by Ashley Erin
“Andie . . . what happened?”
“I don’t want to talk about it. I’m going out, I may be home tomorrow, if not I will be Sunday.” Brushing past him, I hurry to the opposite side of campus to the sanctuary of Nella’s apartment. I can’t believe I was fooled by him.
By the time I arrive at Nella’s I’m in full rage mode and am flushed from exerting myself to get there so quickly. Knocking on the door before resting my hands on my knees, I hear a soft laugh when she opens the door.
“You alright?”
“Apparently I need to do more cardio!” Standing, I smile at her hoping she laughs at my joke. Instead she silently observes me as she moves aside to let me in.
“What’s wrong?” My jaw drops as I meet her gaze, people outside of Dax and Kensi can’t usually tell when I’m upset. She sits on the couch and looks at me expectantly, warily eyeing her, I turn my thoughts to how I feel. I’m completely at ease with her, in fact the words are aching to spill out and that is rare for me.
Taking a deep breath, I sit beside her and lean my head back onto the cushion of the couch. Closing my eyes I fill her in on everything Lucas related right up until I left class and came here. She listens silently and I’m grateful that I don’t have to stop for interruptions. Kensi is my best friend and I love her dearly, but she would have been making noise the whole time.
As I finish, I open my eyes and look at her out of the corners of my eyes. Her face is thoughtful and filled with empathy. Nella opens her mouth to say something when my phone starts ringing and cuts her off. Grabbing it from my bag, I shut it off when I see Lucas’s name on the screen. It quickly chimes with a text.
Lucas: Why aren’t you responding? Are you okay?
The anger builds in me and with shaking hands I decide to reply.
Me: Leave me alone. Why don’t you just talk to one of your many others?
Hitting send, I read it over and smack my hand onto my forehead.
“Well that wasn’t one of my finest moments.” Showing Nella the text, she smiles sympathetically. Chiming fills the silence and I check again, I can’t seem to stop myself.
Lucas: I don’t understand. My many other what? When we said goodbye yesterday everything was okay.
Me: Seriously Lucas, I just don’t have time for assholes, I’ve filled my quota and I need you to leave me alone.
Lucas: Fine, if you want to be juvenile and not tell me what’s going on then go ahead. I don’t have time for this.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I hand Nella the phone so she can read the texts before shutting it off completely and tossing it in my bag.
“Well, that’s that, I guess.” Pasting on a smile, I wonder why I feel so shitty. This isn’t my fault, except for the fact I broke my own damn rules and second guessed myself. First impressions are always right. I fight myself as my heart tells me this is inaccurate. Kensi and I didn’t get along at first, but now she is the sister I never had. Feeling sick to myself, I look at Nella.
“Thoughts?” She sighs and eyes me up. You can practically see the wheels turning in her head as she decides what to say. This girl, she is a watcher. A person who spends their time watching what goes on around them constantly. Right from the moment we sat next to each other in our class, I could see that. People who are watchers typically have some sort of history that has led them to be hyper vigilant, I know this because I am like that too.
“I think that you got suckered in by someone who wanted you to react as you did. I think that you will regret not talking to Lucas about your fears. Something happened to you, I don’t need to know what it is, but at some point he will.” With that she pulls up Netflix and we choose a movie to watch. Her words turn over in my head the entire time, and she respects my need to process what she said by silently watching the movie. By the time it’s done, I haven’t gotten anywhere, so I shut my thoughts on the matter down and turn to her.
“Let’s get drunk and do mud masks!” Nella smiles at my obvious attempt to push things out of my mind and goes to grab the necessary supplies. We decide to do a drinking game to I Love You, Man; shooting rum every time Paul Rudd’s character comes up with a ridiculous nickname. It doesn’t take long until we are giggling and stumbling around as we refill chips and wash the mud off our faces.
“It’s been a long time since I drank.” Nella slurs. “Not since grade 12 graduation.” Her voice becomes subdued and a flicker of pain crosses her face before she wipes it away with a big smile. Even in my drunken state, I can see she is hiding a lot of pain behind the laughter. It bears such a similar resemblance to the pain I hide inside that I reach over and hug her.
“Me too! I hate feeling out of control, too much bad shit happens already without adding something to make it easier.” She hugs me back and we silently share an understanding that we both have pasts we never talk about. Nella jumps up and stumbles to the bathroom.
“Are you okay?” She quickly comes out again holding a large makeup bag and pulls out nail polish.
“Yes! Let’s paint our nails and watch another movie.” Giggling as we attempt to paint our toes, the day fades away and I enjoy the company of a girl who has a deeper understanding of me than most others ever will, simply by the fact we both have things we hide from people.
Maybe we will tell each other our secrets, maybe we won’t, but her friendship is one that could be longstanding if we learn to trust each other.
In the back of my fuzzy brain, thoughts of Lucas swirl around. Part of me wishes I had just confronted him, I’m stronger than I behaved, but in the moment the horror of what I was hearing became too much to bear.
Regret fills me as I finish my classes and head home. I shouldn’t have said that, I was an asshole in that last text. Dialing her number, my stomach ties in knots as it goes straight to voicemail.
“Fuck!” I yell, causing a few girls on the sidewalk to jump. Stopping at the Starbucks to grab my caffeine fix, I try to call Andie again. Nope, still straight to voicemail. Either she is rejecting my calls or she has turned off her phone.
“Hey Lucas.” A hand wraps around my bicep and I look behind me to see Carla. She has been attempting to catch my eye since last year. We shared an introductory math class and were partnered up. Sighing internally, I pull my arm away with a small smile.
“Hi Carla, how’s it going?” Instead of listening to my gut with this one, politeness wins out and I ignore the warning going off in my brain.
“Oh you know, still waiting for you to take me out.” She smiles at me with attempted sexiness and runs her finger down my arm. Barely restraining the shudder of revulsion, this woman is a snake and I have no interest in letting this go any further.
“You know I’m not interested Carla, it hasn’t changed from last year.” She pouts at me before a Cheshire cat grin spreads across her face.
“We’ll see. Clearly you’re not overly selective in the women you pick as companions. Let me know when you’re ready to upgrade from the short pixie you’ve been slumming it with.” Anger fills me as I watch satisfaction creep into her eyes before she turns away and saunters out the door. Her expression plays over in my mind, confused I wonder why she would look that way. She wouldn’t have said anything to Andie? Well she would, but there is nothing to say.
Despite my lack of reputation at the school, dread fills me and I forget all about getting coffee as I hurry to go see Andie. These feelings are unwarranted, but I need to find out why she all of a sudden went cold on me, I need to apologize for how harsh I was. Part of me knew a time would come when she would pull away, she’s like a wild kitten in need of patience and time.
“Andie!! Open the door! We need to talk!” Pounding my fist on her door, I jump back when Dax opens it and arches his brow at me.
“Simmer down, Andie isn’t here. If you want to come in and tell me what the hell is going on, maybe I can help. If you don’t want to tell me, then stop yelling and just wait for her here.” With that he leaves the door open and goes inside. Slowly,
I follow him in and sit next to him.
Silence settles over us and for a while I just watch Dax play Halo. Sitting here is making me antsy and Dax has this ability to make silence seem even more resounding. His presence is overwhelming and there is something about Dax that makes you want to spill your guts, I’m guessing it’s benefited him well in the past, and as much as I try to hold it in, stewing over it is making me feel sick.
“Andie didn’t come to class today. Then when I texted her, she was all weird and angry.” Pulling out my phone, I show him the texts. Normally I’m not one to talk about these kinds of things, normally I would just shrug it off and move on, but Andie has gotten under my skin. I don’t like it. Okay, that’s not entirely true. Right now I don’t like it, but I’m the one who was the hero to my baby sister and Andie won’t let me play that role.
It’s infuriating, but it’s also sexy. I love that she doesn’t need me, or even want me it seems sometimes. The victory of having her open up because she chose to, on her terms makes me proud. Except this random withdrawing, it pisses me off. Women talk about communicating, but then they pull away for no freaking reason.
“Huh. Well, she clearly is under the impression that she’s not the only girl you’re messing around with.” I read over the texts again, and growl.
“What the hell? Dude, I swear, I’m not messing around with her. I don’t do that . . . anymore.” Dax looks back at his game before speaking.
“I know. If I thought that’s who you were, you wouldn’t be here, and if I read that and thought it was true, you wouldn’t be walking out of here.” Relief floods through me despite the threat behind his words and I sag into the couch. Dax pauses his game and faces me.
“Here is some Andie 101. Her life has been filled with assholes. Dad, previous boyfriends, me.” Pain and regret fill his face briefly before he wipes it back into a neutral expression. “She is guarded and she will find reasons to lump you in there. If you’re interested you’re going to have to ride that current and keep pushing.” With that, he picks up the controller and goes back to his game.
“Thanks man. Mind if I hang for a bit?” He silently passes me a controller and we lose ourselves in the game.
“Shit, I need a cigarette.” It is several hours later and we’re both ready for a break.
“Didn’t realize you smoke.” I’ve hung out with Dax on several occasions in the past couple of weeks. Wow, only two weeks have passed. Dammit, I am an asshole. First roadblock and I bail, did I learn nothing from watching over Ava these past few years? I want to punch myself in the face.
“I used to, quit because I know Andie doesn’t like it, oh and it’s bad for my health. Ugh, let’s get some air. I’ve seen you drooling over my bike, come check it out.” Jumping up, I practically sprint out the door. I’ve been admiring his motorcycle from afar and the chance to see it up close is too great to pass.
“Is that the Yamaha fz-07?”
“You know it! 689 cc. I love the naked roadster bodywork. It has awesome torque, you can pop the front up at almost any speed. It’s so nimble, you can just point it where you want to go. Chicks dig it.”
“Dude, I’m pretty sure everyone digs this bike.” I practically need a mop to clean up the pool of drool forming at my feet over this bike. “I would love to take this baby for a swing.”
“Have you ridden before?” I shake my head and Dax smirks. “She would be too much for you then. Need to start off with less power.” Shaking my head at the innuendo in his voice, I wave him over to my car.
“This is my baby, I call her Stella.” The admiration gleaming in Dax’s eyes over my sleek and pristine black ’69 Camaro. The matte black rims are the newest addition and make it look fucking sexy. Yes, a car can be sexy and mine is.
“This car is immaculate! How did you find one in such amazing condition?”
“My dad and I rebuilt it together when I was 16.” Dax runs his hand over Stella.
“I never did anything like this with my dad. My mom left him when I was 14 years old, he would have been too drunk anyways. After that I made it my mission to look for as much trouble as possible. Fuck. Dude, I’m sorry.” Dax grips his hair and kicks the curb.
“What the hell? Why are you apologizing?” I’m fucking confused. What is with this family? They suck you in and then leave you fucking floored.
“I’m going to pussy out on you for a minute. I’m the biggest asshole in Andie’s life. After what Dad did to her, instead of stepping up and showing her not all guys are the same, I started using drugs and getting into trouble. I was never there for her, not like you with your sister. Dude, I could have made things better for her and now she is so untrusting.” I’ve never seen a dude get verbal diarrhea the way Dax has just unleashed, but out of everything he has said, only one thing has stuck out.
“What did your dad do to Andie?” His eyes widen and he clamps his mouth shut.
“Shit, fuck, damn. It’s nothing. Just, please bear with her.” Nodding, I suppress my curiosity about what happened to Andie, despite knowing the insight could really help me. Hopefully one day she tells me, if she decides to tell me whatever the hell I did wrong.
“Ohhhhhh.” Sitting up, I moan and grip my head. Groaning, I swallow, resisting the urge to vomit. Head spinning, stomach roiling and eyes blurry. Yep, it’s one hell of a hangover.
“Andie . . . I’m pretty sure I’m dying.” Nella comes stumbling out of her room looking a little green.
“I’m right there with you. Okay, we need to start drinking again.” Nella looks at me like I’m crazy before going into the kitchen. “My dad is a drinker, he swears by this remedy.” Feeling disgusted with myself for taking anything my dad has done and using it. What a great father, he taught me how to cure a hangover by drinking more. “You know what, I’m guessing that’s probably not a great idea.” Nella comes out of her kitchen and hands me a bottle of water.
“Thanks.” She collapses on the couch next to me, groaning. I look at the coffee table, taking stock of how much we drank.
“Holy shit. We went through a whole bottle of rum. No wonder little men with jackhammers are going to town in my brain.” Finishing my water, I brush my teeth and splash water onto my face.
“Nella, I would love to stay and avoid my apartment some more, but I want nothing more than to crash in my bed.” Nella limply lifts her hand and waves, I laugh and then groan as the pounding causes my ears to ring. “Oh man, yep, I need to lay down.”
Walking in the door to my apartment 15 minutes later, I groan as the door shuts with a bang. “Fuck my life! Why?” The room is spinning and my stomach gurgles as . . .”Oh shit.” Racing to the bathroom, I make it just in time to toss my cookies.
“Oh man, I haven’t seen you like this since . . .” Dax cuts himself off.
“Since DB fucked me and dumped me? I know.” Standing up, I brush my teeth, hunched over the sink unable to stand up straight.
“How much did you fucking drink last night?” Dax runs a wash cloth under some cool water and wipes my face.
“We went through a bottle of rum.”
“Holy shit, when you go, you go hard. Hang on, I will be right back. You should crawl into bed.” He leaves and I stumble to my room, face plant onto my bed, and throw my pillow over my head.
The bed dips as Dax sits down.
“I’m never doing that again, I’m leaving it up to you to make sure I’m not that stupid again. I don’t care that you weren’t there.” Pulling the pillow off my head, I meet eyes that don’t belong to Dax.
“Lucas . . . what are you doing here?” The urge to pull the pillow over my head again overtakes me. Fuck it, burying my head, I mumble, “No don’t answer that. I know why you’re here . . .” Dax. He’s such a meddling nuisance.
“I’m here to take care of you and while I’m here we should talk.” Peeking out from under my pillow, he meets my eyes and all I see in them are concern. Now that the anger has cleared, I can see my folly in believing anythi
ng someone who comes across like Carla, but with my head pounding I’m not in the mood to put aside my pride and ask for forgiveness.
“My head is pounding, you really want to do this now?” I want to whine but I know we need to get it over with.
“How about this. Tell me what I did and then I will provide for you my guaranteed hangover cure.” My experience is limited, but I’m pretty sure a guy with a harem of women wouldn’t care if one of them was avoiding him, just one more thing showing how much I overreacted. I nod at him and pull myself up to lean against my headboard.
“You drive a hard bargain, but I’m curious what this cure could be and I’m in a lot of pain here. So . . .”
“Before you start.” He grabs my hand and rubs his thumb over the top, it’s soothing and oddly erotic at the same time. “I want to apologize for my text about not having time for this. That was a dick move and I’m appalled at myself. You are worth my time.” Looking hard into his eyes, I search for any sign of insincerity. All I see is genuine regret. Annoyed at myself for being so gullible, I try to sort through what I want to say. I’m usually so good at reading people, but maybe in this case I let my preconceived notions cloud my judgment. Instead of listening to my gut about Carla being malicious, I believed her because part of me is scared to allow Lucas in. Heart pounding, I decide to bite the bullet.
“I was on my way to class when this girl stopped me. She said her name is Carla.” Pausing at the look of anger that crosses his face, I assume he knows her. “She said I was one of many and that she has been in my shoes. I told her that I thought she was wrong, but then she mentioned the waterfall date. I’m not going to be one of many, Lucas. In that moment, I let my own fears drown out any reasoning. It wasn’t fair to you, but . . .”
