I Sacrifice Myself

by Christina Worrell

  That was all I was left with. Death, blood, soulless corpses that would add haunting macabre images to the rest already permanently engraved into my black mind.

  “Come on! We have orders to abandon the hunt. Commander Ian was injured and we lost one other hunter.”

  I hesitated when he mentioned Ian. I could not let him die, Lane would be lost, and she still mattered. If there were more vamps, and there more than likely was I thought to myself while staring at the elder, than he was right. Although if Dimitri turned, it was my job, as well as a promise I’d made to kill him.

  I was torn with indecision. If Dimitri was somehow alive, I could save him. My blood would be enough to insure he lived, or so I hoped. If he was dead then I wanted to bury him. If, goddess forbid, he was turned I’d kill him.

  I was terrified to look, to see if my lover was truly dead, a monster, or suffering.

  I went to him. The last thought, of him suffering, had me moving.

  Oh, Hell! He was turning. His eyes fading away to grey then changing to black. His bright blue-green eyes were gone, forever from this world. Fangs grew with a sharp snick of sound. One I’d heard too many times on the battlefield.

  I lowered my head. He was dead to me. My love, my Dimi, was no longer human. A sick, dead, and tortured sound escaped my lips.

  A tear ran down my cheek. A burning pain enveloped my heart. I stopped breathing. I could not go on.

  “Fucking kill me now you heartless piece of shit!” I screamed at the headless corpse rotting away at my feet.

  Ash came to me and reached for me, just as I slipped to my knees in the dirt and blood, and my sword clattered to the ground to my right.

  A snarl escaped me as I turned on him, reaching for my sword and holding it before me. My fangs made their appearance as my eyes began to change.

  “What the hell Shade?” he asked, jumping back, clearly confused by my odd behavior.

  I turned back to Dimitri and grabbed him, shouldering his weight. I would not leave him and I could not kill him. Damn my promises and damn the priorities.

  I pulled him up and dragged his limp body back towards the truck. I didn’t know why I did this, at the time. I was not thinking clearly. I was dragging a vamp toward the other hunters, where there were wounded. It was probably one of my worst hare brained ideas ever. Yet I rolled with the punches and followed my instincts. Never been wrong yet, I was still unfortunately kicking and screaming.

  Ash gave me a stupefied look, but then after a moment he took Dimitri’s other arm, and helped me carry him. At first I almost snarled again, but I caught myself. Ash was only helping.

  A devastating and stifling sensation floated over me as I completely realized the seriousness of my current situation. I was holding a newborn vamp, someone who was once of the dearest of all people to me, and taking him back to the base with me. It was a blatant and truly serious act of treason, and betrayal, as well as stupidity. Would I get away with it? Could I? Did I want to? What was I going to do when I got there?

  When we reached the others, they looked at me as if I’d lost my mind, which was a very good possibility sensing I was doing my best to save my lover turned blood sucker.

  I loaded Dimitri into the back of my truck and crawled in beside him, wanting to cradle him and mourn but fearing for the lives of my comrades I ignored that emotion and kept alert. I pulled a blade from my jacket and hesitated. After a moment I stuck it to Dimitri’s throat, ignoring the way it made me want to cringe, and the way it broke my heart into smaller and unrecognizable pieces.

  “Drive!” I shouted out the door as I closed it.

  Everyone hesitated as I stared them down. I left no room for doubt, I meant business. No one would disobey the strongest and most lethal warrior they had left.

  Santos jumped into the driver’s seat, after giving me a disturbing look. Ash cursed but joined him in the front. He turned and aimed his gun at Dimitri. As I opened my mouth Ash cut me off.

  “Growl at me and I shoot him. I don’t care if you two are lovers or friends I’ll kill him. I’m only doing this because I love you. I hope you know what you are doing because I sure as hell don’t.”

  I kept the snarl reigned in, just barely. Part of me wanted to take off his damned head just like the vamps I left behind.

  Back at the base, we had a moment’s issue of security clearance.

  When I snarled, revealing my fangs, they hesitated. Commander Ian approved me to go through, which I’m sure got more of a response than my show of fang.

  Once inside we pulled up to the jail and I dragged Dimitri out who was starting to wake up.

  I dug my blade into his neck, next to his jugular, so he felt it. He tensed and then began walking on his own. From what I knew about newborns, the first few moments of waking up as a vamp, was disorienting but the closest they came to being their previous self.

  The others at the base cried out, ran away, and gave me looks of pure disbelief. I was dragging one of their worst nightmares into the compound, and it was someone they knew, someone they had come to depend on or care about.

  Their looks of fear and suspicion weighed on my heart, but I was going with my gut, and it told me to keep walking. To keep going through with this, whether it killed me or not.

  When anyone came near us, Dimitri snarled. I ordered them back, for their safety as well as ours.

  I locked us both inside the jail cell, before I removed the blade, and put my back to the bars. Dimitri hesitated, looked at me, and then slipped into a shadowed corner.

  His presence spooked me but his face, aside from the red in his eyes and the fangs, made me want to run to him.

  The bars were made of the same kind of metal as my blade. Dimitri would be going nowhere.

  He eyed me wearily and then the room. Clearly he was bewildered by my choice of action, and waited for me to explain myself.

  “I take it you know you were turned?”

  Dimitri whipped his head my way when I spoke.

  “Of course, the intense thirst for your blood was the first sign. The blade was the other.”

  His voice was nearly the same, aside from the deadly tone and deeper pitch, making my skin crawl and heart bleed. His fangs made his S’s longer, much like a hiss.

  I nodded.

  “Why didn’t you kill me as you had promised?” he whispered, eyeing the door. I could have sworn anger and hurt flashed across his face. I trembled slightly when I saw the pain. I panicked, leaving me breathless and desperate for something, anything to get me breathing again.

  I forced the pain aside and focused on saving him, saving us, and steeled myself for what was to come.

  I shrugged. Any answer would be the wrong one so why should I reply to that. As a vamp he wanted to live now.

  We gave each other the silent treatment then, which was probably best.

  “What the hell is going on?” Shouted Ian as he, and three other officers barged into the jail with us, making me cringe at the anger in his voice.

  He had a sling on his left arm, a bandage on his neck, and a black eye. Apparently the vamp that had turned my boyfriend, had company. I hoped it suffered before they took it down… if they had. I thought for a moment about sneaking out and going back and finishing it off or finding others. Fighting until I fell in battle.

  I looked casually at them, knowing they were clueless of my former thoughts, and possible plans. I knew my snarky replies would not save me this time.

  “A prisoner? Seriously? Have you lost that feeble mind of yours?”

  “It’s Dimitri,” I said, as if that explained it all. In my heart, as well as mind, it did that and so much more. Saying his name made several emotions flow over me simultaneously.

  “Of course, I’m not an idiot, Angelissa. Why’s he here?” Ian’s last sentence was said slowly so that he pronounced each word separately, emphasizing the word he.

  I considered that myself and came up with no logical answer that mattered, or none that would matte
r to them. I refrained from shrugging this time. It was just as difficult as not speaking with my usual attitude.

  Ash spoke then, which startled me, because I’d not only forgotten him but he was the last person in the world who’d defend me.

  “She loves him, of course.” Ash said this as if it had just now occurred to him. It had probably run through his mind a few times but until now, until this, he’d never been totally sure. He had probably held some hope that I’d come back to him, I’d have some kind of epiphany. Not happening, it was Dimitri or death. Unfortunately the latter would be the only road to me, it was the journey that was undecided, how I would leave this world.

  “What?” Ian asked, as he spun towards him and asked.

  “They’re together, I assume, and she loves him.”

  “Shut up!” I screamed, giving him the stink eye. My behavior was weak and they knew it. Ash was quickly becoming my enemy.

  “I want some answers Shade! The whole base is on lockdown. I trusted you, trusted that you had a good reason for this! You’ve put everyone at risk because you love him? Why not let them all in? Every damn vamp out there probably has someone, somewhere, that loves them,” Ian spat. The fury was justified, but it hurt as he spoke the truth.

  He was thinking of Lane, I sure of it.

  He was beyond manic right now, and he feared my irrational behavior might have doomed us all.

  This whole time Dimitri sat watching us silently. I knew he was taking it all in thoughtfully, animalistic and brutal or not, he understood what we were not saying.

  “He’s no threat,” I whispered, not even believing my own lie.

  A roar from Dimitri countered that. He was determined to prove otherwise. Determined to get himself killed before I could find a way to save him.

  “I disagree, Shade. Give me one good reason why I should not unload my gun into him right now and end his miserable existence.”

  He lowered his head as he sighed deeply. He didn’t want to hurt me, purposely, but he would never allow my best friend to be in danger and right now she was about as close as she’d ever been.

  I paused to consider what he‘d just said. My answer would be the only thing that could save my Dimi in this moment. I couldn’t be the bullet that took his life, or that same bullet would have to take my life as well.

  “We may be able to change him back. He’s as good as anyone to try it on.”

  “What the fuck? Seriously? There’s no cure and even if you love him more than his own mother that won’t change him back,” Ian said, irate and nearly spitting. He checked himself and said the last part a little more kindly.

  I nodded, knowing he was right.

  “I have a theory though. My blood is toxic to vamps but I think because, well, I’ve drank so much of his it might not be to him. If it is toxic, well then he is going to die anyways, why not by me.”

  “What if he turns on you?” Ian asked, still unsure about this idiotic plan of mine.

  He ignored the fact that Dimitri and I had been together, for which I was immensely thankful.

  I did not answer at first. I was now their only protection from the creatures who sought to eat us. They’d lost one of their most prized, and revered, hunters today. I was the last thing that stood between them and monsters outside the gates. We would all grieve, we would all fear the coming days, and my actions were making it all the worse.

  They could not risk losing me, either as a prisoner or in battle. Commander Ian would be keeping a very good eye on me.

  “Wait a few days, and if nothing, I’ll stake him myself.”

  Ian closed his eyes and sighed. I was sure he was trying to put himself in my shoes, trying to see this as if it was Lane who crouched behind me snarling and ready to slaughter us all. I was indebted to him already.

  “She’ll kill me you know… if anything happens to you.” He sighed again, as he lowered his automatic rifle, and rested his arm against the wall and his head on his forearm.

  I knew who she was. Ian was talking about Lane.

  She’d understand. I knew she would. I didn’t reply though. I waited patiently. My very actions and replies would get me my way. Nothing else could.

  “Fine, if she dies it’s her head, not ours.” Ian threw his hands up and stalked out.

  “For now,” one soldier whispered, under his breath, as Ian passed. Ian gave him a pissed look but let it go. We all knew it was the truth.

  Some of the other hunters in the room disagreed, though, with our leader’s decision and hesitated.

  I boldly turned towards Dimitri, who had not moved towards me at all, the whole time we’d discussed him. I was surprised at that, but I knew deep down, that my Dimi was in there. I just had to wake him up. I had to bring him to life.

  I took a deep breath and walked to my boyfriend. He eyed me, but never moved an inch. Any other vamp would have drained me by now. When I was within arm’s reach, he took stock of all the weapons pointed in his direction. Then, like a snake, he bit into my neck. It was strange being on this end of things. I was always the one doing the fang sinking.

  The initial bite stung like a wasp or a small knife wound. All the hunters had tensed, but thankfully they didn’t shoot. Something else I was grateful for, the items were mounting. I would owe the whole compound when all was said and done.

  Dimitri finally wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. I could feel his warmth. He was not cold, but he also was not the same temp as me.

  Was he really dead? We’d always thought of vamps as bloodthirsty, deceased, and diseased creatures of the night. Could they be, well tamed? Could I bring him back enough so he could still be our hunter, just a bit more feral. Solo missions possibly? Could a vampire possibly switch sides and fight for good? So many questions and not enough answers.

  I felt a strange haze settle over my mind. My blood was not toxic to him apparently. My heart beat in frenzy now, with hope, with yearning, and disturbingly enough with desire.

  He let go and pulled back, only enough to turn his head towards my ear, his breath still excited me.

  “You cannot change me, but you can join me…” his whispered offer tickled more than my ear, it tickled my heart and soul.

  It was clear. He didn’t want to go back. He didn’t have a choice though, if this didn’t work, he’d die.

  He released me and backed away. Apparently he wouldn’t kill me. I was a humble meal ticket, that all but threw myself down at his feet. I was also the only reason he was still in existence.

  Dimitri still smelled like my Dimi, he was not covered in flesh and blood. He was still human to me, too much so. My arms ached to hold him.

  When he reached the far side of the small cell, I backed away as well, keeping my eyes on him.

  I heard the door unlock and open as I reached it.

  Ian posted three guards on Dimitri and ordered me to eat and sleep. I followed those directions. Even with a heavy heart I managed to eat a banana and take a three hour nap.

  When I woke, in Dimitri’s bed, I was confused. It didn’t take long for the recent events to hit me. Reality hit me, sharp and clear. My chest felt like something was dying inside of it and it would burst open at any moment.

  Dimitri was a vampire. I had a choice, a difficult one, before me. Turn him back, let him die, or let him change me and we escape this place. I knew we could. All I had to do was convince Ian to allow me to be alone with Dimitri, again. I’d unlock the gate and we’d flee. He’d change me and we’d run.

  My choices were clear, my mind and heart not so much.

  With a deep sigh, I tugged my pants on, and pulled a brush through my hair. I struggled to comprehend both sides of this.

  Emotionally I was drained, mentally I was lost, and momentarily I was virtually fucked. I stood between a rock and a hard place, or rather death and losing someone to the ultimate and eternal sleep.

  The wound he had inflicted on my neck earlier, was nearly healed, and would not scar. I ran my fingers lig
htly over the spot, right under my ear lobe. I could still feel his mouth there. He kissed the same, if you could call that a kiss, a kiss of death or ‘baiser la mort’.

  Later that afternoon, I was temporarily allowed back in to see Dimitri. Ian had barely been given the go ahead to keep my lover alive. I knew I didn’t have long before they staked Dimi. I had to make my decision quickly.

  When I reached his cell my heart hammered, my pulse jumped, and I nearly went to my knees. My hand reached for the bars as the heavy door behind me slammed shut. I was alone with him. What would I choose? Was love more important?

  Would he leave here with me and not attack or hurt anyone on the base? Even if he swore, I couldn’t be sure. Their lives were precious.

  Slowly and carefully, I unlocked his cage. My strong and deadly man, eyed me wearily, and the door to the room. He knew I was alone with him, and he could easily be on me before I closed his cell door, and he could escape with or without me. That is, if he got passed the main door.

  Dimitri didn’t move a hair. He simply watched me come to him as I closed the cell door firmly behind me.

  I had the key of course, which was crazy. He could kill me and open the cell without any effort. It was unlikely he’d get out the main door. They wouldn’t open it even if he held me hostage, or so I thought. I’d taken my life into my own hands and they could not spare me for the rest in the base.

  Dimitri also knew this. At least I was hoping he did.

  “Have you made your decision, my kitten?”

  His nickname for me sent shivers curling down my spine, and heat through my body. It touched secret places, places only he’d touch.

  “I have.”

  He waited patiently for my answer. My Dimi, stood unblinking in the corner, unmoving, waiting for me to speak.

  I could not let him die.

  I turned and put my back to him.