Forged by Sacrifice Kindle rev 100519

by Evans, LJ

  When we arrived, the Chinese Embassy’s ballroom was decorated to the hilt. All glitz and glamour. It was full of politicians and their spouses, circling the room waiting for the next carcass to fall. It was yet another thing I didn’t like about politics. I’d wanted to change all of that. To make D.C. events less about a deck of cards that got passed around with the biggest hand winning and more about what our country and our world really needed. I had wanted to put aside partisan politics and truly make a difference.

  But everything I’d seen this week with Dani and the senators had continued to bat at my idealistic thoughts on politics and change. For someone who prided himself on seeing things others couldn’t, I really had been naïve, and that reflected in my unusual quietness in a setting where I normally was all talk.

  As Georgie and I moved around the room, greeting people, it was Georgie that did the most talking. When I introduced her, she cut me off before I said her last name, and I quickly realized she didn’t want people to hear it, to know who her father was. And to anyone not familiar with her, it wouldn’t even have been noticeable. Instead, she appeared graceful, confident, and informed on my arm, easily keeping up with almost every topic that came up. She effortlessly turned the conversation with as much ease as Dani. I stood, watching with awe, the two undeniably brilliant women who had entered the room with me.

  At some point, the appetizers disappeared just as the cocktails got stronger, and people shifted to the dance floor. I watched as Russell pulled Dani gently away from a group they were talking to and wrapped her in his arms, moving across the dance floor in a waltz that was unexpected, like so many things tonight about him and Georgie and me.

  Georgie put her hand over mine. “Are you okay?”

  I looked down the inch or so into her eyes, her tall body in those sparkly stilettos almost matching my own height. “Do you want to dance?” I asked, deflecting.

  “I’m not sure I could do that,” she referred to Dani and Russell’s movements across the dance floor.

  “We don’t have to waltz.” I handed our glasses off to the waitstaff and then joined my fingers with hers, leading her onto the dance floor where I pulled her tight up against my body. I could feel her curves through her green satin dress, and my whole body burned at the thought of removing it. The dress. My tux. Just skin. Even more skin than had existed when we’d been in our swimsuits.

  “Do you waltz?” she asked.

  “I can, but I’m not as good at it as him,” I said, referring to my sister’s date.

  “They look good together.”

  “I’m not sure if I should shoot him in a dark alley or ask him to put a ring on her finger.”

  Georgie laughed, and it brought me back to her and away from whatever was going on between my sister and Russell. It brought me back from my week full of doubts, to the woman in my arms with eyes that I wanted to stare at for days.

  “I haven’t said it. I wasn’t sure I could without embarrassing myself earlier, but you look gorgeous. No. That isn’t the right word. Maybe there isn’t a right word. You look like the stars came down and kissed you with their sparkle. Shit. That’s really bad. You look―”

  Georgie put a finger on my lips and smiled. “Thank you.”

  “I don’t have Eli’s way with words.”

  “Good thing you’ll have speechwriters, then.”

  It was yet another reason for me to wonder if I’d done the right thing, leaving my Navy career behind to join the ranks of the political masses. It made me wonder if what I thought I wanted was what I really wanted. If maybe my heart was telling me something my brain hadn’t quite caught up to yet.

  “What is it?” Georgie asked.

  “What do you mean?” I asked as our bodies swayed together to a tune that was slow and sultry.

  “You keep disappearing into your head tonight. You’re usually all smiles and bravado. But tonight, you seem…pensive.”

  I shouldn’t have been surprised that she caught on to my mood, but it still caught me off guard.

  “You’re good at that,” I said.

  “What?”

  “Reading people. It’ll make you a really good lawyer.”

  She flushed. “Thank you. That means more than you trying—and failing—to compliment my looks.”

  “I’ve always thought I was good at reading people. Situations. It’s why I thought I’d be good at politics. That I’d be able to see past the bullsh―crud people were spouting.”

  “You don’t feel that way anymore?”

  “I’m not sure what I was expecting...” I trailed off, not only because I was unsure of what I was trying to say, but also because I was losing my way with her body brushing against mine.

  “It’s only been a few weeks. You have to give yourself time to adjust,” she said.

  As she spoke, she somehow moved closer in my arms, as if she was trying to soothe me. Her curves crushed tighter into my body, and I lost any train of thought except the wave of longing coursing over me. I brought the hand that I had on her waist up to caress her full lower lip that had lost most of its lipstick throughout the night. I wanted my lips to be the ones that made the color ebb away. I wanted my lips to give hers a new color. A deeper shade of red that came from kisses burned across them.

  She turned her head slightly and pressed her lips against my palm. And I was done. I needed to get out of the ballroom before I lost myself like a teenage wet dream on the dance floor. I needed to take her with me. I needed to make love to her…her family be damned…my future be damned.

  The song ended, and she pulled away from me, and I felt empty. Scattered. Like I needed an anchor to hold me down in the storm.

  “I’m going to use the restroom. I’ll be back.”

  I watched her move gracefully across the room, drawing eyes as she went. Tall and beautiful.

  I turned back to where I’d last seen Dani and Russell, wanting to leave, wanting to forget everything but Georgie and the desire that flitted between us.

  Dani was by herself at the edge of the dance floor, and I joined her.

  “You ready to go?” I asked, surprised at the normalcy of my voice. I’d expected to squeak like the teenage boy I felt like tonight. Naïve. Full of longing for things and people I shouldn’t want.

  “I’m spending the night at Russell’s,” Dani said.

  For a moment, I came back to my senses, my protectiveness rearing up once more.

  “What?” I growled, and she laughed.

  “We have some work to do in the morning.”

  “You don’t need to spend the night at his house to do work in the morning.”

  Dani kissed me on the cheek. “Thanks for being all big brotherly, but I’m the older sibling, and I can take care of myself.”

  “But it’s Russell.”

  She smiled. “I know. Russell is very good at certain things.”

  I put my hands to my ears. “No. No. No. Do not say that. Do not tell me anything further. I don’t want to know. It’ll make me see things in my head that I do not ever want to see about you or Russell.”

  She laughed again. “Goodnight, Mac. Have fun yourself.” She winked at me as Georgie made her way across the ballroom toward me. “Just don’t make her leave, because I kind of like having her around.”

  Then, she moved away to join Russell as he appeared from nowhere with two glasses in his hands. I didn’t want to think about it—Russell and her doing who knew what godawful things together. It made me want to puke up the champagne and appetizers.

  Instead, I turned my attention back to the elegant woman who was smiling at me.

  “Are we leaving?” she asked.

  “Yes. I guess Dani is going back to Russell’s.” The growl was still evident in my voice.

  Georgie laughed, tucking her arm into mine. “She knows what she’s doing.”

  “What? Has she told you something she hasn’t told me?”

  Georgie
shook her head. “I’m not going to tell you anything. She’s my friend. If she wants her brother to know, she’ll tell him.”

  I let it go because I didn’t want to think about Dani anymore. I texted the limo, and Georgie and I were quiet while we waited.

  When it arrived at the steps of the embassy, I followed her into the back seat, and as she went to scoot farther into the car, I pulled her gently back toward me, my hand on the green silk that covered her long legs, running across it with my palm.

  “This does look beautiful on you.”

  “Thank you.”

  My hand moved up her thigh, edging toward the place I wanted to have her crave me as much as I was craving her. I drifted over her core and was rewarded with her breath hitching, but I wasn’t ready to go there yet. Instead, I continued sliding up to her waist, pulling her tight against me.

  I’d been watching the movement of my hands, but once I had her where I wanted, I raised my eyes to hers and had my own breath stalling and restarting at what I saw there. Desire. Longing. It was like a mirror of my own emotions.

  I bent my head. “If I don’t kiss you, my body will slowly dissolve into nothingness.”

  “I don’t think you need a speechwriter, after all,” she said quietly.

  “What?”

  “When you speak from your heart, your words are beautiful.”

  And that was all it took. I broke. I took her lips with mine. It was just like both times we’d kissed before. All stormy seas and wells of passion bubbling over into feelings I’d never had for any other woman.

  This was not anything I could have survived easily. It was going to take months to rebuild myself if and when we were done. But I couldn’t duck under the bridge out of the wake of the storm any longer. I wanted to stand in the eye. I wanted it to take over. I wanted to succumb. I had to give in to the beauty and the depths of her. I had to hope there would be an us when the storm passed.

  Georgie

  DRESS

  “Our secret moments in a crowded room

  They've got no idea about me and you,

  There is an indentation in the shape of you

  Made your mark on me, a golden tattoo.”

  Performed by Taylor Swift

  Written by Swift / Antonoff

  Mac was kissing me as if there was nothing left in the world but us. As if the world had stopped. And it felt like it had. There was a deep pool of emotions between us now. It wasn’t just lust. It wasn’t just a kiss. It was life springing up anew. Passion and sin and hope all tangled together in a way that I knew wasn’t going to last but to which I couldn’t say no. I wanted this just like I’d wanted it each time he’d kissed me.

  I’d thought that, like Descartes, the more he kissed me, the less impact it would have on me. The more reality would fly in between the dreamlike senses. But these kisses weren’t less. They were more. Deeper. Those first kisses had brought our lives closer together, but this kiss was wrapping invisible strings around us. Strings that would be difficult to unbind. Strings that would find their way into my heart where I didn’t want them but where I knew they would tear a hole if and when he pulled away.

  It wasn’t until the limo stopped that Mac withdrew his lips from mine. He caressed the side of my face with a gentle hand and then twined our hands together as the driver opened our door. He stared at me for a minute. Trying to read me. Or maybe trying to read himself. The driver cleared his throat, and Mac turned away.

  I felt like I’d just lost something. Opportunity. Hope. I didn’t know what, but I followed as Mac helped me out of the vehicle. We were quiet on our way up to the apartment. There were things I wanted to say but didn’t know how to start.

  Mac opened the door, throwing keys and wallet and phone on the counter. I placed my evening bag there as well. When I did, he captured my hand with his and pulled me toward him. I collided against his chest. His wall of muscle.

  “I’m not sure I can stop kissing you yet,” he said quietly, his already deep voice going down several notches more and sending goosebumps across my flesh.

  I said, “Dani thinks we should just do it and get it out of our system.”

  He looked at me, eyes hooded for a second, as he took in my words, then his lips quirked at the corners as he tried not to smile. “What are we, sixteen?”

  I smiled weakly back at him. “I think she just meant that trying not to feel anything for each other is just enhancing the emotions. Like anticipation. Blowing it all out of proportion.”

  “Please don’t use that word,” he groaned.

  “Blowing?” I teased, and his eyes sparkled at my dare. He ran a finger down my cheek, to my neck, over my shoulders, and then down my back where the dress dipped, leaving the skin bare. My flesh—that had already been on alert—ached everywhere he touched.

  “Do you think she’s right?” he asked.

  My hand went from his chest, where I’d been balancing myself, to my hair that suddenly felt tight in the updo I’d swirled it into earlier as Dani had watched, amazed, until I’d reminded her that I’d been a hairdresser for more years than I’d been anything else.

  “Maybe…I don’t know,” I answered, pulling the pins loose and watching with pleasure when Mac’s eyes darkened as my hair spilled about my neck and breasts. His hand at the back of my waist tightened, and the other hand came up to tangle in my dark waves, wrapping them around his fingers and then pulling so that I was forced to inch my face toward his.

  “Maybe we should find out? Dani is rarely wrong.” He kissed my jawline, inching slowly down toward my neck, and I couldn’t help but tilt my face upward, granting him better access. His breath and kisses in the little curve where my jaw met my ear were heated, melting my nerves and my knees.

  “Rarely isn’t never,” I managed to say in a voice that wavered. I knew he’d heard the quivering, but he didn’t stop his kisses. His attack on my senses. He moved lower down my neck until he was placing kisses at the juncture of my neck and my shoulder—another tender spot—filling my body with desire by a touch and a caress.

  “What’s the worst that could happen?” he murmured.

  The worst would be that we would find out that we couldn’t live without each other. That those strings tying our bodies together would be hard to sever without cutting holes in our hearts.

  He licked my skin, and my knees completely buckled, and he caught me. “You taste like golden sunsets.”

  My heart skipped a beat.

  His hand found the zipper on my dress and tugged at it.

  “Tell me no, Georgie.”

  But I couldn’t. “I can’t. I bought it imagining you doing just this.”

  He groaned, and I swallowed the groan with my mouth on his.

  The zipper went down, his hand caressing as it went.

  Our mouths fitting together as if they’d always been together.

  Our bodies pushing closer.

  The zipper stopped, and I pulled away enough that I could drop my arms, allowing the dress to fall from my shoulders, cascading around my hips before slipping all the way to the floor. Mac’s eyes darkened at my braless breasts and the black lace underwear I’d worn.

  “Georgie,” he breathed out my name, saying it as if it was the word stunning or beautiful or gorgeous like he’d called me earlier.

  He pulled me back to him, hand to my breast, caressing. Then, his mouth took command of mine. Tongue and lips and teeth, teasing and pulling and twisting together. Hearts and pulses pounding.

  He lifted me up, and my legs encircled his waist. I was in my heels and my black underwear and nothing else. With him in too many clothes that rubbed along all my sensitive parts. He carried me down the hall. We’d gone halfway when a tearing sound stopped us, pulling our lips apart with wide eyes.

  He smiled at me. “Damn. Now I’m going to have to pay for this tux.”

  My hands flew to the back of the jacket and found where the arm and back seam h
ad split apart, and I couldn’t help the laugh that escaped me. “I guess this is the reason Russell buys his own tuxedos.”

  His smile faded. “I don’t want to talk about Russell.”

  He finished the journey to his room before setting me down. I tugged at the buttons on the tux, pushing the jacket away while he pulled at the tie, our movements, which had been slow and heady, picking up pace as we tried to remove his clothes while still kissing. His chest was bare before the rest of him, and I kissed it slowly, moving down his abdomen until he was groaning again.

  I undid the belt and the button on his pants, and he was tripping over them before he could remove his shoes. I sank down on the masculine, gray comforter that was on his bed. I pulled up one foot and removed the strap on my stilettos.

  He stopped me once I had the shoe off, grabbing my foot and pulling it to his mouth, kissing the side and the sole, sending shivers down my whole body. He then pulled the other foot up and slowly undid the strap himself, the fast pace edging back toward the languorous one we’d had in the limo.

  We were both in our underwear. His were tight, showing every part of him that wanted me, while mine were ready to slide from my body with desire. He put his hands down on either side of me on the mattress, leaning in to take my mouth in his. To take my breast in his hand.

  We moved our way back on the bed, Mac trailing kisses up my leg, placing a hot kiss over the thin fabric of my underwear, making me moan. He journeyed up my stomach to each breast, giving them each their fair share of attention before trailing kisses up my neck and finally to my lips. My hand caressed his back and journeyed over the defined lines of his abdomen and down until a guttural groan escaped him when my hand touched him, making me shiver again, longing enveloping me.

  “Mac,” I whispered, having to say something before I couldn’t.

  “Don’t,” he said, kissing my neck, and my chin, and the corner of my lips.

  “Don’t what?”

  “Don’t say anything. Don’t stop us. Just don’t.”

  “Just need to set the ground rules.” I gasped as his tongue returned to my breast, a hand journeying down and tugging at the fabric of my underwear.