I told you he took off after you died? Well, he came back, and I did everything to push him away... for you. I tried so hard not to let him back in, but I did, and I fell for him all over again. I should be apologizing for loving him. But I don’t want to, Quinn. Apologizing for loving him will only mean that it’s wrong, and I can’t believe that it’s wrong. Not anymore. The reality is we both loved the same guy from the start. There were times I envied you for being so open about your feelings for him when I couldn’t be. I love you more than anything, and even though I miss you every day, you’re not here anymore. So, I’m here to come clean, to tell you I’m in love with Easton Crews and I’m done hiding from it. I’m done hiding from myself. I want to be with him and he wants to be with me. I can love him better than anyone. I just wan
t you to be happy knowing that I am. I’ll take care of him. I promise.”

  After getting everything I have to say out, I sit here for a while, taking pictures of random birds that fly by and other things that catch my eye. Somehow, when I bring her camera here and snap pictures of the things surrounding me, it makes me feel closer to her, and right now, I need to feel close to her. I need to feel that she still loves me after knowing the truth.

  An hour or so later, I finally stand up and look down at her headstone. “I promise it won’t take so long for me to come back next time. I’ll never wait that long again. That’s a promise I can make, Quinn. I love you.”

  I walk away, feeling as if I can breathe a little easier, knowing that I’ve come clean to Quinn after all these years of hiding from her… from everyone.

  Jumping into Easton’s truck, I look in the mirror and wipe my face off one last time before heading to my parents’ house.

  When I pull up to see Easton’s bike in the driveway, my heart stops. He’s here talking to my parents? This is not the place I was hoping to see him. My parents’ house is the last place I want to have this conversation with him.

  Stepping out of his truck, I wipe my sweaty palms down the front of my jeans, before making my way to the porch. I stand out here for a minutes, trying to work up the nerve to face him, and right as I go to open the door, he steps outside, his amber eyes landing on me.

  He doesn’t say anything as he backs me against the house and lowers his mouth dangerously close to mine, his breathing coming out fast and hard.

  My heart pounds inside my chest, my need for him to close the distance and kiss me completely consuming me, except he doesn’t. Instead, he growls under his breath and turns and walk away. It’s as if he knows this isn’t the place for what we both need to happen just as well as I do.