Kamikaze Boys

by Jay Bell

  “Stop, I’m close!”

  Connor deflected David’s attempts at stopping him and kept working, relentless until David had ceased bucking and began whimpering. Then Connor pressed his cheek against David’s abdomen and started pumping his own cock. David wanted to help him somehow, but he could barely breathe. Connor growled, the shoulders beneath David’s hands tensing before he huffed a few times.

  After catching his breath, Connor stood, pulling David’s jeans up before his own. Taking his hand, Connor guided him down to the ground, first sitting and then laying on his back. David had fantasized about this almost as often as he did sex. Cuddling with another guy—holding him or being held. Of course he had never pictured this happening in the middle of the woods, but he wasn’t complaining. Putting his head in the nook of Connor’s arm, David lay next to him, scooting closer so their bare torsos touched. Feeling complete, David closed his eyes, listening to the drum of Connor’s heart and the gentle song of his breathing.

  * * * * *

  Shadows danced across the curve of Connor’s back, distorted leaf shapes that made his skin appear camouflaged. Connor stood facing a row of trees, answering a call of nature, which made David feel weird for being turned on. But hey, he looked good in nothing but a pair of beat-up old jeans. They could live out here forever, escaping the wishes of their parents and making a home in the wilderness, like a gay version of Robinson Crusoe. When Connor came back, digging in his front pocket for his cell phone, David knew he was about to make the opposite suggestion.

  “It’s getting late,” Connor said, squinting at the display. “If I don’t get you home soon, your dad’s going to find out you’ve gone AWOL.”

  David shrugged. “I don’t care.” He was willing to face any punishment to spend more time with Connor. Especially now that they’d had sex. What was supposed to be a physical act had somehow intensified his emotions to the brink of being overwhelming.

  “I care,” Connor said. “You getting grounded means me seeing less of you. I have to work tonight anyway.”

  “Play sick,” David said. “You can tell them you caught it from me.”

  Connor laughed, but David knew he wouldn’t call in.

  As they made their way back to the car, hand in hand, they didn’t talk much. Instead they exchanged stupid grins or sometimes looks of such passion that David was sure they were going to do it again, right there on the bike path. The world seemed to have changed as they rode home, windows down even on the highway, the wind whipping through their hair and clothes. Smoking a joint had made music sound multidimensional, but having sex with Connor made David feel alive as never before. Everything he had known seemed smaller, including the school as they passed by. For once, seeing it didn’t fill him with dread.

  He worried that returning home would break this spell, but kissing Connor before he got out of the car was a reminder of their first kiss in his bedroom. They had left their mark here as well, and when the beat-up old Chevy rumbled away around the corner, the strange spell over David’s world remained.

  Gordon wasn’t waiting on the doorstep, which meant David was late. He felt bad about that and made a note to call him from now on if he wasn’t going to be home. Hopefully he would understand.

  The house was silent when David entered. His father wasn’t home yet, but they had cut it close. He just managed to get to his bedroom and take off his shoes when he heard the car pull into the garage. There wasn’t time to check his appearance, to see if he had dirt on his face or leaves in his hair, but he managed to get under the covers before his father knocked on the door and opened it.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “A little better.”

  “You look like you’re running a fever.”

  David touched his face, feeling the sun there. “I’m a little hot, I guess.”

  “Maybe you should stay home tomorrow.”

  And miss seeing Connor? “No, I think I’ll be okay. Don’t want my grades to slip.”

  His father smiled and left to get dinner ready. David went into the bathroom to search his face in the mirror, checking for any telltale signs his father might not have seen. Maybe he was crazy, but he could swear that he looked different, like the day’s events had changed him. The real test would come tomorrow when he was in school, facing everything that made his life difficult.

  * * * * *

  When David stumbled out the front door the next morning, Connor’s car was waiting at the curb, almost as if it had circled around and spent the night there. But Connor was wearing a different shirt—maroon with a tie-dye pattern—and his skin, when David got in and came close for a kiss, smelled of soap.

  “What are you doing here?” David asked. “Are we skipping again?”

  “Nope. Just figured it didn’t make sense dropping you off but not picking you up.” Connor put the car in gear. “Everything go okay with your dad?”

  “Yeah. How about work?”

  Connor frowned, reaching up to toy with a cigarette behind his ear. “My manager’s a real asshole, which is nothing new. Then there’s this girl, Riley, who has the hots for me.”

  David felt strangely jealous. Connor didn’t like girls, did he? “Doesn’t she realize there’s no chance?”

  “Yeah. Not at first, but I told her a couple of shifts ago. Thing is, I thought she would get over it, but she’s still distant. Last night Mike, the manager, was flirting with her, and she didn’t seem to mind.”

  David shrugged. “Seems like a good thing to me. Maybe if she hooks up with Mike she’ll get over you and things will go back to normal.”

  “Maybe.”

  “Do you have to work tonight?”

  “Nope.”

  David grinned until Connor looked over at him and chuckled.

  “Yeah, I’m happy about it too,” Connor said.

  “So we’re hanging out after school?”

  “Yeah. Oh, hey! I whipped something up last night.” Connor kept his eyes on the road while popping open the glove box. Inside, along with the usual insurance cards and paperwork, were two little chunks of wood with nails hammered through them. Connor held one of them up. “These are for our friend Chuck.”

  David knew exactly what they were for. They were his happy thought throughout the day. That, and the way people looked at him and Connor when they walked into school together. They didn’t hold hands or anything as ostentatious as that, or kiss goodbye when they parted in the hallway, but David watched Connor go with reluctance.

  Not that he was entirely alone. There were other people like David in school, outcasts and weirdoes, who in times of need would keep each other company. This was most common in PE, since the warlike playing field of sports encouraged the idea of safety in numbers. A fat kid might sidle up to David, or David to a guy so awkward he made Gordon look cool, and they would converse in low voices while warily watching their surroundings. Such friendships of convenience could be nice, even if born from desperation, and David had one such contact in almost every class.

  These friendships were also crucial in the cafeteria. No one wanted to eat alone, focusing on the food and hoping the surrounding laughter wasn’t directed at them. David had been unlucky this year. All of the outcasts he knew were assigned to different lunch schedules. His next best option was to sit in the hallway nearest the cafeteria, which was still close enough that teachers never gave him trouble about it. Others sat there, too—a couple of goth girls and an emo boy in their senior year, as well as two freshmen dressed as if they had time traveled from the seventies.

  Like them, David sat with his back to the wall as he ate lunch—sandwich in one hand, a book in the other. He didn’t mind, really. He loved reading and didn’t have to carry on a stilted conversation with someone he barely knew. The half hour always passed quite pleasantly. Usually.

  “You’re David, right?”

  He glanced up to find one of the school’s generically pretty girls staring down at him. Any other guy might fantasize
about her noticing him, but David didn’t. He turned his attention back to the book.

  “I heard that you’re paying Connor Williams to be your bodyguard.”

  David tried not to smile but failed. This obviously wasn’t the reaction the girl hoped for, because she made a disgusted noise before adding:

  “I also hear you pay him to suck your dick.”

  That bothered him. He didn’t want it to, but it did. Maybe if she had reversed it, if David was the one paying for the privilege of sucking off Connor, he wouldn’t have been upset. He was used to people insulting him, but he couldn’t stand Connor’s name being tarnished further.

  “If you’re worried about competition,” David said, “don’t be. There are still plenty of guys you can suck off for lunch money.”

  The girl’s eyes grew wide and incredulous, as if a peasant had dared talk back to royalty. David smirked and looked back at his book, staring at it without reading.

  “You’re such an asshole,” the girl said as she stomped off.

  As soon as she was gone, David sighed. Some angry boyfriend would probably be after him next. Tomorrow he would sit somewhere else, just in case. All he had to do was survive the next couple of weeks and the school year would be over.

  Putting up with Chuck in fifth period was easier than usual. Chuck kept staring at him, hoping to intimidate, but David risked smiling back, thinking of what Connor had planned after school. When the bell finally rang, David rushed down the hall so fast that he was one of the first people in the parking lot. His early arrival brought the usual feeling of vulnerability. Without Connor there, anything could happen, but David kept his head held high until a familiar arm wrapped around his shoulders.

  “Hurry,” Connor stage-whispered as he guided them toward his Chevy. He had parked a few rows over from Chuck’s gleaming sports car, but when they sat on the trunk, they had a decent view. Chuck and his friends strutted to the Mazda, hanging out around it and making snide comments at students passing by. They noticed Connor and David, but only laughed, no doubt thinking of the paint they had dumped across the Chevy’s windshield.

  “I should have just slashed the damn tires!” Connor said with an exasperated sigh.

  When Chuck finally got in his car, he revved the engine before shifting into drive. David thought they would hear the tires pop as they rolled over the nails, but the squealing rubber was much louder. Connor must have placed the nails under the back tires, because Chuck’s car swung forward as it always did, but the rear lost traction and continued to swing. That is, until it hit the car on the other side of the parking lot aisle with a nasty crunch.

  “Oh shit!” Connor choked back a laugh.

  David joined him, both trying to stifle their laughter until they were in the car. Already they could hear Chuck swearing and shouting.

  Connor grinned. “Someone’s daddy is getting a call from the insurance company.”

  David beamed back at him. “Let’s get out of here!”

  He glanced over at the wreck as they pulled out and caught a glimpse of Chuck, pale faced and slack-jawed.

  “You know they’re going to retaliate,” David said. “They’ll know it was us when they find the wood and nails and probably slash your tires tomorrow.” And Connor couldn’t afford to replace them so easily. No doubt all Chuck had to do was go crying to his parents.

  “You used to walk,” Connor said. “How about tomorrow, I come to your place and leave my car there. Then we can just walk the rest of the way.”

  Walk back and forth to school every day with Connor? Like David was going to say no to that. He wished they could also share lunch and classes. Hell, then David would probably start loving school. He would go all mental, expressing his school spirit at the pep rallies, screaming out the stupid chants until his head exploded with confetti.

  Gordon waited on the doorstep, looking relieved that David was there today. Without Tommy, David tried to entertain them both at once. Connor was a good sport about it, sitting next to him and watching them play video games for a while. Then David gave Connor the controller. The game was an RPG with timed battles, which couldn’t be easier, but somehow Connor managed to kill everyone in their party except one knight who was both poisoned and turned into a frog. Gordon laughed so hard, snorting desperately for air, that David feared he would need CPR.

  When his father was due to return home from work, and after Gordon had left, David had an idea. “Stay for dinner,” he said. “Your mom is home tonight so Tommy is okay, right?”

  “Yeah.” Connor looked uncomfortable. “You sure your dad wouldn’t mind?”

  “Of course.”

  In reality, David didn’t have a clue. He never had anyone over except for Gordon, who usually went home to eat. David strained to hear the garage door, running up the stairs when he did so he could talk to his father alone.

  “I’m studying with a friend,” he said. “It’s late and he’s still here, so I thought he could have dinner with us.”

  His father slowed in hanging up his suit jacket as he considered.

  “I have a big test this Friday in history,” David pressed. “Okay?”

  “I suppose so. I’ll call you when it’s ready.”

  “Thanks!”

  As David returned downstairs, he began to have doubts. He had been thinking only of spending more time with Connor. Now he couldn’t imagine all three of them sitting at the tiny table.

  “You’re in my history class,” David told Connor. “I only mention this because my dad is school-obsessed.”

  “Whatever you say.” Connor was on the bed, pushed up on his elbows. “Gordon’s a great guy, but I couldn’t wait for him to leave.”

  David knew the reason for the change of topic. “We can’t do it now! What if my dad comes down here?”

  “I wasn’t talking about sex, horn dog!” He looked so offended that David almost apologized. Then Connor grinned. “Okay, so I was. Come kiss me at least. Be my little appetizer.”

  David shook his head. “What does that even mean?”

  Connor sat up and reached out, grabbing him by the wrists and pulling David down on top of him and trapping David in his arms.

  “Let go!” David howled in protest before remembering they were supposed to be studying. He muted his laughs against Connor’s neck, kissing the soft skin there once he had calmed down. “You smell good,” he murmured. Then he pulled back in shock.

  “Why do you look so surprised? Do I normally stink?”

  “No! Well, not in a bad way. But you don’t smell like cigarettes anymore.”

  Connor’s smile was sly. “I wondered when you’d notice.”

  “You quit?”

  “Mm-hm.” Connor came in for a kiss, but David dodged.

  “Why?”

  “So I could kiss you without tasting like an ashtray, but since you refuse to put out, I’m starting up again.”

  “No!”

  “Yup. I’ll start smoking cigars too. Then I’ll really stink.”

  David ignored the teasing. “I can’t believe you quit for me.”

  “Then make it worth my while.” Connor brought his lips close to David’s. “Shut up and kiss me.”

  Chapter Nine

  Mr. Henry was intimidating. Connor had nearly forgotten how authoritative normal fathers could be. His own dad had turned to mush long ago, not just because of the pills, but also from the confidence-destroying guilt surrounding the accident. Mr. Henry wasn’t like that at all, his mind unnervingly sharp.

  “Are you a junior too, Connor?”

  He finished chewing before he answered. The pasta was just okay, the side salad better, but he was grateful for the meal anyway. “No, I’m a senior.”

  “And you share the same history class?”

  Sharp as a tack.

  “There was a scheduling error,” Connor lied. “They didn’t give me a social studies course last year, so now I’m taking both U.S. history and economics.”

  Mr. Henry
’s attention was on his plate. He had a strange habit of asking a question while appearing uninterested in the answer. Connor almost thought he wasn’t listening, but little escaped his notice. He also wiped his mouth each time before speaking, which made Connor wonder if he should do the same. He glanced at David, who appeared sympathetic.

  “So you’ll be graduating in a couple of weeks,” Mr. Henry said. “That must be very exciting. What are your plans?”

  “Getting a full-time job for the summer. Beyond that, I don’t know.”

  “He has a part-time job already,” David said proudly.

  Mr. Henry appeared impressed. “And your plans for college?”

  Connor gave a long mental sigh. He should have known a professor would be most concerned with education. No doubt he thought college was the ultimate and final goal, since his adult life was still centered there. Connor wouldn’t lie about this. He had nothing to be ashamed of.

  “I’ve been saving up to get my own place. If I budget right and get a roommate, I might be able to afford community classes at night.”

  “Aha.” Mr. Henry, finished with his plate, pushed it away. “So you didn’t have any luck with scholarships? How did you do on your SATs?”

  David groaned. “That’s enough, Dad. He’ll make an appointment with the school counselor if he wants a lecture.”

  “I’m just trying to learn more about your friend. Am I allowed to ask what kind of career he’ll be pursuing?”

  “Ballet dancer,” Connor said without missing a beat. Then he grinned, David laughed, and Mr. Henry smiled after a moment of surprise. “Actually, I’ll probably keep working in the food industry. Your son thinks I’m a good cook, so maybe I have potential there.”

  “Then you’ll have to cook for us sometime,” Mr. Henry said. “You know, the Art Institute in Lenexa has a culinary arts program.”