House of Silence

by Sarah Barthel

  As we passed him, the minister took my hand in turn and said, “Peace be with you, child.”

  I stared into his brown eyes, silently pleading that he’d realize the danger I was in. He didn’t hear my prayer. Instead he grasped Mother’s hand and repeated his blessing as he did for everyone around us.

  Gregory and Aunt Clara waited beside a white, open-top carriage with a red stripe around the side. The inside was covered in velvet, which, if you had asked me, was absurd for a summer afternoon. Despite my fear, the horse’s proud stature made me want to give him a carrot like I did with my own horse as a child. That thought was short lived, however, as the Negro coachman stepped down and opened the door.

  “Your young man awaits you, Isabelle.” Aunt Clara seemed nervous. She glanced at Mother, but didn’t say more.

  I cursed myself for trusting my fate to another. It was foolish of me not to plan my own escape, but I couldn’t change the past. My options were limited: cause a scene so hysterical that Mother would be forced to restrain me and return me to Bellevue, or confront Gregory.

  Looking back and forth between Mother and Aunt Clara, I decided to make one last plea.

  I pulled on Mother’s arm and led her away from the carriage, gesturing to Aunt Clara and Gregory that we’d return. She followed me, but I was sure it was only to keep me from making a scene.

  “What is it, Isabelle?” Mother asked once we were at the other side of the church and clearly out of view.

  I wanted to tell her. My mouth opened and I waited for the words to pour out, but they didn’t come. Instead my throat tightened, blocking any sound from escaping. Perhaps I had been playing mute too long, and now my voice was truly gone.

  “You have to speak, child,” she said. “I cannot understand breathing.”

  Tears welled in my eyes, and I could not prevent them from spilling over. I punched my chest once to unblock my voice, but nothing happened. It was a cruel fate that once I needed to speak I could not.

  Mother looked horrified. “Isabelle, pull yourself together. We cannot let him see you so distressed!” She glanced around and put a hand on my back. “Please, child. Calm yourself.”

  I glanced toward Gregory’s carriage and shook my head back and forth repetitively. Just once I wished Mother would think of me first.

  She gripped my chin and forced our eyes to meet. “This is too important for your flights of fancy. Now. Calm. Down.”

  I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, but it only expanded.

  “Isabelle,” she whispered. “This is enough. No one is going to help you. You have to control yourself. Now, you are going for a ride, and you will be normal and that’s final. Understand me?”

  She was right; no one was coming to help me. I had no other option but to take matters into my own hands, for there was no one left to trust. A chilling calm filled my body and pushed all panic aside. Indicating I understood, I nodded my head to Mother.

  “That’s better. Gregory is waiting.” She turned to go, but then looked over her shoulder at me. “Don’t forget. None of this foolishness today.”

  I nodded again. Today was time for action. I would finally reclaim my life.

  I did not linger for her, but returned to the carriage myself.

  “Thank you for waiting. Isabelle and I were saying a prayer.” Mother’s face was serene as the lie passed easily through her lips.

  Gregory nodded and twirled his hat in his hands. “I’ve always admired your close relationship.”

  I turned away from the look that passed between them. The lump returned to my throat, but I swallowed it away. This was not a time for tears. I must be brave.

  To assure Mother stayed behind, I said, “Yes, mothers and daughters ought to be close.”

  Aunt Clara gasped and covered her mouth with her handkerchief, but Mother merely nodded. I believed she’d pat her back if she could and congratulate herself on a job well done. She had broken me.

  “I told you she was better,” Aunt Clara whispered. “I knew the laryngitis was gone.”

  Gregory, clearly not understanding what was transpiring, looked from them to me, his brow crossed. I wondered if he thought it was an act, or if he thought something was amiss beyond my stay at Bellevue. Surely he’d read the report from his spies. Mother’s and Aunt Clara’s eyes were fixed on me so tightly they didn’t see his confusion.

  I sighed and explained, “Excuse them. I’ve been ill for a while, and they weren’t sure if my voice would ever come back. They can be so dramatic.”

  Gregory laughed and stepped closer to my side.

  My resolve wavered, but I forced myself to stand my ground. Never again would I back down from this man. “You mentioned a ride by the river.” I gestured toward his carriage.

  To prove my decision, I strode past everyone, lifted my skirt high enough to annoy both Mother and Aunt Clara, and stepped into Gregory’s carriage. Mother was wide-eyed, but did her best to ignore my behavior. Despite myself, I smirked.

  “I think someone wants to depart!” Gregory was cheery as he kissed both Mother’s and Aunt Clara’s hands. Then he leaped into the carriage and settled next to me. I could feel the warmth of his body, but it chilled me. The devil was beside me.

  “I’ll have her back for lunch.” With one motion, he ordered the driver to move forward, and we lurched away from the church.

  “We’ll wait for you at the house,” Aunt Clara called out as she waved after us.

  The bouncing of the carriage forced both of us to wobble on the bench. As we swayed down the street, Gregory leaned back and put an arm around my shoulders. Twisting away, I pulled my shawl around me tightly.

  “I know your mother felt you needed a break from all the wedding planning, but it’s lonely without you at home.” His smile was full of perfect, straight teeth, complete with dimples.

  I raised an eyebrow at his words. More like he had no one to accompany him to his dinner engagements. A large bump in the road made my teeth bang together.

  “I miss you, Isabelle. This long absence has made me realize how much I care for you.” I looked at him, finally. Given all he’d done, I could not believe he was saying all this. He continued. “I’ve discovered that . . . well . . . I love you, Isabelle, more than I thought possible.”

  It was the first time such a declaration had been made during our courtship. It was not how I imagined it. I searched his face for some sign of rehearsed actions or vengeful lying, but all I saw were his brown eyes staring at me. He reached out and took my hand, his large fingers cupping my palm. Suddenly, it was hard to breathe.

  If he had said this months ago, it would’ve made me happy and warm inside. But he chose today to declare his love, and all I felt was empty.

  Our carriage turned, and we moved along the riverbank among other couples in their Sunday best. I occupied myself with our surroundings as I tried to decide how to confront him. It wasn’t something I could simply blurt out. Luckily, Gregory continued to chatter about folks at home. Above us the foliage was lush and green. The river glistened in the morning sun, the gurgling easy to hear. Its coolness brushed against me.

  Couples of all ages dotted the lane, some strolling, others in carriages, and even a few on bicycles. The bicycles entranced me for a moment, for they were a rare sight. Then, looking around, I realized what fortune had dropped in my lap. Surrounded by people, out in broad daylight, Gregory would be stupid to make a scene. And Gregory was not stupid.

  He took my hands once more.

  “Have you not missed me at all?” His voice was soft, barely above a whisper.

  Clearly he expected me to declare my affection for him in return, but I was not some foolish woman to be swayed by a few kind words. Nor was I desperate to hold onto him, not anymore. I, more than anyone, knew what kind of man he was. “I know what you did.”

  His eyebrow twitched. “What do you mean?”

  I pulled my hands out of his grasp. “I know what you did.”

  “Isabel
le.” He reached out to touch my cheek, but I tilted away from him. “Whatever you’ve heard, you are mistaken.”

  “Whatever I’ve heard?” I stopped a moment, refusing to be baited with his lesser crimes. I needed him to admit it. I needed him to look at me and tell me that he killed Katerina.

  I sat up straight. “I was there,” I said. “I was outside her house. I know what you did.” The carriage jerked suddenly. Let the driver hear, the more the better.

  For a brief moment Gregory’s smile faltered, and he blinked. Then he pulled himself back to normal and folded his hands in his lap. His fingers were locked together so tightly, his knuckles whitened.

  “I’ve no idea what you are referring to. Perhaps I have indulged in one indiscretion, but you’d be hard pressed to find a man who hadn’t. She is the past, you are my future.” As he spoke, he also glanced toward the driver, and I knew he was worried about being overheard.

  “I know what you did.” My voice quivered as I repeated myself.

  Gregory’s eyes narrowed. “What is it you think I did?” He placed his hand on mine and squeezed in such a way that I couldn’t move a finger. “I’d be careful of what you think and pay attention to what you know.”

  “I-I-” My mouth went dry and my lips froze. Was this how it started with Katerina? My chest rose and fell as I tried to find a way out of the situation. I should’ve known better than to confront him so directly. “I know you hired spies to find me.”

  Gregory smirked and chuckled. It wasn’t what I wanted to say, but it was the only thing I could force out. I prayed he’d give me the proof I needed to accuse him.

  “Isabelle, is that what’s causing your sullen mood?” he asked. “You and your mother left so quickly. I was worried. You were ill and so many terrible things had happened already. I had to know you were all right. I hired investigators to make sure you were not in danger. I hired them to protect you.”

  “What did your investigators discover?” I asked in my prettiest voice. Two could play the betrothed game.

  Gregory grunted and adjusted his legs. If I wasn’t mistaken, he hadn’t anticipated my question. No proper girl would want to admit she was in a sanitarium, let alone discuss it. I tucked back a strand of hair and waited for his response.

  “Well, they . . . um . . .” He cleared his throat.

  “They what?” I pushed in my most innocent voice.

  “What they claim is impossible.” Gregory adjusted his collar. “It was a breach of your trust and a total waste of money.”

  I wanted him to admit what he must suspect on some level—that I was a patient at Bellevue. If I wanted him to try to get out of our engagement, I had to show him how my prospects had changed.

  I lowered my lashes in mock shame and said, “I suspect I know what they uncovered.”

  Gregory gulped. “Oh?”

  “They told you I was in a sanitarium, didn’t they?” I folded my hands in my lap and tried to behave like a demure and devoted lady. I wasn’t yet ready to show him my insanity act.

  “They said you were in Bellevue Place.” He avoided my eyes. “But I, of course, thought they’d found the wrong girl. You’re not insane.”

  “Did they explain why I was at Bellevue?” I asked, ignoring his dismissal.

  Gregory’s eyes narrowed again. “No. I fired them for incompetence. You are not insane. Look at you . . . you are healthy.” Surprised, he loosened his hand, and I was able to free myself from his hold.

  “Yes, I’ve been living there these last few weeks.” I took a breath and forced my eyes to him. “No one knows, but I fear gossip will soon spread. I thought it only right that you hear it from me.”

  Gregory was still for a long moment. “I’m so sorry, Isabelle,” he began.

  Knowing our breakup was coming, I tried to control my face. He couldn’t see my relief when he gave me the terrible news. He continued. “I had no idea that attack affected you so deeply. I’ve been insensitive and negligent in my attention to you.”

  “What?! No!” I moved as far from him as possible in the carriage. “Don’t you see what folks will think when this is found out? People will shun me. The life you want will be impossible. I—”

  “We can overcome that,” Gregory interrupted me. “You shouldn’t give up your life because of one incident. Those that love you will stand by you and the rest will quickly forget. We will be fine. I love you.”

  His arm slithered around me, but there was no place for me to retreat. My last card had been played and it was worthless. Gregory was willing to risk his career for me. The strangeness of that confused me. Even so, our engagement had to end. Before the carriage ride was over, I’d be free of him.

  “You are not the man you say you are,” I said softly. “I know what you are capable of.”

  Gregory pulled away from me. “What do you mean?” he asked.

  “I witnessed Katerina’s murder.”

  The color slowly drained from Gregory’s face. “Y-you witnessed her death?” His voice broke.

  “Her murder,” I corrected him. My heart pounded so hard I could feel it against my blouse. “I told you I was there.”

  “And what did you see?” Gregory whispered.

  I paused. Then, not able to turn back, I replied, “You know what I saw.”

  Gregory swallowed and glanced at the driver before stammering, “H-how would I know?”

  Our eyes locked for a moment. “You strangled her.”

  Gregory coughed. “I see now why they locked you in that asylum. Why on earth would I do such a thing?” His voice was loud enough to carry in the open air. More than one person turned to look at us, then returned to their own amusements.

  His easy dismissal was fuel for my anger, which overpowered my fear. I grabbed his knee so he’d pay attention. “I saw you, Gregory. Don’t deny me the truth.”

  The driver’s head twitched as I spoke.

  “I had no relationship with that servant.” Gregory’s voice was crisp. He grabbed my wrist before continuing. “Why would I kill a girl I don’t know?”

  His eyes bored into mine as he pulled me close to him. His breath was wet on my cheek and smelled of old coffee. I turned my face away, and he made his grip firmer.

  “I know where you are living. Don’t think I won’t use that information,” he whispered.

  “So long as I never see you again, it matters little to me,” I replied quietly.

  I didn’t expect the hurt that shadowed Gregory’s face. As if he hadn’t realized that I could ever choose anything other than him. After a moment, the hurt melted from his face, replaced with anger. He grabbed my other wrist and pulled me to his chest.

  “And you believe me capable of such acts?” His grip burned as I tried to get free, but he had me under his control. I couldn’t even struggle unless I wanted to break my arm. Words were my only weapon; perhaps they always had been.

  “I know what I saw. I’ll never forget it either.”

  “So that’s it, then. It’s over.” His grip slackened slightly.

  “Over?” I repeated. “You killed someone. Don’t you have anything to say about that?”

  Gregory glanced around us. “Keep your voice down.”

  A maroon carriage passed us. The two women kept an eye on us as they whispered to each other.

  “Is that it?” I spat. “Can’t have the neighbors talking. That is your only concern to my words? I’ve agonized over this moment and the Gregory in my mind is always more interesting than this.”

  “Isabelle, please.” Gregory pulled on my hands, trying to get me closer to him. “Please, calm down so we can discuss things.”

  “Let go of me,” I shouted. His grip was too strong. I stood, still tugging on his grasp.

  “Darling,” Gregory’s voice elevated.

  “I am not your darling.” The heel of my boot bore down on his foot. As he gasped and shook, his grip lessened so I regained my freedom.

  The moment I was free, Gregory looked up at me.
“Sit down!”

  His eye twitched and his ankle shook. Gregory was not as in control as I thought. I glanced ahead of us quickly. The river walk was coming to an end. If the driver took us to a less populated part of town, there would be no stopping him.

  In as strong a voice as I could muster, I whispered, “Follow me and I’ll scream every detail. I don’t care if they believe me or not.” As I spoke, I located the door handle, jostled the door open, and then, once Gregory looked properly frightened, I jumped out.

  CHAPTER 24

  A few screams and shouts came from nearby riders, but nothing I could comprehend. My ears buzzed with the exhilaration of flight. My feet hit the ground with more force than I expected and I twisted to one side in surprise. My ankle collapsed beneath me and I landed on my right hip, with my arm breaking my fall. For what felt like ages, I tried to find my breath and move.

  For a moment I wondered if Gregory would still try to come back and help me, but he didn’t. As I scrambled to my feet the driver of his carriage yelled, “Yah!” and the horses broke into a gallop so quickly that Gregory toppled back in surprise. Had I frightened him so much that he had decided to simply abscond?

  I walked to the dirt path on the side of the road, ignoring the obvious comments from passersby and waving off offers of help. The carriages moved on quickly, and soon I blended into the crowd beside the river, my dramatic scene quickly forgotten.

  Now free from Gregory’s control, at least for the moment, I didn’t know where to go. Mother and Aunt Clara were preparing lunch at Aunt Clara’s house, but the very idea of returning there was nauseating. I couldn’t go backward like that.

  A pair of horses came clopping up too close beside me and I darted off the road, landing in a bush, my heart racing. I looked up. The coach was filled with elderly ladies with poised hats and gay laughter. One pointed at me with concern, but I waved for her to keep going. Inwardly, I scolded myself. Foolish to think with one confrontation, I’d forfeit my fear of Gregory. There was no guarantee he was done with me. Just because he’d fled didn’t mean he wouldn’t return. Gregory was a determined man and now he knew everything. The only thing that possibly held him back was my situation at Bellevue. I turned south. If I walked carefully, I could make it back in good time.