For the Love of Alex

by J. E. Hopkins

  Although they all wanted to dismiss it as normal college drinking and partying, it was getting out of hand and soon they would not be able to cover for him. With their family history of addiction, it was potentially dangerous.

  “I would love to know what is going on his head, but he won’t talk. He is acting out, getting himself into stupid trouble, and when you confront him he has no explanation. He just gets angry and shuts himself off. He and I used to talk all the time and now all we do is argue. I don’t know what to do with that boy, but your father is out of patience. He wants to throw Tristan out. I won’t let him. We made that mistake with you. I will never banish another child from my life for not following the rules, but I can’t just sit by and let him self-destruct. I won’t let him end up like...”

  She stopped but Leah didn’t need her to fill in the blanks. She knew her mother was concerned that Tristan would end up like Uncle Eddie.

  Francesca paid the bill and they left the restaurant. Leah’s stomach felt queasy and her back was sore. She hoped the walk back to the office and the fresh air would help her feel better but as soon as she stepped into the lobby, a strong pain cut through her belly, causing her to double over.

  Her mother was right by her side. “What’s wrong, Leah?”

  The pain seized her body but eventually it faded long enough for her to catch her breath. “I’m not sure. I think I might be in labor.”

  III

  This kind of pain was inhuman. Nothing should hurt this badly. Leah groaned as another contraction ripped through her.

  She was so tempted to get the epidural but she wanted to have this baby naturally. No drugs. She knew the epidural would not impact the baby and that she was being overly cautious, but she just couldn’t give in and accept the drugs. She would bear this pain no matter how intense, although she prayed it did not get any worse and would end soon. After four hours, she was ready to push the baby out, but her water had yet to break, so this day was far from over—and neither were the contractions.

  She turned to her mother, who was looking so perfectly calm. Leah wished she could match her mother’s composure. The woman just refused to be rattled. Right now, her presence was exactly what Leah needed.

  Her mother handled all the insurance information and paperwork. Spoke to the doctors and made all the arrangements including getting Leah into a private room. Leah had tried to protest, knowing she could not afford such comfort, but her mother dismissed her concerns and assured her that she would handle everything.

  It was such a relief having someone there to finally take care of her after having to take care of herself for so long. Even before Alex left, he had been in no condition to take care of himself, let alone Leah. As a child, her mother seemed rather disinterested in hands-on parenting and left most of the responsibility to the bevy of nannies assigned to her and Tristan.

  Of all people, she would have been the last Leah expected to be there for her now, but there she was holding her daughter’s hand and never complaining, even when Leah clung to her so tightly that she nearly broke several of her mother’s perfectly manicured nails.

  “I’m glad you’re here, Mom,” Leah cried as the last contraction faded. Her mother may not have been the sentimental type, but Leah wanted her to know how much her presence there mattered to her.

  “I’m glad to be here for you,” Francesca replied.

  Another hour passed, but Leah’s water still had not broken. It seemed like this day would never end. She wondered if this baby would be a Valentine’s Day baby after all. The baby certainly did not seem to be in any hurry to make an appearance.

  The door flew up and Claire burst in, looking so adorably disheveled. “I’m here, Leah. I’m ready. I can coach you through this.”

  Despite her words, Claire was an odd shade of green and looked ready to pass out at any moment. “Are you okay, Claire?” The worst was yet to come and if she couldn’t handle this part, she would never last through the actual delivery.

  “Yeah. I’m okay. Sorta.”

  “Claire, it’s going to be okay. People have babies every day.”

  “Yeah, but not you and I’m not there for those. This is just really intense and you look so…”

  Leah knew she wasn’t looking her best, but good grief she didn’t think she was in that bad of shape. She knew she was sweating and her hair was sticking to her skin. Okay, so she probably did look like a train wreck but jeez, did she look so bad that it was causing that eerie shade of pea green on Claire’s face?

  “I know I look pretty lousy, but I am having a baby here,” Leah replied defensively.

  “No. You don’t look bad, you just look like…”

  “The most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

  Everyone’s eyes turned to the direction of that voice and they saw Alex standing behind a startled Claire.

  “Alex!” Leah cried out his name so shocked to see him standing there. She dreamed that he would be there for the birth but never imagined it would actually happen.

  Alex smiled lovingly at Leah before gently nudging a dumbfounded Claire. “Would you mind stepping aside so I can come in?”

  “Of course,” Claire muttered as she scampered out the way.

  Alex strode to the bed and sat beside Leah, taking her hand in his. “How are my girls?”

  “Happy,” Leah’s tears flowed down her face as she started to sob. Alex pulled her toward him and held her tightly in his arms as he whispered words of love and reassurance to her. Her sobs eased and he laid her back down in the bed. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

  “This is where I belong.” Alex turned to Francesca, who was leaning against the wall watching the couple reunite. “Thank you, Mrs. Rhodes.”

  “You’re welcome, Alexander,” she replied coolly, but not with the usual disdain she reserved for him. She had always treated Alex as the interloper who intruded upon her perfect family and disrupted the order she fought so hard to preserve. “I will leave you two alone.”

  “Mom, will you come back for the birth?” Leah hadn’t realized how much she wanted her mother there until then, but after spending those last hours with her, her mother’s steady support was just what she needed. With her mother there and Alex, she knew she could handle the birth. She could handle just about anything life threw at her. She knew this would be hard for her mother and it was asking a lot considering their relationship was still so tenuous. “I’m allowed two people in the delivery room and considering Claire will probably suffer a coronary if she were there, I would much prefer to have you there with me and Alex if you are comfortable with that.” Leah braced herself for rejection as she watched her mother warring with herself.

  “I wasn’t even conscious for the birth of my own children. It might be nice to see my grandchild come into this world. I will come back, Leah, and I will happily be there for you.” Francesca curved her lips in a genuinely loving smile that Leah had so rarely ever seen. It lit up her stunning face and even her eyes glimmered with delight.

  Francesca left the room, leaving Alex and Leah alone. She just stared at him for the longest time, so shocked and overjoyed to see him there with her.

  “I would say pinch me to see if I were dreaming, but that last contraction was certainly no dream.”

  “Did you take anything for the pain?” Alex asked. Concern was evident in his bright blue eyes, that looked even more striking now that drugs no longer hindered their glow.

  “I refused drugs. I want to do this naturally.” By the look on his face, Leah knew he understood exactly why she would not accept drugs. She didn’t want to discuss drugs. Right now, she just wanted to focus on them together in this moment. “So why did you thank my mother?” Leah asked.

  “She’s the reason I’m here.”

  Leah could not hide her disbelief. Her mother had softened a bit, but Leah knew her feelings about Alex had not changed. She still didn’t believe he was right for her and Leah suspected that her mother wanted them to stay a
part so for her to play any role in Alex being here was incredible to say the least.

  “I don’t understand. How did my mother get you here? She didn’t even know where you were staying.”

  “No, but Deverson did of course. She contacted him and he arranged for a temporary release for me and a car to bring me here. If it hadn’t been for your mother reaching out to him, I wouldn’t be here now. I admit it’s quite shocking to think your mother would help me considering she hates me, but she came through. When you emailed me that you and she were getting closer I was skeptical. In fact, I couldn’t really believe it at all. I figured your mother was just plotting to keep us apart by warming up to you, but after what she did today, I’m finally starting to believe that the Francesca Rhodes I once knew was abducted by aliens and replaced with a kinder, gentler model.”

  Leah laughed even as another contraction hit her. “Don’t get too carried away. My mother is different, but in many ways still the same. I wouldn’t be too quick to anoint her as Carol Brady.”

  “What? You mean she isn’t baking pies and knitting booties for the baby?” Alex teased.

  “My mother is more likely to spike your pie with cyanide or stab you with a knitting needle.” Leah snorted at Alex’s horrified face. “I’m just kidding. I shouldn’t be making fun of her considering how wonderful she has been, but I have learned that my mother has a morbid sense of humor. We both do and we laugh at each other quite a bit. It’s nice to be able to be that open with her.”

  “It’s about damn time.”

  Leah nodded, then another sharp pain gripped her and she felt a moistness in the bed. Alex held her hand as she clutched him so tightly her knuckles were white.

  “Leah, what happened?” Alex’s panicked voice repeated over and over again.

  Finally, Leah found her voice as the pain eased slightly. “My water broke. I think the baby is coming now.”

  Now was not quite accurate. Even after her water broke, the stubborn baby still took several more hours to come. As Alex supported Leah’s left side and her mother encouraged her on her right, she used their strength to help her push.

  It seemed like the pushing would never end, but then finally the doctor told her to push one more time. Although exhausted, Leah bore down with her last shred of strength and pushed hard before collapsing in Alex’s arms. Moments later at exactly 11:58 on Valentine’s Day, she heard the shrill cry of her baby.

  “It’s a girl,” Dr. Lechter pronounced, holding that squirming baby in her arms. “Would you like to cut the cord?” she offered Alex, who just stared at the infant in the doctor’s arms.

  “I-I don’t want to mess that up.” Alex looked so panicked that Leah though he might faint.

  “You won’t,” the doctor encouraged him.

  Dr. Lechter clamped the cord and handed Alex the scissors. She directed him where to cut and, after a few anxious moments, Alex cut the cord, detaching the baby. Shortly thereafter, the baby was in the arms of a nurse cleaning her up.

  “Is she okay?” Leah said, anxious to see the baby.

  “She’s perfect,” Dr. Lechter assured her. “Soon you will hold her, but first there is the matter of the afterbirth.”

  Several minutes later, the nurse brought the crying baby to Leah, who anxiously reached for her daughter. Leah was overwhelmed with love as she held her child and rocked her gently. She looked to Alex, who had tears in his eyes. “Our little girl,” she whispered to him.

  Alex kissed Leah tenderly before kissing the baby’s forehead. He gently stroked her forehead while she cried in her mother’s arms.

  “Would you like to hold her, Alex?”

  Alex looked frightened, but he took a deep breath and nodded. Leah passed the baby over to him and he nestled her so perfectly in his arms. As soon as he held her, the crying ceased.

  “Looks like a daddy’s baby,” Francesca mused.

  “No doubt. I fell in love with him the first time I saw him as well.”

  IV

  Leah was finally able to sleep for a few hours, but then the nurses came to bring her the baby and she happily fed her daughter for the first time. Alex never left her side as they took turns holding little Sienna Hope.

  Leah knew that her daughter’s heart already belonged to her father. The baby just responded so well to him so quickly. It was like she just instinctively knew him and felt safe with him. Alex just adored her. It was a mutual love at first sight. Leah couldn’t feel jealous because she was just so happy that Alex bonded with the baby so easily and that he was so comfortable holding her and loving her.

  Despite the joy of this moment, she knew it would eventually end. Alex seemed so much better. He looked gorgeous and vibrant. He was healthy and strong. He was the Alex she prayed would return to her, but something in his eyes revealed to her that he wasn’t there to stay.

  He hadn’t said anything, but any time Leah mentioned the future, he looked away or grew quiet. She didn’t want to ask, but she couldn’t ignore the inevitable questions that needed answering. It was time to face the music. She would be discharged tomorrow and she needed to know if Alex would be going home with her now or in the future.

  “Sienna and I will be discharged tomorrow afternoon,” she informed Alex, knowing he already knew, but she wanted to see his reaction. He nodded as his eyes remained on Sienna sleeping peacefully in his arms. He stood by the window as if showing Sienna the view. “Alex, we have to talk. I need to know what’s going to happen when I leave here tomorrow. What’s going to happen to us?”

  Alex finally turned to Leah and sat in the chair next to the bed. “I’m going back, Leah. I wish I could tell you that I could go home with you and Sienna so we could be a family, but I know if I go back now I will just end up where I was before. The difference is, in addition to breaking your heart, I will break Sienna’s as well. I can’t do that to either of you. I have a couple of weeks to go and then I am going to spend a few months in a sober-living house—but one closer to you and the baby. I want to get a job and get my life on track. Once I fix me I can be in a position to support you and Sienna. I’m just not there yet. I know it’s not fair to either of you. I want so badly to be with you both right now. It’s going to kill me to walk away, but it’s better I go now than stay and drag you both down with me.”

  Leah could see the agony in Alex’s face. It matched the ache in her heart. She wanted to beg him to stay, but she knew it would be unfair to ask and to pressure him into making a decision that was not good for him, for any of them. He was trying to do the right thing and after years of failing, he was finally succeeding. She would not hinder him now no matter how much despair she felt.

  “I am so glad you were able to be here for her birth. I didn’t want to have her without you. I also don’t want her to grow up without you, and I know that will happen if you don’t continue to get better. Even though it hurts more than anything to watch you leave, I know there will be no greater feeling than watching you come back home to us healthy and clean. We will be waiting for you, Alex. We won’t give up on you. We won’t give up on this family.”

  Alex climbed into the bed with Leah and she curled into him, resting her head on his shoulder while Sienna slept contently on his chest. Leah rubbed her daughter’s back as Alex stroked Leah’s arm.

  “I love you, Leah. I swear to you I am going to beat this thing because I want nothing more than this—my two girls in my arms forever. I will not give this up. I’ll be damned if I let heroin take it away from me.”

  Chapter 11: A Time to Heal

  Sienna was resting comfortably in her grandmother’s arms while her mother ran around the apartment searching for everything she needed to include in her diaper bag.

  “I can’t find the diapers,” a frazzled Leah complained to her mother. “They were right here and now they’re gone.”

  “Leah, you put them in the diaper bag about five minutes ago,” Francesca reminded her anxious daughter.

  Leah checked the diaper bag an
d found the diapers, wipes, and everything else she needed for the baby. Leah collapsed on the couch next to her mother, so emotionally and physically drained.

  “Everything is going to be fine. Why are you so nervous about visiting Alex?”

  Why was she so nervous, she wondered? She saw Alex a couple of weeks ago when he finally left rehab. He seemed so at peace for the first time in ages. Leah had hoped he would change his mind and move back into their apartment, but he was determined to go to sober living.

  There was a facility on Long Island and his spot had already been reserved thanks to Deverson’s funding. She would never be able to repay that man for his generosity.

  This would be Leah’s first visit there, and she didn’t know what to expect. He wasn’t totally living alone, as there were other recovering addicts occupying the rooms there, but he had his own room and was supposed to be learning how to take care of himself and rebuild his life. Leah worried that Alex may decide that he would rather rebuild his life without the burden of a family.

  As much as she knew Alex loved her, she also knew Alex never had a chance to really grow up and be a typical kid. He missed those years. Now he was twenty-two and a father with responsibilities and obligations. This kind of pressure could be detrimental to his long-term health. What if he were better without her?

  No more dwelling on the unknown. Right now, she would enjoy this visit with him. She hadn’t seen him in two weeks. Even though her days and nights were busy with tending to Sienna’s needs, any moment she spent alone was filled with longing for Alex.

  It took her hours to get ready that morning to find the right outfit to wear. She dressed and changed and changed again until she finally settled on an outfit. Of course, Sienna spit up all over it and she had to change again.

  Getting the baby ready was less of a struggle. She already had an extensive wardrobe thanks to her grandmother and Auntie Claire, who were determined to buy every dress in Sienna’s size. The child would be spoiled rotten, but she would be loved and that was the most important thing.