by Janice Lynn
“About?”
“Us.”
That was when it fully sank in. Riley was done. This wasn’t just a disagreement. To Riley, this was the end. She’d just thrown away their relationship.
How could she do that? Be willing to do that? As if they didn’t have something special? As if he didn’t matter?
Perhaps for the first time he understood how Ashley had felt when she’d asked him those same questions. His answer had been easy at the time. He hadn’t loved her.
Just as Riley didn’t love him.
Although she’d yet to get that persistent deeply rooted weed, she began pulling stray bits of grass from the garden bed—as if nothing significant was happening, as if she’d grown bored with the conversation.
As if she wasn’t tearing them apart.
Justin stared down at her, gutted, letting a myriad of emotions filter through him and settling on a mix of resignation and anger.
Why was he doing this? She didn’t want what he wanted, didn’t have the same feelings he did. He just needed to accept it.
“Fine—there is no us.” Each word felt like a razor, scraping his insides before it left his mouth. “I guess there never really was. You have your life and I have mine.”
He turned, quietly let himself out through her gate, making sure Daisy was safely on the other side, and walked away.
Like she’d said—problem solved.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
“WHERE ARE RILEY and Daisy?” Kyle asked, as the boy realized Riley and the dog weren’t waiting for them in the Jeep.
Justin had been dreading Kyle’s question, but had known the boy would ask. Of course the kid would.
Riley hadn’t missed a single excursion for the past three months, and if it was something the dog could go to neither had Daisy.
Kyle and Daisy had formed a special bond.
As had he and Riley.
The fact that she wasn’t in the front passenger seat said everything, driving home what had been Justin’s reality this past week and a half.
It’s what she wants, he reminded himself.
What he wanted, too—because he was tired of chasing a woman who didn’t want to be chased.
Justin checked Kyle’s seatbelt, making sure the boy had gotten it secured properly. “Riley won’t be here today.”
Kyle’s sandy brows rose and he stared at Justin from where he sat in the passenger side back seat. “Why not?”
Good question, and one Justin struggled with answering. Because he didn’t understand exactly how they’d gone from talking to her telling him to leave. How had their conversation ended with them ending? He’d come to bare his soul to her and instead he’d walked away.
Maybe he shouldn’t have left.
But he hadn’t been able to stay when she was telling him to leave. Telling him not to touch her.
Oh, how that had hurt. That she hadn’t been able to bear his touch. That she’d rather be alone than with him.
His muscles seized his ribcage, crushing inward. He put his hand on the roll bar, leaned in a little. “Riley’s busy.”
Probably working in her yard, running, or out doing something with Cassie. She and Sam were off again, so the two women had lots of time to console each other.
“Too busy for us?” Kyle didn’t look as if he believed Justin.
“She has things to do, bud, besides just hang out with a bunch of guys.”
The boy’s forehead scrunched deeper. “Doesn’t she like us anymore? I can tell her sorry if I did something wrong.”
That the boy immediately thought it was something he’d done wrong broke Justin’s heart. Especially since it wasn’t Kyle who had messed up. Justin hadn’t messed up either. Other than to want more than Riley did.
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he assured him.
Getting Kyle beyond that, to where he didn’t immediately question himself, and giving the boy the confidence to know he was worthy and wanted was something Justin would spend the rest of his life making sure happened.
Kyle considered him a moment. “Did you do something wrong?”
Justin laughed at the boy’s perceptiveness. “Probably,” he admitted.
After all, hadn’t Riley accused him of wanting to fight moments after he’d arrived at her place? Had he gone there looking to fight with her? Knowing which buttons to push to get a rise out of her?
But why? Why would he do that? He hadn’t wanted to fight with her. He’d had everything to lose and nothing to gain.
In some ways he had lost everything.
At the hospital, Riley had transferred out of the operating room to work on the orthopedic floor. With Cassie still out with her knee, she’d been able to easily make the transition, and thus far had managed to avoid providing care for any of his patients.
She’d probably asked not to have any of his patients.
She’d neatly shut him out of her life.
He’d been a fool to think something special was happening between them, that she was different...
Justin tapped the roll bar with the side of his fisted hand. He gave one last look at Kyle’s safety belt, secured around his booster seat, then climbed into the driver’s seat.
He’d not even gotten his seatbelt fastened when Kyle asked, “Did you tell her you were sorry?”
Sorry for what? Caring about her? Wanting her in his life?
Justin’s gaze cut to Kyle’s via the rearview mirror. “Unfortunately there’s some things ‘sorry’ can’t fix.”
Kyle gave him an empathetic look. “My teacher at school says it’s always a good place to start.”
“Smart teacher.” Justin started the Jeep and tuned the radio to a station he knew Kyle liked.
When they arrived at the bowling alley Stan was already there with the other kids. Including Kyle and Stephen, there were six boys. Maybe a few stragglers would still show.
Justin hoped so, as he always worried about the kids who didn’t make it for their activities.
They’d reserved two lanes, so divided themselves into two groups to bowl. Stan took one team of three boys and Justin took the other.
The afternoon passed quickly enough, and soon they were eating pizza. The boys finished their meal, picked up their trash, then ran back to start another game while Justin and Stan divvied up what was left of the pizza to send home with the kids.
“You driving Kyle home?” Stan asked.
Stacking the boxes, Justin nodded. “I’ve made arrangements with his foster parents to spend some extra time with him. He seemed excited that I was picking him up.”
“No wonder. He idolizes you.” Stan grinned. “Have you told him yet?”
Justin shook his head. “I didn’t think it would be fair to tell him before all the papers were signed, just in case something changes between now and then. If all goes well, he’ll be mine next Monday.”
Stan nodded as if he understood. And as the man had adopted Stephen, perhaps he did.
“I kept worrying that something would go wrong, that no one was just going to give me a kid as great as Stephen to love forever. I didn’t even realize I was holding my breath until I could tuck him in that first night, knowing he was mine and we were his.”
Yeah, that pretty much summed up how Justin felt. Like he was holding his breath.
He’d managed to turn his spare room into a decent boy’s bedroom. Soon he and Kyle could go house-hunting and the kid could help him pick out their new home. Justin already had an agent looking, but so far nothing had appealed.
Because nothing had a magical back yard.
Ugh.
He had to get past everything to do with Riley.
“What’s up with you and Riley?”
Turning toward his friend, Justin grimaced. “Not you, too?”
Sta
n laughed. “Kyle grilling you?”
Justin nodded and took a sip of his water.
“That kid is crazy about her and Daisy.”
There was that...
Stan gave him a brotherly slap on the arm. “Maybe you should just marry her and keep her around permanently.”
Justin choked on the drink he’d just taken and coughed to clear his throat. “That’s not happening.”
Stan looked disappointed. “Too bad. I thought you made a good couple. Is that why she’s not here?”
“You have it wrong. She’s the one who won’t commit. Not me.”
Not him. He wanted a committed relationship with Riley. Had wanted. Because he was past that now. Now he just wanted to give Kyle a wonderful life. Not to be with someone who shut him out with their first fight.
Wrong. She’d shut him out from the beginning. He’d just been too foolish to accept it.
Stan appeared shocked. “I’ve seen how she looks at you. She’s in love with you. I’d bet money on it.”
Justin’s chest tightened at his friend’s observation. “You’ve got that wrong, too, pal. That was lust in her eyes, not love.”
“Maybe...but she sure fooled me.” Stan looped his thumbs into his pockets. “I take it you’re not together anymore?”
Justin shook his head.
“Sorry to hear that.”
“It was inevitable.” Riley had never wanted anything long-term.
“Again, I’m surprised. You two were much better suited than you and Ashley ever were. You never meshed.”
Justin frowned at his friend. This was the first time Stan had ever commented on Ashley. “Seriously? Everyone always told me how shocked they were that we broke up.”
Stan looked surprised. “I wasn’t shocked you broke things off—just at how long you took to do so. On the few times she came to one of the Wilderness Group get-togethers you never looked at her the way you looked at Riley. Not once.”
Probably not. Because he’d never felt about Ashley the way he felt about Riley. Which meant what?
Nothing. Because she’d never let her guard down long enough to risk love and he’d forever be walking on eggshells in case she shut him out.
She had shut him out.
“Call it lust or love or whatever, but you were never heartbroken over your break-up with Ashley—unlike now.”
Justin shook his head in denial. “You’re just seeing nerves. Once everything is settled and Kyle is officially mine I’ll be fine.”
“If you say so.” Stan’s gaze went to where the kids were cheering as Jevon’s ball knocked down half the pins. “Let’s go see what the boys are up to.”
* * *
Justin walked into the spare bedroom, his gaze going to the stuffed video character on the bed. Kyle’s favorite. Justin had covered the bed with a matching comforter set, and hung a few posters on the wall, but the room was still bare basics because he wanted Kyle involved in the process of decorating. He’d just got a few items to make the kid feel welcome.
If he got to bring him home.
Maybe he just thought he was meant to have a houseful of kids.
Maybe his role was simply to run the Wilderness Group and he shouldn’t try to take things further.
He’d always planned to adopt. But was it fair of him to project that onto the people in his life? To have projected it upon Ashley? Upon Riley?
Just the thought of her had his insides knotted.
He’d wanted forever. She’d wanted—not forever.
Not anything.
Raking his fingers through his hair, he went back to his own room and got ready for bed.
When he climbed between the sheets he was still restless. Because he couldn’t get Riley off his mind. Knowing sleep wasn’t going to happen, he grabbed his phone off the nightstand and opened his messages.
Nothing.
Not one word from her.
What was he thinking? She wasn’t going to text him. If she’d wanted to talk to him she wouldn’t have done everything she could to put space between them. So why couldn’t he just forget her?
He tapped her number, pulling up her text messages and scrolling back to when she’d sent him the photos of them during that first run.
His jaw worked back and forth as memories assaulted him. Memories of how vulnerable she’d been—still was, he reminded himself. Memories of how kissing her that first time had felt, in the garden at Paul and Cheyenne’s engagement party. Memories of their first night together in the very bed he now lay in.
No wonder his house felt empty.
No wonder every house the real estate agent had shown him had felt empty.
Because he was empty.
Empty without Riley.
He’d been a fool to hope he could change her mind. Change her heart.
Memories of the past flashed through him—memories of hoping he could change his birth mother’s heart, could make her want him. He couldn’t make Riley love him any more than he’d been able to make his birth mother love him.
He consoled himself that just as he’d made a new life with the Brothers family—a much better life than he’d had—he’d now do the same with Kyle.
Sighing, he went to put his phone on the nightstand and missed. His phone clanged down between the bed and the piece of furniture.
Sitting up in bed, he flipped on the lamp, and looked in the space between his bed and the nightstand, expecting to see his phone.
He didn’t. It must have landed beneath the bed.
Getting up, he knelt on the floor and felt around for his phone, but still didn’t see it in the shadows.
“Great,” he muttered, opening the nightstand’s top drawer and pulling out a flashlight.
Bending down, he shone the light into the shadows, spotting his phone where it had landed.
A golden glint reflected in the flashlight’s beam was what he reached for, though. And his hand shook as he closed his fingers around the gold chain with its tiny cross.
He’d found Riley’s necklace.
* * *
“Men are stupid,” Cassie murmured, tossing a flower petal onto the ground.
As her friend stretched out on the bench Riley sat across from her in a chair, opposite the burned low fire in the pit. Daisy lazed in her lap, only opening her eyes long enough to look up and nudge Riley’s hand when it stilled in stroking her back.
“Agreed.”
“I mean, Sam should have called by now.”
Which meant her friend was waiting for him to call. Riley fought against wincing. Would Cassie never learn? She and Sam had been doing this on-again, off-again for years.
“Don’t you think it’s time to call it quits for good with Sam?” she asked.
Cassie gave her an Are you crazy? look. “Why would I think that? I love him.”
Riley frowned. “Then why aren’t you with him?”
Cassie gave her a point-blank stare. “Why aren’t you with Justin?”
Justin. She didn’t want to talk about him. Or think about him. Doing either hurt too much.
“The two have nothing to do with each other,” she assured.
Cassie had the audacity to snort. “Yeah, right. You’ve sniffed this eucalyptus one time too many.”
“It’s not the same,” she defended, but even to her own ears her words sounded weak. Which didn’t make sense. She didn’t love Justin. “I do miss him,” she admitted.
Of course she missed him. She’d had a great time with him.
And not just the sex. It was more the way he made her laugh, made her see the world in vivid colors, made her feel young and silly—beautiful, even. He’d made her step outside her comfort zone.
Ha. That wasn’t what she missed. That was what had been their downfall. Him trying to push her beyond her comf
ort zone.
“Do you miss him with all your being? To the point that you’d do just about anything to hear him say your name? To see his smile? Hear his laughter? Feel his touch?” Cassie continued, her voice becoming more and more emotional as she did so. “’Cause that’s the way I miss Sam.”
Her roommate’s words dinged at her like pointed darts, hitting their target. Riley did miss Justin in all those ways.
“If Sam hasn’t called by tomorrow I’m calling him,” Cassie announced.
Riley felt sorry for her friend. “Oh, Cassie, are you sure?”
“Absolutely. He’s mine.”
Cassie’s certainty stunned Riley. “How do you know? I mean, you’re not together...”
“We’ve had a fight.” Cassie shrugged. “I don’t like it, but it’s what we do. Just like we make up. We do that really well, too.”
Riley shook her head. “Aren’t you afraid that someday you won’t make up? That eventually he’s going to walk away and not come back?”
Cassie gave her that look again. “Why would I be afraid of that?”
“Why wouldn’t you?”
“Because he loves me,” Cassie said, with so much confidence Riley couldn’t question the sentiment. “Just as I love him. A disagreement—a thousand disagreements—won’t ever change that. We’ll always make up.”
Riley stared. “I... I guess I understand that.”
“If you feel about Justin the way I think you do, then you do understand. When you love someone you can’t not make up because you can’t imagine life without them.”
Looking beyond her friend to her fairy tree, she saw the place where she’d rebuilt her life, established a home and found peace. Had she really made an oasis away from reality? Or a fort to hide within?
Nothing wrong with a home being an oasis or a place where one felt protected, she assured herself.
“You should call him,” Cassie suggested. “As in right now—pick up your phone and call him.”
Riley rolled her eyes. “What exactly is it you’d have me say if I did?”
“The truth. That you miss him and are sorry for whatever happened between the two of you.”
