Get the Life You Really Want

by James Caan

  The typical view is that to be successful, particularly in business, you have to be aggressive and ruthless. I don’t see why. When people meet me, they often say they are surprised. I am quite soft-spoken. I do not get angry. I listen a lot.

  There’s no need to arm-wrestle everyone you meet. The person who is frustrating or not impressing me today might be a business partner tomorrow. When I was on Dragons’ Den, even if somebody came in with what I thought was a crazy idea that I didn’t want to invest in, I tried never to do them down. The secret is to respect other people’s point of view. Embrace their differences. Treat them like human beings. You’ll be surprised how someone you instinctively dislike might respond.

  A few years ago I set up a school in Pakistan in memory of my father. After the Abdul Rashid Khan Campus opened, there were still many challenges ahead. We had to work out how to get kids from nearby villages to the school. The school was not near a city, so we had to attract teachers. The road needed strengthening for the rains of the monsoon season.

  To help me I asked for advice from Seema Aziz, a successful businesswoman who advised the government on schooling. She took me on a tour of the schools. What stuck with me was that during the whole busy day, Seema knew the name of every teacher in each of her schools. Despite the demands of running a major fashion house, she had taken time to learn every single one of their names. That showed enormous respect for the teachers, and it was hardly surprising that they worked so hard for her and that the schools were doing so well.

  You can only build relationships with people you have spent time getting to know. Whenever somebody new joins one of my companies, I always aim to create a useful induction phase for them. I know it can be daunting coming into a company on day one, feeling a bit of an outsider on that first Monday. So I’ll ask them to go and meet the finance director, but rather than leaving them both to get on with a nice, but meaningless, chat, I will take the time to give the new person some ideas for the conversation: ‘Ask him about this great deal we did two years ago.’

  And I’ll do the same in reverse, and talk to the finance director in advance. I know the new guy, I know exactly what it was about him that convinced me to offer him the job. So I can get the finance director to ask a question which will reveal those strengths. That way both of them walk away with something concrete, and they have learnt a little about what each of them is good at.

  Just as you should build good relationships, you also need to weed out the people who try to put you down. The usual reason is that they are weak. They are afraid. They feel threatened by you. I have heard them called ‘crazymakers’. That’s a perfect description. If you let them get to you, you will lose the plot. They will have succeeded in their aims.

  Avoid those people. You know you can’t change them. They won’t listen to reason. You have to bypass them. So if you can, find a way to get them out of your life or at least push them to the edges of it.

  Building relationships: the JC approach

  Good relationships will help you in the long term. Don’t see every contact with other people as a contest you have to win. Leave a little juice in the lemon!

  Respecting other people’s differences means you can use those differences to your advantage. Sometimes respect is in the detail, like remembering names.

  Try to avoid the people who want to stop you succeeding. Remember, they are the weak ones. Sidestep them, ignore them and focus on your own plans and ambitions.

  On your own you might be good, but within a team you can be great.

  Being able to build long, fruitful relationships is always valuable. When you are trying to change your life it’s essential.

  9

  Regime Change

  Looking after yourself

  I went for a regular health check a couple of years ago. The doctor I saw challenged me to re-think my daily routine.

  When all the tests were over and done with, I asked him what advice he had for me. He told me he didn’t have any. I was disappointed, a bit annoyed in fact. I was expecting at least some feedback. But he just said, ‘What do you want me to tell you that you don’t already know?’

  He ran through my lifestyle at the time. I was working all hours. I wasn’t eating correctly. I was usually eating very late at night. I certainly wasn’t exercising enough. ‘You know all of that already,’ he said, ‘but that doesn’t make any difference. Because it’s not important to you. Otherwise you’d have changed your lifestyle already.’

  His words really struck home. I realized that only if I was bothered could I change. As a result I decided to get fitter and more focused.

  I had enjoyed all the challenges of building up my businesses. It was great fun, but very, very hard work. There was constant pressure and stress. The success I had achieved came at a price, which up to then I had been prepared to pay. The doctor’s words made me re-assess how long I could keep doing that.

  I changed things around. Just a few simple things. I started eating more sensibly. I began to make time to work out. I lost weight. I felt so much fitter. That in itself was a motivation, because I felt great and I wanted to stay that way.

  Generally I have become far more aware that to be able to do well, you need to be in good physical shape. If you are not healthy, if you are constantly drained and tired, you are ineffective. I recognize that I am starting to believe we are what we eat. Every illness in the modern world seems to be connected back to our food intake.

  I haven’t slackened off my work-rate noticeably. I still work seven days a week. Even on a weekend I might well start meetings at 9 a.m., if not before. Then I will have business commitments through to the evening.

  It is demanding to maintain that pace, that focus and that concentration. I think of it like a car. If the engine isn’t working, you aren’t going anywhere. I’ve connected the two. I’ve said, ‘If I am going to be successful as an entrepreneur, unless my engine is properly tuned, I can’t fire on all cylinders.’ Therefore I have to make an effort.

  I have a trainer who comes three times a week. Sometimes when he is ringing the doorbell at 7 in the morning I really would prefer to have a lie-in. Would I love a full-on fry-up in the morning? Of course I would. But you know what? I have muesli, yoghurt and fruit instead, because it’s the right thing to do.

  Like so many things in this book, getting this right is even more critical at a time of change. If you are not functioning correctly you’re on a dodgy wicket before you start. I have maintained my regime change and I don’t particularly like it. I’d love to eat what I want. I’d love not to have to work out. However, I know if I don’t do it, I won’t have any energy. I will be tired and ratty. I won’t make good decisions.

  So I get up and answer that doorbell at 7 a.m. By the time I get to the office, I have had a great workout. I am alive, I am energetic. I am feeling really good. As I come in through reception I am sending out huge amounts of positive energy. I can see the guys in the office saying, ‘What is he on?’

  Like the advice from the doctor I went to see, this is not radical. Believe me, I’m not bringing out a fitness DVD for Christmas – Matt Roberts doesn’t need to get worried just yet. I am not telling you anything you don’t already know. The key message here is, if I can change my lifestyle anybody can.

  The benefits on your ability to change your life will be noticeable. Not only do I make better decisions, but I pass on that good feeling. What would happen if I slouched in, a bit lethargic? Or if I moaned, ‘Can’t wait for Friday…’ As a side-effect of me feeling better, I am projecting a more positive message. That goes back to what you can bring out of other people.

  If you are healthier, and sleeping better, you will be more focused, sharper. You will use your time more effectively, and you will have a much more positive outlook. You will avoid the negative thinking that comes with being tired, and the vicious circle that sets up.

  You will rarely find me wallowing in negativity and analysing events that have been and gone
. So many people spend hours asking why something happened to them. Where does that get you? Nowhere fast. The reason I don’t waste my time over-analysing history is because I can’t change it. And if I can’t change it, what’s the point?

  Yes, I will try to learn a lesson from whatever happens, but I will look forward to applying it to the future. Because what I can do is change the future. I can influence future events because they are created by me. I focus on going forward.

  Lifestyle: the JC approach

  To tackle the challenges ahead, you need to feel fit and full of energy. Your decision-making will be much sharper.

  You already know the changes you need to make to your lifestyle. Think about the benefits they will bring.

  If you feel more energized, people will see that and respond to it. So you’re not only doing this for yourself, you’re doing it to inspire and enthuse other people too.

  It’s true a healthy body fosters a healthy mind. Best of all, you can use them both working together to create a positive influence on your future.

  There is one relationship you definitely need to nurture. That’s the relationship with yourself.

  10

  Reap the Rewards

  Motivating yourself

  I really believe in the importance of rewarding yourself. I don’t think many people realize how important this is. It is something very few people do.

  I see this a lot in the new businesses I work with. The people who have set them up think, ‘No, no, no, I mustn’t take any money out.’ My view is quite different. I want them to celebrate reaching each of their milestones.

  I am not saying, ‘Spend everything you’ve got.’ What I am saying is that there have to be rewards along the journey. You are working hard. You are achieving your targets. You should give yourself something. If you give yourself nothing, the journey becomes much harder because you are not seeing any benefits. Make sure you give yourself something to look forward to when you achieve a target. Bonuses are there for a reason.

  Let’s say you’ve just set up a new business offering home-based fitness training. When you make your first £500, go out and treat yourself. Have a really good meal, buy yourself a new iPad. You don’t have to go crazy, but all of a sudden you have a new iPad and you are feeling pretty good about yourself.

  What is important is not the iPad itself, but where it came from. It came from what you have achieved. You have converted what you have done into something real, something tangible.

  This is an area where I disagreed fundamentally with my father. He was the complete opposite. He didn’t believe in that at all: his view was always, ‘You’ve got to wait until the business is successful. Don’t over-indulge. Don’t be reckless.’ He would tell me I should always put any money straight back into the business.

  I used to think about this and say, ‘Dad, I think you’re wrong, because I am the business. If I am not motivated, the business won’t ever make it. You’re separating the business from me. I am saying we are one, and you have got to treat it as one.’

  For me, it’s the same principle whatever you are trying to achieve. You are the person who is going to make it work. I have also seen too many businesses go bust. I know there are entrepreneurs who have created a lot of wealth on paper and ended up left with nothing.

  The most extreme example of rewarding myself was in the second year of my first business. We had set ourselves the target of making a profit of £100,000 and we actually made £400,000. I was sitting in a meeting with the finance guy looking at my accounts.

  I thought to myself, ‘I need a bonus.’ So off I went to the Rolls-Royce showroom and ordered a Silver Spirit (the Phantom would have to wait a few more years). I was twenty-four years old. It was crazy. On one level the car was an over-the-top, obscene purchase. But relatively speaking, on the profits that we had made, it wasn’t. It was a bonus.

  Yet as crazy as it was, I am telling you that car had a massive impact on my motivation. Every time I got into the driving seat of that Rolls, I believed, ‘If I carry on doing this, I could realize more of my dreams.’ Rewarding yourself for each milestone spurs you on to the next one.

  I still do it, to this day. I’ll give myself a pat on the back. Just recently my company Hamilton Bradshaw had a particularly good September, and the weekend after I had the results I saw a pair of shoes I liked and decided to buy them. They just put a smile on my face.

  What that reward is will be different for everybody. I realize how lucky I was to buy the car I wanted at twenty-four. The reward doesn’t have to be so blatant.

  In 2009 I went to Kibera in Kenya with Sport Relief. We visited one of the AIDS camps. I walked into a corrugated tin shed in this shanty town, and met a woman who was living there with eight kids. It was one room, no more than three metres square. There was no furniture, just a box. The only light was what filtered through the cracks in the ceiling.

  The woman who lived there had this huge grin on her face. I was quite confused because while she was talking, my eyes were going round the room. I was trying to work out in my head how nine people could sleep in this room. Even if you were lying side by side you probably couldn’t fit them all in.

  I said to the interpreter, ‘I’m not being rude, but could you ask her a question? She seems really, really happy. Why is she so happy?’ He asked her. She said, ‘There is a reason I am happy. I have been on the waiting list for this shed for eighteen months and we only got it three weeks ago.’ It put everything into perspective.

  Rewards: the JC approach

  A reward for reaching a milestone doesn’t have to be expensive, but should mean something to you. It will have real value for you because it represents an achievement.

  If you wait too long before rewarding yourself, the journey can feel much longer than it needs to, and you may never see the fruits of your labour.

  Each reward becomes another piece of motivation for what you want to achieve. It reminds you how good you’ll feel when you reach the next milestone.

  Recognize the importance of celebrating your success – it will help you to become consistently successful.

  Conclusion

  Closing the circle

  When I left home at sixteen, I broke my father’s heart. In an Asian family like ours, the concept of a family business is immensely important. In his mind, there was no question that he wanted to see his son taking over the business he had built up with painstaking care. So when I rejected that idea, he must have felt I was rejecting him.

  I told him I was going to do my own thing and he was devastated. The house was full of tension, and on the day I left I thought he would never forgive me. He certainly thought I was spoilt and mollycoddled and that I would be crawling back in a couple of weeks. My mother had saved up £30 for me and I left home with that in my pocket.

  As I walked away from the house I was in tears, praying that someone from the family would run after me to fetch me back, but no one did. I walked as slowly as I possibly could, and still no one came, so by the time I reached the train station I thought to myself, I really am going to have to do this.

  My father and I were both very proud people. I didn’t go home for two years. Even when I had set up my first business and was dying to show him what I was doing, he said he didn’t understand recruitment, that it was a crazy business and it would never work.

  But when my second company, Humana International, had grown to 100 offices, we held a huge event at the very smart Dorchester Hotel in London, with a world map showing the location of each of the offices. As I was making the presentation, I looked out into the audience and saw my father with tears in his eyes. I don’t think he ever thought I would make it to that level.

  As I came off the stage, he embraced me and said, ‘I am so proud of you. This means more to me than all the success I could have wished for.’

  That was the moment I knew that I had succeeded in what I had wanted to achieve. It proved the value – in the best possible way – of
the decision I had taken to change my life.

  Quick Reads

  Books in the Quick Reads Series

  Amy’s Diary Maureen Lee

  Beyond the Bounty Tony Parsons

  Bloody Valentine James Patterson

  Buster Fleabags Rolf Harris

  The Cave Kate Mosse

  Chickenfeed Minette Walters

  Cleanskin Val McDermid

  The Cleverness of Ladies Alexander McCall Smith

  Clouded Vision Linwood Barclay

  A Cool Head Ian Rankin

  The Dare John Boyne

  Doctor Who: Code of the Krillitanes Justin Richards

  Doctor Who: I Am a Dalek Gareth Roberts

  Doctor Who: Made of Steel Terrance Dicks

  Doctor Who: Magic of the Angels Jacqueline Rayner

  Doctor Who: Revenge of the Judoon Terrance Dicks

  Doctor Who: The Sontaran Games Jacqueline Rayner

  A Dream Come True Maureen Lee

  Follow Me Sheila O’Flanagan

  Full House Maeve Binchy

  Get the Life You Really Want James Caan

  Girl on the Platform Josephine Cox

  The Grey Man Andy McNab

  Hell Island Matthew Reilly

  Hello Mum Bernardine Evaristo

  How to Change Your Life in 7 Steps John Bird

  Humble Pie Gordon Ramsay

  Jack and Jill Lucy Cavendish

  Kung Fu Trip Benjamin Zephaniah

  Last Night Another Soldier Andy McNab

  Life’s New Hurdles Colin Jackson

  Life’s Too Short Val McDermid, Editor

  Lily Adèle Geras

  The Little One Lynda La Plante

  Men at Work Mike Gayle

  Money Magic Alvin Hall

  My Dad’s a Policeman Cathy Glass