Kamikaze Boys

by Jay Bell

  Connor was downstairs raiding the fridge when David discovered the bed. The sheets and pillows were still on it after all these decades. By the time Connor finished lunch, David had cleared the entire bed and could see a crack of daylight through a few more layers of boxes.

  “That’s good enough, don’t you think?” Connor leaned against the doorway with an amorous look that suggested he wanted to give the bed a test run.

  “I guess those muscles are just for show,” David taunted, picking up another box and pushing past him.

  Connor took the bait. After another couple of hours, the room was cleared, the sheets stripped off the bed, the washing machine running, and the window open.

  “You’d make a phenomenal housewife,” Connor said.

  David smirked. “Does that count as a proposal?”

  When the grannies returned home in the late afternoon, Glasses was positively thrilled with the changes, but Overalls looked faint. The color returned to her cheeks when she saw the basement. Not only had David stacked the boxes for easy access, but they were also labeled. He had been tempted to write “junk” on each one and be done with it, but instead he had given each box its due. Glasses was pleased enough that she slipped some cash in his hand.

  “What should we do with it?” David asked Connor when they were alone in the laundry room putting the sheets in the dryer. David could hardly wait to crawl into a real bed again.

  “It’s your money. You worked your—” Connor grabbed him. “—cute little ass off.”

  “Hey!” David wiggled free. “I didn’t spend all day unearthing a bed just to be sexually harassed in the laundry room!”

  “Since when have we ever needed a bed?” Connor tried to grab him again, but David dodged. “Have you forgotten our first time?”

  “I haven’t, which is why we’re doing it the right and proper way tonight.” Not that David wasn’t ready to go, but a fantasy was playing out in his imagination. “Dinner tonight—your choice, my treat—and maybe a movie. Afterwards, if you’re gentlemanly enough, I might let you kiss me goodnight.”

  “Sounds good,” Connor said, backing off. “Depending on where I’m allowed to kiss you.”

  The restaurant they went to was the same one they snuck past on their first night in Florida. David praised Connor’s choice as romantic, but soon learned there was an ulterior motive. The sun was setting as they were seated out on the deck, their waiter rattling off the specials, when he was knocked aside by a waitress with short blonde hair.

  “I’ll take this table, Charlie,” Tracy said, order pad in hand like a reporter trying to get the big scoop. Charlie rubbed his injured shoulder but retreated, leaving Tracy grinning at them. “How sweet of you to come see your big sister.”

  “That’s not the only reason we’re here,” Connor said, telling her how David cleaned out the extra room.

  Tracy reacted as if Christmas had come early and brought Birthday along as a date. “Well, dinner’s on me then!”

  “No, it’s okay,” David said. “Dinner is on Glasses tonight.”

  “Glasses?”

  “Sorry. That’s just what I call your landlady.”

  Tracy barked laughter. “Oh, you mean Anna. What do you call Margie?”

  “Overalls.”

  “That’s funny. They do look alike, but I just call them the grannies. Anyway, they never would have cleared out that room on their own, so I owe you. If not dinner, then something.”

  “Careful,” Connor said, “or David will be asking to move in.”

  “Hey, I’d love that,” Tracy said. “I miss my little brother. Why don’t you move down here? You’re both out of high school, right? I’m sure Simon would give you a job.”

  “I still have another year of school,” David said, hating to admit it. Tracy’s offer might not have been completely serious, but David loved the thought of moving to Florida. Sand plagued his shoes from all the time spent at the beach, his nose was perpetually red with sunburn, and they had spent way too much money on museums and food, but he couldn’t be happier.

  “Tough break,” Tracy said. “That last year will go quicker than you think.”

  “Who’s Simon?” Connor interjected.

  “My boss. He’s so light in the loafers that we use a ladder to get him down from the ceiling. One look at you and he’d probably make you head chef. Want to meet him?”

  Connor rolled his eyes. “No. This is supposed to be a romantic meal.”

  “Hint taken. Give me your orders, and I’ll try not to kill the mood when I bring your food.”

  “It’s not the worst idea in the world,” David said when she had gone.

  At first Connor didn’t understand what he meant, but then shook his head. “There’s no way we can move down here. You still have to finish school.”

  “There are high schools in Florida. Do I really need my parent’s permission to enroll?”

  “No idea, but my sister is right. Your senior year will fly by. If you want to apply to a college down here, that would be fine.”

  David stared at him. “Well, I’m glad I have your permission.”

  “I didn’t mean it like that. I just don’t want you wasting your potential.”

  “What does that even mean?” David’s voice sounded loud, even to his own ears. “People keep saying that to me, like I’m some ugly plant that they keep expecting to flower. Well, what if I don’t? What if people are wrong, and all that potential they think they see is me being not good enough?”

  Connor’s face was flushed, from anger or from embarrassment, David couldn’t tell, but the couple at the next table was eyeing them. “That’s not what I mean at all,” Connor said, voice low. “You’re smart, and I don’t want to see it going to waste.”

  “Are you on my dad’s payroll or something?”

  “No, and I wish you’d stop complaining about him because you’re lucky! Even now my dad doesn’t have a thing to say about my future. I doubt he’s ever thought of it. Maybe that’s why I feel like I don’t have one, I don’t know. But you have a future, and you’re going to be amazing.”

  “How do you know?” David insisted. “How can anyone know that?”

  Connor’s eyes met his. “Because, for the little it may be worth, I love you.”

  And just like that, the fight went out of David.

  “You’re not even out of high school,” Connor continued, “and you’re about the best person I’ve ever met.”

  “There’s someone better?” David said, a sheepish attempt at humor. To his relief, Connor responded well.

  “Well, there’s my mom. She’s incredible, so you’ve got tough competition.”

  David was happy to concede that point. “You do have a future,” he said. “We have one together, right?”

  “Yup.” Connor crossed his arms over his chest. “But only if you go to college.”

  David’s temper was starting to rise again when Connor guffawed and they both relaxed. Maybe Connor meant it as a compliment, but David didn’t like Connor telling him what to do with his life. He didn’t want this to ruin the evening, so he decided to change topics. “Do you think we could drive to Kennedy Space Center tomorrow? It’s not too far away, and I want to check it out before the shuttle is retired and it gets all depressing.”

  Connor nodded, but still watched him carefully, as if David would sneak away from the table, drop out of high school, and sign a lease for an apartment in Florida. David ignored these looks and kept droning on about the space program. Before long, Connor’s posture relaxed, but David’s determination didn’t. He couldn’t picture returning to the world he had known. Not for long, anyway.

  * * * * *

  A small jungle thrived behind the grannies’ house. When David had first seen the overgrown backyard on their first night in Florida, he had thought it abandoned. But during the day the sun beat down on wildflowers, bringing out their vibrant colors. Leafy vines crawled up everything from an old rain barrel to a worn bench i
n one corner of the yard. The spiky palm bushes so common to Florida were here too, as were a number of quickly ripening tomatoes. David sat near the tomato vines and watched as Anna, formerly known as Glasses, fussed over the vegetables.

  As she worked, she wore the same serene smile that she always did. David hoped he would be half as happy when he was old. He supposed living in a house with the love of your life had a lot to do with that.

  “How long have you and Margie been together?” he asked.

  “Oh, goodness, don’t make me count. I met her not long after my thirty-third birthday.”

  “So late in life?”

  Anna tugged the brim of her floppy hat up to scrunch her nose at him. “It only seems late in life to someone your age. Believe me, thirty-three is ancient history for me. I was practically a kid.”

  “I’m just surprised you didn’t meet sooner. You two seem so …” He couldn’t find the right word, because honestly, they were an odd couple. Margie was as crotchety and grim as Anna was pleasant. “Did you know right away that you would spend the rest of your life with her?”

  Anna tittered as she grabbed a spade and started turning soil. “Well, I remember thinking she was arrogant and self-assured. We went out to dinner and spent most of the meal arguing about the bill before it even came. Margie insisted on going Dutch, saying that either of us paying for the other would be buying into heterosexual stereotypes.” Anna sighed as if this were romantic.

  “And you agreed to see each other again?”

  “Are you kidding? I loved her passion so much that I went home with her that night. We didn’t part company until almost a week later. I lost my job for not showing up, not that it was a good one. Margie hated the idea of me being a secretary anyway and was much more pleased when I took a job at a truck stop.”

  David was tempted to judge, but realized his relationship with Connor probably seemed just as weird to other people.

  “Besides,” Anna said, “a couple who don’t argue don’t love each other. Margie and I just got an early start. Do you and Connor argue often?”

  David thought of the heated discussion during dinner. Did that count? The weird thing was, he hadn’t been upset because Connor had lied or been mean. That was the sort of thing people argued about, he thought. Instead, tension had been triggered by Connor wanting the best for David … in a way that annoyed him.

  “We’ve never really argued,” David fibbed.

  “Oh you will,” Anna said. “Just give it a little more time, and when it does happen, remember it’s not the end of the world. You probably won’t convince him that you’re right anymore than he’ll believe that he’s wrong, and that’s fine, because in his eyes it’s the other way around. Here, help me get this loose.”

  David took the spade and started prying a large stone out of the ground. “So what’s the point in arguing if you don’t change the other person’s mind?”

  “Usually it’s to blow off steam, something better left to the bedroom. But that isn’t always an option, so if you’re in a car you argue about the quickest route to the highway or where to park. Now the serious issues, the things that can make or break a relationship, that’s when you don’t want to argue.”

  “So what do you do?”

  “Discuss.” Anna wiped the sweat off her forehead with the back of her arm. “When it gets too heated, you back off and only come back to the table when you think you can be civilized.”

  David hoped he would never need any of this advice. He couldn’t imagine really arguing with Connor about anything, but he knew how complicated a relationship could become. His parents both seemed so reasonable and calm, but when together they never stopped bickering and blaming each other, or worse, engaging in long chilly silences.

  “You two seem happy,” David said. “I mean, even if you argue, you seem like a good team.”

  Anna nodded and placed a small plant in the hole they had dug. “We’re complete opposites, but we’re loyal to each other. That’s important, but even more so is being loyal to yourself. I only worked at the truck stop for a few months before I found a job at JC Penny’s makeup counter. Margie was still adamant that gender roles would bring about Armageddon and gave me no end of hell for working such a girly job, but it’s what I wanted to do. I love all of those feminine things: lace, perfume, summer dresses. I no longer tried to be someone I wasn’t for her, and Lord knows she’s never been anyone but Margie, and that’s why we’re happy. You can be yourself and be a mess, and you can do it together.” Anna tweaked David’s nose with her garden-gloved hand. “Isn’t love wonderful?”

  He glanced toward the house where Connor was taking an afternoon nap.

  “Yeah, it is.”

  * * * * *

  “Whatever you do, don’t be yourself! There’s no quicker way to end a relationship than that.”

  Connor grumbled and pulled the sheets over his head. This earned him a few seconds respite before the sheets were ripped back.

  “Are you even listening to me?” Tracy demanded.

  “No,” Connor said. “I’m taking a nap.”

  His sister didn’t seem to hear, or maybe she didn’t care. “It’s not like she was so concerned about my future when she was chasing me all over the club that night. She was so pathetic, like a small dog trying to impress a wolf, but I thought she was cute so I gave her a chance. Now? Now I’m not good enough for her!”

  Connor cracked open an eye and peered at his sister. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes red and wet. Had she been crying? “What a minute,” he said, sitting up. “Did Daniela break up with you?”

  Tracy opened her mouth to say something smart, but closed it again, shoulders slumping as she nodded. “She kept going on about how we didn’t have a future together. I didn’t have a clue what she meant at first. Why wouldn’t we have a future? The Mayan calendar thing? But eventually it came out. We don’t have a future together because I’m a waitress.”

  Connor frowned. “All she has is a freshly printed degree and a pile of student loans.”

  “I know! She certainly didn’t mind mooching off my waitress salary for the last nine months. But apparently her daddy has found her a job at a law firm, and I’m not good enough for her new caviar-and-champagne lifestyle.”

  “That’s fucked up,” Connor said.

  Tracy nodded, tears spilling over.

  He hated seeing his sister like this. In fact, Connor had never seen her like this. “You really liked her, didn’t you?”

  “Well, she’s beautiful and smart and going places. When I was with her, I could pretend that I was too.”

  “Hey, stop it! You’re gorgeous! How many broken hearts have you left behind?”

  Tracy wiped her eyes and managed a smile. “A few. Maybe this is just bad karma.”

  “Or maybe Daniela is a superficial bitch. She’s the one who’s messed up, not you.”

  “I guess so. I’m screwed up too, because I still love her. Even now.” Tracy shook her head. “You know what I should have done? I should have kept her distant. I shouldn’t have told her where I work, and as for this place, I should have told her I owned the house and rented the downstairs to the grannies.”

  “Then she wouldn’t have loved you at all,” Connor said. “She would have loved a lie, not the real you.”

  Tracy sniffed and shot him a surprised look. “Check you out, baby brother! When did you get all wise?”

  Connor grinned. “I’ve always been wise. You just never listened to me before.”

  “That must be it.” Tracy looked toward the window. “I could have made her happy, you know. If she had given me a chance, I could have made her dreams come true. I don’t know how, but I would have.”

  Connor thought of David and for a moment he felt his sister’s pain. She was living his worst fear. David would move on to bigger and brighter pastures. Connor wanted him to. He didn’t want to see David’s potential wasted, but he also wanted to be at his side. His greatest worry was that he
would be left behind, that life would continue dealing him a losing hand.

  Tracy nudged his shoulder. “Remember when Mom and Dad were happy? Dirt poor and both working terrible jobs, but remember how much they would laugh every night? They were like a couple of kids. And then—”

  Connor nodded. He didn’t need to be reminded. “They’re doing better. If Dad stays off the pills, maybe they can get back to that.”

  “I hope so. I could use a positive role model about now.” She straightened up. “What am I talking about? My brother landed himself a boyfriend, and you two seem okay.”

  For now. Who knew for how long? The thought put a lump in his throat, so he just nodded.

  “Hey! Speaking of which—” Tracy hopped off the bed. “I’ll be right back.”

  When she came back, she was carrying two flat shapes, both brightly colored. She shoved them into Connor’s arms.

  “Bodyboards?” he asked.

  “Yup! I wanted to buy David a ‘thank you’ present for clearing out this room and thought they might be fun. Do you think he’ll like them?”

  “Yeah!” Connor said, but he wasn’t sure. David wasn’t the athletic type, but how hard could laying down on a piece of laminated foam be?

  “They’re just the cheap kind,” Tracy said. “They’ll probably break within a week, but there aren’t any waves in Kansas anyway.”

  “They’re cool.” Connor examined them. “We’ll try them out tomorrow.”

  His hair had grown out just enough to be ruffled, which his sister did. She stood and headed for the door, but hesitated there. “You really think I’m gorgeous?”

  “I do.”

  “Gross!” Tracy said in mock repulsion. “Wait until I tell Mom. Yuck!”

  Then she laughed and left the room, shutting the door behind her and leaving Connor shaking his head. Why did family have to be so crazy?