Forged by Sacrifice Kindle rev 100519

by Evans, LJ

  That hit too close to home, and he knew it. Maybe it was why he’d said it, but he looked like he regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth. He looked away and then back. He hit me on the shoulder. “We just saw how quickly things can change. Don’t let her get away that easy if you really love her.”

  Then he walked toward Tristan’s darkened house.

  My mind was whirling around his words when I got in the car, and my phone dinged: Eli.

  CAPTAIN: On your way yet?

  ME: Not till oh five hundred.

  CAPTAIN: Ava is nervous because you aren’t here yet.

  ME: First of all, it’ll only be Thursday tomorrow, and the wedding isn’t until Saturday. Second of all, come hell or high water, I’ll be there. I wouldn’t be late for my best friend’s wedding.

  CAPTAIN: So, I get to tell Truck that I win? I’m the best friend?

  ME: Don’t be an asswipe. You know Truck wins in both our books. He’s the better man.

  CAPTAIN: True story.

  My hand drifted over the text button. I wanted to ask if Georgie was there yet. I wanted to know if she looked as gorgeous as she did in my dreams, the ache to see her swelling into a full-blown heart attack. My dad was right. Nash was right. Life was over too fast to waste the moments we had. I’d never known that love could feel like this. So goddamn satisfying and so goddamn painful.

  I wanted to know if she’d listened when I, and then my sister, had told her that her family wasn’t anything to get worked up over, but I was also afraid to know the answer. To know if she was stilling running.

  When I’d gotten down to SOCOM, my first order of business was to destroy the fuckers who’d approved the op that had killed Darren and his squad members. My anger and guilt had eased only slightly, knowing that their careers would be over. It wasn’t enough for the three lives they’d cost, but if I held out for more, I’d have to drag myself down with them, and so I settled for seeing them discharged. I settled for the Senate committee disintegrating the little group of diplomats who’d been pushing it. I settled, promising myself to never let it happen again. To save lives instead of cost them.

  After I’d filtered through the mission details and drunk myself into a stupor with Nash, I’d returned to SOCOM and quietly probed at Petya Leskov’s file, hoping I wouldn’t raise any red flags in doing it. I just needed to know what I was getting into, and even though I knew, with all of my heart, that Georgie wasn’t tied up in the business; I needed to see what others thought. Fucking Descartes weighing on me just like he weighed on her. Proof.

  What I could find out wasn’t much, but it seemed everyone believed Petya Leskov was a gun dealer. They just hadn’t been able to confirm it. Drugs were definitely not his thing. There were pictures of his home from above, a mansion that used to belong to Russian royalty, and there were pictures of his private security team that rivaled a Special Forces unit. From what people could tell, he seemed to love his wife, his children, and his stepdaughter. CIA and NSA had run several intelligence ops to gather more details but had come up short every time. Georgie, herself, had been a repeated dead end.

  So, I was left with what I knew to be true: Malik was in rehab somewhere, Raisa was ensconced in her scientific studies at Stanford, and Georgie had continued her pursuit of her law degree without being hounded by any other U.S. agency. Dani and I had had many conversations about what had happened, and it was likely that Georgie would always have a target on her back. That any and all of the agencies would circle back around to her, trying to gather intel on Petya from her angle as long as he continued in his business.

  This pissed me off. It made me want to protect her. It also made me realize that if I tied myself to her, in any kind of relationship, I would be subject to the same targeting. No matter how “clean” I lived my life, I’d be scrutinized, and people high up the food chain would always wonder. If her real father was released from prison early, she’d probably be watched for a long time because of that as well.

  Knowing all of that hadn’t changed the most important thing of all. I loved her.

  Now that I had decided that I wouldn’t be running for office, I wasn’t sure being followed or bugged was going to matter all that much. If my superiors called me out on it every so often, so be it. It may have been losing Darren that had pushed me into the realization, but it would have come to me anyway. I could never have run for office. I wanted to live my life with honesty―with valor. And that wasn’t going to happen in today’s political world.

  Georgie had moved out of the apartment for the same reason she’d taken the drugs from Raisa. To protect the people she loved. To protect a dream that I no longer wanted. I just wanted the chance to convince her that I hadn’t given it all up for her, because she wouldn’t like that any more than her being the reason for my dreams not coming to fruition.

  But now, it was time that someone did the same thing for her. It was time for someone to protect her and her dreams. I wanted that someone to be me. Someone who would hear through the scuttlebutt when they were making a move on her or her family. Someone who would stand by her if it all came apart.

  I hadn’t been there for Darren. But I’d be damned if I’d leave her without a fight.

  I didn’t know how I could convince her of any of that yet. I didn’t know how to prove that I wasn’t giving up anything but, instead, was gaining a future I hadn’t even known was mine. A future with her at my side.

  ♫ ♫ ♫

  On the flight to Corpus Christi, I was restless. Up and out of my seat so much the stewardess started to comment on it. She also eyed me up and down like a steak she wanted to sauté and eat, but I wasn’t interested. I understood a little better how Eli could be oblivious to the females hitting on him at the bar on a regular basis. None of them really registered when you loved someone enough.

  An old Paul Newman quote about his marriage registered in my brain. He’d said, “I have steak at home. Why should I go out for hamburger?” That was how I felt. I wanted my steak. I wanted Georgie. I didn’t want anything else.

  We’d face the challenges of my Navy career, her law career, and her family as they came. Hell, I had Thomas the Weasel in my family, and I was sure he was going to get arrested for some kind of marijuana charge at some point, hemp being the new answer to every environmental problem that Thomas could think up.

  When I got off the plane, I had a text from Dani.

  BRAT: Did you tell her about one-eyed Whittaker?

  I didn’t have to ask who “her” was. Dani was flying in for the wedding tomorrow, and I knew my sister would be on my team. Maybe between the two of us, we could get Georgie to see the light.

  ME: Why the hell would I have told her about him?

  BRAT: He fought for the Confederacy. He wanted to keep slavery. We have our own skeletons.

  ME: I don’t think she’s going to care about a relative who lived almost two centuries ago.

  BRAT: Did you tell her about the time you got caught streaking?

  ME: I’ve never been caught streaking.

  BRAT: Oh. Right. That was Bee.

  ME: WHAT?! Bee was caught streaking?

  BRAT: Oops. I don’t think I was supposed to tell you that.

  ME: ** laughing, falling off chair GIF**

  ME: I can’t wait to give her shit about that.

  BRAT: You’d rat me out?

  ME: Sister dear, you rat me out all the time.

  BRAT: But I’m trying to help you win the love of your life back.

  ME: True story. I apologize. Your secret is safe with me.

  I hadn’t checked my bag, and after grabbing my duffel from the overhead compartment, I almost sprinted off the plane, out the gate, and out of the terminal. I had more energy than I’d had in several weeks, the weight on my shoulders lifting slightly. Hope filling me for the first time in days. I texted Eli as I went, letting him know I was there.

  He pulled up with Truck in
the passenger seat. I flung my bag into the bed and crammed my large frame into the backseat. I punched each of them in the shoulder and kissed Truck on the side of his head.

  “Gah, get off me,” he said, wiping at his face with a smile.

  “Is she here?” I asked as Eli took off.

  “Hello. Nice to see you, too.” Eli snorted.

  “Hello, my douchebag friends. Is Georgie here?”

  Truck smirked at me. “She arrived this morning, but the women aren’t at the house. They’re staying at the Lighthouse Hotel.”

  “Fuck,” I said, falling back and strapping on my seat belt, which I’d almost forgotten in my desire to learn more about Georgie.

  “Dude, you have it bad,” Truck said, grinning.

  I flicked the back of his head, and he flipped me off. I loved these two men almost as much as I loved my sisters. I thanked God that neither of them had been on the squad I’d lost. The Coast Guard had its own elite team, but Truck hadn’t ever shown interest in it, and Eli was now out of the military all together.

  “How was SOCOM?” Eli asked almost as if he’d read my mind.

  “Shitstorm. But I’m going back to D.C. now. I have to testify in front of Congress next month.”

  For a moment, we were all quiet, the loss of military men settling down between us. Respect. Sorrow. Eli was the first to break the silence.

  “Truck’s going to work at the academy in New London.”

  “No way!” I said, truly happy for him. “They’re going to let you train future Coasties? Whose ass did you kiss for that job?”

  “I can tell you’re back in the Navy. All the swearing.” Eli chuckled.

  It was true. Being around SOCOM had made it even worse. The Special Forces teams swore so much it was like they’d challenged themselves to find a way to say whole sentences without anything but swear words.

  “Did Georgie say anything about me?” I asked.

  “I win,” Eli said, and Truck groaned.

  “What the hell?” I glared at them both.

  “I bet you’d say her name at least two times within the first five minutes.” Eli’s grin was contagious. I needed this. After the heartache and the gloom that had settled over SOCOM since the incident, it was good to be surrounded by smiles and harassment.

  I’d told them both snippets of the Georgie debacle over the last month as they’d tried to keep me from derailing after the screw-up that had caused Darren to lose his life. To cause Tristan to lose her husband, and Hannah to lose her dad. My smile disappeared.

  “Will it help if I tell you I think she’s purposely not saying your name?” Eli asked.

  “Yes. Yes. It would,” I told him back.

  “I have a new bet,” Truck said.

  “Oh yeah, what?” Eli asked.

  “I bet the douchebag won’t make it through the wedding without kissing her.”

  “You think he’ll make it all the way to the wedding without kissing her? You really have never been in love, Travis,” Eli teased.

  “First, I’m not sure I want you two betting on the outcome of my love life, and two, what’s with the Travis?” I asked.

  “Travis here thinks it’s way more ‘professional’ for him to be known by his real name in New London,” Eli informed me.

  “Shit, man, Truck is a fucking kid nickname,” Truck griped.

  I understood what he meant. It was why I’d gotten rid of Robbie and balked at being stuck in a bro-ship name with him when I’d seen Georgie this summer, but I wasn’t going to let him know any of that.

  “Doesn’t matter what you go by, the cadets will just come up with their own nickname for you,” I said.

  Eli smirked. “This is very true.”

  Truck glowered, and I smiled, but as we got closer to Rockport, my brain slid back to Georgie. I wanted to make Eli drive straight to the Lighthouse Hotel, storm the ladies’ bachelorette gathering, and demand that Georgie see me. Because no matter the glass wall she’d surrounded herself with, no matter her family or my career choices, I knew I could convince her we belonged together. I knew that if I could just touch her, she’d feel the truth in her soul, just like I did.

  Georgie

  LIKE I’M GONNA LOSE YOU

  “So, I'll kiss you longer baby

  Any chance that I get

  I'll make the most of the minutes

  And love with no regrets.”

  Performed by Meghan Trainor & John Legend

  Written by Smith / Weaver / Trainor

  I’d flown to Texas with flutters in my stomach. Flutters at thoughts of seeing Mac. Flutters at thoughts of telling him that the only thing I was afraid of anymore was losing him, and that I hoped I hadn’t.

  When I got to the beach house early Thursday morning, Mac wasn’t there. Ava told me he wasn’t getting there until later that day, and I could tell she was nervous about it. Nervous about part of her wedding party not being there. Or maybe nervous for Eli not having one of his “brothers” there.

  I didn’t have time to dwell on it, though, as we removed ourselves to the hotel downtown, and Jenna and I went into party-planning mode. We held the bachelorette party that night at the bar, and I almost expected the men to show up. Almost hoped the men would show up, but Ava said she’d threatened Eli with a month without sex if he dared. She’d sent him a list of perfectly acceptable bars in Corpus Christi, but he’d insisted they’d just get drunk at the house.

  On Friday, after Jenna and I drowned our hangovers with greasy food that Ava refused to eat, we set to decorating the suite at the hotel for her bridal shower. We were joined by Eli’s mom and their family friend, Leena. Jenna’s mom was there, and Lacey from the bar. Even Dani showed up, and she hugged me while purposefully dropping Mac’s name a half a dozen times to the others in the room. It was a small shower, but it was the women who Ava loved most in the world.

  Ava had a cute little baby bump that was hardly noticeable if you didn’t know she was pregnant. I was sitting next to her as she unwrapped gifts, and she suddenly grabbed my hand and set it on her stomach where I felt the baby’s tiny movements against my palm. I gasped and then smiled, but then I wondered what my baby would look like if Mac were the father. What if…

  I got to see one of my closest friends turn to tears as her mother-in-law gave her a ring to wear on her right hand that had once been her ring when she married Eli’s father. And I wondered what Mac’s mom would say to me if we were getting married. What if…

  On Saturday, I got to help Ava into her wedding dress, knowing she was anxious to see Eli again after two days apart. That she was dying to see his expression when she walked barefoot down the sand outside their house in a white dress that was elegant and graceful but all spunky Ava in the flips and curves. And I wondered what Mac’s expression would be if I was walking down the aisle toward him in a white dress. What if…

  But nothing mattered once I showed up with Ava in the limo at their house and saw Mac waiting there for us in another tux. He opened the limo door and helped Ava out, and then Jenna, and then I was touching him, and my body rejoiced. Happiness filled me as I looked up into his blue eyes and saw a curious mix of emotions in his, which had me hoping there could be more to us than a story of a man and a woman who’d met but had let the world tear them apart.

  I hoped there would be no more what-ifs.

  I hoped there would only be a reality that was a dream.

  “Georgie,” he breathed out in that deep voice of his that still sent waves down my spine, even more so because of the absence of it over the last few weeks.

  “Mac-Macauley.” I smiled, and I saw the emotions in his eyes change to hope, and my heart leaped.

  The wedding planner came bustling up and shooed us down to the beach. But Mac hadn’t let go of my hand as he led the way. We halted at the dunes. We could hear the music playing and the chatter of the people who were sitting in the chairs. It was a small wedding. Eli’s tiny
family and Ava’s almost nonexistent one. Andy, who was more like a dad to Ava than her real dad, showed up in time to walk Ava down the aisle. Truck held out his arm for Jenna, and Mac twisted the hand he still held so it was laying on his arm.

  Mac and I were the first to walk down the aisle.

  “You’re breathtaking,” he said quietly, and I smiled up at him, unable to stop. Unsure if the smile would ever disappear from my face throughout the day. So many good things to celebrate. Hoping beyond hope that this all meant that Mac and I would be one of them.

  “You clean up pretty nice yourself, Mac-Macauley.”

  We parted ways at the end of the red carpet, Mac going to stand behind his friend, and me going to the spot marked on the sand by the seashells the wedding planner had used instead of flowers. I looked at Eli, whose eyes were glued to the aisle. He didn’t look nervous at all. He just looked joyful, and when he saw Ava on Andy’s arm, his whole face broke into a euphoric smile. It made him more handsome than when he was serious, but when I looked behind him to Truck and then Mac, my entire body was caught up in a blue gaze that had locked onto me. The entire wedding disappeared until it was just Mac and me on the beach where we’d first started to get to know each other.

  While Eli and Ava exchanged their vows and their rings with words that stole my breath at their sweetness, I was still watching Mac, and he was still watching me, his large, beautiful smile drowning me. He was gorgeous. A gazillion points of gorgeousness.

  During the wedding pictures, we had moments when we almost got to touch and speak but not quite. It was tantalizing, the anticipation hanging in the air between us. We journeyed back to town to a reception at the bar with Truck, Jenna, her husband Colby, Andy, and Lacey. The bar was closed for our private party. The first time the bar had been closed on a Saturday evening ever.

  Once we got to the bar, Brady cornered me for a while, catching up on his tour and the behind-the-scenes gossip from Fighting for the Stars. Dani appeared next to me, and I hugged her while she listened on as Brady talked. I watched Mac over Brady’s head, half hearing what Brady was saying. Mac watched me, his smile from earlier starting to glower the longer I spent at Brady’s side. I winked at Mac, and I swear his whole face tore at the grin that took over it.