by Ashley Erin
Andie opens her mouth to respond when a voice breaks into the weird bubble we are in. “There you are.” Dax enters the kitchen startling us both and Andie jumps away, putting her usual three feet of distance back between us. “I thought I was going to have to call my contacts to hide the body Nugget, but I see he is still alive. Pizza and beer as promised.” Andie shakes her head and looks at her brother in affection.
“You know that between us, I’m not the one who would have a need to hide bodies.” They laugh and start loading plates up with food. Chuckling awkwardly, I look at Dax and decide Andie is probably joking . . . maybe not . . . this family confuses me.
Andie’s phone starts ringing as we settle down in the living room. She smiles as she checks the screen and answers the call.
“Hey babe, hang on.” She leaves the room with her food and a huge smile on her face. I look at Dax and he has the most quizzical and hilarious look as he watches her go.
“I take it you didn’t know there was a ‘babe’?” My heart is in my stomach, and disappointment surges through my body. This shouldn’t bother me as much as it is, but something about her makes me want to stake my claim. How Neanderthal of me. Dax doesn’t say anything, he gets up and stalks to Andie’s room, opening the door, walking in and shutting it. This is uncomfortable.
I’m contemplating leaving when Dax comes out looking much more relaxed. “It’s her friend Kensi. I haven’t seen Andie in too long and it slipped my mind that the only person she will ever call babe is Kensi.” I can hardly contain my grin at his announcement and the relief in his voice is almost comical. I wonder how he would react if he knew how attracted I was to his sister. I still don’t get it myself, we’ve hardly spent any time together.
“Why does it matter?”
“You don’t know Andie that well . . . I’m not going to say a lot, but I will say that for her to have a boyfriend, it is a big deal. And I damn well plan on making sure he is good enough for her.” He picks up his pizza and starts eating. I guess that’s the end of the discussion. Now I’m even more curious.
“Whoa, Dax looked like he wanted to commit murder when he came in here.” Kensi laughs at my brother’s overprotective streak. I shake my head and chuckle at him demanding to see who I was talking to.
“Yeah, he’s been that way since douche bag dumped me.” Kensi is the only one I’ve fully admitted the details of that night to, if Dax knew . . . well let’s just say DB, as I call him, would be in so much pain, he would be wishing for death. “So how are things at Springbrook?”
“They suck without you, I think I might need to transfer to your fancy school next semester, I need my girl. Plus the only reason I came here was because you did. Enough idle chit chat. There is a guy?! I need details right now, leaving nothing out!” Her shocked face makes me laugh.
“Okay, I need your opinion because you know me better than anyone else.” Breaking down everything that has happened in the short time since transferring here, Kensi’s muttering cracks me up. “I don’t even understand what you’re saying. Crazy woman.”
“He sounds hot. I want a photo. And I think that anything I say isn’t going to matter. You need to decide for yourself. Are you going to let your silly rule . . .” Giving her my hardest look, she falters. “Okay, it’s not silly, I know why you have it and I get it. However, not every guy out there is an asshole, yet you label them all as such.
“There will come a time when you are going to need to realize you are stronger than you have ever been and you can handle what comes your way. I’m not telling you Lucas is the guy to do this with; I am just saying he’s the first to have peaked your interest, EVER.” Kensi takes a deep breath before continuing. She could talk for hours and I wouldn’t need to say anything, I both love and hate that about her. Her bubbliness is something I lack, and sometimes I wish I could be a normal cheerful 19 year old girl. “Now, go get me that damn picture.”
“How do you propose I do that?”
“I dare you . . .” Fuck. We have an agreement to always complete each other’s dares, it helps break us out of ruts and our routines. She tends to dare me more than I her, I think I got screwed over in that bargain. “I dare you to walk in there and introduce me.” That’s tame for Kensi, I will take it. Groaning, I slowly walk out into the living room, dragging my feet.
“What the fuck Andie?” Dax grumbles at me as I move in front of the TV. Glaring at Kensi before turning the phone around, her laughter trickles out through my speaker.
“Kensi wanted to say hi. Kensi say hi to Dax and Lucas.” The guys are looking at me like I’m crazy as they wave back at Kensi.
“Okay Kensi, say goodbye.”
“Wait! I think that we all need to plan a party for when I join you at Parkland.”
I flip the phone around and stare at her in shock. “Wait, you were serious?”
“Yeah, I thought about it and I want to be close to you, plus the school is better.”
“You thought about it and made up your mind in under five minutes?” Kensi rolls her eyes and sticks out her tongue. No one would guess that she has a 4.0 grade average and wants to run her own company one day.
Dax groans. “Aw man.” He looks over at Lucas. “Kensi never shuts up and they make you watch chick flicks. I’m hanging out at your place from now on.” I flip the phone around so Dax can see Kensi’s mocking glare.
“Don’t be silly Dax, you know you love me. K Doll, turn me around again.” I flip my phone back around to see Kensi making drool faces while humping the air. Laughter bubbles out of me and I shake my head. I miss her so much and it feels good to laugh.
“Think about what I said, it’s time. Besides . . .” She crudely gestures and mouths Lucas to me. “You know what I’m saying.”
“I know, I know. Love you. Say hi to Trent for me!” Collapsing between Dax and Lucas on the couch, her words roll around in my head. Kensi never tells me what to do, okay that’s a lie, she always tells me what to do in a joking manner. She only means well and in the end she doesn’t even usually try to sway me in one direction or the other, but her words always help.
Leaning my head back against the couch, I still don’t intend on settling for an asshole who treats me like garbage . . . but maybe I can stop making such snap judgments. Nervousness sets in me. Flirting, dating, not being a bitch towards men. I have no experience in this.
Me: I don’t know how.
Kensi: I will be your Obi-Wan.
“Did Kensi really just reference Star Wars?” Dax is reading our texts over my shoulder. Without thinking I lean away from him, into Lucas and tuck my phone into my pocket.
“Yes.”
“What don’t you know how to do? Why can’t I help?”
“This is best friend stuff, not big brother stuff.” The realization sinks in that I’m still leaning on Lucas, when Dax’s eyes narrow on us speculatively. Rolling my eyes, I sit up and elbow my brother in the ribs.
“Well I have an early class tomorrow, so I am going to bed. Goodnight.” Excusing myself, I push up from the couch. Dax mutters goodnight and refocuses on the movie they’ve started watching since Kensi took me away from gaming. Lucas says nothing, but as I turn down the hall I look back and he is watching me. I try smiling at him and the smile I get in return has me swooning. Maybe I am finally ready to try pushing aside my distrust and see where this leads because hot damn does this boy make me feel things I’ve never experienced.
Slamming my door as I hurry out of my apartment, I start rushing down the hall when I’m jolted backwards into the wall. It’s the first day of class and I have no idea where I’m going.
“Owww! Fuck!” I gasp as the air tries to return to my lungs and slide down the wall, my head between my knees. As I catch my breath, a pair of Vans sneakers fills my vision. Running my eyes up jean clad legs and a black hoody, I finally meet Lucas’s eyes as he holds out a hand to help me up. Gripping his hand, I let him pull me up, a blush filling my cheeks. That’s embarrassing. I’m to
o damn clumsy when I’m in a rush and apparently he is going to be witness to each and every horrendous moment. His grasp is firm yet gentle, it doesn’t fill me with fear but rather a feeling I’m unfamiliar with. I want him to keep touching me and am disappointed when he releases my hand once I’m steady.
“Umm thanks.” Staring at our shoes, I realize how close we are standing together and look back up at him with wide eyes when he steps in even closer. He keeps his beautiful blue eyes on mine.
“Are you okay?” Reaching behind me, he opens the door and unhooks my bag for me. Nodding when words won’t form, I’m both relieved and sad when he steps back a bit.
“Where are you headed in such a rush?”
“I have my Educational Psychology class with Professor Harrison in 10 minutes and I don’t know where I’m going.” My voice is shaking and I’m talking really fast. Going from deciding that Lucas is an asshole to trying to be friends or more has me flustered. I’m so unsure of how this works and I hate feeling out of control.
“It’s your lucky day then. I’m in that class and Harrison is always 10 minutes late. So you have 20 minutes, which means you have time for me to buy you a coffee.” Lucas smiles at me and his whole face lights up. He is seriously breathtaking. I smile back at him and shiver when he rests his hand on my lower back as we go down the stairs together. My reactions to him are new and confusing. I wish Kensi was here.
Lucas points out different buildings and what is in them as we walk to the school’s Starbucks. The map the school provided is pretty basic and with his guidance I no longer worry about getting lost.
“There are hiking trails behind our building as well, if you’re into that. There are several different difficulties and lengths. One takes you to the summit of that mountain, it’s an all day trek though.” He points to a nearby peak.
“I love hiking, but not alone.” The trails are tempting, but I definitely know better than hiking alone, especially when I’m unfamiliar with the area.
“We should go, maybe next weekend? I love hiking and I’m really familiar with all of the trails.” Don’t get me wrong, I really want to go, but I’m still scared of opening myself up . . . changing rules I’ve set for myself to keep myself safe, it’s hard not to pull away like I’ve done for more than half my life. Lucas see’s my hesitation. “Or maybe another time.”
“No, I want to go. It will be fun.” My voice is hoarse and slightly robotic from nerves, but his responding smile is brilliant, making my heart flutter. Don’t stop smiling.
Lucas holds the door open to the Starbucks and I inhale the delicious scent of coffee as we stand in line. I’m the most awkward person in the world and feel bad for not be more interesting.
What would Kensi do? She is so honest she would probably just put out what she is feeling. Can I do that?
Looking up at Lucas, I remember that I am strong, I don’t let fear rule me. Not anymore. Not if I can help it and I never let myself get into situations that I wouldn’t feel in control. “I’m sorry I’m not more interesting to talk to. I have a hard time talking to people I don’t know very well.” My heart pounds, throat dry and I feel like Lucas can hear every beat. Hands shaking, I tuck them in my pockets. What if he thinks I’m boring or too much work? Then he is an asshole and not worth your time. Telling myself to shut up and wait to hear what he says, I try to appear like I’m not having an internal verbal battle with myself.
“You’re more than interesting. Don’t worry about it, I understand. I can talk enough for both of us.” He winks at me and a giggle slips out. I slap my hand over my mouth in mortification, grateful when he doesn’t tease me. “So what kind of cat do you want?” My jaw drops that he remembered I told him that.
“I want to rescue a kitten, it doesn’t really matter what kind. I just want to give one a home that doesn’t have one.” Nodding thoughtfully, he stands next to me quietly until our turn to order comes up and he gestures for me to go first. I order my chai latte and grin when he gets the same.
Gathering our drinks, we finish the walk to class in silence.
The auditorium styled classroom is small, sized to fit 60 students max. I love how intimate they keep the courses here. School is one of the places I feel confident to speak my mind and own a room. Connecting with professors and students over the material we all want to learn is exciting to me.
After my mom left my dad, school was where I could pretend to be a normal teenager. No one, not even my friends, knew about my home life or why my mom left my dad. There was no need to be the girl everyone either pitied or treated like a pariah, as though abuse is something you can catch like the common cold.
At home, Mom was scared that Dad would find her. She had good reason for this fear because he was constantly trying and succeeding. The man was not kidding when he said he would make her life hell. We moved houses a lot to avoid him, but Mom always ensured we could stay in the same school allowing us to have some semblance of normal.
Even after she had met Norman, he still tried. After I moved into the dorms last year at Springbrook, she and Norman were finally able to move away from Dad’s constant threats. That is when he amped up trying to get to her through me, I was always his weapon of choice before she left him and even more so afterwards.
Taking a deep breath, I push the memories away and walk up the aisle to the back row. Being able to watch everyone when we have discussions helps me think. Lucas takes a seat beside me and we pull out our books while waiting for Professor Harrison to enter the room.
Everything about Andie is tempting. Her sexy voice, her soft perfume that makes her smell like candy and the way she shivers when I step in close. It was so hard not to pull her in my arms, pick her up and kiss her in the hallway. Then to discover we are both in this class three days a week, it’s going to be sweet torture. All I want is to touch her. Hold her hand, stroke her face and feel the bare skin on the elegant slope of her hip.
That thought snaps me out of the sappy train I’ve apparently boarded. What kind of guy says ‘elegant slope’ when referring to a chick’s hip? Apparently ones who cut themselves off for too long and then have temptation move right across the hall. What little I know about her makes me think it’s time to shift the rules I set for myself, I just hope no unpleasant surprises are lurking underneath.
Professor Harrison finally walks in the door, 10 minutes late as usual. Andie looks at him briefly and then moves back to her papers. Leaning back in my seat, I grin and wait for it.
“Good morning class, I’m Professor Harrison.” Andie jolts up in her chair, eyes wide with shock. Biting my tongue to hold in my laughter, her reaction the same as mine was last year when I took my first class with him.
“That’s our prof? He’s like 18 years old!” She whispers to me, jaw still gaping open.
“Now before we get started, I will address what most of you are thinking, at least if you haven’t taken my classes before. I am younger than a typical professor, I’m 25 years old, not 12 despite what is written in the bathroom stalls. If you have lingering questions or concerns, please feel free to ask me after class. To highlight a few frequently asked questions though. No, I am not available Saturday night. Yes, I am qualified. No, you cannot sway the way I grade you by dressing like you are auditioning for a porn video.” The class laughs at his joke but I’m still watching Andie’s wide eyed stare at our prof. At first it was funny, but jealousy starts to build.
Andie leans into me as he starts handing out the class syllabus. “How is that possible?”
“Apparently he is brilliant and graduated early. He has his Master’s and PhD in Educational Psychology and his Master’s in Education. Our very own Sheldon Cooper.” Her eyes are wide as he walks up to our aisle and hands me a stack of papers to pass down.
“Up close he doesn’t look as young as he does from far away, but holy shit!” She mumbles. Chuckling makes her swing her eyes over to my right where Harrison is still standing. Andie blushes and mumbles, “I’m sorry.�
� Harrison just laughs again and heads back to the front of the class.
The hour passes quickly and I’m surprised to see how engaged Andie gets in class. A very different, more confidant side to her comes out.
She smiles at me as we exit the classroom. “That class is going to be awesome!” She pauses and chews on her lip, the only outward sign that she is nervous about something.
“His classes are always good. I’m glad you’re in it with me. Psychology is not my strong suit, but it was recommended that I take it.” She seems to be pondering something, emotions flickering across her face too quickly for me to figure them out. She smiles tentatively and kind of shrugs.
“It seems like it will be a good class for anyone working with kids. I can help you if you need it.” The confidence in her voice when she discusses school is such a contrast to how she has acted since I first met her. It’s not a tough exterior, it’s simply her being natural and not overthinking the situation. The thought of studying with her has my mind wandering to other activities I would rather do. Andie licks her lips and backs up, drawing my attention back to her. “Well . . . I need to get to class. See you later.” The confidence is gone, the tough exterior back and she waves as she walks quickly away from me. She is such a puzzle.
Clothes litter my floor and I scream in frustration. Dax comes running in, towel around his waist, arms ready to defend me.
“What’s going on?” Blushing, I look at my feet. Do I tell him or not? He’s so protective of me and I think the transition of me having even the slightest interest in a guy will be tough for him. Hell, it’s tough for me!
“Ok, I want you to be supportive. Remember this is difficult for me too. Lucas and I are going for a hike . . . I kind of like him . . . like him like him. All my clothes suck, I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m really scared of opening myself up after all of these years. What if he turns out to be a disappointment? What if I’m a disappointment? Nope. Nope, I can’t do this. I’m meant to be alone. I don’t trust myself to know. Just tell him I’m sick.” I throw myself on the bed and pull my pillow over my head. My bed dips as Dax sits next to me, he sighs and tries to pull the pillow from my grasp. Gripping it tighter, he laughs and tickles my side until I let it go.
