by Ashley Erin
“I have to admit I’m relieved. I know Dad and that douche have really hurt the way you view men, but I’ve always hoped that one day you would decide to try giving some of us a break. Not that I’m one to talk, I haven’t been that great of a big brother.” Regret fills his face and I scowl at him.
“No, you’re amazing. You’ve made sketchy choices, but I know I can always count on you, mostly.” He gives me a hug and smiles.
“You’re full of shit, but I love you for it. Now on to you and Lucas. He’s a good guy and I’m happy you’re giving him a chance, I think he really likes you. As for what to wear. You’re going hiking, wear what you normally would. Guys see through when you try too hard, and you Nugget, you don’t need to try hard. You’re a catch whether you know it or not.”
“Well, okay then. Thanks. I better get changed and you sitting in that towel is getting a little creepy.” Shooing him out his words linger in my mind. Dax may have his flaws, but he truly is an amazing brother. Relieved that he isn’t going to act weird about wherever this leads with Lucas, I dig through my clothes and find my hiking gear.
Heart pounding when I hear a knock at the door, I wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans and remind myself that we are just going hiking. He is not Dad and he is not DB. Lucas is not going to hurt me and he has no expectations. Grabbing my hoody from the hamper, I go to where Dax and Lucas are chatting.
“Have fun enjoying nature.” Dax wrinkles his face comically. “We should all have dinner and watch a movie later.”
“Sure man. See you later.” Lucas and I walk down the stairs in silence, I twist my hands together nervously. This is a big step for me. Aside from Dax and Trenton, I haven’t allowed myself to be alone with a guy since DB. “You ok?” Lucas stops me with a hand on my shoulder. The shiver that runs through my body is uncontrollable, the heat from his hand spreading throughout my body and settling in my gut.
“Umm yeah. I’m fine.” I’m not about to admit my nervousness, so I force a smile and hope the ease that we have in class shows itself on our hike. Lucas eyes me skeptically, but nods and doesn’t push.
We arrive at the head of the trails and we pick one that will take us a few hours to complete all the way around.
“This trail is one of my favorites. I can’t wait to show you why.” Lucas leads the way and we walk silently for a while. Is he bored? I wish I wasn’t so messed up and that I was confident in what I’m doing here.
“So you said you have a sister?” Lame, but I’m trying. That counts, right?
“Yeah, Ava. She is 20. For the longest time I had no time for her, I am two years older and was preoccupied.” He grins at me, and I can guess what he was busy with. He’s so attractive, he probably has girls throwing themselves at him. “Ava got pregnant right before she turned 16 and that was when we became close. Noah, my nephew, is four now and that little boy has our entire family wrapped around his finger.”
“Wow, that’s really amazing that she has such a great family.” Jealously floods my veins and I feel ashamed of myself. It doesn’t do any good to resent people for having a good family.
“What about your family? Tell me about them.”
Shit, I brought this on myself. “Well you know Dax. He’s got a good soul, despite choosing a rough path. I’m glad he is here. Mom and Norman, my step-dad, live in a really small community about five hours from here.” Rushing through talking about my family, my face drains of color when he asks the one question I was hoping he wouldn’t.
“What about your dad?” I’m not proud of myself, but I can feel my face shutting down into my bitch look. Struggling to remember he wouldn’t know, I smooth my features into blankness.
“I don’t talk to him.” Thankfully Lucas drops the subject and an awkward silence settles over us as we walk along the path. The spruce trees are massive here, making shadows along the trail. The sunlight filters through creating a magical feel. Breathing deeply, I push all thoughts of my father from my mind and enjoy the fresh crisp air. The trail is fairly smooth, with the occasional tree roots crisscrossing over it. Birds are singing and squirrels chatter at us as we walk. Guilt floods me as Lucas stays silent and stares ahead.
Try Andie. You can do this.
Placing my hand on his arm, I stop in the path. Meeting his eyes, I take a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I don’t talk about my father, and it’s been a long time since anyone has asked me about him. My family isn’t really tight knit. Mom and Norman are fine, but our relationship is strained. Dax is the only family I am close with. I don’t really like to talk about it, but that was no reason to speak so shortly.” My words feel formal and stiff, but his face fills with compassion and I freeze when he wraps an arm around me, squeezing me gently.
“I understand. We’re getting close to the halfway mark of the hike, are you ready to have your breath taken away?” Nodding, I don’t say that he’s already taken it away. My heart thuds in my chest at the contact of his arm on my back, body pressed against my side. The feelings coursing through me aren’t the panic and terror that I’m used to. Instead, I feel tingly and warm and safe. Heat flows through my veins and as he drops his arm, disappointment fills me.
The realization that what I’m feeling for Lucas is arousal, has me stopping short in shock. Crap on a cracker, this is huge. I don’t even know how to react to this; I’ve never experienced it before. My head needs to wrap around what my body is feeling, it still wants to run or shut down, but I’m fighting it for once. It’s time I start winning the battles against myself and remembering I’m not twelve years old and dealing with my father, nor am I seventeen years old and being pressured by DB to do something I don’t feel ready for, but not being strong enough to say no.
“You okay?” Lucas turns when he realizes I have frozen in place. My eyes feel like they are as wide as a deer looking into headlights and I mutely nod. My nerves are coiled tighter than as rattlesnake ready to strike.
Andie walks slowly towards me, almost as if she has to fight herself from running in the other direction. The mystery of why she is so uneasy intrigues me, I want to solve it and make it go away. This need to protect her fills me and it’s so potent I have to stick my hands in my pocket to refrain from touching her.
We arrive at the bend where a little trail leads to a magnificent waterfall and I stop us.
“Do you trust me?” I say it jokingly, but anxiously wait for her answer.
Wide hazel eyes look at me, taking my joke seriously and she takes a deep breath. Fear flashes across her face before settling into an expression of determination. “I want to.”
Disappointed, I nod, but then again we’ve know each other for not even two weeks it’s not fair to expect there to be trust. Watching her carefully, I step behind her and try not to feel frustrated at how she freezes. Slowly, so she knows what I’m doing, I cover her eyes and start to guide her over the path. She stumbles a couple times, but pushes her body weight back into mine instead of falling forward. I can feel her heart pounding and her body shaking. This time I know it’s from anxiety and fear, not from attraction and I curse at myself for pushing her.
We finally reach the falls and I lean in to her ear. “Are you ready to have your breath taken?” She nods awkwardly behind my hands and I drop them, stepping back from her. Andie stands frozen in place and I wish I could see her face.
The falls are tiered, surrounded by trees, moss and smooth rocks. The noise isn’t deafening as they are small at each level, but the running water is still soothing and the spray is refreshing. She gingerly steps out of her hiking boots before walking to the edge of the lowest tier where the water starts to flow into a creek, taking a deep breath she lifts up a foot and starts running her toes over the surface.
Andie finally turns to face me and the smile gracing her lips is dazzling. All traces of fear and unease are gone, in their place is a shine of excitement and gratitude. She turns back to the water, the side of her body facing me. Pulling out my phone, I casually snap a photo, first
of her whole body in profile and then another, a close up of her face and the soft smile still on her lips. Tucking my phone away, I join her as she wades into the water.
“This place is amazing! Thank you so much for showing it to me.” Andie gushing is something I don’t think many people get to hear and it makes me smile.
“It’s one of my favorite spots, I’m glad you like it.”
“I love it.” She gets out of the water and puts her boots on before climbing up to the next tier and goes even higher to the next one. Watching her climb, her jeans stretching across her perfect ass, has me immediately turned on. I wish I could climb up there after her and make my fantasies a reality, but I’ve already pushed her boundaries enough today. Having someone as strong as Andie trembling in fear behind my hands, yet still moving forward placing her trust in me was an experience that struck a chord. She is an amazing woman and I know that whatever is happening here, I need to be careful. There is a fragile balance that could easily be broken and I don’t want to do anything to damage the little victories I have made.
Andie stands at the top, admiring the view and I pull out my phone, snapping another quick photo. Admiring her as she explores with confidence.
Instead of joining her, I turn away and adjust myself. Not being able to be with a woman wasn’t a challenge until she walked in, she is different from every other woman I’ve been with and I’m in new territory with her. My mind tells me that fact is a good thing; the blue balls I’ve been suffering after every time we hang out disagree. Turning back around, I jump when I see her standing three feet away from me.
“Shit, you’re quiet.” She giggles and shrugs. Something in her has broken free and she is the most relaxed she has ever been with me.
“We should head back, Dax will probably have ordered pizza already.” Looking at the time on my phone, I’m shocked to see we’ve been here at the falls for almost 45 minutes.
“Yeah, I don’t think I want to face the wrath of Dax when I don’t get you back on time.” Winking at her as I lead the way back to the path, a laugh bursts out when she gives me a playful shove and sticks her tongue out at me.
“Don’t worry, I can take him.” She teases back, making fists and flexing her muscles. Pleasure courses through my veins that I was able to get her to open up a little more today.
Climbing the stairs to our floor, silence settles over us and an internal battle is warring inside me. Something broke loose inside Andie today, and I got to see a piece of the hard exterior she portrays crumble away. She’s more at ease around me and I’m flying high at the shift.
My mind tells me not to push it, but after seeing her open up, I want to kiss her so bad. Despite knowing I shouldn’t test the progress I made today, I doubt I have the strength to resist my libido and the temptation of her lips.
Something shifted inside of me today as well, her brilliant and uninhibited smile chiseled its way into my heart like those lemmings from that vintage video game had used all their tools and broke the barrier. She has managed to intrigue me, turn me on and have me turn my back on all the boundaries I set up when I saw myself in Ava’s ex. That thought forces me to remind myself that despite being a bit of a player in the past, I am not the same as Joe.
Stopping outside our doors, I reach my hand out to rest on hers before she can turn the handle to her apartment. She looks up at me over her shoulder, her hazel eyes wide as they meet mine before looking back at my hand still holding hers from opening the door.
“I’m going to go shower and change. Before you go in I wanted to tell you something.” She nods, turning to face me. Taking a deep breath, I lean in and whisper in her ear. “I have never had so much fun hiking before. I also really want to kiss you.” Pulling away to see her reaction, her lips have formed a perfect ‘O’ and despite the hesitation I see in her eyes, I think I see desire as well so I lean in and softly press my lips to hers.
Andie tenses, but doesn’t pull away. Instead of deepening the kiss like I want, I pull back slightly only to peck her softly once more. The second time, her body is a bit more relaxed and I step away to give her a little space. Terrified to see anger or even worse, fear, in her eyes I lift my head and press my lips to the crown of her head. If I’m going to push my luck I might as well do a decent job of it.
“See you in 20 minutes.” Turning away, I slip into my apartment. As I shut the door, I slump against it, barely resisting gluing my eye to the peep hole. Pulling my boots off I make a conscious decision to quit analyzing why Andie has drawn me in so much and to just go with it. Spending time with one woman is vastly different than moving from one to another, sometimes all within the same evening. Shaking off the thoughts of how I was in the past, I go get ready to face the woman whose mystery I am set on unravelling.
Hot water flows over my head and shoulders, I lather my lavender scented body wash in my hands as my thoughts linger on Lucas kissing me. Once the initial shock wore off, it was one of the best and sweetest kisses I have ever received. DB was always too rough with me and kissing was one more thing he ruined.
With two soft kisses, Lucas has redeemed the whole act of kissing for me. His lips were so soft and the taste I got was not enough. I wonder how it would be to receive a kiss from him if he wasn’t holding back, because even with my limited experience I could tell he was. He sensed the tension in my body, the uncertainty of being in that situation and allowing myself to be vulnerable, and didn’t push any further. Every time we spend time together he surprises me in the best ways I never thought possible.
My skin is tingling as I imagine him kissing me and as my hands run over my breasts, my nipples tighten in arousal at the sensation and the thoughts running through my head. Groaning, I run my thumbs over my nipples, the ache building between my legs. Sliding a hand down to the apex in my thighs, I tease my clit before sliding two fingers inside my wetness. Moaning as I pick up the pace, thoughts of Lucas filling my mind. Hooking my fingers quickly, I gasp and cry out softly as I come. My breaths are coming quickly and the ache has begun to ease when I hear Lucas talking to Dax.
Slightly embarrassed that I masturbated to thoughts of him, I finish my shower slowly, hoping I won’t blush when I’m back in his presence. The thought that maybe one day we could be together in an intimate way is one that makes me excited and nervous. After DB, I resigned myself to a life of being alone and finding satisfaction on my own. Lucas is changing that.
Drying off, I shoot Kensi a text.
Me: Lucas kissed me today after our hike.
Kensi: What?!?! Details!
Me: We were standing outside in the hallway and he kissed me. It was amazing, soft and sweet, totally making up for my previous experiences.
Kensi: Oh, hun I’m so happy!
Me: He’s here now and chatting with Dax, we’re going to watch a movie.
Kensi: Oh nice! What a great way to continue with the chemistry you had going on. In the dark, sitting next to him.
Me: I don’t know . . .
Kensi: I dare you . . . to hold his hand and kiss him at the end of the night.
Me: Kens . . . you are abusing your power!
Kensi: Good luck and let me know how it goes!
Me: Bitch, you’re lucky I love you!
Kensi: You know it, now stop stalling!
Dax and Lucas are laughing about something in the living room so I quickly scan myself in the mirror. If I would have known Kensi was going to dare me again, I would have picked something to boost my confidence. Instead, I’m wearing leggings and an oversized sweatshirt. That’s not hot. Oh well, baby steps. I’m already pushing myself further and more quickly than I imagined was possible, but Lucas makes me want to try.
They are sitting on the couch and have loaded up some weird ass YouTube videos onto the TV.
“What the hell are you watching?” They both are laughing their asses off too hard to answer, Dax just motions to the video and dramatically wipes a fake tear from his cheek. The video they have loaded is
a compilation of the worst robbers caught on video. Rolling my eyes, I sit between them.
“Are you showing Lucas your debut? Not something to be proud of.” Smacking Dax upside the head, I smile at Lucas. When thoughts of my shower start to fill my head, I quickly turn to look back at Dax. Yeah, that kills those thoughts.
“Uh no, but thanks for that.”
“Wait, you’re in one of these?” Dax starts shaking his head, a slight blush creeping up his cheeks. Oh man, he must actually like having this guy around otherwise he wouldn’t be embarrassed.
“Don’t fucking lie you crook.” Turning to Lucas and blocking out Dax’s protests with my hand on his face. “This jackass decided to steal cigarette’s to sell to his less than tasteful choice in friends like four or five years ago.” Dax is grumbling behind my hand, threatening to tell my secrets. Glaring at him, I can tell in his eyes he wouldn’t ever betray me like that. This is different, it’s funny because he was so stupid. “Anyways, he vaults over the counter and grabs a bunch and when he goes to vault back over he trips on his shoe laces because he was too cool to ever tie them up and face plants into the counter. He’s lucky he didn’t break his nose or lose some teeth!” Bursting out laughing as Dax pokes me in the side before crossing his arms and pouting.
“Man, that’s hilarious. Do you tie your shoes up now?” Lucas grins at me as I laugh even harder at his question. Clutching my stomach and bending in half, I try to catch my breath.
