The Deep Beneath

by Natalie Wright

  But she wouldn’t be there to protect it. As soon as it was born, it would be taken away, presumably to its adoptive parents. And she, Lucia, would be relocated and given a new identity so even the little monster could never track her. Sometimes she was a bit sad that she’d never see it again. Never see the baby she’d taken care of for so long grow up. Never know what became of it. But then the little monster would thrust its tiny body against her belly, and her feelings of maternal concern for it would abate.

  The ice was nearly melted. Her thick hair was wet with the cool water. Lucia tried to sit up but was wracked with a sudden sharp, shooting pain throughout her core. She’d been told that labor pains could be sudden and intense. But no one had warned her that she’d feel like she’d been split open like a gutted fish.

  Lucia rolled off of the couch and managed to push herself up. She called out to the guards, but they didn’t come. My luck the one time I need them, they take a coffee break. She stumbled to the kitchen where the cellular phone they’d given her was on the counter. Another round of spasms seized her. Liquid ran down her legs as she reached for the phone. Lucia opened the phone, her fingers unsteady. She hit the sequence of buttons they’d made her memorize to call the doctors. She hit the wrong number more than once and cursed the tiny buttons. It seemed to Lucia that it would have been quicker to just dial a regular wall phone than mess with the cellular.

  While she waited for an answer, another powerful contraction hit her and she screamed. Lucia fell to the floor, still clutching the phone. She landed in a pool of hot, sticky liquid. Blood. Lots and lots of blood. No one warned me about the blood. Her hand shook, but she managed to hold the phone to her ear. A voice on the other end said, “Yes, Lucia?”

  “It’s coming!” she screamed. She let the phone fall as she grabbed at her stomach and writhed in pain.

  Within a few minutes, a paramedic crew arrived. Lucia thought it odd that they wore surgical masks, and flimsy white papery suits covered them from head to toe. She could see only their expressionless eyes, their faces a literal mask. It was like they were dressed to handle toxic waste or something. What the hell is inside me? The sight of the medics in hazmat suits made her shake with fear.

  They swept her up onto a gurney, wrapped a blood pressure cuff around one arm, put an oxygen mask over her face and stabbed her other arm with a needle to start an IV. They did all of this while rushing her out of her apartment and into the hot sun.

  Lucia’s eyelids became heavy, her mind fuzzy. A sedative. Before she slipped off to sleep, she heard helicopter blades and a hot wind swept over her body.

  __________

  Lucia’s eyes fluttered open. There was no way to know how long she’d been out or where she was, but her pain was gone. She blinked, but at first saw nothing but a very bright, white light overhead. She blinked again and through the slits of her still-heavy eyelids, she saw that doctors surrounded her. They wore the same paper hats and masks that the paramedics had worn. The steady beeping of a medical machine droned over the murmur of the doctors.

  How many docs does it take to deliver one baby? Though her vision was blurry, she counted at least five. She didn’t know much about having babies, but she was pretty sure it didn’t usually take five doctors to deliver one. Panic seized her at the thought that perhaps her life was in danger. Maybe the little monster had finally ripped the hole through her belly that it had been working on for so many months.

  Though only their eyes were visible, Lucia tried to focus to see if Dr. Randall was among them. He had seemed so kind. Surely he wouldn’t let anything bad happen to her. But she didn’t see Dr. Randall. She did, though, recognize one of the doctors. It was Dr. Sturgis with the steely blue eyes that Lucia had met all those months ago. Dr. Sturgis looked right at Lucia while the rest of the doctors had their eyes on her abdomen. Lucia wanted to see what they saw, but there was a drape stretched across her body, hiding her stomach from her view. Lucia wanted to ask if it was going okay and was the little monster healthy and would it be all right and go to a good home. But her mouth was as dry as a cotton ball. When she tried to speak, all that came out was a croak.

  “She’s awake. Push more Brevital, stat,” said Dr. Sturgis.

  Within seconds, Lucia felt herself being pulled down as if a hand of darkness had hold of her. She was helpless with drowsiness at a time when she wanted to be awake and alert to what was happening to her. The room was filled with the bloodcurdling screech of the infant the doctors had pulled from her womb.

  They didn’t lift it over the drape to show it to her like they would have done if it had been a normal pregnancy with a normal birth of a normal child. Lucia didn’t need to see the thing to know it wasn’t normal.

  Ordinary babies didn’t sound like that. Before Lucia fell wholly into the drug-induced darkness, she had time to form one last thought. I’m glad that little monster is out of me.

  PART I

  THE DESERT

  “Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway.”

  – JOHN WAYNE

  1

  IT’S A DRY HEAT

  2015, Arizona, U.S.A.

  Erika pulled back the throttle and urged her dusty machine to go faster. Her long, dark hair flew behind her, twisting and twirling in the hot wind. It would be ratty by the end of the ride, but knots in her hair were a small price to pay for the feeling of freedom.

  She slowed only slightly to round the wide curve in the center of Ajo and kicked it into a higher gear as soon as the road straightened. Erika savored the feel of the motor’s vibration beneath her. She shifted gears only when the whine of the engine threatened to pierce her eardrum. It was nearly sundown, but still the road was like liquid tar, shimmering like black glass from the day’s heat. As she rode, Erika imagined following the straight line of the asphalt east. She’d ride until the road gave way to the ocean. Erika had spent her life landlocked in the desert. She yearned for wet sand instead of sunbaked dirt. Thoughts of her future always included tide and waves.

  But Ian expected her, so she steered her bike to his small, slump-block house, passing boarded-up businesses and at least a dozen empty houses on her way. The gravel crunched beneath her tires as she pulled into the semicircular driveway. Erika stayed put on her bike and honked her horn. The tinny sound still hung in the air when the screen door opened.

  Ian allowed the door to slam shut behind him. His short, dark hair was wet and his deeply tanned and rippled torso glistened with water. Whether it was sweat or water from a shower, Erika couldn’t tell. While most of the girls at school openly drooled over Ian, Erika was not the least bit attracted to him. She preferred a guy less concerned with his own looks. And even if Ian had appealed to her, he was more interested in the players on the opposing football team than in girls.

  Ian pulled a heathered blue T-shirt over his wet head as he walked toward her. “Ah, my fair lady has come to rescue me from doing more manual labor for my dad.”

  Erika smiled and thrust a helmet into Ian’s hands. “Yeah. I’m your knight in shining armor.”

  “Why do I have to wear a helmet and not you?”

  “Because I’m not going to be responsible for the star quarterback’s brains oozing out all over the pavement, that’s why. Passengers wear a brain bucket.”

  “I don’t want to see your brains splattered over the tar either.”

  Erika knew it was reckless and probably stupid of her not to wear a helmet. She hoped she wouldn’t regret it some day. But she could not stand the constraint of the heavy plastic around her head.

  If her dad were still alive, he’d have grounded her permanently from riding if he’d seen her without a helmet. But he was dead, and there wasn’t anyone besides Ian to chastise her for her foolhardy behavior.

  Ian strapped the helmet on and tried one more time, this time taking a different approach. “Do you want me to sweat to death?”

  Erika rolled her eyes but otherwise ignored his argument as she had ignore
d his complaints about her helmet rule countless times before. “Where to?” she asked.

  “Everyone’s meeting over at big rock tonight.”

  “Like who everyone?”

  “You know. The team and the entire senior class.”

  That meant close to fifty people. It was at least forty more than Erika would have liked.

  “Will he be there?” Erika’s stomach leaped at the thought that Jack may be at the party. She wasn’t sure if her belly bubbled with joyous excitement or fear of how he’d react to seeing her.

  “Who?”

  Erika punched Ian’s left arm.

  He rubbed it. “You hit hard.”

  “For a girl, you mean.”

  “No, for anybody.”

  “You deserved it. Don’t act ignorant. You know who I mean.”

  “He’s not dead, you know. Maybe I want to hear you say his name.” Ian smirked as he teased her.

  Erika pretended to fiddle with something on the handlebars. “Why?” she asked.

  “Because it’s dumb for you to act like summer didn’t happen.”

  Erika knew Ian wanted things to go back to the way they were before, as much for himself as for her. After five years of having Erika as his best friend, Ian had enjoyed Jack’s companionship. The trio had been in each other’s constant company all summer, three best friends.

  Only she and Jack had become more than just friends. And even that had been okay until Jack insisted they have a ‘real’ date, just the two of them. Until Jack had to go and mess it all up by uttering the three words Erika wasn’t ready to hear. Most girls would be ecstatic to hear their boyfriend say ‘I love you’ for the first time. But when Jack had spoken those words to Erika, her chest tightened with panic as if walls were closing in on her.

  “Erika?”

  “Get on. They can’t start the party without their star.”

  Ian’s face flushed crimson, and he playfully punched Erika’s arm though more gently than she’d hit him. “Whatever,” he said and stood beside the bike.

  “Ready?” Erika asked.

  Ian stood in the gravel driveway with the helmet on, looking around as if he’d lost something important.

  “Come on, Ian. I’m sweating like a yeti sitting here.”

  Ian chuckled. “How do you know how much a yeti sweats?” He hitched his leg over the bike and settled onto the seat behind her. He wrapped his arms lightly around Erika’s middle and pulled his legs up and in tightly.

  Erika turned on the headlight. She eased some juice with the throttle and kicked her toe up to shift. The tires spun and spit gravel behind them as she pulled forward. She was about to accelerate out of the driveway when an old white Jetta pulled in, blocking her path. “Jack,” she said. Her heart thumped away in her chest. Erika’s hands threatened to slide off of the handlebars due to the copious sweat pouring from them.

  “Now you’re saying his name,” Ian whispered into her ear.

  Erika rolled her eyes even though Ian couldn’t see her face. It took her less than a nanosecond to figure out that Ian had invited Jack over, thus forcing her to talk to him. “Ian, you’re a manipulative little–”

  “Dearest best friend who loves you.”

  “That wasn’t what I was going to say.” Erika rarely got angry with Ian, but she was irked with him now. His little trick of forcing her to face Jack was an underhanded thing to do, even if he did mean well. “I’m not ready to face him.”

  “I know, darling. But you never will be.” Ian wound himself back off of the bike, removed the helmet and placed it on the seat behind Erika. He tousled his hair and walked toward the Jetta.

  Jack left his car running and the headlamps on but got out of his car. He sauntered toward them with his loping, relaxed gait. He wore a black T-shirt and baggy jeans that hung low on his hips. Even though it was nearly dark, Erika knew the T-shirt was probably wrinkled, because she’d never seen him wear one that wasn’t. He wore his blond hair longer than Ian’s and it looked like he didn’t own a comb. He had on his usual flip-flops and he had to stop to kick gravel out of one.

  Erika’s stomach churned harder, and it wasn’t just because she was nervous about how Jack would react to her. Despite trying to keep her feelings for Jack squashed down tight inside her, once she saw him idling toward her, the pent-up feelings came unsquashed all on their own. Erika didn’t like feeling as though she had no control over her emotions. She took a deep breath and tried her best to will herself into a cold indifference. It was a nearly impossible task seeing as how she was neither cold nor indifferent about Jack Wilson.

  Jack and Ian took each other’s hands and did the guy hug thing that guys do. Despite looking like he’d rolled out of bed after sleeping in his clothes, Erika felt her resolve to ignore Jack disintegrating. She liked the carefree way of Jack. And he was close enough that she could smell soap and spice and citrus. Jack’s smell. She wanted to bottle it so she could take a whiff of it whenever she wanted. She still had one of his shirts that she’d kept so she could wear it and think of him. But after their date a week ago, she wadded it up and pushed it to the back of her closet so she wouldn’t be tempted to hold it to her nose and inhale. If she did, she’d lose her willpower to ignore him.

  “Hi,” Jack said. His face wore a soft smile. His voice was low and melodious even when he wasn’t on stage singing. Another piece of Jack that pulled Erika in like a child to candy.

  Jack’s blue eyes, usually the color of a winter sky, were dark in the gathering twilight. His left eye had a little green spot like a freckle. Jack’s sweet, playful, happy eyes met hers. His look was smoldering – intimate. His directness made Erika feel squirmy on her seat.

  “Remember me?” he asked softly.

  “I’m trying to forget you, Jack Wilson,” she said.

  “Why would you want to go and do a thing like that?” Jack reached for her hand and she let him take it. His fingers were calloused and rough from playing the guitar.

  Erika liked the feel of his hands. “Why did you have to go and ruin everything?”

  “Ruin what? All I did was love you. Love never ruined anything.”

  “Yes, it did. Love ruins plans and dreams and – freedom. Love definitely ruins freedom.” Erika pulled her hand from his and looked away from him. If she didn’t look in his eyes, she could steel herself to his devilishly beautiful eyes that beckoned her to play.

  Jack put his hand on her cheek and gently forced her to look at him. “Erika, love never once in the history of all the world killed anybody’s freedom. Not real love, anyway.”

  Ian’s feet shuffled in the gravel. Erika had forgotten he was standing there. He had put her in the position to face Jack before she was ready. She didn’t have the words worked out to counter what Jack said. She wanted to love him and let him love her. But more than that, she wanted to shake the dust of Ajo off of her and ride away to a different life. To ride where she didn’t live in a double-wide in the outskirts of a nearly dead former mining town so south it was almost Mexico. She wanted to drive to a life where she wouldn’t get pregnant by eighteen and spend the rest of her life looking for the bottom of a gin bottle like her mom had. Her parents had loved each other when they were the same age as Erika and Jack. And look where that had gotten them. Erika’s dad was dead and her mom might as well have been.

  Jack moved his body closer to her, bent his head and kissed her gently on the lips.

  Erika pulled away. “You can’t kiss my troubles away,” she said.

  “I can try.”

  Erika pushed Jack back from her. His face went instantly from soft and hopeful to confused.

  He took a step back. “I’m sorry. I thought –”

  “What did you think?” Erika asked. Her voice came out more acidic than she had intended.

  Jack’s face hardened a bit in response to her tone. “I thought that you felt the same way about me as I did about you.”

  “Well, you thought wrong.” It was a lie, but her
long-set plans for getting out of Ajo had not included loving Jack. She made her face into a mask of indifference.

  Ian walked the few paces it took to close the gap between them. “C’mon, you guys. Can’t you at least be friends?”

  The air between them was thick with unspoken feelings. Erika knew Jack must be frustrated with her, perhaps angry as well. But he did not give voice to his irritation with her. Instead, he sighed, shrugged his shoulders and said, “How can I not be friends with you?” Jack held out his hand to her.

  His words brought Erika instant relief. She could feel her shoulders fall and only then realized she’d had them bunched up around her ears. Friendship was all she could handle right now and what she needed more than anything. Jack should have been angry with her. He should have run from her and her mess of a life as fast as he could, never looking back. But he didn’t run. Her instinct was to hug him, but she decided not to. It would likely send mixed signals. Instead, she took his hand lightly in hers.

  “Great,” Ian said. “We’re all one big happy family again. Now can we get going?” Ian walked toward Jack’s car.

  Erika let loose Jack’s hand. “Ian, where are you going?”

  “To big rock. Jack’ll drive, won’t you?” Ian didn’t wait for an answer and continued walking toward Jack’s Jetta.

  “I don’t want to interfere with your plans. If you don’t want me there, I understand.” Jack said he’d understand, but his face said he wouldn’t.

  Ian stopped and shouted back. “Why wouldn’t she want you there? We’re all friends again, right? Besides, Jack’s got air-conditioning. Don’t tell me you’re going to let your hardheadedness stand between me and an air-conditioned ride.”

  Erika was not about to deprive Ian of his comfort. Besides, any protest she gave to Jack tagging along would be half-hearted and false.