Twisted Wings

by Tina Saxon

  Twisted Wings

  Tina Saxon

  Twisted Wings

  Copyright © 2019 by Tina Saxon

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

  This book is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations, and incidents are a product of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, things, living or dead, locales or events is entirely coincidental.

  ISBN Digital: 978-0-9987762-8-6

  ISBN Print: 978-0-9987762-9-3

  Cover design by: Hang Le

  Editing and Proofreading by:

  My Brother’s Editor

  Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Epilogue

  Twisted Wings Playlist

  Note from the Author

  Books by Tina Saxon

  Prologue

  Max

  The chair creaks as I sit down. I stare at Addison, her eyes pinned on the lake. I hate that I disappointed her, but I don’t regret my decision.

  My heart hammers against my chest watching my best friend's wife as tears roll down her face caused by me. I knew she searched for her every day. The loss muted the shine in her eyes whenever I was around her. Her best friend had vanished without saying anything. I had hoped Sydney would come back on her own.

  But she didn’t, and it’s been a year.

  Addison finally looks over at me. Her swollen eyes, red with anger. “How long have you known?”

  Fifteen minutes ago she walked into my team’s command room and found a picture of Sydney posing next to the Hollywood sign on our board.

  I tense, opening and closing my hands, knowing the words I’m about to say might not be forgivable. “The whole time,” I mutter, turning my gaze down to my hands. She draws in a ragged breath.

  “You knew, Max...” She chokes on her tears and I clear the lump in my throat. “You knew what her leaving did to me.” The chair teeters as she pushes off it and walks to the edge of the water, wrapping her arms tight around her waist. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she whispers. I follow her, pulling in a deep sigh as I stand behind her.

  “She told me not to,” I say, folding my arms around her chest. She covers her eyes and cries. I’m at a loss at what to say to make this better. It wasn’t my place to fix their relationship. I selfishly watched Sydney from afar, but she was living her life. It was her choice to stay away. “She called me the day after the funeral, asking me if I could fly her to California. I tried to get answers. Told her not to go. But she said it was something she had to do.” And I would do anything for Sydney. I’ve yet to understand why though. Addison turns around in my arms.

  She takes a couple deep breaths and squares her shoulders. “It’s time,” she states. “It’s time to bring her home.”

  “I don’t know if she’ll come.”

  “I need you to try.”

  I close my eyes for a beat and nod. A year is enough time to squash my feelings, right?

  Sydney

  The nightmare burning holes in my heart awakens me. Shooting up in bed, I gasp for air as the suffocating feeling presses down on my heart with a heavy fist. The waterfall of tears soaks my face.

  Why am I dreaming about this now? After all this time?

  The ache subsides, and I’m able to calm my erratic breathing. The walls around me open back up and I take in a deep inhale, releasing it out slowly. Reaching over to my nightstand for my phone, I press the button to illuminate the time. The ache returns when the date jumps out at me.

  One year today.

  It’s like my body has declared war on the part of my brain that has suppressed all the memories. It’s a reminder that I can’t hide them forever. The feelings linger deep inside me, tearing my insides up to get out.

  My head sinks down into the pillow when I lay back on my side and I hold my phone close to my chest. The air is still and frigid. April in Los Angeles still requires heat at night, but I like the cold. A sliver of light peeps through the curtains from the full moon, lighting up Moxi’s striped tail. Staring at the wild devil cat lying on the other pillow, I wonder if she even cares that I just almost died from suffocation. She holds her head up, meets my stare and meows before laying back down. Did she just tell me I was exaggerating? That could be my subconscious talking. Either way, she couldn’t give a shit.

  Rolling onto my back, I stare up at the blank ceiling. I can’t believe it’s been a year since I lost everything. Everyone. The memories that constantly threaten to surface, start leaking out, except this time I don’t stop them.

  Damon and I were like night and day. Totally opposite, but the transition was easy. Everything about our relationship was easy. When he asked me to marry him, my answer came without hesitation. I loved him. But for the wrong reasons.

  Something was missing.

  I squeeze my eyes shut; the guilt spreading inside of me. Guilt is a heavy beast. It can bury you in a shallow grave with just enough air that you’re left to die a slow death if you let it. I let it.

  Had I been satisfied with what he was offering, which was the world, he wouldn’t have left upset before going out that night. But I was greedy. I wanted the universe. Instead, it buried me alive with the consequences of my doubts shadowing me. I deserved to be in hell. Everything was my fault.

  I was alone.

  I was lost.

  I was dead.

  That’s why I became someone new.

  Chapter One

  Sydney

  “Hey, sweet cheeks, I’m outta here,” Graham yells through the bathroom door. I finish twisting the towel around my head and stand up, the humidity from my hot shower encasing me.

  “Alright, love. See you later tonight.”

  I turn the music up loud enough to shake the walls. The upbeat thumping helps drown out the nervous energy. One would think over a year would make things easier. It hasn’t. Rather, it’s built a skyscraper out of my lies. Each day has built another floor, hiding me inside of it. People assume they know me.

  They don’t have a clue.

  I warm up my voice as I put my false eyelashes on. Nothing but the best for one of the most important nights of my life. Jude Stonewall is coming to the show and I can’t screw it up. Butterflies flutter in my stomach, knowing I’ll be on stage in front of one of the top music producers in Los Angeles. This is t
he moment I’ve dreamt of since I was a little girl.

  At what cost though?

  Rushing around my room from dresser to closet, letting the music move me, I grab everything I need to get dressed. I glance at the clock. Graham’s voice echoes in my mind, tonight is not the night to be running late.

  One last glimpse in the full-length mirror and I freeze. I’m still not used to seeing the woman staring back. She looks nothing like the woman from a year ago. She’s glamorous, sexy, a star. She’s my shield. I turn away. When I stare too long, I think about the old me and I don’t have time for that. My future hangs on tonight.

  I blow out a breath. It’s showtime, Sky.

  “Who’s the guy?”

  I yelp and jump at the deep masculine voice coming from the teal velvet chair in the corner of the living room. My eyes widen when they meet steel- blue eyes. Max Shaw. One of my dead fiancé’s best friends. I hold my hand over my heart. The beats so hard I’m having a tough time catching my breath. How did he get in? I glance at the front door to make sure I still have one. My lips pucker, annoyed that he finds that funny. He breaks into my home and then laughs at me for being alarmed. Jerk!

  “You’ve lost your touch in hiding your jealousy,” I sneer, but instantly regret my words when his laugh falls off his face, hitting a nerve.

  “Bitch doesn’t look good on you, Tink.” He pushes his massive frame off the chair and it’s not until then I see Moxi was in his lap. I glare at her. Traitor. Figures the cat who hates everyone, likes him. Max stalks toward me.

  I take a couple steps back and shrug, acting aloof. “I guess life has made me a little tougher.” My arms cross over my chest and I stand taller, which still doesn’t compare to the six-foot Hulk size man towering over me. The hard shell I’ve put up around my heart begs to shatter. Begs to be let loose to feel again. But I can’t. The only feelings that will pour out will kill me, and Max being here is already tapping on that fragile shell. His eyes move down my body and back up in a scrutinizing stare.

  “Who the hell are you trying to be?”

  Anger simmers under my skin. “Asshole doesn’t look good on you,” I say sarcastically. “Oh wait, you’ve always been an asshole.”

  “At least I’m not pretending to be something I’m not.” He pulls on my long blonde hair extensions like a five-year-old. “You’ve got more makeup on than a drag-queen.” Despite the accuracy, it stings coming from him. Why do I care?

  “Why are you here, Max? If you’re looking to make me feel bad, mission accomplished.” I storm out of the room. I hear his heavy sigh, and then loud footsteps follow.

  “Sydney, stop. I’m sorry.”

  I pinch my eyes closed and freeze. It’s the first time I’ve heard my real name in almost a year. The foreignness of it surprises me. I spin around, ready for a fight. His eyes soften as he continues to get closer.

  Tap, tap, tap.

  I fight the tears welling up in my eyes. Asshole Max was easier to deal with. “Max, go home,” I plead, my voice shakes.

  “No.” Warm, strong arms wrap around me and I relent, digging my face into his taut chest.

  Tap, tap, tap.

  “She misses you,” he murmurs into my hair.

  Crack.

  My heart explodes, raw feelings that I buried long ago, pour out. I grip his shirt to hold on as my sobs rip through me. I miss her too. She’s been my best friend since we were ten. I’m not surprised that he’s here because of her. When I left, my plans were never to make my home here or to stop talking to her. I just needed a break. There was so much that happened all at once; guilt, resentment, and jealousy were destroying me. But it was easier to hide than deal with it. The loss, the heartache, the pain. Everything. I became a shell of my old self, building a new one in its place that included a guarded heart.

  Max’s arms squeeze me tight. When his hand gets caught up in my hair, it reminds me I have somewhere to be. I push back, swallowing my feelings. “Goddamn it, Max, I can’t do this right now,” I hiccup through my tears and swipe them off my cheek. I groan, not wanting to redo my makeup. I’ve become a pro hampering down my feelings and I can’t let him being here pulling it out of me, destroy my night. He watches me stomp around, fixing myself. Or try. I murmur a few unpleasant words when I can’t fix my puffy eyes. It’ll work for now.

  “Are you kidding me?” I mutter to myself, looking down at my phone. There isn’t an Uber driver anywhere close. It’s freaking Los Angeles, they’re usually within a minute radius away. I can’t wait fifteen minutes. “This is all your fault.” Somehow Max being here has shifted my world already.

  Max holds his palms in the air. “I can do a lot of things. But making Uber drivers disappear isn’t in my bag of tricks.”

  I take in a long breath, letting it out slowly. Getting mad at Max won’t fix the problem. “Do you have a car?”

  He pulls keys out of his pocket, holds them in the air and shakes them. I snatch my purse off the counter and start for the front door. Sensing he’s not moving, I twist in place, trying not to explode.

  “Why aren’t you coming?” I whine, sinking my hands to my sides. “Max, tonight is an enormous opportunity for me. Please give me a ride.” My voice loses its steam. “We can have a heart to heart after the show, just not now. I need to go.”

  His eyes study me for a few moments. “Okay. But we’re talking later.”

  “Can’t wait,” I quip, rolling my eyes.

  Chapter Two

  Sydney

  It’s what they want.

  The list of songs in my hand isn’t different. They’re my normal songs, but they’re leaving a sour taste in my mouth. It’s Max. Being here is making me self-conscious. Demanding he leave was pointless. I’m delusional if I think he would listen to me. I’ve already spotted him speaking to security. Twice.

  “Earth to Sky.” I glance up at the sound of his irritated voice. Graham, with his snappy fingers, furrows his brows when our eyes meet. “What’s up, babe? You’ve been acting strange since you got here. Now you’re studying that list like it’s the first time you’ve ever seen it.”

  The list crumples against my leg when I drop my hand. I need to pull my shit together. Graham has been my only true friend this past year, held me together when my life was ripping apart at the seams and helped sew me back together. Even though the seam was jagged, it was attached. A year ago, I didn’t think I’d ever be able to trust someone enough to form a friendship. I couldn’t give anymore. The burn at the end was too painful. People throwing me away so easy sent me down a spiral vortex, ending at the bottom of a black hole. I used to wear my heart on the outside, now I guard it with my life.

  Graham weaseled his way in, using my voice. It terrified me I was letting him in because of my dependency on men until my therapist reminded me it was the intimacy I craved from men… and Graham definitely didn’t fill that craving. Determined to repay him, I’ll make sure tonight is great.

  “Nothing’s wrong, G. I’m just nervous about tonight.” His body relaxes, lips curl up when I give him a reassuring nod. It’s not a total lie. I close the gap between us and reach for his hand. “We got this. You just make sure Jude’s not preoccupied when I’m performing.”

  “That I can do,” he says, flashing a mischievous grin. I shake my head at him. He’s always had a secret crush on Jude.

  I point at him. “You better not do anything to run him out of here before I even start.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He feigns innocence as he wraps his arm through mine and walks up with me on the stage. “You have soundcheck in five.”

  “Behave,” I reply, giving him the side-eye.

  “Got it. Now, go shine like you were meant to.” He leans down and kisses me on the cheek.

  He hops off the stage and when I peek out at what I expect to be an empty bar, a set of steel-blue eyes freeze me in my spot. Their coldness sends a shiver up my back. Max stares at me, his jaw tics and it’s obvious he isn’t
happy about something. Shaking my head, I snap out of the trance he put me in and stomp down the stairs in his direction.

  “You can’t stay here if you keep staring at me like you want to kill me all night,” I snap, hitting him on the chest. I’m used to his broodiness. But this is different. He glances behind me and then back to me. Peering over my shoulder to catch who his attention went to, I only notice Graham going over tonight’s line-up. You have got to be kidding me. I don’t have time for this. I whip back around. “I’m not even goin’ there with you, Max. My life here isn’t any of your business.”

  Back in New York, I was used to his jealous glances. I saw them. Except it was his choice that we were nothing but a one-night stand. He made that crystal clear when Damon, his best friend, wanted to ask me out and got his approval. I’m not one to chase the disinterested. And Damon… was interested.

  His jaw relaxes and his eyes cast down. He plays with the label on his beer. “Sorry. I just…” He pauses and shakes whatever his thoughts are out of his head. “… I’m glad you’re doing something you love.” I swallow the sour taste. The melody that comes out of my mouth is anything but love, but it’s become a necessary evil to live. “If you want me to leave, I will.”