by Ashley Erin
“Andie, she was lying. Carla worked with me on a project last year and asked me out. She’s put out because she hasn’t seen me with anyone until you, her ego is wounded. You’re not one of many, until you, there hadn’t been anyone in four years.”
“I know, I think I knew then too, but sometimes it’s hard for me to fight my natural flight instincts.” Smiling shakily. I do believe him, but this has shown me that I still don’t really trust him not to let me down. I hope that poisonous doubt disappears, but I don’t know if I am capable of fully trusting.
“Andie, I mean it.” His blue eyes pierce into mine as though they see through my façade. “I will prove it to you. Somehow, one day I hope you will see that I am not just another asshole. Now roll onto your stomach. I’m going to give you the best shoulder rub and it will make your hangover go away.” He looks me up and down, smirking wickedly before adding, “It would be even better if you took your shirt off.”
“I’m hung over, not drunk.” With that, I roll onto my stomach and wait for the amazing shoulder rub to cure my hangover. He laughs and then straddles my legs before placing his hands at my neck. Unintentionally tensing when his hands start to close over where my shoulders meet my neck, he moves his hands away and leans down.
“I’m not going to hurt you Andie. Relax.” Taking deep breaths, I focus on relaxing as his hands move back into position and begin rubbing. His thumbs glide over my tense muscles and soon I am putty. His hands slide gently over my shoulders and up the back of my neck. He finds some knots which he gently but efficiently works out. As he works his magic, my head slowly stops aching and my eyelids feel heavy.
“That is a magic cure.” I murmur as I gradually drift off.
The following Wednesday Andie and I are walking to class together. Class on Monday was cancelled and Andie has been flooded with homework so we haven’t spent any time together since she fell asleep after telling me about Carla. I’m fucking pissed about that and if Carla was a guy, I would punch her. She is not, so I won’t, but man is she going to get a mouthful.
Andie said she believed me, but I can feel the distance she has recreated, the walls have been rebuilt and steps have been taken back. All because some bitch needs her ego stroked.
“Andie . . .” Pulling her to a stop outside the Arts building. “I know that what Carla said put doubt in your mind, and I understand. I hope you will understand what I’m about to do.” With that, I grab her hand and pull her into the building, she has to walk quickly to keep up with my strides, but I don’t want to give her the chance to pull away. Carla is just about to go in the classroom.
“Carla.” She turns around with that Cheshire cat grin I want so badly to wipe from her face. I don’t need to as her eyes move to where my hand grips Andie’s, the smile drops and a scowl replaces it. She starts to turn away and rage fills me. Seriously even if I still went out with women as loosely as I used to, her attitude would kill any attraction.
“No, you don’t get to turn away because you see something you don’t like. I don’t appreciate you telling my girlfriend shit about me that you know isn’t true. You or no one else for that matter is one of many. The fact that you used something I told you for a project against me is despicable and even if I were not with Andie there is no chance in hell I would give you the time of day. Your actions impact people, maybe you need to learn not to be so selfish.” I move my hand from holding Andie’s to the small of her back and guide her to our seats. Carla storms off and I’m glad I don’t need to look at her during class. Turning to Andie, her wide hazel eyes are staring at me.
“Did you call me your girlfriend?” Shit, she looks like she is about to bolt. She is worse than most commitment fearing guys I know.
“I figured it would create a more dramatic effect. I can wait if you’re not ready to label whatever we have between us.” She eyes me closely and I hope she says she is ready. When she bites her lip and turns to face the front, I try to suppress the disappointment that fills me. Be patient, it will be worth it. The guy who has avoided relationships for four years is still there and wondering why I’m bothering, but then I look at her and remember that no woman has impacted me the way she has. There is something about her and whatever it is, deep inside I know she is worth it.
Fifty minutes later we’re leaving class and Andie slips her hand in mine.
“I think I like the idea of being your girlfriend.” Pulling her to the side of the hallway, I look down at her and pull her into my arms.
“Seriously? You looked like you were about to bolt!”
She laughs and shrugs. “Ok, I admit, I’m a bit of a flight risk, but even so, I can admit there is something here. I don’t want to be scared anymore.” She bites her lip and lowers her eyes to her feet. She always does this when she feels like she is baring her soul and in some ways, she probably feels like she is. Her shiny hair frames her face, her long lashes fanning her cheeks. I hook my finger under her chin and lift her face up, waiting for her eyes to meet mine and I can see how much she is putting herself out there. Brushing her lips with mine, she winds her hands in my hair.
“We better stop, you have class and that guy over there is enjoying this too much.” She looks over her shoulder at this guy staring at us. He is wearing a leather jacket and is dirty and greasy. She shudders and buries her face into my chest.
“Oh gross. He really gives me the heeby jeebies.” Wrapping my arm around her, I glare at the guy.
“Dude, stop staring.” He slinks away and out the door. “I don’t even think he goes to school here, he looks a little . . . out of place.” It feels suspicious that he was there and staring at Andie. My instincts are screaming at me that it’s not right, but I push that feeling aside. He’s probably some hitchhiker stopping to see if anyone will take him to his destination, being just off the Yellowhead Trail we occasionally get them stopping in here needing a phone, bathroom, ride or food.
“He reminds me of . . .” She looks up at me and trails off, fear in her eyes.
“What? Andie, talk to me.” Concern fills me as the battle she fights inside shows in her expression.
“My dad is not a nice person and he reminds me of the types of people he used to associate with. He hasn’t texted or called me since my first day here and that never bodes well for any of us when he is silent, it usually means he is up to no good.” This is the most she has mentioned her dad and I hope she keeps talking. As she takes a deep shuddering breath, I pull her back into my arms.
“I’m sure he was a hitchhiker, sometimes they wander onto campus to use the facilities. Let me walk you to class for the rest of the day.”
Throughout the day, I watch for that guy again, but he has disappeared. The weight lifts from us both as the day progressed.
Over a week has passed since the creepy guy in the hallway and we’re walking to the gym after classes are over, my hand swallowing Andie’s. It took a couple of days for Andie to start relaxing, but the past week has been amazing. We started going to the gym together after class, have went on several hikes, and she has opened up even more with me. I hope the whole ordeal with Carla is forgotten, she seems to have moved past it, but with Andie, you never know. As we get closer to the gym, her excitement is palpable. I haven’t ever met a girl who loves working out as much as Andie.
“What are you working today?” Seeing Andie work out is sweet torture. She always wears these tight yoga pants and sexy tank tops that accentuate her curves.
“I switch it up every so often, I feel like doing a full body work out today.” Picturing it in my mind, I suppress a groan. As much as my eyes love the sight, my dick has been really suffering since Andie and I began seeing each other. I don’t want to push her, but my showers have increased to 45 minutes to accommodate needing some form of release.
Twenty minutes later, I’m at the squat rack trying to focus on my reps, but watching Andie through the mirror. She is doing standing calf raises and her calf muscles look amazing. I’ve never been
so turned on by someone’s calves. Looking down at the tent I’m sporting, I’m glad the gym is basically empty.
I can’t keep this up, but I need to respect Andie’s boundaries. I need to take my mind off how unbelievably horny I am. I fucking lasted four years, but a few weeks with Andie and my cock has suddenly decided it can’t wait any longer. She is so incredibly sexy that whenever I’m around her I am constantly semi-hard. Fuck I can’t take this! I quickly rack the weights and stalk over to where Andie is sitting on a bench, phone in hand. My smile falters when I see how white her face is and the shake to her hand.
Sitting down on the bench next to her, I wrap my arm around her as I feel her shudder. “What’s going on?”
“My dad texted me. He’s just so terrible and I knew it was too good to be true not to hear from him.” She chokes back some tears. “I start to think he can’t impact me anymore, and then he goes and brings me right back to being a child.”
“What did he say?” Seeing her so vulnerable when she is usually so strong makes me want to wring the bastard’s neck. Andie tries to speak, but she has started to cry so hard she can’t. Finally she hands me her phone, open to the text.
Sperm Donor: You can’t hide for long. Tell me where your mother is or I will come and force it out of you.
“Wow, he is obsessed with your mom.” Great, way to say something comforting.
“He never got over that she actually left him and then moved on. I seriously think something is wrong with him.” She grabs the phone and deletes the text. “I don’t know why else he would be so obsessed.”
“You shouldn’t delete them. You should show them to the police and they can do something.”
“Tried it. I won’t tell him where Mom and Norman are. I just hope he doesn’t find me.” Her hand goes to her hip, before I can think about the gesture for long, she has grabbed my hand and is dragging us out of the gym.
Dad is never able to keep the nice front up for long and seeing those threats start up again flooded me with memories of every time he would hurt me in order to hurt Mom. Unable to take the torrent of emotions flooding me, I look at Lucas trying to comfort me. He has been so amazing and the need to forget everything my father has done and what my life has turned into because of him. Lucas is my solution, he will make me forget.
Dragging Lucas into our hallway, I pull his head down and crush my lips onto his. He groans as I thrust my tongue into his mouth, tasting him and gripping his hair. He is so damn tall, I both love and hate that about him. I want to arch into his body, but it feels like it would be awkward. Pulling my lips away our gazes lock, his pupils are dilated, and I push myself into his body.
“Dax is home, let’s go to your place.” I’m practically panting as he unlocks the door. Realization dawns on me, this may have started as a way to forget the text from the sperm donor who calls himself my dad, but I really want to do this. I want him to wipe away the only memory I have of sex. I want him to help me erase everything that has left me damaged and scared. I want him to help me get over hating on all men because of a select few.
As he opens the door, I push him into his apartment and against the wall grinding into him, his erection pressing into my belly. Moaning as I run my hands up under his shirt, his muscles ripple under my touch, abs twitching as I graze the tips of my fingers over them.
Pulling my hands out, and gripping the hem of his shirt to pull it over his head. He bends his head to assist me before grabbing my ass and lifting me, carrying me to his couch and laying me down. Lucas moves his lips over my jaw and down my neck. He grinds his hips into mine before pulling back. Whimpering, I go to pull him back down but he shakes his head and runs his hands down my arms to my hips. Pausing at the bottom of my shirt, he waits for my permission.
Sitting up and lifting my arms, he growls low in his throat as my shirt is thrown across the room, his eyes devouring my body. As his eyes see my scar, I falter for the first time since we started kissing in the hall. Holding my breath, I wait for him to say something, or recoil like DB did, but he leans down, kisses it and then trails his lips and tongue up my body.
Lucas pulls the cup of my bra down, his tongue swirling around my nipple. Moaning, my back arches as he moves to the next breast.
“Andie.” He breathes my name as he kisses up to my neck and nibbles my ear. “You’re so beautiful.” Our lips collide again, hands exploring, bodies entangled. Moaning as he pushes his hips between my legs, the friction building me up to an excruciating ache. His hands leave trails of heat in their wake while mine always seem to find their way into his hair.
Lucas has managed to break through my reservations and the thoughts of wiping away my only memory of sex combined with the throbbing in my core becomes too much to bear. I begin frantically working the button of his pants needing to feel him inside me. Lucas stills over me as I begin to unzip his jeans.
Lucas pulls away and grabs my hands. “Andie, we need to stop.”
His words break through my lust filled haze and I look up at him. “Wait. What? Why?”
“You’re upset. The first time we have sex isn’t going to be the result of something your dad did.” My heart pounds as his rejection sinks in and I scramble away from him. Looking down at myself, bra askew and shirt tossed across the room. Jumping up, I grab my shirt and throw it on.
“You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking. This was a mistake. I should go, I have an assignment I need to do.” My tone is sharp, contradicting the abrupt words. As I bolt out the door, I hear Lucas call my name. Ignoring him, I rush into my apartment, slam the door and lock it. My legs collapse beneath me and tears of embarrassment begin to stream down my face. Shame fills me as memories of my first time flood me.
Kyle collapses next to me. There is an ache starting in my core and part of me thinks he was a little rough. He knew it was my first time and I hadn’t been sure, but he pushed until I gave in. Despite the pain, he never waited for me to adjust and it was over before my body had time to look after itself. Tears burn at the back of my eyes and I hope Kyle will pull me into his arms, instead he lifts himself up onto his arm and looks at me. My stomach clenches at the cold look in his eyes.
“Andie, this isn’t going to work. I have to admit, this whole endeavor has been disappointing, you just don’t hold up. I’m going to shower, let’s not make this more awkward than it already is.
Pulling myself out of those horrid memories, I remember the promise I made to myself. I wasn’t going to allow myself that vulnerability again. Things with Lucas were supposed to be different, but this humiliation sure feels the same.
Strong arms wrap around me, and lift me up. My head rests on Dax’s shoulders as he sets me on our couch, draping a blanket over me. He sits with me and strokes my hair, comforting me without knowing why. A soft knock sounds on our door, Dax goes to answer it and instead of letting Lucas in, he steps outside and shuts the door behind him. Slowly the tears stop flowing. Curling in on myself, I create a cocoon in the blanket and allow myself to fall asleep.
The next morning I wake up to the smell of coffee. Glancing at my phone, I see two texts from Dad and one from Kensi. I angrily delete the texts from Dad without reading them and move on to Kensi’s text.
Kensi: Dax called me, when you wake up, you need to call me
Dax comes in, smiling and holding a steaming cup of coffee. Setting my phone down, I gratefully accept it and smile at him.
“How you doing Nugget? You slept for almost 12 hours, you must have been wiped.”
“I’ve been better, but I’m strong and will get over this as I have gotten over everything else.” My words are a lie. I haven’t gotten over anything and Lucas pushing me away hurt more than I could have anticipated.
“Nugget, you know you can’t lie to me. Why bother trying?” Sighing, I shrug with a small smile.
“If I say it enough, maybe one day it will be true.”
“So what happened?” Dax is looking at me with genuine concern and
in this moment, I need my big brother more than ever. Biting the bullet, I tell him what happened the night before, leaving out the graphic details. He listens intently and as I finish, understanding lights his eyes.
“He did the right thing Andie.” My jaw drops as he sides with Lucas, anger filling me again and I stand up.
“How can you take his side?” My voice has raised to a level it’s never hit. Everything from Dad, to Lucas rejecting me and the memories of Kyle, er DB, have become too much. “You’re supposed to always have my fucking back. I should have known. Assholes always stick together, I just never figured you would do this to me. Maybe you haven’t been the most consistent, but I always overlooked it because despite your own personal choices I believed you would really be there if I need it. I’m so fed up with this shit. You know what, I need to get ready to go class.” Slamming my door, I collapse onto my bed. Class doesn’t start for a couple of hours and I need Kensi, she won’t let me down like Dax did.
She answers on the first ring and for the second time that morning I tell someone what happened with Lucas and then go into my fight with Dax.
Kensi sighs over the phone and I wait for her to jump to my defense. “Babe, which best friend do you want? The honest one telling you how it is or the one telling you what you want to hear?” My heart sinks and I don’t have any fight left in me.
“Kensi, you will never be the friend to tell me what I want to hear.” She is my best friend for this reason, at moments like this I hate it.
“Lucas was right to turn you down.”
“No, I was finally ready. Ready to put it all behind me and he did the exact same thing as Kyle.” Words are spewing out of me at an alarming rate.
“Andie . . .”
Muttering, “How could he do that to me? Was I so terrible that he couldn’t stand the idea of being with me?”
“Andie! I dare you to shut up and listen!” Kensi shouts over me. My jaw snaps shut.
