Finding Us (The Music Within)

by Faith Gibson

“I don’t, that’s why I’m asking.”

  “You want a family, and I want to stay here, make music, and help out with Delilah,” Pauly snapped, finally turning to look at Sloane.

  Sloane was taken aback at Pauly’s tone. Yes, he wanted a family, but he wanted that with Pauly. He’d hoped his lover wanted the same thing, but apparently not.

  “I had hoped we could spend New Year’s together.”

  “And we can’t do that here?”

  “We can, but I really need to get away for a while,” Sloane admitted. He loved his music family, but they’d all been together every day for the last couple weeks. He wanted alone time with Pauly.

  “And I need to stay here.”

  Sloane hesitated before he said, “Then I guess I’ll hit the road.” Please say you’ll come with me. Please ask me not to go.

  Pauly shrugged, and that hurt as much or more than his lack of words. Defeated, Sloane went back to his – their – room to pack. He didn’t have a lot of clothes there. All their things from the road had been packed up and shipped back to their homes in LA. Sloane didn’t see himself staying in California alone, but he needed… Hell, he didn’t know what he needed. Maybe giving Pauly some space would give him time to figure out what his next steps were. Sloane needed to do the same, especially if he was going to have to go solo.

  By the time he had his duffel packed, Pauly was standing in the door, leaning against the frame. Sloane stopped in front of Pauly, hiking the strap of his bag onto his shoulder. “Sure you don’t want to come with me?” He reached out to touch Pauly’s face, cupping his chiseled jaw, praying it wouldn’t be long before Pauly figured out what he wanted. Figured out he wanted Sloane.

  “I’m sure.”

  “Pauly, I lo—”

  “No, don’t. We want different things right now, so just go. Be happy.”

  “Be happy? What the fuck, man? You’re acting like we’ll never see each other again. I just want to spend New Year’s away from Nashville.”

  “And I want to stay here, so see? Different things.”

  Sloane gripped the back of Pauly’s head, pulling him in for a kiss. There was no way he was leaving things as they were. Pauly stood stiffly, unwilling to open for him. Instead, he placed both hands on Sloane’s chest and pushed hard enough to break the connection.

  “Look, just take some time with your wife and kid. Figure your shit out.” Pauly turned and headed for the bathroom. Before he closed the door, he turned back and said, “You know where I’ll be.”

  “She hasn’t been my wife for a long fucking time, and you know it.” What the fuck was that all about? Pauly didn’t respond, so Sloane had no recourse but to do as his best friend said. He would hit the road, and hopefully with a little distance, Pauly would miss what they had together and reach out. If not? Sloane had no idea what he’d do if he lost Pauly completely. Pulling up the Uber app, Sloane called for a car to take him to the airport. With one last look around the hotel room where he and Pauly had christened almost every usable surface, he let himself out, leaving the keycard on the table.

  Pauly leaned his hands against the bathroom counter, his head bowed. When he heard the snick of the hotel door closing, he let out a deep sigh. It took everything in him not to run after Sloane, but he loved his best friend too much to stand in the way of his happiness. Being around Tag and Erik, seeing them being a family, must have taken hold in Sloane. Hearing Sloane admit as much to Tag had been a hard pill to swallow. If Sloane wanted to be a family with Tracy and Taryn, he wouldn’t stand in the way. The thing he didn’t understand was Sloane hadn’t mentioned his ex or daughter in a long time. Whenever Pauly had thought of having a family, he’d always considered it would be him and Sloane going forward.

  Pauly had already decided to reconnect with his own kids, or at least try. But he’d thought he and Sloane would do that together. Thought they’d write songs together and maybe play locally for a while. He had no interest in his house in Malibu. That was something he’d needed at the height of their career in 7’s Mistress. That, the fancy sports cars, the all-night parties. Pauly wanted a slower-paced life now that he could have it. Years spent traveling the world selling out the largest arenas was what every musician dreamed of. They had lived the dream. Now, though, Pauly had different dreams. Ones of him and Sloane settling down together. Yes, he wanted it in Nashville where he could be around the others.

  Mack and Gus were planning to open their own security company in Nashville since Mack and Bethany were together, and Gus went where Mack did. Just because the band had broken up didn’t mean they all had to scatter. Heart heavy, Pauly returned to the living room and picked up his guitar. The song Sloane caught him playing was supposed to be a surprise. Pauly didn’t usually write lyrics, just the melody, but words had been floating around his head as he strummed. Words of promise, love, and a future. Guess he could put that one on the back burner for the time being.

  With Sloane gone, the large hotel suite was oppressive. His plans to spend New Years alone with Sloane a fading dream. He wasn’t ready to go back to Tag’s, because he didn’t want to ruin the holiday spirit that was alive and well in their home. Hell, even Mack had found love with Bethany and her baby boy. Maybe Pauly should try to reconnect with his kids instead of building a new family with Sloane or butting into Tag’s life just so he could be around Delilah. He wasn’t trying to use the little princess to replace his own kids. Was he?

  Fuck.

  He went in search of his phone, stopping at the door to the bedroom where he’d spent the last few weeks with Sloane. The bed was rumpled, and the sheets were twisted as they usually were after a night wrapped around each other. Except when they were sleeping on the bus, the two of them had shared the same bed every night for many years, and knowing he wouldn’t have that now was enough to choke him. He swiped the tears off his cheeks, striding over to the side he slept on, and grabbed his phone off the nightstand where it was charging. Before he left the room, Pauly leaned over and picked up the pillow on the opposite side. Shoving his nose in the white cotton, he inhaled deeply. Instead of feeling better, Pauly’s heart stuttered when Sloane’s scent invaded his senses. Why the fuck had he let the best part of him walk out the door?

  Go after him.

  And do what? Tell him he can’t get back together with his ex? Can’t be a father to his daughter? That would be selfish. Pauly should worry about his own kids. Reach out and do more than sending cards on their birthdays and Christmas, and calling a few times a year. Dammit! He hadn’t sent a card to them this year. He’d been so caught up in everything Sloane and Delilah, he’d completely forgotten. It wasn’t like he was going to win father of the year anyway. Taking his phone back to the living room, he dropped down on the sofa and pulled up the number to his daughter, Juno, but then he remembered it was too early on the West Coast to call. Both kids still lived in California, so he needed to wait until later so he wouldn’t wake them.

  With nothing better to do, Pauly decided to shower and go back to Tag’s for a while. He knew he was intruding on their time, but the way he saw it, he could watch Delilah and give them time to do whatever they wanted as a couple. If they didn’t want him there, he’d figure out something else. After showering, he left the hotel, stopping to grab some donuts before heading to their home.

  While Sloane waited to board the plane, he decided to call his ex. “Now’s not a good time, Sloane,” Tracy answered.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Other than our house burning down last week? Nothing,” she huffed.

  “What the fuck, Tracy?” Sloane heard the gasp from the woman sitting next to him, but he couldn’t be bothered to care. Not with the bombshell his ex just dropped on him.

  “Don’t ‘what the fuck,’ me, Sloane. If you cared anything about Taryn at all, you would have already known this.”

  Sloane stood, grabbed his bag, and walked toward the bathrooms where he’d have more privacy. He had already caught several cameras sn
apping pictures of him. He didn’t need his private life videotaped and shared on social media. “Do not do that. You know I love my kid, and I just talked to her a couple weeks ago. The phone works both ways.”

  “Well, like I said, now’s not a good time,” Tracy’s voice wavered. She was tough as nails when she needed to be, but having their home burn down had to have been devastating.

  “Where are you?” Sloane leaned against the wall with his back to all the travelers passing by him to get to their respective gates.

  “We’re staying at Derik’s parents’ for now.”

  “Don’t they have a two-bedroom house?” Taryn had told him about visiting her new set of grandparents. With Tracy’s parents living on the East Coast and Sloane’s family not caring enough to act like grandparents, it made sense Taryn would latch onto Derik’s parents. His daughter wasn’t materialistic at all, but she had mentioned how small the house was.

  “Yes, but at least we aren’t living in a hotel.”

  “I wish you’d have called me. The beach house is empty. I’m actually headed there now to grab a few things, but it’s yours for as long as you need it.” Tracy was quiet, and Sloane looked at his phone to make sure he hadn’t lost her.

  The sound of a door closing came across the line, and then she was back. “Are you serious?”

  “Of course. I know you and I didn’t work out, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. Besides, Taryn’s my daughter. I’ll always provide for her financially even if I suck at the other stuff. The band broke up, so maybe I’ll work on the other stuff too, if she’ll let me.”

  “I’ll need to talk to Derik, but that would be wonderful if we could hang out at your place for a while.”

  “Do you want me to talk to him?” Sloane had no problem with Tracy’s new husband. From what Taryn told Sloane, Derik was good to her, and that’s all that mattered.

  “No, I’ll do it. If he agrees, when can we move in?”

  “As soon as you can get there. My flight is set to take off in thirty minutes. I’ll be there in about five hours.”

  “I’ll talk to Derik, and then I’ll call you back.”

  “Okay. I’ll be waiting.”

  Sloane disconnected and closed his eyes. He’d never felt more like shit than he did in that moment. His kid’s home had burned down and he hadn’t had a clue. He’d seen the fires on the news, but it never crossed his mind his family could have been affected. While he waited, Sloane put in a call to his sister and asked her to get the beach house ready. He already knew Tracy would take him up on his offer, because he knew how much she loved their daughter.

  Even though they were both from Tennessee, Sloane’s baby sister moved to California after high school looking for her big break in the movies. While Syd got some commercial work and bit parts in sitcoms, she never made it big. It never stopped her from taking the small rolls, and she’d made a name for herself as that actor whose face you recognized if not their name. While she wasn’t auditioning, Sloane paid her to take care of his house. Just as he hung up with Syd, Tracy called back accepting his offer. He couldn’t rebuild his kid’s home, but he could make her life a little bit better for the time being.

  Chapter Three

  “Good morning,” Erik said when he opened the door. Duke pushed past his owner and sat at Pauly’s feet, leaning against his leg. “Is everything okay?” Erik asked, looking behind Pauly.

  “Why wouldn’t it be?” Pauly didn’t really want to go into great detail of why he was on their doorstep so early.

  Erik stepped back, and Pauly entered the living room with Duke on his heels. When he closed the door, Erik said, “Several reasons. One, you walked out without Sloane yesterday. Two, you’re here without Sloane this morning. And three, Duke is keeping you close. If the first two weren’t indicators, he is letting me know you aren’t in the best of moods.”

  “Pauly?” Tag said as he came down the hall with Delilah in his arms. “What’s wrong?”

  Pauly huffed out a laugh. “I guess you aren’t going to believe I just wanted to see Delilah?”

  “No. Now, hand over the donuts. You take the princess, and I’ll start coffee.” Tag held the baby out to Pauly, and once he handed the box over to Erik, Pauly took Delilah and held her close, sniffing her neck. He loved the smell of baby lotion.

  “Okay, coffee will be ready in a few minutes. Until then, spill,” Tag urged as he returned from the kitchen, sitting next to Erik on the sofa.

  Pauly took the recliner and rocked Delilah while she grabbed at his long hair. “Sloane left.”

  “And you didn’t go with him?” Erik asked. The doctor had been around long enough to know the two were always together.

  “He wants his family back, and I won’t get in the way.”

  “I don’t understand why he would tell you that,” Tag said, sliding to the edge of the sofa, elbows on his knees.

  Pauly cleared his throat so he could choke out the words. “I overheard the two of you talking yesterday. He wants his family, and that isn’t me. He said he needed to get away, so I had to let him go.”

  “That’s not…” Tag shook his head, letting the comment die.

  “What is it you want?” Erik asked.

  “I thought he and I would continue making music together. I want to stay here in Nashville to be close to you all.”

  “And you’re sure he doesn’t want the same thing?” Tag asked.

  “He said he needed to get away, so yeah, pretty sure.” Even though he almost said he loved you? Pauly had no idea what to think.

  “For what it’s worth, the two of you have been close for fifteen years. If anyone knows Sloane, really knows him, it’s you. Don’t let miscommunication get in the way of what could be something good,” Tag said softly. He rose and headed to the kitchen. When he returned, he had coffee for all of them along with a plate of donuts. Pauly chose a glazed one, leaving the sprinkles and chocolate-covered for Tag and Erik. He’d become adept at eating one-handed with the baby in his lap, but he didn’t touch the coffee for fear of spilling the hot liquid on her.

  As he held Delilah close, he didn’t miss the looks Tag and Erik gave each other. Silent conversations only they understood. He had that with Sloane, and in that moment, he knew he would do anything to keep it, even if it meant bearing his soul to his best friend. If Sloane wanted a family, Pauly would be the one to give it to him. He just had to convince his lover they were meant to be together.

  “I need to go,” he said abruptly, standing while cradling Delilah to his chest. He kissed her on her chubby cheek. “Uncle Pauly is on a mission, Princess.”

  Tag and Erik grinned, and Erik reached out for the baby. “Go get your man.”

  Pauly hugged his friends. “I’m not sure when I’ll be back, so I’ll go ahead and wish you both a happy New Year.”

  “Call if you need us. For anything,” Tag said, clapping Pauly’s back when they hugged. Pauly nodded and let himself out of the house.

  Sliding into the driver’s seat of the rental, Pauly settled back, gripping the steering wheel tightly. He had no idea where Sloane was, but the first place Pauly was going to look was in LA. He didn’t bother going back to the hotel. It was paid for through the end of the year, so he opened his phone and booked the first flight to California he could get and then headed to the airport.

  His flight didn’t leave for a couple hours, and that gave Pauly too much time to think. He had nothing with him. No clothes, no guitar, and nothing to write on. Instead of sitting with the masses of travelers, he found a quiet spot in the smoking lounge. He’d given up cigarettes a long time ago, but the small room offered him a modicum of privacy. He opened an app on his phone and typed in some lyrics that had been floating around his head. Pauly already had the tune down, and now that the words were flowing, he knew it would be a love song of sorts for his man.

  Flying first class helped with fans leaving him alone during the flight, but he was stopped several times while walking
toward the exit. When the plane touched down, it was only three in the afternoon California time. Pauly didn’t bother with an Uber or calling for a car service, instead opting for one of the waiting taxis. While in route to his secluded home, Pauly sent Sloane a text asking where he was. If he wasn’t in Malibu, Pauly would turn around and travel to wherever Sloane was. Pauly was almost home by the time his phone pinged with a return message.

  Sloane: At the beach house

  Pauly considered telling the taxi driver to change directions, but he had nothing with him, and knowing Sloane was close by was good enough for a couple more hours. He needed to go home first to pack a bag and grab one of his guitars. Plus, that would give him time to work on the song he’d written. Even though it was for Sloane, Pauly had written it with harmonies in mind. He and his best friend sang well together. They did a lot of things well together, and he wasn’t ready to give that up.

  While Sloane waited on Pauly to send another text, he and Syd sat around the living room with Tracy, Taryn, and Derik. It took every bit of will power in him not to check his phone every fifteen seconds. Syd had outdone herself in decorating the whole downstairs on such short notice with a Christmas tree and all the trimmings. In all the years Sloane was with Pauly, Tag, and Cade, they’d never really exchanged gifts, other than a bottle of liquor here and there. They’d never shared the holiday like they had this year, and it made Sloane wish for more of the same in the future.

  Sloane wished he could have convinced Pauly to come to California with him, but it didn’t seem like they were on the same page at the moment. Instead of dwelling on what he couldn’t have, he focused on what he could give his daughter. Technically, Christmas was over, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t continue to celebrate. And if anyone needed a reason to take their mind off life for a while, it was Sloane’s ex and kid.

  Christmastime in Malibu was completely different than in Tennessee. When Sloane left Nashville, the weather had been cold and threatening snow. Now, he was wearing a short-sleeved Tee and was barefoot. The doors to the patio were open, and a nice breeze was blowing in off the ocean. Since Syd didn’t know what kind of food everyone liked, she’d bought stuff to grill both burgers and steaks. Things had been awkward at first, especially with Derik, but when the other man figured out Sloane wasn’t trying to win his family back, he chilled. Then, he thanked Sloane at least ten times for taking them in, and the two of them settled into some good conversations.