Binti--The Night Masquerade

by Nnedi Okorafor

  My friend Haifa was the only one who’d come to my room and demanded I tell her every detail. And as I had, she’d stared and stared at my face and I’d felt so uncomfortable that I’d begun to sweat and had to tree a little in order to finish. I’d missed Haifa and even in my discomfort, I was happy to see her. However, her staring and the feeling of being naked left me tired.

  Now at my medical exam, I felt the same anxious fatigue. I’d considered bringing Mwinyi, but he seemed to be having too much fun running around barefoot and meeting everyone for me to drag him along. Okwu had disappeared into its dorm, telling me nothing but, “Go to your exam. I will be here.” As I walked into the building, New Fish hovered above.

  * * *

  My doctor was surprisingly a human being, a tall plump Khoush woman who was about my mother’s age. She wore flowing black robes and a sparkling earring on each ear that matched her equally green eyes. President Haras probably had made this happen. She towered over me as she held out a hand. “Hello, Binti. My name is Tuka.”

  I shook her hand and said, “Hello” as I glanced around the small room. It looked similar to the patient rooms back home, though the examination table was much wider, longer, and sturdier than any I’d seen.

  “I spoke at length with President Haras this morning,” she said. She smiled, looking keenly at my okuoko. “You’re amazing, my dear.”

  “Thank you,” I said quietly.

  “I want to put you through a series of tests—blood, skin, digestive, brain; I want to look at everything. We’ll be able to talk about the results in a few hours.”

  “Hours?” I said.

  She nodded. “And yes, I’ll be able to tell you how far you and your ship can go from each other.”

  My heart started racing and I sat down heavily on the yellow chair behind me.

  “What’s the matter?” she asked, worried.

  “I’m afraid of what you’ll find.”

  “We’ll definitely find some interesting things, but nothing you can’t deal with, Binti. You already are what you are and you’re fine.”

  “Am I?” I asked.

  She patted me on the shoulder. “Let’s get started. You can stay sitting. We’ll test your reflexes.”

  * * *

  Afterward, I was in the waiting room for three hours, too paralyzed with worry to get up and move when a Meduse-like person came and hovered beside me. It was probably worried too, because it puffed out gas constantly and barely bothered to suck it back in. I would have had my astrolabe play some soft music for me, but mine was broken and, unlike my edan, its broken remains weren’t anywhere to be found when I’d awoken on New Fish. Since I’d died and returned, I’d been able to speak through the zinariya with ease, no more vertigo and no gaping tunnel or strange planet appeared behind me anymore. However, speaking to my grandmother or Mwinyi through the zinariya was out of the question because they’d both just ask me if I’d gotten the test results yet. At some point, I curled up on the blue chair and fell asleep.

  I immediately awoke when my name was called and followed the small hovering droid back to the same patient room I’d been in before with Dr. Tuka. She sat on a high chair with a tray on which she had her astrolabe projecting a chart before her eyes.

  “Have a seat,” she said without looking away from it.

  I sat in the yellow chair, unable to hide my shivering.

  “So, your tests have all come back,” she said, turning to me.

  “Please, tell me how far I can go first,” I blurted.

  “About five miles on land and she can fly about seven miles up,” she said. “That’s not so bad, is it?”

  I smiled and said, “No. Thank the Seven.”

  “But unless she follows, no more taking university and solar shuttles, okay? New Fish can take you.”

  I nodded and then asked the question I’d been dreading most, “What happens if we get too far from each other? Will … we die?”

  “She won’t,” Dr. Tuka said. “But you might, if the distance happens very fast and is a lot. But first, there will be terrible pain. It’s different for everyone. Just don’t do it.”

  She paused, waiting for me to ask anything else. I didn’t want to know anything else.

  “Okay, so your DNA is very interesting, Binti,” she said. “You’re …

  “Am I … am I still human?” I asked.

  “Do you think you are?”

  “I mean, well, that’s not…”

  “You are a Himba girl, right? That’s what you say you are?”

  “Yes, but…” I touched my okuoko and smiled sheepishly. “Aren’t I equally New Fish microbes? Isn’t that why I’m alive?”

  “Your DNA is Himba, Enyi Zinariya, and Meduse … and some, but not much, New Fish,” she said. “But your microbes are mostly from New Fish, yes. Your microbes exist with your cells, so this blend is what makes you, you. So you are different from what you were born as, certainly. But as I said before, you’re healthy.”

  I breathed a sigh of relief.

  “There’s more, however,” Dr. Tuka said. “Something you should know.”

  I frowned. “Like what?”

  “Well, at this point, this may not be much of a surprise or issue since you’ve already spent a year at Oomza Uni, met many people, and so on.” She paused and looked at the virtual chart. Then she said, “You’re seventeen Earth years old, correct?”

  I nodded, but she wasn’t even looking at me.

  “Have you ever thought about having children?”

  I frowned more deeply. “Of course,” I said. “For me to do all that I’ve done and never have children, what kind of Himba—”

  She turned to me. The look on her face made me close my mouth.

  “What if Okwu gave birth to it?” she said.

  “What?!”

  “This will happen. Not now, but in time.”

  “But—”

  “And if you were to have a baby, it would have your okuoko because Meduse DNA is strong. It bullies its way into all offspring.”

  “But Okwu and I aren’t—” I paused, thinking of who Okwu was to me and then I thought about when I’d kissed Mwinyi.

  “On top of this, if you were to have a child, you would pass New Fish microbes to it and there is the possibility that your child would be part New Fish as well. Though no likelihood of the link. Also—”

  “Stop!” I screeched, my eyes closed. “Enough. Enough!” There was a ringing in my ears and it was getting louder. My face was growing hot and felt as if something were squeezing my head. I was both falling and rising. “Even my astrolabe broke,” I breathed. “The chip is corrupted. I have no documented identity.” I giggled wildly and screamed, “What am I? I’m so much,” with tears welling in my eyes. “I … I didn’t go on my pilgrimage when I went home. That was supposed to complete me as a woman in my village. Instead, my mere presence started a war! In my home! They burned my home! And they killed me! I died! And then I came back as … am I really even me?” I was on my feet now. Pacing the small room. Smacking my forehead.

  On the room’s counter was a vase full of soft-looking yellow flowers with petals that each looked like bladders of water. I grabbed one and crushed the flower in my fist as I stared at Dr. Tuka, who calmly watched me. The liquid that burst from each petal dribbled down my wrist to my elbow and the room suddenly smelled sweet and earthy. “My past and present have become more and now my future?”

  I sobbed, throwing the crushed flower to my feet and sinking to the floor. I rested my head in my hands. “I have always liked myself, Dr. Tuka.” I looked up at her. “I like who I am. I love my family. I wasn’t running away from home. I don’t want to change, to grow! Nothing … everything … I don’t want all this … this weirdness! It’s too heavy! I just want to be.”

  Dr. Tuka watched me, quiet.

  “Am I human?” I asked. As I desperately stared at her, as she said nothing, she grew blurry as my eyes teared up more. For the first time since I’
d left home, I wondered if I should have left home.

  “Binti,” Dr. Tuka said. “In your tribe a woman marries a man, and in doing so, marries his family, correct?”

  “Yes,” I whispered.

  “She marries a man chosen by her family and herself, who will provide for and protect her and nourish her being.”

  “Yes.”

  “This is the path to respect among the Himba. I read up on them before seeing you. So see it this way: You’re paired with New Fish and Okwu, each of whom has a family. Your family is bigger than any Himba girl’s ever was. And twice, you were supposed to die. And here you stand healthy and strong…” She chuckled and then added, “And strange. There is no person like you at this school.”

  I sat down again, still shaking from all the information, all the reality. “I’m sorry I did that to your flower,” I said. “I don’t … I don’t normally destroy things.”

  “It will grow another one,” she said.

  I nodded. “Good.”

  “Go and study, Binti,” Dr. Tuka said, turning back to her virtual chart. “I’m also scheduling an appointment for you with your therapist.”

  * * *

  The moment I told New Fish that we could be apart for five miles on land and seven in the air, New Fish took off, gleefully zooming up about two miles, then free-falling back to land and zooming large circles around the area. Still, she couldn’t return to the field that she’d liked so much because it was over a hundred miles away. Not without me. And I wanted to return to my dorm and lie down. I’d been so worried and now things were sort of okay. I was okay. Sort of.

  There was a small open field near my dorm. It didn’t have the tasty yellow grass or the ntu ntu bugs New Fish wanted to taste, and students liked to walk through it on the way to class. But it was relatively quiet and two other living ships stayed there. New Fish approved.

  * * *

  I closed the door behind me and sank to the floor. Then I quickly got up. I needed to check on the fresh jar of otjize I’d mixed last night. I took the lid off, sniffed it, and looked at the red-orange paste. It still looked thin. Maybe another day. Another day of being naked. I sighed, putting it back on the windowsill where the light from Oomza Uni’s large moon and tomorrow’s sunshine would heat it. I’d just lain on my bed for a nap when there was a knock on my door. Groaning, I reached into my pocket to grab my astrolabe so I could see who it was. Then I remembered that my astrolabe was back on Earth. Broken, probably left in the dirt when I’d been shot.

  “Who’s there?” I said.

  “Open the door,” Haifa said.

  I smiled and said, “Open.”

  Haifa stood there grinning at me and behind her stood Mwinyi, who wasn’t grinning at all. “Saw him in the lobby and assumed he was coming up here. I decided to show him the way.”

  “I’ve been here twice already,” Mwinyi said, cracking a small smile.

  “Okay, I just wanted to walk with you,” she said, batting her eyes flirtatiously at him. “You seemed lonely.” From the moment Haifa had set eyes on Mwinyi, she’d been in “love.”

  Mwinyi laughed. “I appreciate the company,” he said, sitting in the wooden chair at my study desk.

  Haifa giggled and sat on the bed with me.

  “You didn’t tell me you were back,” Mwinyi said.

  “I assumed you were busy with all your new friends,” I said with a smirk. “When you had time, you’d come here.”

  Where I’d had a hard time making friends since coming to Oomza Uni because people were afraid of Okwu, Mwinyi was a friend magnet. From the moment the university gave him a room in the mostly humanoid dorm beside mine yesterday, despite the fact that he refused to become an Oomza Uni student, he’d been incredibly popular. I was there with him when he entered the dorm. He’d immediately struck up a conversation with the dorm’s elder, a treelike individual who spoke in a series of cracking and creaking sounds. Somehow, Mwinyi was able to understand it. I watched him relax and give that intense look and then start to make gestures. This dorm elder liked Mwinyi so much that after introducing Mwinyi to practically everyone on his floor, it and several others stayed in Mwinyi’s room to help him set up and just to “talk.” I’d ended up quietly saying goodbye and heading to my dorm. From the start, I saw that people of all kinds were simply attracted to him.

  “What’d they tell you?” he asked.

  Haifa looked at me and yet again, I felt my nakedness. I glanced at my jar of still-stewing otjize and wanted to groan. One more day. Hopefully.

  “Stop looking at me like that,” I muttered.

  Haifa laughed. “I’m just glad you’re back,” she said. “Even the Bear said she missed you.”

  “No she didn’t,” I said, rolling my eyes. “The Bear doesn’t like anyone.”

  The Bear lived in one of the rooms down the hall. She was mostly bushy brown hair. The Bear and I never spoke much, but we’d often found ourselves sitting side by side on one of the large couches in the main room. I’d always liked her because I imagined she understood one’s need to be covered.

  “I talk to the Bear all the time,” Haifa said. “She asked why you’d left for break instead of staying with all of us. She wondered if you didn’t like us.”

  “Binti, what’d they say?” Mwinyi insisted.

  “I’m okay, Mwinyi,” I said. “I can move five miles from New Fish on land and she can fly about seven miles high.”

  Before I even finished saying this, Mwinyi slumped in his chair with relief. I laughed. He stood up suddenly and then seemed unsure of what to do next, as he looked at Haifa and me on the bed. Haifa looked from me to Mwinyi and back to me. Her eyebrows rose. “Oh!” she said. She looked at me and pointed at Mwinyi. I nodded.

  “You could have told me,” she said, smirking.

  “I just got back yesterday. There’s a lot I have to tell you.”

  Haifa got up.

  “Tomorrow … do you and the Bear want to come with me to see the Falls?” I asked her. I turned to Mwinyi, “You too, and Okwu. I’ve been meaning to see them since I came here but never had the time.” I didn’t say the rest of what I was thinking, which was, Better see them while I can. You never know tomorrow.

  Haifa kissed me on the cheek. “Of course. It’ll be a good homecoming thing for us. I know the Bear will. She loves the Falls with all those colors.”

  “Mwinyi?” I asked.

  He nodded.

  “I hope you all don’t mind that we’ll have to fly there in New Fish instead of taking the shuttle.”

  Haifa beamed and clapped her hands. “Yes! Everyone will be so jealous. You do know that everyone in this dorm has wanted a ride on your ship since you got here, right?”

  “Really?” I asked.

  “Yes,” Mwinyi and Haifa both said. Then they laughed.

  When the door shut behind Haifa, Mwinyi turned to me. “What else did they tell you?”

  “I don’t really want to talk about it right now, okay?” I said.

  He came across the room to me. I looked down, trying to avoid his eyes. He took my chin and lifted my face. “Are you alright?” he asked. As I looked into his eyes, I felt all my defenses relax. Looking into his eyes was like being a mirror who was looking into another mirror. Universes.

  “Everything is going to be fine,” I said.

  “Everything is going to be fine,” he repeated.

  He stepped closer, paused, then closer. He took me in his arms and slowly I relaxed and then finally lay my head on his shoulder, turning my head to his bushy hair. Somehow, he still smelled like the desert. I kissed him on the neck and soon found my way to his lips.

  We forgot ourselves for a while.

  Chapter 14

  Shape Shifter

  In the morning, I sat at the windowsill with my jar of otjize in my lap.

  The first sun had just risen, shining its lush yellow light into my room. I tilted my damp face toward it, enjoying the warmth as I leaned against the wall. My okuo
ko were wet from the long shower I’d taken, but they dried quickly in the morning light. The transparent blue flesh that they were remained soft once dry, it never grew chapped like my skin when I didn’t apply otjize. I opened my eyes and they fell on the two large stones I’d had New Fish pluck from Saturn’s ring.

  After digging them out of the crevice I’d had New Fish hide them in, letting the ice encasing parts of them melt off, I’d brought the stones to my room and spent several minutes examining them. I’d tasted them and indeed they had the same tang as the salt from Undying trees and god stone. Then I decided to test for what I suspected by treeing and called up a complex current. Splitting the current into a treelike shape, I laid it over each stone and watched how the network of current sank through it with control and ease. I smiled widely. Not only would I use these stones to carve out each intricate dial, womb, rete, star pointer, plate, and circuit board, but the astrolabe I would build would be like no astrolabe any Himba has ever made.

  I picked up the jar and held it between my palms. It was also warm, as if it had absorbed the sun. I put on my favorite red wrapper and matching top, one of the outfits I’d brought with me when I’d first arrived on Oomza Uni. The material was soft and worn from many washings and wind faded because I’d gone off into the desert many times wearing this very outfit.

  The night of my return, I’d gone to the usual spot in the nearby forest to collect the clay. I’d dug a small hole and marked it with twigs and, apparently, while I was away one of the round-bodied beasts I’d seen a couple times had made the place its rest spot. The top layer of clay was coated with rough black hairs and pressed with hooved footprints. I scraped off this layer and dug out a large clump of the clay. I mixed it with the special black flower oil I still had in my room and then I started counting down.