Alice Asks the Big Questions

by Laurent Gounelle

  And besides, wasn’t that the crucial message she had to get across to him? How could he ever draw people to his church to bring them the words meant to enlighten them when he himself was so gloomy? But how could she tell him that without destroying him? How could she coax him into working on himself, developing his own self-confidence, learning to like himself, without offending him?

  “Have you ever heard of Toby Collins?”

  “No.”

  “He gives seminars on personal development. It’s fantastic. I’d love to take you to one.”

  Not surprising he doesn’t know who he is, Alice thought. Why be interested in personal development if you believe your salvation is solely in the hands of God?

  “You look lost in thought,” she said.

  He forced himself to smile. “If I take your advice, I’m wondering if I’m going to lose my soul, just to attract more people into my church.”

  She kept looking at him but didn’t reply. He did seem preoccupied, in fact—a little disoriented, like someone who had lost their point of reference. He was staring at the ruins of the abbey. For a few moments, she felt guilty, reproaching herself for interfering in his mission the way she was when he hadn’t asked her to do anything. Then, as she remained attentive to his reactions, she felt that he was gradually gaining in confidence.

  “What are you thinking about?” she asked.

  “The teachings of Meister Eckhart.”

  “Who’s that?”

  “A great Christian mystic of the thirteenth century. A professor at the Sorbonne.”

  “And what did he say?”

  Jeremy slowly took a deep breath. “That perhaps you must first abandon God in order to find him again.”

  6

  A jam-packed hall, at least eight hundred people. Powerful projectors bathing the stage in an intensely bright light. Very loud, rousing music, as usual. Sitting among the participants, Alice felt elated.

  Toby Collins’s entrance onto the stage was met with a flood of applause and enthusiastic roars. This blond giant of a man—he was at least six feet five inches—wearing a stylish suit and no tie, walked with his usual mixture of assurance and ease, his smile revealing unbelievably white teeth. Alice watched him with indulgence, without applauding, as if the friendship she had developed with him freed her from this ritual of acknowledgment, which she left to the anonymous crowd. A quarter of an hour earlier, she had taken Jeremy into the green room, where she had been proud to introduce him to Toby, proud to be friends with the famous Toby Collins, the high priest of personal development.

  Toby waved to the audience, then began by telling an anecdote that made them laugh. He expressed himself in near perfect French. The theme of the day was self-esteem, a subject that particularly interested Alice. She glanced anxiously over at Jeremy, sitting beside her. It was only now that she understood the enormous difference between the intimate contemplation of his Masses and this great American-style show she had taken him to. She suddenly feared that he might feel completely out of place. For the moment, he was showing no reaction. At least he didn’t seem hostile. Not yet, anyway.

  “I need a volunteer,” said Collins, “to play a game…” He paused.

  At least a hundred hands in the audience immediately went up.

  “Of mental arithmetic.”

  All the hands went down at once, which made everyone in the audience burst out laughing.

  “I thought France was the world champion in math! Where are the champions?”

  The audience was split between those who were laughing and those who were looking at their feet, afraid of being picked. Collins smiled as he walked across the stage, then spoke to a young woman sitting in the first row.

  “I’m sure you’re good at math.”

  She vigorously shook her head no, and everyone laughed.

  “Come on! Let’s encourage her,” he said to the audience, who applauded, relieved.

  She stood and came up onto the stage, blushing. A brunette with shoulder-length hair, she wore gray jeans and a blue shirt.

  “Hello,” he said with a big grin. “What’s your name?”

  “Juliette.”

  “Welcome, Juliette.”

  She gave him a timid smile back.

  “I’m going to ask you a few fairly simple questions of mental arithmetic. Relax. You can take all the time you want to answer. All right?”

  She agreed.

  “But I’m awful at math, I’m warning you.”

  “That’s okay,” he said in a kind voice. “We’re not grading you—it’s just a game, and it’s just between us. And besides, there are seven hundred ninety-nine people in this room who now feel enormously grateful to you for coming onstage instead of them.”

  She laughed, and you could sense she was relaxing a little.

  “So, to begin with, how much is twenty-four plus thirteen?”

  “Twenty-four plus thirteen? Uh…twenty-four plus thirteen?”

  “Take your time.”

  “Well…thirty-eight? No…thirty-nine?”

  “You’re not far off. Remember, first you add the ones column, four plus three, which makes…”

  “Seven.”

  “Bravo. And then the tens, two plus one…”

  “Okay, three. So thirty-seven.”

  “Now another one.”

  “Oh no!” she pleaded.

  But he continued, still giving her his most ravishing smile. “Seventeen plus nineteen.”

  “Oh no. That’s even harder.”

  As red as a beet, she bit her lips.

  “Concentrate, calmly.”

  “I don’t know…thirty-four? No, I can’t do it. I told you I’m no good at math. There’s no point.”

  “Okay. I’ll stop torturing you.”

  The young woman turned around to leave the stage.

  “Juliette, wait.”

  She stopped in her tracks.

  “You don’t want to end on a failure, do you?”

  “With this, frankly, I do! I’d rather leave it there.”

  Everyone in the audience laughed. Alice as well, even though she felt sorry for her.

  “Failures are okay in life, if you learn something from them. Now, what have you learned?”

  “That I’m awful at math! That I’ll never be nominated for the Fields Medal.”

  Laughter from the audience again, but Collins shook his head.

  “No, you didn’t learn that here, because you said it from the start. Sorry, but you can’t leave unless you learn something.”

  She sighed and crossed her arms. She no longer seemed ashamed, just frustrated. Collins waited patiently, looking as relaxed as ever.

  “I’ve learned,” she said, “that I should never take part in this kind of demonstration!”

  Collins gave her a kind smile. “Would you agree to start over again under hypnosis, just a light trance?”

  At first, Juliette seemed surprised. She hesitated for a few seconds, then nodded in agreement. “I can’t appear more ridiculous than I already have.”

  “Failure never makes anyone ridiculous. But I’d like to try something.”

  “Okay.”

  “So come and sit down,” he said, pointing to one of the two armchairs on the stage.

  He sat down next to her.

  “How do you feel?”

  “I’ve had better days.”

  Some laughter from the audience.

  “Make yourself comfortable and relax. You are not obliged to close your eyes, but perhaps you would like to. You are sitting in an armchair and you’re relaxed…”

  Toby Collins’s voice, normally so assertive, gradually became lower, slower and slower, gradually softer, until Alice felt like yawning. Juliette closed her eyes.

  “You can feel every part of your body touching the armchair…from the top to the bottom…You can hear my voice…Let yourself go…calmly…quietly…You feel more and more deeply relaxed…relaxed…”

  He pronounced each syl
lable as if he were going to fall asleep before finishing the word, in a deep voice whose echoes could be felt deep within, as if they resonated to the rhythm of one’s own breathing.

  “That’s good…yes…like that…”

  His encouragement visibly helped Juliette let herself go, and Toby continued to lead her into a light trance, formulating statements that were sufficiently vague to correspond to her inner being, whatever that might be, and progressively breaking down her defenses. He perfectly mastered all the techniques of the practice. Even though she was just an observer, Alice could feel herself slipping into another state of consciousness.

  “And while you feel more and more deeply relaxed, tell me, how much is twenty-six plus twelve. Take your time, calmly…”

  Juliette remained silent for a few moments, and everyone could tell she felt serene, relaxed.

  “Thirty-eight.” Her voice was clear and calm.

  “That’s very good, Juliette,” said Toby in a slow, deep voice. “That’s very good. Now tell me how much is thirty-nine plus thirteen?”

  A brief silence. “Fifty-two.”

  “That’s good, Juliette, very good. And fifty-three plus eighteen?”

  A longer silence, but Juliette’s face revealed no negative emotion, no apprehension.

  “Seventy-one.”

  “Bravo, Juliette. Now, take your time, and whenever you’re ready, you can come out of the trance.”

  A few seconds later, Juliette opened her eyes and smiled. The audience applauded.

  “Hypnosis is not magic,” said Collins. “It’s just a modified state of consciousness. A state in which you feel liberated from the constraints of your mental awareness, freed from your doubts and fears, so much so that you have full access to your abilities. And I do mean your abilities: your answers to my questions came from you, all from you. Before, you underestimated your abilities, and that lack of self-esteem prevented you from using them.”

  Juliette agreed.

  Toby thanked her for her participation, and she returned to her seat as the audience applauded once more.

  He stood up and spoke to the room again. “A lack of self-esteem prevents us from having access to our abilities. When I say abilities, I mean all our intellectual, interpersonal, and physical abilities, all our skills, all the strength we have somewhere within us but that we don’t always use. You will be surprised to see that you have many more abilities within you than you think.”

  He paused for a moment before continuing, as if to allow the information to sink in. A profound silence filled the room, while everyone in the audience realized the waste brought about every day by their own harsh judgment of themselves.

  Alice recognized herself in that self-critical attitude and was angry with herself for restricting her talents that way, for cutting herself off from her abilities. Then suddenly she realized she was catching herself in the act!

  “The good news,” said Collins, “because there is good news in this business, is that inversely, knowledge of our skills develops self-esteem, which in turn allows us to have better access to our abilities, so we can succeed in being prouder of ourselves, et cetera, et cetera. It’s a virtuous circle! The real question…”

  He paused again, no doubt to get their full attention.

  “The real question is: how to unleash this virtuous circle starting from our current situation. How can we get the ball rolling?”

  Alice glanced over at Jeremy. He seemed interested, which reassured her.

  “Well, now, the technique that I am proposing is based on a surprising characteristic of our nervous system, which cannot distinguish between the real and the virtual.”

  Collins looked around the entire audience.

  “You don’t believe me? Very well. Close your eyes. Go on, everyone close your eyes. Good. Now open your mouth. Imagine that I’m touching a lemon to your lips…and that I suddenly squeeze it so the juice slips onto your tongue!”

  Alice immediately felt the saliva rush into her mouth.

  “Your body reacted as if it were true, didn’t it? You knew very well that there was no lemon. But you played the game. You imagined the lemon, you behaved as if you were actually tasting the acidic juice in your mouth. And your nervous system reacted accordingly. The virtual has the same influence on us as the real.”

  Alice started thinking about all the young people who spent their evenings virtually killing thousands of people in their video games. What impact could that be having on them, on their developing personalities?

  “The technique I’m proposing to get the ball rolling for self-confidence is based on this characteristic of our nervous systems. Here’s the idea: Rather than struggle to convince yourself that you do have the ability to succeed, behave as if you had those skills. Have a kind of daydream, imagine that you know what to do, and visualize yourself doing it. You will be surprised by what happens.”

  Toby stopped to look at someone sitting in one of the front rows.

  “You look doubtful.”

  The reply couldn’t be heard clearly, but Toby repeated it for the room.

  “You’re wondering how this method can give you skills that you don’t have. Okay. Well, the idea is not to give you new abilities but rather to allow you to use all the ones you are not using, even though you have them, because of a lack of self-confidence. Self-esteem and confidence allow you to unleash all your abilities and skills to their utmost. But I’m talking too much: the best thing would be to have you test it. Get comfortable.”

  He returned to his armchair and sat down as well.

  “This is a game that each of you will play by yourself, so everything will be confidential. I’m going to ask you to think about your professional situation, your plans if you have any, and I’d like you to jot down on a piece of paper the salary you hope to receive in three years: the highest amount of income you feel capable of achieving three years from now, as well as how you will go about achieving it. I’ll let you think for a moment.”

  He looked at his watch and fell silent.

  Alice and Jeremy looked at each other, and she smiled at him. The exercise was hardly appropriate for his situation, and once again, she felt a little embarrassed.

  All the same, Alice decided to do the exercise for herself. She took a deep breath. The maximum salary in three years…Not easy to estimate. She considered her current earnings. Okay, what if she got the Qatar International contract? She’d have either a big bonus or a raise. Assuming it would be a raise—she hadn’t had one in two years—they couldn’t refuse her a 5 to 10 percent increase, given the size of the contract. Let’s say 10 percent. And that would be for the first year. For the next two years? Come on, in the best-case scenario she might win a similar contract every year and be compensated each time with a 5 to 10 percent raise. That would make for a salary that was roughly 30 percent higher than her current one. That would really be the best case, if she was very ambitious.

  She jotted it down on her paper and glanced over Jeremy’s shoulder. On his notepad, he had written down how much he hoped to raise for charitable works in three years. She found it interesting that he felt he had a role to play in that area.

  “Is everyone ready?” Toby Collins asked, standing up.

  He took a few steps toward the audience.

  “You’ve all written down the maximum salary you feel capable of achieving three years from now?”

  He looked around at them.

  “Very good. Well, I have some bad news for you…” The room was silent.

  “You’ll never earn more than that.”

  The silence in the room grew heavier.

  “That’s the limit you have given yourself. And, you know, we never surpass the limits we set ourselves.”

  Alice swallowed. He was right; she could sense it.

  “You are perhaps telling yourself that you have to be realistic, that you didn’t choose that ceiling by chance, that it corresponds to a rational analysis of your situation, your qualifi
cations, your experience, your merits. But we Americans have an expression to describe all those justifications. Do you know what it is?”

  The audience remained silent. He was the only one smiling.

  “Bullshit!”

  He smiled even more.

  “Bullshit! All that is bullshit! All that is just your sad little justification for your inaction, your fears, your doubts, or even your guilt at being more successful than your parents or whoever.”

  Alice dared not look at Jeremy again. She had hoped that Toby would not go in that direction, which was a total disconnect from the concerns and values of her friend.

  “So now,” said Collins, “I have some good news…”

  The entire room hung on his every word.

  “We’re going to shatter that ceiling! We’re going to shatter it into tiny pieces! Listen to me.”

  This last request was totally superfluous.

  “Take the amount you wrote down…and multiply it by three. And that will be your salary in three years’ time!”

  He started to laugh.

  “I can see your incredulous faces. I’d need at least two hours with each of you to free you from the straitjacket of your psychological constraints. So we’ll take the simplest route. This is what you are going to do: Consider your salary multiplied by three and act as if it were true. Pretend to yourself that you will actually earn that amount. Project yourself into the future, visualize yourself in three years, as if you were there now, and imagine yourself earning that salary. Feel what that’s like, savor the situation, then look at the virtual three years that have gone by and the path you took: what did you do, what actions did you take to get there?”

  Alice found it amusing to picture herself enjoying such a high salary, pretending to believe it. Obviously, it was thrilling. She imagined the three years that allowed her to get to that point and immediately pictured a promotion. Of course! She had been promoted to head the Crisis Management department. Besides, didn’t she deserve it? Most of the ideas implemented were hers, in the end, even if few people acknowledged it. And she had won quite a number of contracts for the department. She was actually one of their cornerstones.

  She continued to imagine herself as a higher-up. What else had allowed her to have that promotion? Perhaps some management training. Yes, of course, to be in the running for that job she had to be credible by acquiring some proficiency.