Earth, Air, Water, Light

by C L Lassila

  When she sat down, still not having much of an appetite, she forced herself to eat everything that was in her bowl. While eating she noticed the beautiful, elaborate design created by the frost on the window. Resembling white lace curtains, they covered all of the panes of glass and hid the outside world from view.

  She sat with Darwin by the fire and finished drinking her coffee before deciding that it was time to deal with the stained bedding. Instead of washing the bulky bedding this time of year, she would just dispose of the ruined quilt. The house had warmed. The frosty lace patterns on the windows had begun to slowly melt, allowing just a peek at the outside world. Once in the bedroom Adelaide began to sort through the bedding. The blankets that had served as her covers had been spared. It was the quilt that had been between her legs and the rough sheet that had covered the mattress that could not be salvaged, being too badly soiled with the blood that had run from between her thighs. Amongst the folds of the stained quilt were pieces of bodily tissue. Barely recognizable as human, three tiny fetuses looking more like hairless, newborn squirrels; lay where they had landed when they had slipped from her womb.

  Adelaide remembered some beautiful, linen handkerchiefs that she had found in one of the trunks that were left behind by Mrs. Greenfield. She went and opened the trunk and found the small parcel wrapped in folded paper. Removing one of the white handkerchiefs, she ran her finger under the band of lace that edged the small, square of linen. She thought of the lace pattern dissolving from the glass of the windows and how similar they looked. Adelaide returned to the bed and unfolded the handkerchief. She placed the three fetuses next to each other on the fine, white fabric and folded the fabric to cover them. Then, carrying the folded handkerchief in her hand, she went outside. Pushing her way through the snow she went a short distance from the house to a spot near the two white crosses which were now almost buried. She knelt in the snow and set down the handkerchief, the delicate piece of pristine white fabric now stained by blood. Adelaide gently unfolded the linen and stood back up. Tears welled up in her eyes. The contrast of the deep, rich red on the white background of linen and snow reminded her of the discovery of the carcass of the rabbit, killed by the owl, its spilled blood coloring the snow. Red, the color of life, was also the color of death. She left the handkerchief unfolded on the snow and went back inside. The next morning the three fetuses were gone. Patterns of wings in the snow were left behind, next to the blood stained handkerchief.

  ****

  Jonas and the men in his company struggled to stay awake as the day turned into night. Huddled together beneath the blankets they ate what they had in their packs and drank from their canteens. A number of empty whiskey bottles were at their feet. It was the consumption of the alcohol and the fatigue resulting from their difficult hike that finally caused their eyes to close. Slumping forward onto their folded knees or leaning against each other, shoulder to shoulder, they fell asleep.

  Jonas was roused from his sleep hours later by one of the men shaking him by the shoulder. He opened his eyes to the darkness of the blankets still covering his head. He could feel the weight of the snow covering them.

  “The wind,” the man who woke him said. “It’s died down.”

  Jonas and the man began to wake the others in their party. They would have to rise together to shake the snow from the blankets. All of the men were stiff from sleeping in such awkward positions. Several of them had pain in their fingers and toes, the result of the cold on areas of the body not adequately insulated. Together they readied to stand up so as to not drop the snow that had accumulated on the blankets onto John Mallard. Moving the blankets to the side they revealed the light of the new day and a world whitewashed by the blasting snow. The men breathed in deeply, grateful to no longer be breathing the stagnant air trapped beneath the blankets. While a few flakes of snow were still falling the storm had passed. But it had left behind snow, at places more than a foot deep, snow that they would have to walk through to reach the harbor without the aid of snow shoes.

  Jonas squatted down next to where John Mallard lay on the stretcher.

  “John,” he said, as he pulled back the blanket still warming the man’s face.

  The other men had turned their backs to him as they emptied their bladders. They stopped when they heard the words that had carried them through the difficult night.

  “Our Father, which art in heaven,” Jonas began. The other voices joined in. They knew what it meant. The soul of their friend had left them as they huddled around him all night. As Jonas looked down at John Mallard’s still face, one of his tears fell onto the corner of the dead man’s eye and continued its course down his cheek making it appear as if John were crying.

  “Forgive me,” Jonas said to his friend.

  The men watched as Jonas pulled the blanket back up over the face of their companion. The difficult decision was made to leave the corpse behind. They still had a long way to walk through deep snow, following a path that was now hidden from view. They had a better chance of reaching their destination by nightfall if they were not carrying the stretcher and none of the men wanted to spend another night out in the cold.

  ****

  The people in town woke up to the first big snow of the winter and the smoldering remains of the Methodist Church. Not one of them had noticed the blaze during the long stormy night. The church had burned to the ground. Very little of the wooden structure remained. Soot, and pieces of burned wood, covered the ground around the consumed structure, the black a sharp contrast to the white landscape. Lying in the snow surrounding the debris was a piece of colorful fabric singed at its edges, the color made all the more bright by the colorless nature of the winter landscape. It was the only sign that Mary had been there. Another large section of the fabric, carried aloft by the strong winds, had become entangled on the highest branches of the tallest evergreen in the vicinity. There it hung for some time to come, a constant reminder of the fire.

  Mrs. Fay would not accept that Mary had perished in the inferno, instead insisting that the girl had run off. She never again wore the bonnet decorated with the green, yellow and red fabric.

  ****

  Weakened by the blood loss, Adelaide found herself confined to the house. Unable to get out into the woods to find distraction, she grew more and more concerned about Jonas’ wellbeing. She didn’t have the energy to go into town to inquire if there was any news from the island or to find out when the next boat was due. Mr. Greenfield’s books provided some escape from her concern, but all too often she found herself unable to concentrate and her thoughts returning to her husband. She was pleased that she had not told him that she had been expecting a child. Now he would be spared the grief that she was feeling. Along with the grief, Adelaide was feeling guilty, guilty that a part of her was happy to no longer be pregnant. For now she would not have to give up her wanderings in the woods. And she would not have to give up Calix.

  Adelaide had managed to clear a path to the chicken coop by moving the snow to the side. It was hard work and she only managed to do it a small section at a time, but now that it was finished it was much easier to bring the buckets of feed and water out to the chickens. She continued to melt snow for drinking water for the birds and filled their trough a couple of times a day.

  Darwin had gotten over his initial fear of the snow. He would now roll around in it. When Adelaide was clearing aside the snow, it became a game for the dog to jump up and try to catch a mouthful of it while it was still in the air. It was good that they found games to play in the snow. Adelaide and Darwin would not see bare ground again for many months.

  Adelaide had just brought the afternoon feed out to the chickens and had taken a seat on the back steps. The snow had not stopped the four legged chicken from pecking at her pant leg when it wanted corn. The chicken had just begun to eat the corn from her hand when Darwin began to bark.

  “What is it, Dar?” she asked.

  The dog ran to the corner of the house and sto
od barking in the direction of the road.

  She then heard a familiar voice call out to the dog, “Hello, Darwin.”

  Jonas! Jonas was home.

  “Come on, Dar,” Adelaide said.

  She stood up and hurried into the house, not even minding that she and the dog were tracking in snow. They both went out onto the front porch and watched as the third member of their family turned off of the road and onto the path to the house. Adelaide felt such relief knowing that he was safe. The emotion of the last few days overwhelmed her and she began to cry.

  As Jonas stepped onto the path leading to his front door, he too started to cry. The journey back to his wife had been a difficult one, and now she was standing there just steps away.

  “Welcome home, Jonas,” Adelaide called out to him.

  Darwin ran through the snow to meet him. Jonas stopped to scratch the dog’s head.

  “How did you like that storm, Dar?” he said to the dog.

  When Jonas reached the porch he pulled his wife into his arms. They hugged each other tightly, both of them with tears in their eyes, both of them experiencing feelings of relief and loss. Adelaide had noticed that Jonas was limping. She put her snow crusted mitten on his cheek and looked at her husband’s face.

  “Are you all right?” she asked. “Are you hurt?”

  Jonas looked at her and smiled, saying, “I’m fine. I’m home. It’s cold, let’s go inside.”

  Once inside, Jonas noticed Adelaide’s pallor and he became concerned.

  “Have you been ill?” he asked her.

  Adelaide, who after taking off her outdoor clothes had begun preparing something for Jonas to eat, made light of the question.

  “I’m fine,” she said. “I had the chills for a day or two is all.”

  “That’s all it is?” Jonas inquired concerned that she may not be telling him everything.

  “I might have been a bit worried about you too,” Adelaide answered. “I am fine,” she insisted.

  When supper was ready they sat at the table and, while they ate, they discussed the storm. Jonas began to cry as he told her about how they had lost John Mallard. Adelaide reached across the table and took his hand in hers. She knew that Jonas was feeling guilt over the man’s death.

  “It wasn’t your fault,” she said in an attempt to comfort him. “Every man who has come here to work in the mines knows how dangerous it is.”

  “I wish that made it easier,” Jonas replied.

  They sat and ate quietly for a while. Adelaide got out the whiskey bottle and poured them both a glass of the amber colored alcohol.

  “It’s strange what happened to the church, isn’t it?” Jonas mentioned.

  “The church?” Adelaide asked.

  “You haven’t been into town since the storm so you wouldn’t know,” Jonas explained. “It burned to the ground on the night of the storm?”

  As soon as Adelaide heard Jonas’ words she knew that it was Mary’s doing. She thought about the girl’s reaction to Reverend Fay’s news about Nathan.

  “Do they know how it started?” Adelaide asked

  “That is the mystery,” Jonas said. “It happened during the blizzard. No one would have been at the church. The storm was so bad that no one even noticed the fire.”

  “Will they rebuild?” Adelaide asked.

  “Probably not until the spring,” Jonas answered. “It looks like church services will be held in a tent through the winter.”

  Adelaide noticed that Jonas was struggling to keep his eyes open.

  “You are exhausted,” she said. “Go and get some sleep.”

  Jonas went and lay on the bed, not even bothering to remove his clothes. Almost before his head hit the pillow, he was asleep. Adelaide covered him with a blanket before going to read by the fire. Darwin had gone to lie in his spot by the fireplace shortly after eating and he too was now fast asleep.

  She opened the book to the page where she had last stopped her reading, but the words all ran together. She was not able to concentrate on what was printed on the page instead her thoughts went to Mary. She had no doubt that it was the troubled young woman who had caused the fire at the church. It was Mary who had burnt the doll in the campfire on the beach. But now what had become of her? Adelaide was saddened by the thought that perhaps the news about Nathan and his wife expecting a baby had been more than Mary could bear. Adelaide thought how the emotions that add so much to our lives can become predatory. They can catch us and consume us. That is what happened to Mary. She was consumed by her love for Nathan and by the pain of losing him.

  When she found herself falling asleep in her chair, she decided that it was time to join her husband in bed. The blood stained night shirt that she had worn the night of the miscarriage had been destroyed. She had placed it in the stove along with the stained quilt. Fortunately Mr. Greenfield had had a second one. Adelaide put it on before slipping into bed beside Jonas. Darwin followed her into the bedroom, and not willing to give up his place on the bed, he found a spot at Adelaide’s feet and settled in for the night.

  Chapter 15

  The long, hard winter had begun. After the first storm of the season left a foot of snow on the ground, it continued to snow, at least a bit, almost every day. Blue sky became a rarity and Adelaide grew to miss the sunshine. The snow banks that bordered the foot paths to the chicken coop, the outhouse and the wood shed inched higher and higher. Since the weather had grown cold the outhouse was mainly used for emptying the chamber pot. This had become one of Adelaide’s daily chores. After waking in the morning, Jonas would go out to clear the paths of fresh snowfall while Adelaide made their breakfast. When they had eaten, Adelaide would then feed the chickens and the crows and tend to the chamber pot while Jonas brought in enough firewood to last until the next day. He would also draw water from the well for washing and cooking. This became their morning routine.

  Adelaide had learned to move across the surface of the snow wearing snowshoes. She found these devices that she strapped onto her boots to be wondrous even if cumbersome. They enabled her to walk in the woods when the snow had become too deep to wade through. She soon discovered that Darwin had the greatest difficulty walking in deep, fresh snow, but after a day or two a crust would form and he could join her when she went off into the woods. There was a beauty to the woods in the winter, especially when wind had not yet disturbed the fresh snow fall that had settled on the branches of the trees. It was on those days that the silence of the forest was almost absolute. While traveling in the woods wearing snowshoes, Adelaide found that she made very little noise herself, the snapping of fallen branches and crackling of leaves that accompanied her movements in the fall were absent. The sounds that she did hear tended now to be solos, no longer part of a larger chorus. The single call of a cardinal or chickadee or the rattle of a red squirrel could be more clearly heard. There were days when it was too cold for the red squirrels to be active, and it was then that she would miss their usual complaints. From time to time she would still hear the drumming of the woodpecker in its search for food and the cry of a hawk as it flew overhead. She was grateful for those creatures that had not abandoned the place during those months of cold and snow and remained to animate the winter landscape around her.

  Although it was too cold to do any sketching outdoors that time of year, Adelaide discovered that if she kept moving she could stay out for several hours before becoming too cold. When she finally returned to the pond after the snow had come, she found it frozen over. She missed the slap of the beaver’s tail on the water. She could make out the shape of their lodge on the far side of the pond, no longer hidden from her view by tall reeds. Even with the snow cover, Darwin would explore the terrain with his nose to the ground. It was by watching him that she was able to discover the tracks of the animals in the snow, tracks that she otherwise would have missed. There were signs of deer and rabbit, fox and wolves and many tracks that she could not identify.

  One afternoon in mid-December,
as she and Darwin were returning to the farm, the wind suddenly changed direction. What had been a gentle breeze earlier in the day became a gale, and Adelaide found herself battling headlong into a wall of wind. The strong wind was dislodging snow from the branches above them and, caught on the wind, the snow was propelled toward them, at times so heavy that it was difficult to see. Adelaide saw something carried by the wind settle upon the snow. Darwin, up ahead of her, stopped to investigate. When she reached the dog, she discovered a piece of brightly colored fabric lying in the snow. Adelaide was familiar with the pattern on the cloth. As she picked it up she could see that the edges were scorched. She knew then that the rumors were true. Jonas had told her that the townspeople were saying that the pregnant girl living with the Fays had died in the church fire. Mrs. Fay had refused to accept it, insisting the girl had stowed away on the first boat out after the storm. But the piece of burnt cloth was all of the evidence that Adelaide needed to know the truth. It was fabric from Mary’s dress. Mary had found a way to escape her pain.

  Adelaide knelt down and rested her forehead against Darwin’s side. As she looked at the fabric which bore the mark of Mary’s suffering, a tear ran down her cheek.

  “Remember Mary, Dar?” she said. “She’s free now.”

  She stood up and let the cloth fall from her hand. Carried by the strong wind it landed on the snow several feet behind her.

  “It’s getting cold, Darwin,” she added. “We better get moving.”

  ****

  Adelaide had not been into town since the onset of the winter weather. She was happy with the farm and with the woods around her. There was nothing in town that she missed. The situation was quite different for Jonas, however. Jonas was a charming and gregarious, young man and after only a few days on the farm he found that he missed socializing, especially with other men. He had survived the blizzard on Isle Royale but had returned with the tips of several of his toes blackened by the cold. As a result it was painful for him to walk. He refused to just lie in bed and so he endured the discomfort while he attended to chores around the farm, but the walk to town was, for a time, beyond his ability.