Going Under

by Lauren Dane

  Rosa nodded.

  She shrugged. “Maybe. But he was out of line today. He shouldn’t have told you all that.”

  “No. You should have.” Her mother sent her a raised brow.

  “I’ve told you both my job is dangerous. I’ve made no secret that I have a bodyguard. But how could you have done anything in Chicago? Or here for that matter? Why would I burden you with worry when there is absolutely nothing you can do about it? I shared the basics. It’s not like I hid it from you entirely. He and I had it out. He apologized but I have no doubt he’d do it again if he wanted to. He’s . . . unruly.”

  Molly frowned. How on earth she got herself tangled up with an unruly man she didn’t know. They were a lot of trouble. Though the benefits were pretty nice too.

  Rosa laughed and Molly realized it had been months since she’d heard that sound. “They’re the best kind. Anthony was unruly. You need a little unruly, honey. Muss up all that starched-up expectation you have that everything in the world will be exactly as you would have it be.”

  “It would be a lot easier if it was.”

  Her mother only shook her head, smiling. “That and he’s proud of you. He wanted us to know how much you were doing. And we are too. Proud of you, I mean. Now drink the rest of your tea and go to bed. We’ll have breakfast tomorrow and we can talk more but I’m worried you’re not resting enough.”

  Molly was so glad they were there. So glad to have that support and love. “I’ve missed you both so much. It’s so selfish of me to want you here, but I’m glad you are.”

  She smiled, but the emotion surged through her and both women in the room knew her very well.

  Her mother hugged her, and then Rosa. “Then do what we tell you. Go to sleep. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

  She hugged them both and paused at the door. Her mother walked her out to the elevator. “Tell Gage I said hello.”

  Molly blushed. “Okay.”

  * * *

  SHE got back to her room and true to his promise, Gage was there making dinner in her galley kitchen.

  “Smells good.” She didn’t lie. Her stomach growled.

  “They settled in all right? Faine stopped in and said he escorted them to dinner.”

  “He did? That was very nice of him.” She walked past the kitchen. “I’ll be right back.”

  She quickly changed and returned to the main room.

  “It’s nearly done. I hope you like omelets.”

  She looked at him over the rim of her juice glass. “You know I do.” He’d made them for her once or twice before when he’d slept over.

  “I do. I just wanted to fill the empty space I guess.”

  “I guess I thought our silence was pretty comfortable by this point.”

  He slid the omelet onto a plate and then her way. She salted and peppered it before giving it the Tabasco treatment.

  He sat next to her at the kitchen island. “They are when you’re not avoiding the topic.”

  “My mom and Rosa know we’re seeing each other.” See how he liked that topic.

  He leaned in, rubbing his shoulder against hers. “All right.”

  She ate, feeling better with each bite until she finally put her fork down and rubbed her belly. “Oh my god, so full.”

  “Good. You look better, actually. Imagine what eating regularly would do. I know how much you like good food.” He put the dishes and the pan into the dishwasher and turned his gaze on her again.

  “I’m usually better about it than I was today.”

  “You regularly do this, Molly. You run yourself ragged.”

  Too much. Before she realized it, her magick had filled her, spilling out through the room.

  “Look, I’m doing my best. I can’t help it that in my old life people weren’t trying to assault me every time I went outside. Back then I could go to lunch without a bodyguard!”

  “And yet you still make excuses for the people doing this to you.”

  “Yes, that’s so very true. I make excuses for PURITY every day. You should find that transcript you keep citing so we can go over it. Oh. Wait. You can’t. Because I don’t ever make excuses for the people responsible for doing this to me.”

  “So stop letting them rob you of rest and eating right.”

  The man thought he was so clever with that reverse psychology thing.

  “Oh really? You’re going to try to play psychologist with me now?”

  “Someone needs to.” He paused. “Doesn’t it make you mad, ever? That they’ve stolen your life too? You talk about how much Rosa has lost. But what about you?”

  “I said I don’t want to talk about it!”

  “Yes, because swallowing it helps.”

  “How about you? Hm? What have you lost?”

  “My uncle for starters. Friends. More members of the clan than I can count.”

  “Your girlfriend.” Wow, that sounded petty.

  He shook his head. “You’re usually so smart. She wasn’t my girlfriend. She was a woman I liked and had dated a few times. She left. But you? You’re more to me than someone I like and date. Watching you punish yourself over and over makes me want to shake some sense into you.”

  “Even when I say I don’t want to talk about it? Repeatedly?”

  He grinned and she sighed at his appeal.

  “Especially then. Because you’re a liar. That’s the problem. Normally you’re strong and take charge and it’s hot. You’re good at your job and everyone loves you and all that. And that’s hot too. But when you try to pretend you can just ignore the welling emotions inside, that’s dumb and you’re not. Your magick just overflowed in reaction. That means something.”

  She stood, trying to keep her cool, but her hands shook and she knew he noticed. “I used to have a simple life. I had a good job. A firm I built with great clients. I had a beautiful apartment with a beautiful view. I wore nice clothes that no one ever threw flour on. No one ever called me a whore or a demon. I used to have lunch in quiet little places with linen tablecloths and servers who called me Ms. Ryan. I used to have lots of things I don’t have now. It sucks. I’ll get over it.”

  “But you’re pissed off, aren’t you, beautiful?”

  “Hell yes!” She took off her bracelet and threw it, instantly embarrassed. “See what you do to me?”

  He laughed. “Tell me more. What do I do to you? To all that careful reserve? Hm?”

  “You poke and poke and you think it’s funny but one day you’re going to pull back a stump. Fair warning.”

  “You throw things when you’re riled up. Goddamn, I love that.”

  She threw her hands up, seeking patience, but she had none left. “I’m so glad I can entertain you.”

  “You know what this is about. They’ve stolen your life. You talk about how angry it makes you that they’ve stolen Rosa’s life. Or other people’s lives, but how about yours?”

  “I don’t have time to be angry.”

  “Liar.”

  She chewed her lip, losing the war inside to keep everything back. It would serve him right if she just unloaded it all over him.

  “You want me to go first? Huh? I’m fucking outraged that I can’t go to a family dinner and hear my uncle telling one of his stories. I’m even more outraged that humans are treating his death like it doesn’t matter. Some humans,” he amended. “I’m sick at having to watch the toll on people I care about. You’re losing weight, Molly. I can see that look in your eyes when you’re approached by someone new. Wary. I’ve watched you change over the nearly two months you’ve been here. Gotten harder.”

  “I’m so tired.” She scrubbed hands over her face, knowing she was making a mess out of her makeup and not caring. “I’m tired of having to be on guard all the time. I don’t know how people do it. I used to love meeting new people. Now I have to worry if they’re going to attack me. Verbally, physically, whatever. I hate the look on people’s faces when they find out I’m a witch. Hate that change from friendly to distrust or outr
ight dislike. I hate that I have to be guarded every minute of the day. It takes so much energy just to leave the room here. I hate that I lost my father and my best friend and I’m expected to move past it because somehow their deaths didn’t count. My life never used to be like this.”

  “Doesn’t that make you mad?”

  He whispered those words and she felt them as if he’d screamed instead.

  “Yes. Does that make you happy? It fills me with rage I can do nothing about. It feels futile sometimes. Like I’m just going through the motions of life and not actually living it. It feels like I’m not doing anything at all. Just treading water. I feel totally unnecessary and useless. I’m failing. I hate to fail.”

  The tears came in a hot rush, blurring her vision as the first sob tore through her.

  “And yet you get up and leave this room every day. You go out into hostile crowds and tell the truth. And they believe you. You do make a difference. You’re not failing. Molly, you’re my hero. I’m not lying. I admire you so fucking much.”

  “You’re the only thing that feels real.”

  And it was true. Right then Molly discovered something about herself. She loved so hard. Harder than she’d ever imagined she could. She loved this man who pushed her so she broke with him and not out there where no one could help her. It was so much and too much and not enough and she couldn’t seem to do anything but slide down the wall and cry big ugly tears.

  And he was there, his arms around her, holding her tight as he rocked back and forth, just letting her cry.

  It tore him apart to see her this way, even as relief that she finally let it go filled him.

  She shook with sobs as she wept and he wanted to go burn shit down on her behalf.

  “Shhh, I’m here. Just let it all go.”

  He didn’t want to feel this way about anyone again. Ha, again. What a fucking liar he was. He’d never felt this sort of intensity for anyone. Ever. There was no one in the world quite like this woman he held in his arms.

  No one who made him ache so much. Or who made him laugh, even as she exasperated him. Who argued back with vigor—just as easily as she defended. She had honor. And courage.

  She’d become someone to him. Her silly jealousy over Rose had made him laugh. If she only knew how much she was on his mind. How he made up stupid crap for Faine to do so he could take over and be with her.

  Her admission that he was the only thing that felt real to her only made him want her more.

  And he shouldn’t. He had enough to do. Many people to protect. Edwina Owen died on his watch. Lark nearly died. Rose ran off. His uncle was dead. He should have protected each of them and he didn’t.

  He would enjoy this woman. Protect her the best he could. But he could not love her. She wasn’t for him. They could be together. Hold on during these rough and dangerous times. It didn’t have to be more, because it was enough.

  Chapter 21

  SHE had a crying headache. Served her right for sniveling all over Gage’s shirt for what seemed like hours.

  At the same time, she felt . . . lighter.

  By the time she’d finished getting dressed, Gage came out of the bathroom looking gorgeous and wet and she checked her watch, bummed that she didn’t have a good fifteen extra minutes to get some of that.

  “Just give me three minutes.”

  “It’s all right. We’re just having breakfast in my mother’s room. Unless . . . well, unless you’d like to come and get to know them.”

  He pulled his boxers on and she frowned.

  “If you’re sure. Since it’s here in the building and we’ve got the whole thing locked down you’re fine to go down there on your own. Stop looking at me like that or you’re going to be really late for breakfast and you’ll have to redo that pretty makeup.”

  Well, at least he didn’t want to run out the door at the sight of her after she’d flipped out the night before. That was a plus.

  He got into jeans and stalked over as she stood, rooted to the spot like prey. Banding her waist with one arm, he hauled her close. “You know what it does to me when you blush.” He kissed the corner of her mouth and she took a deep breath to get as much of him into her system as she could.

  “How about you come down in like fifteen minutes? The coffee will be ready and we’ll have time to talk about you. I may actually objectify you, so if I’m red-faced when you arrive, you’ll know why.”

  He laughed, kissing her again. “Fine. I’ll see you in fifteen minutes.”

  She hugged him tight. “Thank you,” she managed to say, eyes closed.

  “For what, beautiful?” His hands slid up and down her back, soothing.

  “For being there. Last night I mean.”

  He set her back a little so he could look into her face. “You have nothing to thank me for. That’s what . . . friends are for.”

  Friends. He was so dumb. Friends was what he was with Lark. He didn’t have sex with Lark. He didn’t make her tea after she cried all over him and then make love to her until she was so tired and pleasure fuzzy it was all she could do to fall into a deep sleep.

  She doubted quite surely that Gage would consider it friendly if Tosh had done all the things Gage had done the night before.

  But knowing he was being a dumb boy instead of actually pushing her away amused her. And maybe gave her a challenge.

  She sniffed, smiling. “Sure. Friends.”

  He ducked his head and stepped back. “I’ll finish getting dressed and check in with Faine. See you in a bit.”

  “All right.” She grabbed her bag and headed to the door, but before she could open it to leave, she found herself spun and backed against it, his body pressed to hers.

  “You forgot to kiss me good-bye,” he murmured before he bent and began to kiss the sense right out of her. Taking over in the way he tended to do, sending her hormones into a tizzy as all his sex chemicals buzzed through her system.

  He broke the kiss with that smile of his. Knowing exactly what he was doing to her. The rogue.

  “I’m going to have to reapply my lipstick now.” She licked her lips to taste him once more.

  “Good.” He opened the door and looked out into the hallway, satisfied everything was safe. “See you in a few minutes.”

  * * *

  MOLLY looked up when Meriel tapped on her door. “Hi there. Do you have a few?”

  “As a matter of fact, I do. I just got off the phone with Senator Sato’s assistant. We’re set to testify in front of the new committee next Tuesday.”

  “Good. That was fast.” Meriel hesitated at the door and then motioned Molly out with a jerk of her chin. “I need coffee.”

  “You’re singing my song.”

  “I hear rumors of donuts in the kitchen along with the coffee. You haven’t had the joy that is Top Pot yet, have you?”

  “No.” They meandered down the hall. “But Gage has been singing their praises. He just took me to Red Mill last week. I can’t even believe I’ve been missing that since I moved here. Of course it’s probably for the best, as I’d probably never do anything but eat onion rings and drink milkshakes instead of doing my job. I can’t believe how many great places to eat highly caloric foods the man knows about. Not that you’d know it to look at him.”

  “Did your mom and Rosa get back to Chicago safely?”

  Her mother had put in a bid on a place and had ended up signing a contract two days later. Rosa decided to rent for a while, until her place in Chicago sold. Anthony Junior still lived and worked there anyway so it was complicated, though he too wanted to get away from his past and be in a place where he felt more welcomed.

  They’d spent nearly a week in Seattle and had returned home the day before. Molly missed them both already.

  “Yeah. My mom will be back with my grandparents in a few weeks. Hopefully Rosa will be back around then as well with Anthony, her son.”

  She poured coffee into mugs while Meriel grabbed donuts for each of them and they settled
at a little table near the windows.

  “Please let me know if there’s anything Owen can do to help. It’s got to be hard trying to help them when you’re working so much.”

  “Sure. Because your schedule is so light and all.”

  Meriel laughed. “Well, but I’m in charge so I can delegate that stuff to people who can help her. I just wanted to check in with you. It’s been a few months now since you’ve been here. Are things okay?”

  She snorted and managed to get half the donut in her mouth around a moan of delight.

  “Things are what they are.” She shrugged. “This new Senate committee is totally divided already and it’s only been in place two weeks. Tosh has been a great champion of our cause and I had a great conversation today with Senator Sperry too.”

  “Sperry is the shifter, right?”

  Molly nodded. “Yes, that’s her. There are others in the House. Other Others I mean. Carroll is one, he’s from Georgia. But some of them haven’t revealed it yet. It’s only a matter of time so he’s trying to help them make that move now before it’s out of their hands. PURITY is sniffing around trying to find anything they can.”

  “I hate them. I hate them and Carlo Powers and Senator Hayes too. That smug asshole.”

  “Guy was just some jerk from poodlebutt nowhere and now he’s got all this power because he’s been courting all the crazies from PURITY and Humans First. He’s got himself a bully pulpit and he means to use it. He’s dangerous, Meriel. More dangerous than Powers ever could be.”

  “I’m pretty sick of hearing how dangerous people are.” Meriel rubbed the bridge of her nose and Molly knew she needed to share something, but let her do it on her own schedule.

  “Yes, well, me too.”

  “So you and Gage.” Meriel quirked up a grin.

  Molly grinned back. “Yes?”

  “He talks about you constantly. He used to duck the subject when it came up. You know, are you and Molly together? Now he just smiles. He’s less . . . intense. You’re good for him.”

  “He’s a good man. I enjoy him.” Molly shrugged. “He’s meddlesome and grumpy too. Luckily for him, he’s handsome so he gets away with it.”