Kamikaze Boys

by Jay Bell

  David sat and stared at his cell phone for a while longer before driving home. His father asked where the food was, David mumbling something about not being hungry as he tossed the keys on the counter and went back down to his room. He put on some music to calm himself, but that didn’t work. Even dancing didn’t make him feel better as he waited for another message. He wanted to send more texts, hundreds of them, but didn’t know if Connor still had his phone.

  Just when he thought he would drive to Connor’s, no matter the consequences, his phone vibrated. David snatched it up.

  You alone?

  Yes.

  The phone rang a second later. When David answered it, Connor spoke in a low voice.

  “Just a sec.”

  David heard the trailer door slam. Then gravel crunching as Connor walked a short distance. The sound of a rusty car door opening and closing came before Connor spoke again.

  “You there?”

  “Yeah,” David said, not hiding the panic in his voice. “Are you all right?”

  “I’m okay. I ditched the phone once the cops showed up. I didn’t want them scrolling through my numbers.”

  “Cops?”

  “Yup. Mike didn’t waste any time in calling them. They brought me down to the station and asked a bunch of questions.”

  David’s breath was so short he could barely speak. “They arrested you?”

  “No. I don’t think so. I mean, I’m home. I think they were just trying to scare me. I played dumb the whole time, don’t worry.”

  Easier said than done. David was very worried. “Can I come over?”

  Connor hesitated. Then the sound of wind filled the receiver as Connor sighed. “No. We better lay low today. Just in case anything else happens. I think we’re okay, though. I really do.”

  Okay or not, David would prefer they were together to face whatever was coming. “When can I see you again?”

  “Well, kiddo, graduation is tomorrow night. You going to be there?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Okay. I better go put in an appearance for the family. See you tomorrow.”

  Thirty-six hours or so? The minutes might as well have been days as slowly as they passed. David zombied his way through a sandwich and some conversation with his dad, the topic his soon-to-arrive SAT scores. Then he invited Gordon over, because the best way to send time hurtling into a void was by playing video games. Besides, letting Gordon tell him what to do was relaxing.

  Of course he told Gordon what had happened. David needed someone to confide in, and who could you trust if not your partner in crime? Gordon’s response wasn’t what he expected.

  “We’ll be okay,” he said with self-assurance. “I checked those cameras, and they were off. The only weak link is Connor. As long as he doesn’t crack under pressure, we’ll be fine. Unless he’s a stool pigeon and sells us out. Do you think he’s a stool pigeon?”

  David shook his head and laughed. Leave it to Gordon to come up with the weirdest thing to say. His face was dead serious too, his expression scrunched-up as he puzzled over what David found funny.

  That night David sent Connor another text.

  Still OK?

  Yeah. Nervous about grad. Can I skip?

  LOL Nope.

  Maybe things were going to be okay. The police weren’t knocking down their doors, and Connor was doing fine. They exchanged a few more texts, most of them about David wanting Connor to be naked under his graduation gown. By the time David crawled into bed, he was smiling.

  * * * * *

  David felt nervous enough for both of them. He waited in the school parking lot near the doors, but the normally sinister setting was transformed by the large number of families swarming toward the entrance, all of them in high spirits and dressy clothing. David had opted for a sky-blue dress shirt and jeans, and embarrassingly, his father had insisted on adding one of his ties to the outfit. It was maroon, and David was pretty sure it clashed with his shirt, but he left it on anyway.

  Looking for Connor wasn’t easy since every graduate was wearing the same navy blue gown. As it turned out, Tommy found him instead, running up and taking David’s hand to drag him back to the family. Connor’s mother was pretty, in a tired sort of way. She reminded David of a female politician, Hillary Clinton maybe, but with more burden than power. She smiled at David and shook his hand, her words lost to him because of the surrounding noise, but he told her how good it was to meet her.

  The real shocker was Connor’s father. David wasn’t sure he was the same man at first, since he had never seen him outside his recliner. Standing up, he had the same build as Connor except with a belly that suggested the baby was long overdue. His face was clean-shaven, and he seemed to wince at the hustle and bustle surrounding them, but he managed a smile and a few polite words.

  “You look really good,” David said, hoping he didn’t sound like he was hitting on his boyfriend’s father.

  “Feeling good too,” Mr. Williams said, but David had his doubts.

  Connor’s eyes were guardedly proud, as if he thought David might tease him about the cap and gown. They gestured at each other awkwardly, the idea of their usual greeting kiss uncomfortable with his family so near, especially since Tommy was still holding David’s hand and chattering about some cartoon he had seen.

  Then they went inside together and waited for the families ahead of them to find their places. David did his best to make small talk, but felt impatient to get to wherever they were supposed to be. As usual, Tommy filled any silence. David soon found himself talking to Connor’s parents through him.

  “Is there going to be cake?” Tommy asked.

  “It would have to be the size of the school to feed all these people,” David said.

  “And you just had ice cream on the way here,” Mrs. Williams added.

  Tommy moved on to his next fantasy. “Does Connor get a trophy?”

  “Only if he beats everyone here at basketball,” Mr. Williams said.

  “Which is why graduation takes place in the gym,” David contributed.

  By the time they took their seats, he found himself completely relaxed around Connor’s parents. They were crammed into a corner far from the stage, which they didn’t mind because some families had to watch on a screen from the auditorium. Connor had taken his seat with the other graduates in the center of the gym, lost beneath a sea of navy blue caps.

  Tommy was bored by the time the ceremony began. David couldn’t blame him. First came a series of stiff speeches about education and the graduates’ futures, all of which sounded like things his dad would say, before the valedictorian gave a cringe-worthy speech about her transformation to adulthood. David watched with a rapt sort of horror, knowing that he would be going through the same process next year. Finally they started calling out names.

  As each student moved to the front to collect his or her diploma, cheering would erupt from different parts of the audience. For the popular kids, of course, this meant a huge roar from all sides. Did this mean they were popular with the families here as well? David’s revulsion was compounded when a girl’s name was greeted with complete silence. He didn’t recognize her. She was probably just another lonely soul who had found somewhere quiet to eat lunch. He didn’t know why her family wasn’t here, or maybe they were too reserved to cheer, but David felt for her. The next name was called out—a girl slathered in makeup and covered in jewelry—and the cheering resumed, which only punctuated the previous silence.

  David imagined how quiet the response to his name might be. Jeff would probably talk his mom into not coming to the ceremony, and his father might clap politely, but no one else would cheer for him. And that would feel shitty. No matter how little his classmates meant to him, he wouldn’t like how that felt.

  “Hey, Tommy. We need to practice cheering!”

  Tommy perked up.

  “That way we do a really good job for your brother.”

  The next name was called, and a heavy-set guy with
glasses stood up. Only an elderly couple on the other side of the auditorium cheered, but Tommy and David leapt up to clap and shout. They did this for every name called out, and there were hundreds. The people around them glanced at them like they were crazy at first, but David didn’t care. Sometimes their cheers joined those for the popular kids, but other times turned moments of silence into celebration. Mrs. Williams began clapping with them, and by the time Connor’s name was near, other people in the audience had taken up the cause and were applauding everyone.

  “Connor Williams.”

  His voice hoarse now, David gave it his all, and Tommy positively shrieked. Even Mr. Williams let out a satisfied “Yeeeesssss!” As loud as their little corner of the gym was, anyone might have thought Connor was one of the more popular kids. Not too many names followed Williams, and after a much shorter and looser speech from the principal, some of the graduates tossed their caps into the air. Others seemed too concerned about losing them and kept them on. Then chaos erupted, and families went to greet their graduates.

  Tommy ran into the crowd to find Connor, returning on his shoulders. Then they joined the slow-moving exodus to the parking lot. There they stopped outside at an older but well cared-for minivan.

  “Do you boys want to go out to eat to celebrate?” Mr. Williams asked.

  David held his breath, exhaling gently when Connor said:

  “Actually we’re heading back to David’s place. Going to make a night of it there.”

  Mr. Williams nodded and extended a hand, pulling Connor in for a manly hug and a hearty pat on the back while muttering something about being proud. Mrs. Williams had hugs for them both, and Tommy begged to go with them, but eventually the minivan was packed full of family and driving away.

  “Let’s get out of here,” Connor said, shouldering a backpack he had retrieved from the minivan’s backseat.

  David had walked to the school for the graduation ceremony and felt awkward walking with Connor, even a few blocks, while he was still decked out in his graduation regalia.

  “You don’t have to wear the gown for my benefit,” David said.

  Connor’s expression was strange. “You want me to take it off? I don’t think you do. Not here.”

  David shot a sidelong glance at him and snorted. “Whatever. You’re not nude under there. Nice try!”

  The fabric bunching up in his fists, Connor grabbed the robe and pulled upward. There were tennis shoes and bare knees, but David wasn’t convinced. He was just wearing shorts. Wasn’t he?

  “So I guess we part ways here,” Connor said when they entered the subdivision.

  “No servant’s entrance for you tonight,” David said. “I asked my dad if you could spend the night, and he said yes.”

  “But I like climbing through the window,” Connor joked, and after a pause added, “He knows about us, right?”

  “Dad? Yeah. I told him you were my boyfriend, and he took it in stride. Hey, speaking of fathers, someone brought yours back to life!”

  “Yeah.” Connor looked proud. “He’s doing better. After I blew up at him, I guess he went back to the doctor and asked to get off the opiates and tranquilizers. Now he acts like he’s sick all the time, which I almost feel bad about. I don’t know. Part of me doesn’t want to get my hopes up, but tonight was nice. We felt like a family again, you know?”

  David did know. The memories grew fuzzier by the day, but at one time his parents had been together and had taken him places. Maybe if they had stayed together, he would have a little brother or sister as well. He hadn’t realized it until recently, but he missed that feeling of family. He wanted that for his kids, if he ever had them.

  David could easily picture Connor as a father because of how good he was with Tommy. Maybe someday they could start a family together. If so, he wouldn’t let anything tear them apart. Their kids would never have to go through a divorce, not if he could help it.

  To his surprise, David’s own little family opened the front door when they came up the walk. Rather than being in the office listening to music and drinking wine, his father was downstairs and nearly bouncing with excitement.

  “The graduate arrives!” he said, extending a hand to Connor. David could smell from his breath that he had begun tackling his nightly bottle, but he seemed happy rather than drunk. “Congratulations are in order,” he added once they were inside. “I know graduation feels like a final step to you now, but believe me when I say that it’s only the first. There are many opportunities for you to consider.”

  “Dad,” David said in pleading tones.

  “Oh fine. I understand. But if you ever want to discuss your options, Connor, please feel free to come speak to me. Hold on a moment.” His father went to the kitchen, took an envelope off the counter and handed it to Connor. “This is for you.”

  David stared. The envelope had the same proportions as a greeting card.

  “Thanks,” Connor said, sheepishly scratching the back of his head.

  “What were your SAT scores, if you don’t mind me asking? Okay, okay, I’m leaving,” he said after David glared at him.

  They grabbed a couple of cold drinks and headed downstairs to David’s sanctuary.

  “Sorry. When it comes to education, my dad is like a bridezilla planning a wedding. He’s been talking about my graduation since I was in junior high.”

  “I don’t mind,” Connor said, sitting on the edge of the bed and opening the envelope.

  It was a card, simple and formal. David could see the word “Graduation!” emblazoned on the front. As Connor opened it, a green bill parachuted into his lap.

  “A hundred bucks!” Connor said, holding it up. “That’s crazy!”

  “That’s awesome,” David corrected. “Next year he better give me cash too!”

  They laughed, Connor because he was embarrassed, David because he felt embarrassed for him, but the gesture was nice. As single-minded as his father could be, he wasn’t all that bad.

  “So what are we going to do tonight?” Connor asked. “Video games? Finally beat that troublesome Demon Master?”

  “Dragon Lord,” David corrected. “I don’t know. I didn’t really make any plans.”

  Except he had. He had given a lot of thought to Connor’s graduation present and had come up with something he thought was perfect. But now he felt unsure about broaching the subject.

  “We could break into another fast-food joint tonight,” Connor said. “We haven’t done that for a few days.”

  David smiled and put on some music. Connor stood as he did so, sweeping around the room in his robes like he was a duke or something. David selected M83’s latest album, turning it up just loud enough to be heard but quiet enough that they could still talk. When he turned around, Connor was right behind him.

  “You know,” he said. “I’d thought you’d be way more into this gown.”

  “Maybe I’m just jealous.” David put a hand on Connor’s chest, stroking the fabric, and surprised it was thin enough to feel Connor’s chest hair underneath. “No!” he said in disbelief. “You really are crazy!”

  David ran his hands down the robe, finding no resistance where a shirt usually ended and jeans began. All he felt was smooth imitation silk and the flesh below.

  “A little lower,” Connor prompted.

  “I can’t believe you’re not wearing anything underneath!”

  Connor winked. “I felt naked in front of the whole school. If I could turn back time, I would go commando every day.”

  David laughed, grabbing the graduation gown and slowly pulling it upward. Connor stood still and let him reveal his thick thighs, his balls, and the impressive girth standing at full attention. The rest of Connor turned David on just as much as his cock did. His stomach’s slightly rounded shape, which reminded him of Greek sculpture, the hair around his belly button, the proud chest, and the strong neck on either side of his Adam’s apple. Connor helped him the rest of the way, pulling off the gown and tossing it to the si
de before their mouths met.

  David let Connor undress him, skin tingling everywhere that Connor kissed him. Then they stood back and looked at each other. David had felt so shy in the beginning, self-conscious when Connor’s hungry eyes moved over his body, but not any more. He trusted Connor, and they had already done this a surprising number of times since they had first met. Tonight would challenge that comfort level, but David wanted to try.

  Connor spun him around, play-biting David’s shoulders and neck, threatening to eat him and making him laugh. Then he tossed David onto the bed, leaping after him and kissing him more as their hands explored each other. When Connor went down on David, he barely noticed. Okay, so he was getting nervous, even more than their first time together. He reached casually for the small bottle of lube near the headboard of his bed. Buying it had been embarrassing. He was sure the checkout girl at the pharmacy was going to comment on it, but instead she didn’t make eye contact after scanning the container, even when he handed her cash. That was almost worse, but he couldn’t worry about that. He knew he would need it.

  Connor came back up, bracing himself above David and kissing him. This was the position that Connor always hinted in. He’d rub his crotch against David’s, sometimes reaching down to spread his legs. Like now. Connor never tried to force the issue. Sometimes he would let his cock slide along David’s ass, and once last week, he had pressed himself against David’s hole, eyes seeking permission, but David shook his head. And Connor hadn’t blinked an eye, hadn’t looked disappointed. He simply moved on to other options, but David knew that Connor wanted this.

  “Here.” He opened his hand, revealing the bottle, and Connor’s eyebrows shot up. “Just— you know.”

  Connor’s expression was cool with a hint of smug. He rolled over on one side and squeezed some lube onto his fingers, kissing David as he moved his hand down. David was used to this. He had practiced all week, trying to get used to the sensation, and he honestly did enjoy it. For some reason—and maybe bad porn was to blame—he thought Connor would simply lube up and shove it in. Instead he took his time and played, sending waves of pleasure through David and relaxing him. By the time Connor rolled back on top again, David was more than willing to take things further.