Alice Asks the Big Questions

by Laurent Gounelle

He ended the service and the great organ echoed as the parishioners stood up to leave, swept along by the poignant music of Johann Sebastian Bach. Alice felt her eyes fill with tears, as they always did when she heard “Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring.” Certain artists managed to truly move you in the deepest parts of your being.

  The nun Alice had nicknamed Sister IKEA walked up to her in silence and slipped a little piece of paper into her hand before walking away. Alice unfolded it: a new handwritten extract from the Gospels.

  She waited patiently until the church was completely empty. The organ stopped and the last chord echoed beneath the immense vaulted ceiling, then faded away. Silence reigned once more. Alice walked over to Jeremy. He looked up when he heard her coming, greeting her with a wide smile.

  “I’ve come back,” she said, smiling at him.

  “You’ve come back.”

  “I’ve come back to work with you.”

  She took a few steps around the altar, slowly, taking her time. Her footsteps echoed in the empty church.

  “I think,” she said, “that there are still a few things to change here.”

  She saw that Jeremy was listening to her with a mixture of fear and amusement.

  “We need to get down to the serious matters,” she said. “From now on, we’re going to pass on the true meaning of Jesus’s messages.”

  He raised one eyebrow.

  “In short,” she said, “we’re going to stop all the nonsense.”

  He recoiled slightly. It was barely noticeable.

  “You really like to provoke, don’t you?” he said, sounding amused.

  She gave him her best smile. Her footsteps continued echoing in the church. Everywhere on the stained-glass windows, the saints seemed to be observing her with rapt attention. At the top of one column, all three stone faces of Cluny’s famous Pidou Berlu seemed to widen their eyes.

  “Do you know how old people generally are when they first read Greek mythology?” she asked.

  “Ten or twelve?”

  “Did you know that it contains philosophical ideas of incredible depth? The kind that give you metaphysical vertigo. And yet it’s rare for adults to read it. Why? Why do we leave reading mythology to kids of ten, who understand none of its deep meaning, when an intellectual of fifty could benefit from it? Because mythology is seen everywhere as a collection of fantastical stories, only good as the stuff of dreams for children. That’s a shame, isn’t it?”

  Her last few words echoed in the nave.

  “I see where you’re headed,” Jeremy said.

  “I’ve become interested in the symbols and metaphors of Eastern religions. I’ve just read Campbell, hundreds of pages of analysis of mythologies from all over the world. And I’ve understood a certain number of things about the Bible that I’ve never heard in a Mass.”

  “Perhaps you didn’t go to enough services.”

  Alice snorted with laughter. “In particular, I’ve realized that the external events found in the Bible describe a reality that is internal, within us. If no one tells us that, then the events in question make us laugh because we find them, at best, unfounded and, at worst, grotesque.”

  Jeremy stiffened a little.

  “If you don’t tell us that Noah’s flood symbolically represents the flood of impulses and emotions that destabilize us,” she continued, “and you are content to talk about the ark and its nice animals who stand together calmly, it’s ridiculous. Even a five-year-old understands that a lion isn’t going to reach out its paw to console a seasick gazelle. And if you continue to talk about the Exodus as if Moses actually led his people from the land of slavery to the promised land, then you’re going to alienate everyone who knows anything about archeology. Archeologists have dug all over the Sinai Desert and never discovered the tiniest fragment of pottery to show that six hundred thousand families lived there for nearly forty years. On the other hand, people would be a little more receptive if you explained that the text was a myth illustrating the internal path that could lead each of us from mental slavery to freedom.

  “When you say that Jesus rose to heaven without explaining what the word ‘heaven’ means, anyone who’s been to school at all will balk. If you go on and on about sin without ever explaining to us that letting ourselves indulge in too many pleasures will compromise our chance to awaken ourselves to something else more beautiful, then you will be seen as castrating killjoys. And that is definitely true of all Jesus’s parables: if you don’t give us the keys to decode them and understand the useful messages they hold, then everyone will laugh at them—me first of all—and the churches will be empty.”

  Jeremy sighed. “I think you’re being a bit harsh.”

  “The moment comes when you have to gauge the consequences of your actions.”

  “You seem very sure of yourself when it comes to the consequences of our actions, in any case.”

  She smiled. “Listen: a recent survey showed that 34 percent of Frenchmen believe in the devil as a real being. There’s the consequence of your actions. And 59 percent of Americans. You’ve succeeded even more over there.”

  Silence fell once more in the church.

  “Aren’t you exaggerating a little?” he timidly suggested.

  Alice smiled again. “Look at your busybodies.”

  “Who?”

  “Germaine and Cornélie! They know their prayer book by heart. Do you think they seem enlightened?”

  Alice guessed he was suppressing a smile.

  Then he shook his head in a disapproving way. “Jesus said: ‘Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?’”

  “Okay, point taken,” Alice replied. “But I haven’t spent sixty years assiduously attending a place of worship.”

  He looked rather abashed and sighed.

  “This is the twenty-first century, Jeremy! Wake up! Wake up so you can hope to wake us up.”

  He remained silent for a long time before speaking. “So you want me to explain the metaphors, is that it?”

  “Yes.”

  “The problem is that not everyone is mature enough to receive the messages. That’s why Jesus spoke in parables when he spoke to the crowds, while he didn’t hesitate to explain everything to his apostles, who were close to him.”

  Jeremy seemed to waver. Alice felt she had shaken his conviction but he was still resisting.

  “You mentioned Eastern religions,” he said. “Eastern spiritual masters abide by the principle that the disciple comes to them and asks questions. They themselves recommend never telling people things they aren’t ready to hear.”

  “I’m sure that a lot of people are ready.”

  He shook his head, deep in thought. “Jesus advised great prudence in this area.”

  “If you’re too prudent, you don’t do anything.”

  “He even said: ‘Give not that which is holy to the dogs, neither cast you your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.’”

  “Your parishioners would appreciate that comparison.”

  Jeremy burst out laughing. “Don’t make me say something I don’t mean, or believe!” He shook his head before adding, “You are truly incorrigible! And you can’t see where all of this risks leading us.”

  “It’s not my fault. I have a plank in my eye.”

  He sighed deeply. “Fine…So you want me to explain the parables. What else? Because I’m assuming it doesn’t end there.”

  She smiled. “No one can hide anything from you.”

  “Well?”

  “There’s another problem with the church, in my opinion, and that’s that they ask you to believe without proof, without experience. Hinduism calls for people to experience things.”

  “So what are you proposing?”

  “I’m proposing spiritual exercises inspired by personal development that will allow those who wish to free themselves of their ego, their mental state, to do so, so th
ey can experience the other reality as much as possible, the ‘other side,’ as Jesus called it.”

  “Alice, with all the goodwill in the world, we are still in church. It’s a place of worship! We can’t start doing exercises. We’re not with Toby Collins! It’s necessary to respect the traditions of the church.”

  “Traditions? But Jesus was the fiercest opponent of traditions! He healed the sick on the Sabbath even though it was strictly forbidden by tradition. He ate whatever he wanted, even though tradition imposed strict dietary laws.”

  “Alice, I am required to follow the liturgical codes. Do you understand that?”

  “Must I remind you of Isaiah’s words that Jesus himself repeated at the time? ‘These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; their teachings are merely human rules.’ As for places of worship, we shouldn’t sanctify them more than necessary. Besides, Jesus rarely went to them, except to argue with the merchants.”

  Jeremy shook his head and smiled. But Alice could tell she was gaining ground.

  “Let’s not confuse the end and the means,” she said. “Your traditions are speeches and rituals invented in a distant past as the best way of getting messages across to people. Times have changed, people have evolved, yet your traditions remain immutable? Two thousand years ago science was in a primitive state, no one understood the universe, people were full of stupid fears, superstitions, and beliefs. Perhaps all that was necessary was to add new beliefs for them to become followers, since human beings need to have meaning. Not today. People are intelligent and sophisticated. No one can believe in such ridiculousness. They need to understand. People need to have things explained, and experience them.”

  Jeremy did not reply.

  “Take Hinduism,” she said. “Two thousand eight hundred years ago, the masters of the Upanishads broke with Vedic rituals to get closer to the deep meaning of the messages of the Veda. It’s time to do the same thing today in Christianity, rather than clinging on—in the name of so-called tradition—to words that have lost all meaning to the great majority of people.”

  Jeremy frowned.

  “What do you suggest,” she said, “as a method to help your flock rid themselves of their ego? Flagellation? Hair shirts?”

  “The good thing about you is that you never exaggerate.”

  Alice laughed, then said, “Take guilt. For centuries, guilt has ruined the lives of Christians without bringing them anything. What if we tried something else?”

  Jeremy remained silent, looking thoughtful.

  “There are more than two billion Christians in the world,” Alice continued. “How many of them have managed to see the light? How many were able to attain the other reality that is opened up when the ego disappears? You’ve been working at it for two thousand years! Jesus must be turning over in his grave!”

  He raised his eyes slowly to look at her.

  “He’s no longer in his grave, Alice.”

  22

  “He’s not here.”

  “Keep trying! Maybe he went to the bathroom.”

  The secretary did not reply, and Alice once again heard the phone ringing and ringing. It had been at least two weeks since she made a phone appointment with Jacques Laborie, the famous astrophysicist. He couldn’t stand her up.

  The phone kept on ringing and finally someone answered.

  “Monsieur Laborie?”

  “Yes.”

  Alice felt relieved. “We have a call scheduled. I’m Al—”

  “Yes, we had a call scheduled at two and now I barely have any time to spare.”

  “At two? I’d written down two thirty. I’m so sorry.”

  “I have very little time, so we’ll have to postpone our conversation, unless ten minutes will be enough to answer your question. It all depends on how complex it is.”

  “It’s not at all complicated: I just want to understand how the world got created.”

  She heard him laughing.

  “Is that all?”

  “The short version would be fine. And simple, if possible: my knowledge of physics is less than rudimentary.”

  “All right.”

  A brief silence.

  “Everything started with the void,” he said, “an extremely small and dense void, full of energy, in which there was a gigantic explosion, the origin of the universe.”

  “The Big Bang, I assume.”

  “That’s right. It happened about 14 billion years ago. There was so much energy released that the universe expanded in every direction. Since then, it has continued to expand, so much so that the galaxies are getting farther and farther away from each other. An enormous quantity of particles was born out of the chaos of the Big Bang, and they gathered together to form complex systems. The only chemical elements the Big Bang gave off were helium and hydrogen, very simple elements that cooled and contracted under their own weight. Atoms then joined together to form molecules. Matter became concentrated and fragmented. Under extreme pressure, the overheated gas combusted. That was the power of thermonuclear fusion. The first stars were born.”

  “Did life begin at that moment?”

  “Life in the biological sense of the term happened much later. First, 4.5 billion years ago, there was the creation of our sun, a star surrounded by eight planets, one of which was Earth. Life began here 3.8 billion years ago, and the ancestors of man, only a few million years ago.”

  “What allowed life to begin?”

  “The thermonuclear fusion at the heart of the first stars synthesized heavy chemical elements. When these stars—each a kind of enormous sun—exploded, they scattered those chemical elements, which came from deep within them, throughout space. On planet Earth, those fragments of stars came together to form life. The smallest atom in our bodies is nothing more than stardust, to use the term so dear to Hubert Reeves.”

  Stardust.

  Alice thought back to the Eastern religions’ idea of a fundamental unity, which Raphaël Duvernet had spoken about. His words echoed once more in her mind: “But to realize our true nature, it is up to us to perceive, to feel the hidden unity, and to understand that man is at one with everything and everyone.”

  She said, “I have another question that is gnawing at me.”

  “I’m very sorry, but I don’t have any more time. Let’s set up another time to talk if you’d like. I’ll be gone for three weeks at the observatory in Middlebury, Vermont, so I suggest we speak when I return. What about Wednesday, August 10, at two?”

  “Perfect!”

  “Remember: two o’clock, right?”

  Alice thanked him and hung up. She felt reassured in her understanding of things. Even though she had no explanation for the parallel universe she had caught a glimpse of, physics had a good explanation of the creation of the material world. No God was necessary for the chemical reactions of the universe!

  * * *

  It was warm that afternoon in her father’s garden. Sitting comfortably around the wrought-iron table, in the shade of the old walnut tree, Alice and Jeremy were eating orange cake. The hot teapot gave off the scent of rose and jasmine.

  As her 5 percent increase in salary wasn’t enough to pay for a family trip to Australia, Alice had decided to spend the summer vacation in Cluny. Less exotic, of course, but at least there were no poisonous spiders or crocodiles in the rivers! Paul had protested, so she had taken advantage of his weak spot: “Sign up for a drawing class for the whole summer with J. P. Gillot, on the Rue Mercière. He’s so gifted that he could transform a house painter into a Rembrandt.” Paul let himself be convinced.

  She took a bite of cake while listening to Jeremy read out loud.

  Mmmm…delicious.

  This may seem paradoxical, but to free yourself from your ego, it is advised that you begin by developing your ego, but in a healthy way. In fact, if your ego is damaged, for example because some personal event stopped you from building your self-esteem, the suffering that resulted will uncon
sciously drive you to overcompensate for that damage through disproportionately egotistical attitudes. Your ego will seek to regain the upper hand, to exist toward and against everything, and will develop in an unbalanced way. You then risk losing yourself in the abyss of false identities, which your ego will cling to.

  “I can’t use that as a sermon,” said Jeremy. “It’s totally devoid of doctrine. I’m a priest, not a professor!”

  “Keep going. We’ll discuss it afterward!”

  He sighed, visibly annoyed, but continued reading.

  Fighting against your ego is not a solution either. That would only cause it to get stronger, while resulting in a destabilizing sense of guilt and internal conflict. Moreover, Jesus said, “If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand.”

  “That point is very important,” she said. “You could make an analogy with a diet: fighting against your desire for chocolate doesn’t work.”

  “As long as we don’t illustrate with Jesus’s words taken out of context, like ‘Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied.’”

  Alice burst out laughing. She took another bite of orange cake as he continued:

  This is why, for the past several months in this church, we have learned to love ourselves. Once our self-esteem is found, it is easier to free ourselves from the grip of the ego. It will then be a matter of letting go of our false identities, the roles that we play, to become again one with ourselves, and to discover the value of our existence independent of what we do or what we have. In this way, we can learn not to forget ourselves but to go beyond our own being and, without seeking any personal benefit, discover the power and strength of our actions.

  “Good,” said Alice. “What do you think?”

  He didn’t reply, which was a rather good sign.

  “You can adapt it by adding some Catholic spices if you like,” she added.

  Jeremy remained silent, deep in thought.

  She took a sip of the hot tea.

  “What are you thinking about?” she asked.

  “The Curé of Ars.”

  “Who’s that?”