For the Love of Alex

by J. E. Hopkins

  Alex rose to leave, pulling Leah up beside him. Before he could walk away, Rebecca grabbed his left wrist. “Please stay, Xander,” she pleaded, clutching his arm to her chest. “Please paint with Mama again.”

  She asked as if she hadn’t heard a word Alex had said. Her childlike mind was unable to process the brutal honesty of his words. It was like she was suspended in a time when Alex was just a small child. Leah doubted Rebecca understood that she was in prison for the rest of her life; her mind so tattered from years of addiction and probably other mental issues. It was like talking to a child.

  Leah could see Alex struggling. He wanted to escape, but he didn’t want to hurt his mother. As much as he wanted to hate her, there was no hate in his eyes when he looked at this woman. There never could be no matter how much harm she caused him. Pretending to hate her would just hurt him more.

  Just behind Alex was one of Rebecca’s paintings. Leah hadn’t really noticed her work as she was so intent on helping Alex survive this visit, but now she couldn’t take her eyes off of them. She scanned the room looking at one after the other and noticed most of them were of a little boy with an angelic face and gorgeous blue eyes that matched the sea.

  All this time, his mother had been painting him. Her little Xander was her muse.

  As much as Leah wanted to hate Rebecca Briggs for all that she’d done to Alex, there was no doubt she was sick; mentally shattered thanks to years of drugs and other tortures that had destroyed any hope of her being a loving mother. Despite that, in her own way she loved Alex and had never forgotten him, just the way Alex had not forgotten her.

  Did Alex notice? Leah touched his face to get his attention and his eyes immediately focused on hers. She pointed to the picture on the left. His face was immediately stricken with grief as he recognized the images his mother drew. He detached himself from his mother and walked over to the paintings, looking at one after the other. Almost all of them were images of Alex as a child.

  “That’s my Xander,” Rebecca called out as she watched Alex with a look of great pride on her face.

  Leah’s heart broke for Alex as he studied each picture. His eyes were battling the tears he was determined to not let fall.

  “I wanted to hate her, Leah,” Alex admitted. “I wanted to come here and curse her and tell her to rot in hell. But she’s already in hell. She has been her whole life. She’s sick. There’s no satisfaction in hating her.”

  “There may be satisfaction in forgiving her.” Leah wrapped her arms around Alex, resting her head on his taut back. “It might help you let her go, Alex. Give her this last gift and then be free. Forgive her and move on.”

  Alex brushed a tear aside and reached for Leah’s right hand, kissing each of her knuckles. He slipped away from her and walked towards his mother, who had returned to her painting. He grabbed a chair and pulled it up next to his mother’s. Rebecca paused and then faced her son. She simply glowed as Alex picked up a brush.

  Leah watched as Alex and his mother painted a beautiful portrait of a sunset. Alex looked so content, so at peace. Leah understood. Alex finally had the one thing he needed—closure.

  As they drove back to Long Island in silence, Leah wondered how Alex was feeling, but be remained quiet, offering no words to explain the countless thoughts that had to be racing through his mind. When they reached the sober-living facility, Leah finally ended the silence.

  “Are you okay, Alex? How do you feel?”

  He took a deep breath before facing her with an unexpectedly bright smile on his face. “Free, Leah. I finally feel free.”

  III

  Leah had dressed Sienna in a denim skirt and glittery purple top with black patent leather boots. Another gift from Auntie Claire, and it was perfect for this sunny spring day in May which was a little cool, but comfortable especially after weeks of rain in April.

  Leah was looking forward to spending this day with Alex and Sienna. Soon she would have to return to work full time and not be able to enjoy outings like this, but for now she wanted to make the most of every opportunity to spend with her family.

  She loved the way that sounded. Family was what she always wanted. Although she still wished she and Alex were living under one roof, she would be patient and wait for him to come home to her. At least they were spending almost every day together, and each one was better than the last. Alex was a different person and in many ways Leah was getting to know the new man he’d become. As he was discovering himself, Leah was discovering him as well and so far, she loved every aspect of Alex. He wasn’t the same boy she loved her whole life, he was an even better man—thanks to his sobriety.

  Alex surprisingly asked to meet her at the restaurant she used to work at while in college and during the first few months when she joined the paper. She hadn’t seen her old boss Bill in months. Things had grown so awkward between them when Alex had his meltdown and damaged the place. Leah had tried to pay for the damages Alex had caused, but Bill refused to accept any money from her. She felt so guilty that she no longer felt comfortable working there and facing Bill each night. After a couple of weeks, she quit her job and hadn’t returned to the restaurant.

  She knew it was wrong to not keep in touch, but she hadn’t been brave enough to face Bill. She tried to convince Alex to go someplace else, but Alex was adamant that he wanted to meet there. Leah begrudgingly agreed. At least Bill could meet Sienna and she could apologize to him for not staying in touch. Maybe they could be friends again.

  Leah arrived at the restaurant at a few minutes after noon. She was late, but juggling a baby and all Sienna’s things made it almost impossible to arrive anywhere on time. She pushed open the door and, to her surprise, the place was empty. Lunch time was usually quite busy there, but today there was not one patron at a table. Leah looked around and didn’t see any staff either. There was one table set up with candles glowing, but otherwise the place seemed eerily deserted.

  The door to the kitchen opened and Alex stepped out wearing a dark suit with a blue button-down dress shirt that matched his eyes. He wore a black and blue tie that elegantly accentuated his entire appearance. He looked simply stunning with his shoulder-length hair slicked back. Leah closed her mouth before she started drooling. She could just watch him all day every day and never grow tired of his splendor.

  “W-what’s going on?” Leah stuttered.

  Alex stood in front of her with those mischievous gleaming eyes watching her closely as his lips curved into a smile that illuminated his entire face. “I wanted us to have a special afternoon together and Bill was kind enough to lend us his place.” Leah was stunned. Her face reflecting exactly how she felt. “I can see you’re shocked. Well, Bill is fortunately a very forgiving, honorable man. So much so that he offered me a job here. I am going to be waiting tables for now until I make some career decisions. But at least in the immediate future, I have some type of steady income that I could use to help support us.”

  Alex unbuckled Sienna from the stroller and she happily buried herself in the crook of his neck. Her favorite spot. Leah’s too.

  Alex held Sienna with one hand and clutched Leah’s other hand as he ushered her to the table with the candles. Bill appeared dressed as a waiter. Leah was so happy to see him that she leapt into his welcoming arms.

  “I’m so sorry, Bill. I should have kept in contact.” She held the older man tightly. In many ways, Bill was like a father to her. He certainly had been kinder and more supportive than her real father ever had been.

  “No worries, kid. Just make sure you do in the future. You’re family Leah, not just a former employee. Don’t be a stranger.”

  Bill pulled a chair out for her and Leah sat down while Alex sat across from her with Sienna in his arms drooling all over his shirt.

  Bill served them all of Leah’s favorites—calamari, shrimp fettuccine, and a sinfully delicious brownie and Oreo cheesecake. Leah was so stuffed afterwards she thought she might explode, but it was worth every calorie.

/>   “You might have to roll me out of here in Sienna’s stroller,” she teased Alex, who had just eaten the last morsel of cheesecake. Sienna was sleeping peacefully in her stroller and Leah was tempted to join her, as all the food left her exhausted and wonderfully satiated.

  “I have something else for you.”

  “Alex, if I look at something else to eat, I really will burst.”

  “It’s not for you to eat; it’s for you to hopefully wear.” Alex reached into his pocket and pulled out a small jewelry box. He opened it up and then showed it to Leah.

  Leah tentatively reached for the sparkling blue and white diamond ring in the shape of a heart. “Alex…”

  “I wanted to get your other ring back that I pawned, but then I realized I don’t want you to wear that ring. That was a reminder of the past and I want to start fresh in the future. I want this to be a new beginning for us Leah. I want you to marry the man that I’ve become who’s a much better man than the one who asked you to marry him years ago.”

  “Alex, this is beautiful but it is too much.” Her last ring was so much smaller. This must have cost him at least a couple of thousand, which was more than he could afford. She didn’t need an expensive ring. She just needed him.

  “It’s not nearly enough, Leah. I wish it were more. Don’t worry about the cost. I know your frugal mind is telling you it’s too much, but it’s not. I can afford this. I didn’t want to tell you this before I knew it was certain, but now it looks to be a done deal. After we visited my mother and I started painting again with her I realized how much I loved painting. The one good thing that I got out of that visit was that I rediscovered my love for art. I quit because my art seemed to be a connection to her, and I felt I had to sever all ties from her in order to heal, but I was wrong. In that moment, I felt like I could embrace that aspect of my mother’s gift to me, without having to embrace the rest. I missed it so much Leah. Later that day, I started painting again just for me. Just to feel that peacefulness again.”

  Leah had not heard him speak so passionately about his art before. It was almost like he was ashamed of that talent and afraid to love it. But now he was glowing from describing his zest for it. It was like Alex finally found his calling. Leah could feel his joy in every word he spoke and she fed off his happiness and excitement.

  “I was trying to do this in secret. I guess I wasn’t confident about my abilities anymore. It had been so long. Well, Mary Beth at the sober-living facility discovered them in my room and she was so enthusiastic about it. She decided to buy a few to hang up at the facility. I offered to just give them to her, but she wouldn’t accept without paying me something. Not only did she do that, she invited a friend of hers who owns a gallery to see my work and he was impressed. I thought he was just humoring the poor ex-junkie at first, but he bought several other paintings for money than I ever expected to see. He also wants me to do more work so he could feature them at his gallery. Who knows if anyone will ever buy anything, but at least it’s a chance. I can work here and get a steady pay and then paint part-time and hopefully make some additional money for us. If not, so be it, but it feels so good to paint again and I’m glad I rediscovered this simple joy. I feel alive when I create.”

  Leah was so pleased for him. She hadn’t seen Alex look this happy in years. He was simply radiant.

  She always thought he should be an artist but he had been insistent on being a lawyer. She worried he chose that profession to satisfy her family’s lofty expectations, but she knew it wasn’t his passion. He was too creative for a career so rigid.

  He eased out of his chair and bent down on one knee in front of her. “I know I have given you every reason to say no, but I pray you will say yes. Marry me, Leah. Officially this time. I don’t think it counted when we were kids,” he teased, “although it was official in my heart. It always has been. You’re my life. You saved me from hell. You’ve given me hope when I was wallowing in misery. You’ve given me joy when all I knew was pain. Everything good in my life was gifted to me by you. There are no words to describe how much I love you. Give me a chance to spend every day of the rest of my life showing you how much I do. Will you marry me, Leah?”

  A tearful Leah threw her arms around Alex’s neck and wept as he gathered her close and rocked her in his arms. She pushed away just enough so she could see his loving face. “All I’ve ever wanted was to be your wife. I love you Alex, for better for worse, for sickness and in health, until death do us part, and even then I will love you in the next life.”

  She kissed Alex’s tears away and then pressed her forehead against his as she felt his warmth spreading throughout her body wiping away all the doubts and strain that had haunted her for so long. She was finally just where she wanted to be, held securely in the arms of the only man she would ever love and knowing that their love and finally won the war after years of battling the white powder.

  IV

  For the Love of Sienna,

  Six months ago we were blessed with the most perfect gift two desperate souls could have ever hoped for. You came into our lives and taught us how to live. You smiled and we learned how to feel pure joy. You saved our broken spirit and put the pieces of our shattered hearts back together again. You gave us the strength to find our way to a better place so that we could become better people for you.

  It was through your love that we found the courage to fight through the fires of hell. We survived the darkness of drugs, pain, loneliness and guilt and now enjoy this heavenly paradise you bless us with every day.

  Each day we look into your innocent big blues eyes and we fall deeper and deeper in love with you. Our sweet baby girl, we thank you for your gift of love, your gift of happiness, your gift of hope.

  Thanks to the love of Sienna, today we can finally give each other the best gift of all—the gift of family.

  With our deepest love,

  Mom & Dad

  Leah finished typing and emailed her latest blog to Marcus. The final chapter in her story with Alex—the final chapter for this blog, but a new beginning for them.

  She turned to face Alex sitting by her side and her daughter resting comfortably in his arms. She marveled at the two of them. Alex looking as dashing as ever in his black tuxedo and burgundy tie—the tie matching Sienna’s designer gown. She looked like a porcelain doll, almost too perfect to be real.

  Leah kissed her little angel’s face and then sought the comfort of Alex’s loving lips. She could stay like this forever, but there was a minister waiting along with a small gathering of family and friends. She smoothed her ivory dress and reached for Alex’s hand.

  “Let’s go get married, Alex Briggs.”

  Epilogue

  “You’re officially mine.” Alex wrapped his arms around his wife, pulling her close to him.

  “I’ve always been yours,” Leah reminded him. “I always will be.”

  Leah watched her guests dancing and laughing. Part of her still couldn’t believe this was her wedding day. It was more than she could have ever hoped for. For so long she had dreamed of this day, but within the last few years this dream seemed almost impossible. Now she was here in the circle of the arms of the man she adored with every ounce of her being and she was finally officially Leah Briggs.

  The day had been perfect. Her mother, of all people, walked her down the aisle and seemed sincerely pleased that she and Alex were finally getting married.

  Her father did not bother coming, which wasn’t a surprise. If anything it was a blessing because his negativity would have just been a dark cloud on an otherwise glorious sunny day. Leah was pleased her little brother showed up. Something was still quite off with him as if he was battling some internal struggle, but he brushed it aside and was doing his best to enjoy the party. He spent most of the time fighting with Claire to hold Sienna. He was quite attached to his little niece, who simply adored her Uncle Tristan. Claire refused to let her go for more than a few minutes and the two passed her back and forth, Sienna laugh
ing the whole time and enjoying the attention.

  This was what Leah had always wanted for her child and for herself—love and family. Despite the odds, they had both and plenty of it.

  “Congratulations.” Marcus stood in front of Leah, looking impeccable in his gray suit. She embraced him, as did Alex. “Married in the Hamptons. Pretty impressive.”

  “Can’t say I expected this, but once again, I owe Deverson for another amazing favor.” As soon as Leah told Deverson about her engagement, he practically demanded that she get married at his home in the Hamptons. Leah initially refused, feeling already much too indebted to this man, but refusing Deverson was really never an option. Once he made up his mind, it was official. She had to admit, this was a perfect place to get married.

  “Deverson never ceases to amaze, or annoy,” Marcus smirked.

  “Oh stop. You know you love the guy.” Marcus might never admit it, but Deverson was like a father figure to him. Although he teased Marcus shamefully at times, underneath the banter was love and respect.

  “Toleration, Leah. I tolerate the man because he pays my salary.”

  Leah wasn’t buying it, but she wouldn’t push.

  “By the way, I got your latest blog. Only you would work on your wedding day,” he mocked.